-Revised 15/4/00
The following is an imaginary Monday-morning "water-cooler" conversation between two hypothetical coworkers: "Fred" and "John".
Fred: �So, how was your weekend, John?
John: �Great; I had a wonderful time at my parents' house on Sunday.
Fred: �You visit your parents? �I never thought you would be into organized visitation.
John: �(Puzzled) "Organized visitation"? �What's that?
Fred: �You know, visiting your parents on Sunday. �I never visit my father; I figure I can call him on my cell phone any time I want, no matter where I am: the park, my backyard...wherever!
John: �Well, I call my parents pretty often too, but they also appreciate my visits and I enjoy going over their house. �Don't you think your father would like for you to go to see him?
Fred: �Well, I don't see why organized visitation is necessary when I can call Dad from anywhere whenever the mood strikes me.
John: �What about your mother? �Sorry . . . is she alive, does she live with your father?
Fred: �Yeah, she's still alive and lives with Dad, but I don't need her as long as I have Dad.
John: �(Incredulously) You don't need your mother as long as you have your father?
Fred: �(Emphatically) Yeah!
John: �(Pause) Well . . . what about the rest of your family; do you ever visit them?
Fred: �No. �My brothers and sisters visit Dad every Sunday but they're a bunch of hypocrites. �They only go there because they want to get an inheritance from him when he dies.
John: �(Incredulously) Are you sure that's why they go there?
Fred: �(Confidently) Well yeah; everyone who visits their parents only does it to get the inheritance.
John: �Well, I'm not so sure about that. �But I'm curious: are you saying you don't care about getting the inheritance yourself?
Fred: �Oh, I'm sure I'll get it; I'm his son, after all. �I just don't see why I have to visit him in order to get it.
John: �Well, why don't you just visit him because you love him, and because he is family and it's nice for the whole family to get together once in a while?
Fred: �Oh I love him; I just don't want to get involved in that organized visitation garbage. �I don't need to visit him as long as I can call.
John: �You keep saying "I don't want" and "I don't need". �What about your father; what does he want?
Fred: �Well, . . . I don't think he really cares about organized visitation either. �He knows I love him, I don't have to visit him like a hypocrite in order to love or talk to him.
John: �You honestly believe he doesn't want you to ever visit him? �To have the whole family together every once in a while?
Fred: �No, like I said, only hypocrites visit their parents.
John: �I think you may be judging your brothers and sisters too harshly. �I suppose some people might only stay in touch with their parents because of an inheritance, but I think most people visit them because they love them and want to see them and the rest of their relatives.
Fred: �(Defensively) I love my father!
John: �But you don't want to spend time with him in person - not just over the phone. �And your attitude toward your siblings puzzles me; you keep accusing them of the worst possible motives for doing something which, as far as I can see, is good and natural! �There's nothing wrong with visiting ones parents, or getting together as a family with ones brothers and sisters. �And I'm sure your father would love to see you, have you ever asked him?
Fred: �Not really . . . I just assumed he didn't care about that kind of thing.
John: �Has he ever told you so on the phone?
Fred: �Well, no; I seem to do most of the talking. �Dad doesn't say much.
John: �Then does he ever write you letters?
Fred: �Oh I don't read the letters he allegedly sends me. �I think they're all forged by someone else. �Besides, I don't need letters when I can talk to him directly.
John: �(Pause) Sounds like your phone calls, and your entire relationship with your father, is mostly a one-way conversation.
Fred: �Yeah, I guess so.
John: �Look, there was a time when I didn't go visit my parents either. �But one day they wrote in a letter that they wanted me to go see them. �So ever since then I've visited them regularly, and have a wonderful relationship with them, and with my siblings as well. �Now, I know I would not have such a great relationship with them if it were only limited to a few phone calls!
Don't let your personal prejudices and feelings get in the way of a deeper relationship with your father. �Talking to him on the phone is good, but nothing can beat visiting him. �Think of what you're missing; the time you could be spending in his presence, and in the company of your brothers and sisters. �Maybe you should see them and really get to know them rather than judging them from afar. �You might even find them quite sincere and likeable. �Ultimately it's your choice, so just think about it.
See also the tract, Ten Reasons Why I Never Wash.
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