Evalyn's story
The sterilized and bland room spoke echoes of past pain and sorrow, washed away with detergent and scrubbing.
All semblance of control failed the doctor, and she collapsed to one of the two beds. She could not bear to face Orli, and clearly was having a problem beginning to speak. Her eyes meet Lynne's once, briefly, pleading, before falling to the floor.
Finally she spoke. "Who are you really? I mean, what does it mean, Judgement ..."
Orli was beginning to wonder much the same thing herself. It was a strange hesitancy, something inside that made her wonder who gives her the right to continue with this. In a room with gray-green hospital walls Orli thought that she did not know how to be anything else. Did Jason wonder if he still had the right to align himself with Destiny, or Karen with Lightning? Maybe a cherubic nature was so focused on protection of specifics that the thought never occurred to them. Lynne resolved to ask if she got the chance.
'What does Judgement mean?' was the one question for which Orli should have spent her entire existence focusing on answers. She thought that she had, but she wondered what she had found. It was unhealthy for angels of Judgement to spend too much time in wondering. They were supposed to know.
The doctor was distraught with the need to confess something. Olri could see it but couldn�t /feel/. There might have been a world between them.
Lynne watched her and then found something else to inspect on the metal bed frame. "Who I am isn't really important..." she realized that she didn't even know her first name. She kept her voice soft, as if she were speaking to a sick animal. Orli needed to hear this confession, before she could decide. "I'm just someone who is here now in the right place at the right time to listen. You might do better to ask what I am. I am an angel, one of the celestial host who is assigned to earth by an archangel to watch over humanity, or to teach, or to judge. My archangel is..," 'was' she thought, 'was', "...the judge of heaven. He sent me to earth to keep the host pure and to teach people to love justice, fear God and shun evil. Or something like that anyway..."
Dr Willis was a little wide eyed at these words. How much of it she had taken in was hard to judge.
Somehow Orli doubted this was likely to improve her mood, and the sun had moved behind the clouds, outside. "Do you need a drink or something, perhaps?" she asked her. Old habits died hard. She resisted the urge to light up another cigarette -- it probably didn't look good to a doctor. Orli recalled that Jason was unimpressed.
Dr Willis shook her head, once, than again more emphatically, eyes still wide.
Orli didn't have the will to pin her to a bed with a harsh glare. There was too much she did not know, so she slid her hands into her jacket pockets and paced behind the beds, where she could see her when she turned, but so she didn't have to meet Olri�s eyes.
"You asked me what judgement meant? It means ultimately that both mortals and celestials are given the knowledge to distinguish between good and evil, and that we may use it to examine the world around us and decide that some parts are good, and others are bad. Sometimes it is no more than the quiet voice of your conscience. Then we can choose between them. In these politically correct days, that sounds harsher than it used to do, Dr Willis. Those who make their choices, pay the price. I suppose it may be politically unsound to have a conscience, in some places or times."
There was a definite intake of air.
Orli sighed and did look at her this time. "One thing though. It is never permitted for anyone to judge themselves. Often people are too harsh and forget that they can change, even though payment can be harder than punishment. Or sometimes they don't perceive things in the way that we do. I have been tasked with being fair - we ... desire that the world might become a fairer place. The punishment should fit the crime. People should know the difference between good and evil, and be able to fight for the right to make those choices. The innocent should be protected."
"You can call me Lynne if you like, but to other angels, my name is Orli," she finished, and sat heavily on the other bed. "Tell me, in God's name, what have you done?"
"I..." she began, then failed. Their eyes met, and the hidden self lurking deep inside her roses slowly. She started again.
"I ... am sorry." she said. "I know... I didn't know..." once more it ended in nothing.
Deep breath. "Nathaniel was an angel too, wasn't he?" Rhetorical pause. "I see that now. It makes sense. That's why It wanted me too see him, to speak with him. To make him..." again she broke off.
Her head bowed, and finally she started at the beginning. "I don't doubt you are who you say you are, not now. Ever since I was young I have heard ... things, voices... angels. And as I grew up, I hid that away and made it into pretend. And then It came. It came and spoke with me in my sleep, telling me things, things about my brother. And I didn't want to believe it."
Here it comes.
"But it bothered me, and bothered me, always asking questions... why didn't he come home those nights? And then later the news reports, always the same nights. So I finally listened to It, I know I shouldn't have, but I did, and snuck into his room. And I found the garbage bag, and the clothes, and the blood. And the knife."
"And he found me."
Pause.
�Later, he made me swear never to tell anyone, or he would do what he did to me to her, then kill mother. And I didn't do anything. It said I couldn't do anything. And I listened to It."
"So, when I moved out, I thought I was safe. But after a year he followed me."
Pause.
"Then he said since I had gone away, he was going to hurt mother. So I listened to It again. I took what I had learned in College. And I went home for Thanksgiving. And when he slept I snuck into his room, and was going to... but I couldn't..."
"So I left. I finished school. And then Harry... poor Harry. He was interested in me, but then when he got too close, all I saw was... and then when he tried to ... I felt It again, telling me what he wanted, what he was like, and I couldn't stop myself, I grabbed the dinner knife, and just hit him. I almost used the sharp ... He wasn't hurt. Never said anything to anyone. Let me go. I scared him."
"But when I went to work, here, on my internship, It spoke to me again. A rapist was brought in. I heard the police talking about it. I looked in his eyes, and saw... he was bleeding allot, from where the undercover cop had shot him. I was organizing replacement blood ... I almost gave him the wrong type, It told me to give him the wrong type, but I didn't..."
"Friday, last. I get a note. His birthday was tomorrow. He was coming to see me. He had a special present. I called the police, almost, but It told me, no, no they wouldn't listen."
"And then, Saturday morning. The news. My parents. Dead. Murdered in their sleep. Mother ... hurt... first."
"I don't know what I did all day. I found myself on the steps of St Sebastians. I heard chanting, and walked in, then, a sudden stop, silence, and the Priest fell. I saw him fall. And the Voice said to me 'help him'. And for once, it asked me to do something I wanted, so I went to him, and the voice said, 'look into his eyes', and so I did, and then Nathaniel looked at me and I heard... something..."
"His eyes were tight, in shock, but they became gentle, but then, as he saw me, I mean, it was like he saw through me, right through me, and I saw the change happen. I saw those beautiful eyes tighten, become hard as rocks and then angry. He looked at me, then looked past me, seeing something behind. I turned but it was gone."
"I wanted to speak with him... I did... but It said that He wouldn't want to talk to me. And I listened. And went home."
"But then I woke in the night, and my brother... Had been following me. Nathaniel had seen him at the door of the Church. And had waited and watched for me."
"He saved me. He killed my brother. Oh God. I helped him kill my brother." And like a floodgate, the resonance finally opened, and Orli could see deep into this woman's soul.
She was a trap, Orli realizes, a carefully laid trap, planned and put together over many years, designed with skill and utter ruthlessness. She was a trap to catch an Angel.
For a Mercurian, the greatest task was to ensure that there be a diplomatic solution to any problem. A resort to violence the ultimate failure. Lynne knew that line, for she had walked it a thousand times. Always the punishment must match the crime. And Orli, among the few Mercurians to serve Judgement, was always able to suppress that failure with the Need for Punishment.
Here was a woman, who had resisted a Shedim's attentions for years. Always balking at the sins it asked of her. Victim of a mindless violence without any defense. And, on that one night when the Silence hit, all essence left, no emergency services were free, and at least two superiors became silent, on that one night, Nathaniel had to choose whether to help her with violence, or leave her to suffer it.
He chose to Fall.
She sat beside Orli, as the angel felt the warm attachment to family this woman knew, and its cold and utter severing in the trauma of murder, of her love for the filth that was her brother, her longing for a lover never able to be fulfilled, her strength in the face of complete adversity, and her sense of responsibility that even now, after all that she had been through, had demanded of her that she be here, this day, because the hospital was overworked, and she knew that they need every hand they could use. Orli felt the tightness of the trap around her and was glad she was not in Nathaniel's place that night. It was Vengeance speaking to her, crying out from the soul of this woman, not Justice. And then, more than this, there was the mind behind this trap. Orli could sense the Shedim's action over the brother, and the careful construction in painstaking hatred manifest in this situation.
Dr Willis looks at Orli. "Your eyes... your eyes are like His now..." she said, probably not even conscious of what she said.
If Orli was in shock, who could say what state of mind the Doctor was in? She reached out and put her arm around the shoulders of a murderess, and wished that there was something more that she could give to her. This was a place she had not been before.
"I understand." Lynne told her quietly, "I understand you."
Dr Willis' eyes met hers and she trembled physically. Orli knew that this had touched her to the core. She had never truely been understood, at least not by anyone good, and had been far, far too afraid to lay her self so bare to anyone before.
Perhaps it was her sense of fairness that was shaken to the core, because none of this was in any sense fair. The 'Other side' did not play fair. Angels must fight to be better than that. Orli could feel her lips tighten -- Nathaniel should have /known/ that. Was everything as hopeless as this from the beginning, for all angels? Could Orli have fallen so easily? She could not definitely answer 'no'.
If she were as wise as a seraph she would maybe have had some insight into all these things but she just felt an undirected anger. None of that would help now. It would be .. unfair to condemn someone for being mortal. Especially after such a long fight against impossible odds. But murder was murder. Fratricide.
In the silence she could hear the doctor breathing, her arm around her tightening because that was all the consolation she had. She still didn't know her first name. Was she still expected to go through the duties and formalities, or was she free now to tell her it would all be all right -- and make no judgements? Old habits died so hard.
"We do not require a life for a life," she said, pitching her voice for the woman�s ears. "No-one requires that. What you have done was a terrible, dreadful thing, and you have been suffering for it ever since, and for a long time before. But in place of that one life, think of how many you have saved -- and will save. This is what will be required of you. In return for a death, a life. That's the oath you have taken, I think..."
Into the silence, devoid of emotion, a simple "yes" dropped. It had no hope. Not yet. In time, it may.
�The police will have to know.." she added, still quietly. "Maybe not quite yet, but they will need to know. You have more than enough mitigating circumstances. I have a friend in the force who will be sympathetic, and able to help, if you are willing." Orli suspected Karen was not connected to the local police but maybe she knows someone who was.
A faint nod.
Orli was hoping to find some way to take her away from here, even if only for awhile, to where she could try to look after her and give her time to recover. To notice that Olri was resonating -- she wondered how unusually perceptive this woman must be. Whether she could be trained .. in happier times she thought, in happier times.
"As for Nathaniel .. the Father I mean... " words failed her for a moment and she sighed. She had no idea what he may have become since that night, even in only a couple of nights. Neither did she have any particular wish to seek out demons but... "He made his choices," Lynne told her. "That was not your fault. I will seek him out if I can, and plead his case. It may be that you can also help, if you wish." (if we have time. if he still cares. if there is anyone left to plead his case to. if other matters do not intervene) Fortunately, not being as wise as a seraph, Orli could finesse the truth somewhat.
Olri looked across at her, without avoiding her eyes. "Could you take some time off? I feel that there has been some intervention by other parties in your case, aggravating it. We need to be sure that it is dealt with -- and we will need your help to do that. I.. don't feel that I want to leave you here. It may sound strange but I have a lot of admiration for you. Do you know how few people would have had the strength to fight off a demon for so long?"
She tilted her head slightly, as if to say that the words had no great meaning for her. But nodded again.
�The Father... Nathaniel. He came to see me this morning. At home. He didn't say much. Just that he had taken away my bro... the body and I would not have to think about it again. He gave me a number to call if I needed help." She found a card in her pocket, and gave it to Orli. It was a local number, "Seven Swords Investigation Agency". On the back was written, "Ask for Nathaniel."
Lynne asked Dr Willis her full name.
"Evalyn. Evalyn Sara Willis."
Orli noted it down.
Turning back to taking a break, Evalyn muttered, "I... don't know if I should. I don't know what I would do with myself."
While Lynne considered this, and what to do about it, she unfolded her mobile and dialed Jason's number.