Top 10 reasons Star Wars would beat Star Trek:

1. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely set on "stun."
   
2. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go to warp. The Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
   
3. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.
   
4. Jabba the Hutt would eat Marry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
   
5. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
   
6. One word: LIGHTSABERS
   
7. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.
   
8. Darth Vader could choke teh entire Borg empire with one glance.
   
9. Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.
   
10. The Death Star dosen't care if a world is class "M" or not.
    
    
    

1. Real pilots were black
   
2. My kid arrested your honor student
   
3. Join us!
   
4. TIE Fighter pilots union, Local THX-1138
   
5. Imperialas do it in formation
   
6. Only wimps have shields
   
7. That's no moon... I'll show you a moon
   
8. My other ship is the Devastator
   
9. I brake for... I don't have brakes! AAAAAHH!
   
10. If you ain't a Dark Lord, you ain't Sith
    
    
    

1. If you can't beat 'em, ram 'em!
   Remember Alderaan
   
2. If you can't be good, be careful
   
3. If you can read this, you are too close. Loosen up!
   
4. My R2 unit says "PPBBBT" to you SFS targeting computer!
   
5. If you outlaw blasters, only outlaws will have blasters
   
6. I have shields
   
7. Stay on target!
   
8. I am not the squadron leader. Shoot someone else
   
9. I flew the Death Star Mission, and all I got was this bumper sticker
   
   
   

1. Rebels understand the concept of camoflage.
   
2. They're just crazy enough to send snub fighters against a battle station.
   
3. The Empire kicks out free-thinkers and individuals, the rebellion makes them generals.
   
4. Their droids are programmed to lie to Stormtroopers.
   
5. All their ships have shields.
   
6. When their fleet starts getting blasted into oblivion, they move closer.
   
7. Imperials like in air-conditioned bunkers and space stations, rebels live in jungles, on glaciers, in deserts...
   
8. Rebels consider 5 to 1 odds against them good.
   
9. Their commander isn't some shriveled old man in a dress.
   
10. They never got their butts kicked by teddy bears.
    
    
    

1. Replace Darth Vader's lightsaber with a flashlight.
   
2. Switch Vader's oxygen supply with helium.
   
3. Blame the new admiral for making the mistake that cost the battle.
   
4. Tell the tall guy, "Yeah the blast doors open all the way."
   
5. Rewire hangar speaker system so it plays LaCucaracha when the Emperor arrives.
   
6. Tell the new guy that Darth Vader likes constructive criticism.
   
7. Convince rookie pilots that TIE Fighters have shields.
   
8. Switching uniforms and seeing if the commander can tell the differnce.
   
9. Sneak up on daydreaming guards and breathe through a can.
   
10. Stick "I got you Force right HERE" signs on the backs of Executor's bridge crew.
    
    
    

1. "Stop that! My hands are dirty. My hands are dirty too."
   
2. "I am fluent in over six million forms of communication!"
   
3. "Hey baby, I'm the last of the Jedi, wanna catch a movie?"
   
4. "Good morning...nice of you to drop by!"
   
5. "I am part of the Rebel Alliance, and a traitor! Take me away!"
   
6. "Ah...Lord Vader...ACK!" (Chokes to death)
   
7. "Hey baby...what's that flashing?"
   
8. "10,000...all in advance."
   
9. Growl (Chewie's line)
10. "Go out with me...it's your destiny!"
    
    
    

1. If you can start reciting the script for A New Hope just to prove to someone that you know lots about Star Wars, and stop 124 minutes later.
   
2. You could rebuild the Death Star without blueprints.
   
3. You know who was in the cell next to Princess Leia. (cell 21-86)
   
4. You know the words to Sy Snootles' song in English.
   
5. You can explain why Han used the term "parsecs" as a unit of time rather than a unit of distance.
   
6. You can use certain Huttese phrases in casual conversation.
   
7. You know "who is this" and what their "operating number" is.
   
8. You noticed that the antenna on Boba Fett's helmet was on the right in TESB and on the left in ROTJ.
   
9. You can hold your own against Trekies that try to explain warp drive, by butting in with technical data about Hyperdrive, and why IT is better.
   
10. You know exactly which 6 million forms of communication C-3PO is fluent in.
    
    
    

Top 10 Action Figures Least Likely to be Included in Kenners New Toy Line:

1. Jabba's Fat Dancing Chick
   
2. Bespin Luke with Removable Hand
   
3. Baby Anakin Solo
   
4. Guy who bullies Luke at the Cantina
   
5. Han Solo in Borg suit
   
6. Bobba Fett with Removable Helmet
   
7. Trash Compactor Monster
   
8. Lumpy
   
9. John Dykstra
   
10. Bacta-Tank Luke
    
    
    

1. Hutt 'n Honey
   
2. Lano "Lakes" Calrissian Brand Butter
   
3. Bits-O-Alderaan Cereal
   
4. Bantha Biscuits (not a big seller)
   
5. Kashyyburgers
   
6. Kibbles 'n Bothans
   
7. Ham Salad in Carbonite
   
8. Yoo-Hoo
   
9. Jabba's Live Slimy Frog Things
   
10. Chocolaty Papl-O-Tine
    

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines from
Star Wars IV: A New Hope:

1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
   
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
   
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
   
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
   
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
   
6. "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"
   
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
   
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
   
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
   
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
    
    
    

1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the outside!"
   
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
   
3. "I must've hit her pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"
   
4. "Hurry up, golden rod..."
   
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for awhile."
   
6. "But now we must eat. Come, good food, come..."
   
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
   
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
   
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
   
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"
    
    
    

1. "Rise, my friend."
   
2. "Open the back door!"
   
3. "Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"
   
4. "It's just a dead animal..."
   
5. "Not bad for a little furball."
   
6. "How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming?"
   
7. "Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat?"
   
8. "Keep on that one, I'll take these two."
   
9. "I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"
   
10. "I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind they designed her, Chewie."
    
    
    

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