| It's a Slightly Mundane Day in the
Neighborhood By Amanda Finch [email protected] Date: Monday, March 08, 1999 10:20 AM "The thrill is gone." CATEGORY: VH (list/parody) -------------------------------- To those of you on the mailing list and all of you in Fanfic Arcadia, the Mundaning of Monday simply wasn't up to standards and was promptly obliterated by my online neighbors. 1. This week's "homage"? The ‘Burbs. 2. David Kline gets bludgeoned by the Garbage Golem just for hanging out a whirligig, yet Fox "Poopyhead" Mulder can mention a UFO conference, sabotage his mailbox and ponder urinating in an empty orange juice carton and be *just* fine. 3. I always get nervous when I see even staged video footage on the Fox Network. I suspected at any moment that Mulder would get the ubiquitous wiffle-bat in the privates. 4. "You wanna make that honeymoon video now?" *Yes!* Ahem...if you find my objectivity, call me. 5. Rob and Laura Petrie? I guess the CC&R strictly prohibits re-runs of the Dick van Dyke show. 6. Mulder accuses Scully of wanting to play house, yet himself seems to be in a state of pure joy over the opportunity to play-act the role of husband. Meanwhile, Scully walked around wearing a barely veiled smile of repugnance that seemed to say, "Hello, I'm an undercover FBI agent." 7. Having snarling Tibetan death sculptures prominently displayed around your home isn't considered at least mildly tasteless? 8. REJECTED DIALOGUE: MULDER: "Oh it's not me so much as Laura. She's quite the new-ager. I mean, she's into those magnetic bracelets, crystals and mood rings. What have you. God bless her, she's a sucker for all that stuff." SCULLY: "Well I turned to new-age after a lawnmower accident left Rob impotent and attracted to tall men with moustaches." 9. Okay, the tube of toothpaste, toilet seat and alien green facial were all fairly predictable, but Scully shares an office with the man for five years (an office that looked like it been spun in a blender, I'd like to point out) and acts *surprised* that he's almost gleefully slovenly? He's *Mulder*, for crying out loud, and at least we can assume his aim for the toilet was successful. 10. I had sorta hoped Mulder's surefire way to test his theory involved that Elvis Kung Fu dance from Never Again, or putting his old sofa on the curb in his underwear like *my* neighbors are wont to do. 11. Good thing Mr. X is dead. Masking tape on the window would've gotten them both killed. 12. I'm glad they only "air-kissed." Wouldn't want to tempt those bees. 13. Ladies and gentlemen, three cheers for product placement! Glade! Mercury Villager! Tropicana orange juice! 14. What happened to Mulder's watch with the day of the week on it from Monday? And why is there a nine on it if it's the 25th of February? I guess Mulder's about as careful with watches as he is with cell phones. 15. REJECTED DIALOGUE: WIN: "Stay here." CAMI: "Stop him, Win! Before he starts speaking jive!" 16. Cami's screaming bloody murder and Win just stands there while Mulder runs to see what's the matter? I guess her tuna casserole wasn't up to regulations that night. 17. REJECTED DIALOGUE: SCULLY: "Huge creatures aside, Mulder...do you care to hear what I think?" MULDER (sarcastically): "Always." SCULLY: "I should've gone ahead and smacked you with that poker." 18. "Let's get it on, honey." "You wanna make that honeymoon video now?" "C'mon Laura, we're married now." Makes you wonder how scared he would've been if she actually *accepted* one of those blatant invitations, especially with that goo on her face. "Sure, *Rob.*" 19. "Son, my lawyers are gonna make you sound so stupid that not only will I never see the inside of a jail cell, but you'll be signing all your paychecks straight to me." That would at least keep him out of the friggin' bank. ---------------------------------- The Truth is Real Freaky-Deaky. Feedback is a perfectly acceptable lawn ornament |