Shit Happens in various World Religious

Taoism:: Shit happens.; If you can shit, it isn't shit.; Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna:: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.; She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,; she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it); Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism:: Confucious say, "Shit happens".; Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."
Buddhism:: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.; If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.; Shit will happen again to you next time.; Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation.
Zen:: What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism:: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism:: I've seen this shit happening before.; This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.; This shit happening IS you.
Protestantism:: If shit happens, it happens to someone else.; If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
Presbyterianism:: This shit was bound to happen.
Calvinism:: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Episcopalianism:: If shit happens, hold a procession.; It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist:: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Lutheranism:: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.; Have faith that shit will happen.; If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Anglicanism:: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Quakers:: Let us not fight over this shit.
Catholicism:: If shit happens, you deserved it.; You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
Charismatic Catholicism:: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Judaism:: Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Conservative Judaism:: Why does shit always happen to US?
Reform Judaism:: Got any laxatives?; Shit happens to whom it may concern.
Orthodox Judaism:: So shit happens, already!
Islam:: We don't take any shit.
Sunni Islam:: If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit!; Shiite happens.
Shi'ite Islam:: WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT!; If shit happens, take a hostage.
Nation of Islam:: Don't take no shit!
New Age:: That's not shit, it's feldspar.; A firm shit does not happen to me.; This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.; I create my own shit.; If shit happens, honor it and share it.; Sheeeeeeeeeeit!; Were all part of the same shit.; For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.
Wicca:: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.; The Goddess makes shit happen.; An it harm none, let shit happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses:: No shit happens until Armaggedon.; There is only a limited amount of good shit.; Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."; Here, we insist you take our shit.; Shit happens door to door.; Open the door and I'll show you what shit is.; Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
Secular Humanism:: Shit evolves.
Darwinism:: Survival of the shittiest.; This shit was once food.
Creationism:: ... And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested.
Christian Science:: When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.; Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.; Our shit will take care of itself.; Shit happens in your mind.
Atheism:: I don't believe this shit!; Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.; No shit!; It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
Religion from an Atheist's point of view:: I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.
Agnosticism:: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.; What is this shit?!; I don't know shit!; How can we KNOW if shit happens?; You can't prove any of this shit!
Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit!: Hey, this is good shit, mon.
Mormonism:: If shit happens, shun it.; Let the shit multiply.; Excrement happens. (you can't say 'shit' in Utah); Hey, there's more shit happening over here!; God sent us this shit.; Shit happens again & again & again ...
Energizer Bunny:: Shit happens and happens and happens and ...
Baptist:: You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.; We'll wash the shit right off you.
Southern Baptist:: Shit will happen. Praise the lord!
Shiite Baptist:: Shit will happen, but only the way we say it will happen and if it doesn't happen we will make it happen because that's God's will and we know it...
Iraqi Baathist:: Oh shit!
Voodoo:: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.; Let's stick some pins in this shit!; This shit's gonna get you!
Televangelism:: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening...
Congregationalism:: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarianism:: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.; What is this Shit?; We affirm the right for shit to happen.; Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.; It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.; Come let us reason together about this shit.
Orthodox:: St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
Greek Orthodox:: Shit happens, usually in threes.
EST:: I am at cause that shit will not happen.; You're responsible for all the shit that happens.
Fundamentalism:: There's no shit in the Bible.; If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!); Shit happens, but don't publish it.
Twelve Step:: Shit happens one day at a time.
Amish:: Shit is good for the soil.; This modern shit is worthless.
Native Americans:: Shit is sacred when it happens.
Shintoism:: You inherit the shit of your ancestors.; Sushi happens.
Moonies:: Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism:: This shit happening is good for me.
Zoroastrianism:: Shit happens half the time.; Christianity stole half its shit from us.
Bahaism:: Why do you keep shitting on us?; Shit happens universally.
Mysticism:: This is really weird shit.
Paganism:: Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Rajhneesh:: Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
Rosicrucianism:: What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism:: We hope bad shit happens to all of you.; We will make your shit happen.; SNEPPAH TIHS.
Witchcraft:: Mix this shit together and it will happen!
Scientology:: All this happens to be shit.; If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.; This shit happened before, but we can clean it up if you pay us enough.
Feminism:: This shit happened before, and WE won't clean it up!
Shamanism:: Whoaa...Holy Shit!
Sikhism:: Leave our shit alone.
Moilanenism:: Smells like shit of finnish fish.
Sureshism:: You are all pieces of shit.
Lubavitcher Hassidism:: Blessed are they upon whom He sends His most holy Shit to happen.
Mithraism:: Bull shit happens.
Branch Davidianism:: May shit happen to the FBI!; If shit happens, have a BIG barbecue...; David thinks he's hot shit.
Jesuitism:: If shit happens and nobody hears it, did it really make a sound?
Divorcism:: She's full of shit!; He's fooling around with some worthless piece of shit.
Creation Science:: Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
Discordianism:: Shit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
Kibology:: What's shit, and where can I get some?
Spam:: Spam happens.
SubGenius:: Shit has happened. For $20 "BoB" will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.
Dianetics:: "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)

Taoism
       Shit happens.
Confucianism
       Confucius said, shit happens.
Buddhism
       If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen Buddhism
       What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism
       This shit happened before.
Islam
       If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism
       Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism
       If shit happens, then you deserve it.
Judaism
       Why does this shit always happen to us?
New Age
       Affirm that shit does not happen to me.
Atheism
       I dont believe this shit.
Rastafarianism
       Lets roll this shit up and smoke it........!!!

Live Long And Prosper !

The Ideology and Religion Shit List

Agnosticism (1): What is this shit?
Agnosticism (2): Maybe there is shit or maybe it happens; then again, maybe not.
Altruism (1): Want some shit?
Altruism (2): Let me give you my shit.
Americanism: Who gives a shit?
Amish: Shit dost occur.
Anal Retentivism: Keep your shit to yourself.
Anglicanism: Our shit doesn't stink.
Apathism: I don't give a shit.
Archimedesmism: If I had a lever that's long enough, and a place to stand, I can move the earth -- even if it is full of shit.
Aristotlism (1): Once a shit is stretched by an idea, it never again happens in its original shape.
Aristotlism (2): Shit is real.
Neil Armstrong: This is one small shit for me, but one giant heap for mankind.
Asatru: If shit happens, blame it on Loki.
Atheism (1): I don't believe this shit.
Atheism (2): There is no shit.
Ba'Hai: All shit is truly shit.
Baptist: You are shitting wrong, therefore you'll be punished.
Baptist Fundamentalism: Shit happens because the Bible says so.
Blondism: I'm stupid as shit.
Bowdlerism: **** happens.
Branch Davidianism: Shit burns.
Breathairians: We don't have to eat that shit.
Buddhism (1): Shit happens.
Buddhism (2): If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
Bushism (1): What shit?
Bushism (2): Read my lips, no new shit.
Calvinism: Man is nothing but shit.
Calvin-and-Hobbesism: Man, this shit is fun.
Caninism: Shit happens in the neighbor's yard.
Capitalism (1): Do you buy this shit?
Capitalism (2): How much will this shit cost?
Capitalism (3): Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
Carmensandiegism: Where in the world is that shit happening?
Cartesianism: I shit, therefore I am.
Catholicism (1): If shit happens, you deserved it.
Catholicism (2): Everybody gets shit.
Chauvanism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us.
Chestertonianism: Shit is the farthest thing from shit.
Christian Fundamentalism: The belief that Hell is where everyone must mind their own shit.
Clintonism: I didn't inhale the shit!
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Communism (1): It's everybody's shit.
Communism (2): Everyone's shit is everyone else's shit.
Computerism: Why won't this fucking shit work?
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Constipation: My shit just won't happen.
Contract Theory: If we don't agree to form society, everything will go to shit.
Creation Science (1): We have proof that God created all the shit that happens.
Creation Science (2): Shit happens all at once.
Creation Science (3): ...And the Lord said "Let there be shit"...
Dadaism: Blue shit rumage Idaho potato.
Dadism: Your mom knows her shit.
Daffy Duckism: It's *my* shit! Down, down! Go, go! Miiiiine!
Darwinism: We came up from shit.
Deja Vu: I think this shit happened before, but I'm not sure.
Descartes: I shit therefore I am.
Dianetics (1): Even shit can make money.
Dianetics (2): Shit your way to a better life.
Discordianism: This MIGHT be shit, but is instead a fuzzy 1973 Mustang.
Dominicans: Believe in shit, or we'll boil you in it.
Donism: I'm gonna' make ya' a shit you can't refuse.
Dyslexianism: Hits shapnep.
Egoism: I AM the shit!
Egotism: My shit is the only shit that matters.
Empiricism: Shit only happens if I see it happen.
Employerism: This shit is your fault.
Energizer Rabbit: Shit happens... and happens... and happens...
Environmentalism (1): Recycle this shit.
Environmentalism (2): Shit happens, but it's biodegradable.
Euphemism: Caca happens.
Evangelism: You need our shit.
Evangelicalism (1): I can heal people -- but oooonly with the help of yourrrrr shit.
Evangelicalism (2): God has a wonderful plan for your shit.
Evolution (1): Shit happens gradually.
Evolution (2): Shit is getting better all the time!
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit just is.
Existentialism, General: Your shit is what you make of it.
Existentialism, Sartre: We are defined by our shit happening.
Felinism: Shit happens... bury it.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Finagle's Third Law: The happening of shit tends to a maximum.
The Force: Do not be swayed by the Dark Side of the shit.
Freudianism: Shit happens as a result of repressed sexual urges.
Frisbeetarianism: Shit happens under cars, just out of reach.
Garbagism: I dump your shit.
Geocentrism: Our shit is the center of the cosmos!
Green Peaceism: Save this Shit.
GURPSism: Our shit can happen in any conceivable place or time.
Guruism: The master's shit does not stink.
Hare Krishnaism: Shit happens shit happens shit happens rama rama.
Hedonism (1): Fuck that shit; let's party!
Hedonism (2): This shit is fun!
Heisenbergism: Shit happened, we just don't know where.
Hinduism (1): This shit happened before.
Hinduism (2): This shit is not a religion. It is a Way of Life.
Hippyism: Make peace with shit.
Hitchhikerism: The answer to all this shit is 42.
Idealism: That shit's all in your mind.
Illuminism: We make shit happen.
Interrigationism: 'Ve have 'vays of making you shit!
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam, Shi'ite: When Shi'ite happens, kill Salman Rushdie.
Islam, Sunni: Why do Shi'ites always happen to us?
Jehovah's Witnesses (1): No shit happens until Armageddon.
Jehovah's Witnesses (2): Let me in your house and I'll tell you why shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses (3): Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Judaism, Reformed: Got any Kaopectate?
Jungianism: All shit that happens is an aspect of the archetypical shit generated consensually by the mass subconscious.
Kennedyism: Ask not what your country's shit can do for you, but what your shit can do for your country.
Kierkegaard: This shit is highly improbable; therefore, we should believe it happens.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I have a shit...
Kinisonism: Ooh-shit happens! Oo-ooooooooooo!
Thomas Kuhn: Shit always happens exactly the way you expect it to.
Libertarianism: Keep your hands off of my shit.
Logical Positivism: Shit = S+H+I+T.
Lutheranism: Catholicism is shit.
Marie Antoinette'ism: If they can't afford bread, why don't they get shit instead.
Marines: It's not just shit, it's an adventure.
Marvin: Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and I can't even shit.
Marxism, Classical: The workers take all the shit, but they're gonna dish it back out again.
Materialism: Whoever dies with the most shit wins.
Mathematicism: Necessary and sufficient conditions for shit to occur are: 1) Shit must exist and be continuous in a domain D 2) No shit must exceed SHIT on the boundary of D.
McCarthyism: Are you now, or have you ever been, a shit?
Josh McDowell-ism (1): Anyone who investigates the evidence for this shit and doesn't see the truth as plain as day is a nincompoop.
Josh McDowell-ism (2): Anyone who investigates the evidence for this shit and doesn't agree with me must want to have sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
Mennonite: None of this modern shit now.
Momism: You'll eat this shit and like it!
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.
Mormonism (1): Your shit is shit, but our shit is the ONE TRUE shit.
Mormonism (2): God sent us this shit.
Murphism: Shit always happens at the worst possible time and place.
Narcissism: My shit don't stink.
Native American: This shit is sacred when it happens.
New Age (1): Why did I happen to create this shit?
New Age (2): This isn't shit if I REALLY believe it's chocolate.
Newton's First Law: Shit that is happening tends to keep happening.
Newton's Second Law: You have to push to make shit happen.
Newton's Third Law: Every shit that happens has an equal and opposite shit happening.
Neitzscheism (1): If you're not Ubermenschen, you're not shit.
Neitzscheism (2): A man without a shit is not a man.
Neitzscheism (3): Shit is dead!
Nihilism: Everything is shit.
NIMBYism: Your shit's not gonna happen here.
Nixonism (1): Shit didn't happen, and if it did, I don't know anything about it.
Nixonism (2): I am not a shit.
Nonsequiturism: Route 176 goes south.
Oat Branism: Your shit will keep happening.
Objectivism: Shit=Shit
Occultism: We eat our shit.
Optimism (1): That shit won't happen to me.
Optimism (2): This shit, too, will pass.
Paganism (1): Shit happens. Accept it.
Paganism (2): Shit is a part of nature and makes things grow.
Panglossism: This is the best of all possible shits.
Paranoia: Shit happens because it's a plot.
Pascalism: We are just shit. But we are thinking shit.
Patriotism (1): My shit, right or wrong.
Patriotism (2): Give me liberty, or give me shit!
Patriotism (3): Give me shit, or give me death!
Pee-Weeism: You can't arrest me for that shit!
Perotism: We're in deep shit.
Pessimism: That shit is going to happen.
Platonism: There is an ideal shit, of which all the shit that happens is but an imperfect image.
Politically Correctism (1): Don't call it shit. That's not nice. Call it "Nutritionally-Deprived Output."
Politically Correctism (2): Nutritionally Corrected Output happens.
Positive thinking: Shit is what you make it.
Pragmaticism: It may be shit, but it works.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Psychology: I can help you deal with the shit that is happening.
PTL Club: Send us your shit.
Quaker
Quayleism: Shite happense.
Rastafarian (1): Shit happens, but if it's all right with Jah, it's all right with me.
Rastafarian (2): Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.
Reaganism: I don't recall if shit happened.
Reaganism, Nancy: Just say, `Shit happens.'
Republicanism: We earned our shit.
Robinism: Holy shit, Batman!
Rousseau: Only natural shit is worth shit.
Schroedingerism: Shit does not happen until you smell it.
Scooperism: If your shit happens here, you gotta pick it up.
Secular Humanism: Shit happens, but there's a rational explanation.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays.
Shakespeare: To shit or not to shit, that is the question.
Sherlock Holmes: I know where this shit came from.
Shinto: Shit is everywhere. So as long as you're stepping in it, show it some respect.
Skinnerism: If eat then shit.
Socrates: I am shit. But I know I am shit.
Solipsism (1): All this shit is a creation of my imagination.
Solipsism (2): The only thing I can be sure of is that my shit happens.
Spockism: The shit of the many outweighs the shit of the few... or the one.
Spockism, Reformed: The shit of the one outweighs the shit of the many.
Dr. Spockism: Encourage your child to make shit happen.
Spoonerism: Hit shappens.
Stalinism: The state treats you like shit.
Stoicism (1): This shit is good for me.
Stoicism (2): Shit happens -- deal with it.
Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is shit.
Subgenius: Shit happens -- SO WHAT? GIVE ME SOME SLACK!
Surrealism: Shit is shiny and shaped like a Buick.
Taoism: The shit that happens is not the true shit.
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could stop this shit from happening.
Thermodynamics: First Law: The shit that happens cannot be created or destroyed.
Thermodynamics: Second Law: When shit happens, it happens from a place of more shit to a place of less shit.
Thermodynamics: Third Law: Disorder is the inevitable result of shit happening.
Totalitarianism: Shit doesn't happen unless we say so.
Trekkism, The Original Series: To boldly shit where no shit has happened before.
Trekkism, The Motion Picture(s): This shit is happening again.
Trekkism, The Next Generation: This shit happens again every week.
Trekkism, Deep Space 9: Shit happens on the other side of the wormhole.
Trekkism, Voyager: Shit happens on the other side of the galaxy.
Twelve-Step Programs: God, grant me the serenity to deal with this shit.
Unitarianism: There's only one shit, but you can have it happen any way you want.
Unix: Shit Happened. Core dumped.
Ursism: Shit happens in the woods.
Utilitarianism (1): Do that which generates the greatest shit for the greatest number.
Utilitarianism (2): Let's make the best of this shit.
Vacuum: That shit sucks
Vandalism: I'm gonna wreck this shit!
VMS: Want to make shit happen? No Privilege for Attempted Operation.
Voodooism: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Voyeurism: Look at that shit happening.
Waldoism: Where *is* that little shit?
Xeno's paradox: It's logically impossible for shit to happen.
Yuppieism: It's my shit! All mine!
Zen: What is the sound of one shit happening? PU!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.

And finally, the Argument From Shit:

1. If God were omnibenevolent, he wouldn't want shit to happen.

2. If God were omnipotent, he would be able to prevent shit from happening.

3. Shit Happens.

4. Therefore, God is not both omnibenevolent and omnipotent.

Agnosticism: Maybe Shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Atheism:   There is no such thing as Shit.
Blackism: MotherFuck all this Shit.
Buddhism: It is only an illusion that Shit happens.
Catholicism: If Shit happens, I deserve it.
Confucianism: Confucius say Shit happens.
Hinduism: This Shit happened before.
Islam:   If Shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock! Knock! Shit happens.
Judaism: Why does Shit always happen to me?
Protestantism:   Shit won't happen f I work harder.
Taoism:   Shit happens.
Televangelism: Send money or Shit will happen.
Zen: What is the sound of Shit happening?

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TAOISM: Shit Happens.
HARE KRISHNA: Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.
HINDUISM: This Shit Happened Before.
ISLAM: If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage.
ZEN: What Is The Sound Of Shit Happening?
ATHEISM: No Shit.
BUDDISM: When Shit Happens, Is It Really Shit?
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius Say, "Shit Happens."
7TH DAY ADVENTIST: Shit Happens On Saturdays.
PROTESTANTISM: Shit Won't Happen If I Work Harder.
CATHOLICISM: If Shit Happens, I Deserve It.
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Knock, Knock, "Shit Happens."
UNITARIUM: What Is This Shit?
MORMON: Shit Happens Again & Again & Again.
JUDAISM: Why Does This Shit Always Happen to Me?
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's Smoke This Shit.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taoism - Shit Happens. If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Confucianism - Confucius say, "Shit Happens"
Buddhism
If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Zen-Buddhism - What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
Islam - If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism - Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism - If shit happens, you deserved it.
Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Judaism - Why does shit always happen to us?
New Age
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
Rastafarian - Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.
Jehovah's Witness - There is only a limited amount of good shit.
Mormon - Hey, there's more shit over here!
Baptist - You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
Unitarianism - Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
Iraqi Baathist - Oh shit!
Yuppie Shit - It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?
Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Televangelism - Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Heisenbergism - Shit happened, we just don't know where.
Nixonism - Shit didn't happen, and if it did I don't know anything about it.
McCarthyism - Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?
Communism - It's everybody's shit.
Capitalism - Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
Agnosticism - It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
Atheism
It looks and smells like shit so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
I don't believe this shit.

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