If you were a man, I don't think I'd be gay
But you'd still mean a lot to me in your own special way
You'd still have blue eyes and beautiful blond hair
But since you'd be a guy, I probably wouldn't care
You couldn't cry at the movies because you'd have to be tough
And you'd get paid more at work for doing the same stuff
Your voice would be deeper, a little lower in pitch
And people would call you assertive instead of a bitch

If you were a man, things would be weird
You'd have more hair on your face, maybe even a beard
You'd have hair on your chest and hair on your back
And hair that would itch around your scrotal sac
But there are also advantages to being a male
You don't have to worry about breaking your nails
And you could do what you wanted - you could be all unique
Without getting moody and bloated with every fourth week

If you were a man, you'd think differently too
Your hormones would influence everything that you'd do
You'd stand up on buses so that women could rest
But the whole time you're standing, you'd stare at their chests
And instead of treating ladies to nights of romance
You'd write cheesy poems to get in their pants
And here's the last thing, though I know it's pretend
But if you were a man, we'd still be best friends.

has generously provided this
space for me to express myself.