"MOVIE SIGN!!!"
         An "X-Files"/"Mystery Science Theater 3000" crossover
                            By
                 Becky "Gypsy Jr." Mroczkowski

This story came to me while I was browsing an X-Files fanfic page. I
noticed that, while there were many MiSTed fanfics, there weren't any
actual stories that blended together the characters from "MST3K" and "The
X-Files". As a rabid fan of both shows, this bothered me. Here we have my
attempt to meld the serious X-Files universe with the unremittingly silly
MST universe. Enjoy. Or not. I don't care.
 
DISCLAIMER: Much as I wish they were, they ain't mine. Mulder and Scully
belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. All "MST3K" characters belong
to Best Brains, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. 

DEDICATION: I hereby dedicate this modest yet humble fanfic to Trace
Beaulieu, for bringing us seven years of smiles and laughter. Although he
will be sorely missed, we wish him the best of luck in all his future
endeavors. Here's looking at you, kid. ;-)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: In this story, the entrance to Deep 13 is purported to be
located in a janitorial closet at the Mall of America. I have no idea
wether this is true, but it was the best location I could come up with.
 
And now... on with the story! 
-----------------------------

PART ONE 
Eden Prarie, MN
February 12, 1997

        The windshield wipers of the rented grey Ford Taurus
shlip-shlopped their way through the Minnesota slush as Special Agent Fox
Mulder manuvered the car down the characteristically slippery streets of
the small suburb.
        "So tell me again why we're here, Mulder."
        Agent Dana Scully leaned back against the car seat with a tired
sigh. *Another one of Mulder's crazy hunches.*
        "Two men have disappeared in this area, the first eight years ago
and the second four yours later. Witnesses reported seeing strange lights
in the sky on both ocassions."
        "So?"
        "Both of them were employed by the same man before they were
reported missing."
        Mulder held up a timecard decorated by a big yellow smiley face
that read "Happy Temps". She compared it to the other object in his hand,
a similar timecard that read "Gizmonics Institute". Both were signed in
the same unintelligible scrawl.
        "According to my sources," Mulder continued, "both men were last
seen in this area."  
        Scully nodded as Mulder pulled into a parking space in front of a
large round building. If the agents could have seen the building from
above, they would have noticed it was shaped like a large, gear-spoked
'G'.
        Mulder walked up to the pair of swinging double doors and knocked.
He flashed his badge at the wierd looking man who answered, who spoke in a
strange, halting voice.
        "Y..eSs?"
        "We're looking for Dr. Clayton Forrester."
        The man sneered, which was amazing, considering his already very
strange facial expression. 
        "He DoEsn'T WoRk HeRe AnyMOre...TrY the MaLL."
        The door closed abruptly.
        "Well, that was helpful."
        "Mulder, who was that strange man?" wondered Scully as they walked
back to the car.
        "I dunno, Scully. And what was with that theme music??"
                      ------------------------------

Mall Of America
Minneapolis, MN

[[I'm not sure if it's actually in Minneapolis, but I'm guessing it is.]]

        A matter of moments later, Mulder and Scully, having been led to
the MOA by several local informants, were standing in front of a biege
door marked 'JANITOR'.
        "This must be it."
        Scully looked doubtful. "How do we get in?"
        Mulder grinned, producing a key from his shirtsleeve like a
magician. "Oh, we have our little ways."
        He unlocked the door and opened it.
        At first, it apearred to be an ordinary janitor's closet, with all
the neccesarry janitorial paraphernalia...until Scully noticed the
elevator in the back corner. The unobtrusive lift was marked by only one
button: down.
        Mulder glanced at Scully with a wink.
        "Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?"
        "Just push the button, Mulder."
        ------------------------------
        
Deep 13
        
        Ten minutes and twelve subfloors later, the elevator doors opened
onto a large cavelike room. To the right of the elevator was a
vault-like door, which Mulder guessed was the room's primary means of
entry. He nodded to Scully and they both stepped out into the room. 
        "Doesn't look like anybody's home."
        "May I help you?"
        Startled, Mulder turned to find himself facing a short stocky
woman wearing a green blouse and orange vest. She was glaring at them
intensely.
        "We're looking for Dr. Clayton Forrester."
        "And you are...?"
        "F.B.I, ma'am." answered Scully, showing her badge.
        "Hang on a minute. I'll get him."
        She ducked into a side room, returning a few minutes later with a
man wearing a bright green lab coat and glasses in tow. Neither agent
noticed the wooden mallet behind his back until it was too late.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Satellite of Love

        "Ya think he's dead?"
        "Quiet, Crow, he's waking up!"
        Grogilly, Mulder opened his eyes, wincing at the bright light. He
glanced over to see that Scully was beside him. Only then did he look up
to see who had spoken.
        Standing over him were two robots, one red and stocky, the other
thin and golden. Checking out his surroundings, Mulder guessed they were
on some sort of spaceship.
        *Oh, SHIT.*
-------------------------END OF PART ONE---------------------------------