Moving On

I am living proof of the fact that people's lives don't have to fall apart when they leave the ICoC.

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten...." -- Joel 2:25

Six months after leaving the ICoC, I moved away from the Triangle area; within 60 days after moving, I got a *great* job at an international engineering firm in my new town - and I'm still working at that same firm, 5+ years later. I have experienced no crises and no punishments from God; in fact, my life has been so blessed due to my family's unconditional love and acceptance. I have two beautiful nieces, in whose lives I can now have a share; and I have an Awesome[tm] relationship with a most wonderful man, also a former ICoC member. He is my soul mate and best friend - a best friend who is now my husband. I firmly believe that God chose not to punish me, but to BLESS ME for leaving an abusive and controlling religious group like the ICoC. He has, I firmly believe, used the ICoC to teach me how NOT to be a Christian... so for that, I guess I am thankful.

When I first left the ICoC, I battled with a huge amount of disillusionment about the concept of God and Christianity. The greater part of my own healing took about two years, but there is no standard timetable for feeling better and moving on. Each person reading this needs to know that being able to talk about what you experienced in the ICoC and your related feelings is the vital first step on the road to recovery. I am grateful to have had that and I hope you will take advantage of the opportunity to do so - whether online or with other folks who've been through it. Since I now live in an area where the ICoC has very little physical presence (and at the time this was written, no other former members I was aware of), I've taken full advantage of the online resources available.

Ex-ICoC member support groups exist so that people can talk WITHOUT BEING JUDGED. In the right kind of support group, when you're talking and sharing, you know that you are not alone in your doubts and fears. A support group helps you by letting you surrounding yourself with kind and helpful folks who are humble enough to admit that they don't have all the answers. That's really a HUGE change for those who are coming out of the ICoC. I thank God for those who were available for me when I first came on the scene on the Internet, hurting and very indignant. I believe Jesus' words about what happens to those who cause God's little ones to stumble.

It can be hard to gain a trust in God again. God didn't create the ICoC - Kip McKean did. I have to reaffirm to myself repeatedly that to follow Jesus Christ means to reject the teachings of man, and that the decision to continue walking with Jesus means having faith that Jesus is the only mediator that God requires. When you're feeling a nagging feeling that something's wrong and people in the ICoC are telling you "it's Satan making you doubt," I think it's really God's spirit appealing to our consciences, asking us to look at what is in front of our eyes and compare it to what is written in Scripture - and that the awful feeling so many get when they consider ICoC teachings/practice is our consciences warning us. And it's not good to ignore that little voice inside.

In my spiritual journey, I had to begin back at square one - I went back to the question, "Is there a God?" Once I could confidently answer that question for myself in the affirmative (no, I can't prove the existence of God logically, though I can say that I have gained a true faith that God exists) I have been able to slowly, but surely, begin rebuilding my spiritual life. It's true that have been all over the map spiritually since I left the ICoC, but because I had the freedom to explore, I have also been able to return to Christ in my heart. I now have a much better understanding of the fact that God and The Church are not interchangeable concepts.

I've read books like The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, Captive Hearts, Captive Minds, and others, to gain understanding about why I was vulnerable to a group like the ICoC and how to avoid such groups in the future. Please understand that on some level, ALL people are vulnerable to the lure of coercive groups, not just certain segments of society. Cults and coercive groups are appealing because they fill a need that we perceive (whether consciously or unconsciously) we are missing - whether it be a need for God, a need for human affection, a need for acceptance, belonging, structure, spiritual connection, whatever - it's different for everyone. Being in a cult (or not being in one) has little to do with how much book knowledge you have. That's why physicians, attorneys, engineers, and other supposedly intelligent people can be drawn into cults - cults appeal to our emotions, not our intellect or our logic. But if we strive to understand our own needs, and find HEALTHY and non-coercive ways to meet our needs, we can effectively cult-proof ourselves and teach our children to do the same.