| The Slightly Mundane Dog Inside By Amanda Finch [email protected] "Don't mind him. He'll go on forever." CATEGORY: VH (list/parody) ----------------------------------- 1. Why in the hell would you open a locked metal box right after seeing that it contained an animal with glowing red eyes that's *snarling* at you? "Oh, I bet something in the box would bite our faces off if given the chance! Let's open it and see!" These Teaser Victims are like kids on Christmas morning, I swear. 2. Some people hang up those motivational pictures. Others pin up pictures of their families. Mulder decorates with gory crime scene photos. Just like old times. 3. "I *am* home. I'm just feathering the nest." Anyone else get a sudden mental image of Mulder licking strips of newspaper and throwing them at the wall? 4. At least we didn't get the seemingly mandatory When Animals Attack reference. I was paranoid about it the whole episode. I was even afraid the poster at the end was going to refer to it. I was *that* apprehensive. 5. Yes, walk *towards* the fence with the outline of the huge dog behind it. At this rate, the herd should be thinned in no time. 6. REJECTED DIALOGUE: Officer Cahn: "You ever owned a dog, sir?" Mulder: "No, but I've hosted a soft-porn cable show with one." 7. Does strange phenomena only take place in California now? 8. If Shiban had written this, we'd be talking about a shipment of killer terriers right about now. Hey, just trying to put everything in perspective. 9. Mulder should get some kind of award for possessing an impressive buttload of esoteric knowledge that always surfaces at just the right moment, whether it's about old ghost stories, demon myths, weather patterns, sea monsters, Tibetan death sculptures or wild, Asian dogs. He must have a lot of room in his head now that he's no longer a psychologist. 10. "...With a human that thinks like an animal." Krycek? That would be rat behavior. Not really helpful in this episode. 11. The Wolf Inside, Dogs Don't Lie, Better than Human...but Getting in Touch with Your Inner Fox was Mulder's favorite. 12. Online. Really? What's his screen name? WeirdoLuvr? How did this conversation unfold? Shewolf137: We got some crazy Asian dog on the loose up here! WeirdoLuvr: LOL! You're kidding right? 13. It's always considerate to lend a hand to your local police department. 14. REJECTED DIALOGUE: Scully: "This is no place for a canine behaviorologist." (pops clip) 15. Cahn: "I don't have a photo of this animal..." Yeah, they couldn't get Wolfie to hold up the county booking number in the mugshot. He kept trying to eat the photographer. 16. Not *one* print of Dogs Playing Poker in Karin Berquist's office? And she calls herself an expert? 17. REJECTED DIALOGUE: Scully: "Look, dog-lady...Mulder's *my* bitch." 18. I kept waiting for Detwiler to piss on someone's leg. In reality, he would've given himself away after nonchalantly chasing a tennis ball down the street. 19. Mighty Morphin' Wolf Doggie? And no one tried to plam it in the neck? 20. REJECTED DIALOGUE: Scully: "I'm a federal agent. I'm armed. If you can hear me, don't move. Just stay where you are and tell me if you're okay. Are you a man-killing Asian wolf? Bark once for yes, twice for no." 21. Since when does Mulder let *anyone* call him Fox? He's Mulder, Spooky. Certain phone operators know him as "Marty." Fox he is not. 22. "I lack your feminine wiles." Scully lacks her feminine wiles as well. You know, if you don't have those things removed fairly early, they just keep getting infected. Like tonsils. 23. So far, the odds are that if a woman has sex with/ is attracted to Mulder, she will die. Tick tick, Diana. 24. Obviously, the wolf was carrying a pair of dress shoes, some slacks, a shirt and a jacket with him when he attacked Officer Cahn. Did this not tip anyone off? 25. So you meet a guy online, and when he shows up on your doorstep, he looks like David Duchovny? Shyeah, that happens a lot. 26. REJECTED DIALOGUE: Scully (wielding rolled-up poster): "Bad, Mulder! Bad!" 27. "I think she saw in you a kindred spirit." Beat *us* over the head with the rolled-up poster, huh? Just in case none of you CAUGHT that. 28. It seems like Karin's version of the 'I Want to Believe' poster would've had, in place of the flying saucer, some wise-looking dogs hovering above some inferior humans. ------------------------------------------ The Truth Gets a Biscuit. Feedback is snapped up like a tossed Frisbee |