As someone who has spoken to many, many past members of the ICoC (and who is one, herself), one of the recurring themes that I hear about people dealing with as part of the recovery process is the subject of Bitterness - quite often, what brings the subject to the forefront is that a past ICoC member has had an encounter with a current ICoC member who has accused the past member of being Bitter. Bitterness is viewed as a sin by ICoC members.

• Isn't it strange that Naomi's bitterness did not affect Ruth's decision to turn to the God of Israel? Isn't it strange that Naomi's bitterness didn't affect Ruth's decision to go with Naomi? What does this say to you about the nature of relationships, and more specifically, about the nature of bitterness?

• Orpah, though she decided to stay in Moab, was still able to find kindness in her heart toward her bitter mother-in-law (Ruth 1:14). What does this say to you about the nature of relationships, and about the nature of bitterness?

• Why does God does not reveal in the book of Ruth EVEN ONE PERSON rebuking Naomi for her bitterness? If bitterness is a sin, isn't it strange that God doesn't visit some terrible punishment upon Naomi for her bitterness? What does this say to you about the nature of relationships, and more importantly, about the nature of God?

• Isn't it strange that though no mention is made of Naomi praying, fasting, or engaging in other repentance-promoting activities over her bitterness, the God of Israel still chooses to make sure Naomi's needs are met? (Ruth 2:18; Ruth 3:15-18; Ruth 4:9)

• Isn't it strange that in spite of Naomi's bitterness, Ruth was still so incredibly open to seeking and accepting advice from Naomi? What does this say to you about the nature of relationships? What does this say to you about the nature of Bitterness? (Ruth 2:1-3; Ruth 2:19-23; Ruth 3:1-5).

God Cares When We Are Hurting

Few accounts in the Bible have affected me more deeply than looking at the lives of Ruth and Naomi. In so many ways, we can relate to and understand a Higher Power's loving care for us through their story. Here, the God of Israel shows a side of himself that is truly gracious and merciful - so unlike the mean-spirited, bean-counter deity the ICoC puts forth.

Why didn't God punish Naomi for her bitterness? As you know by now if you have read the book of Ruth, God actually did the exact opposite! God used the circumstances in Naomi's life - yes, even her bitterness - to bring her out Moab, a place which held some bad memories for her and was no longer capable of meeting her needs, into a place where God could work it out so that her needs were most abundantly met! (Ruth 4:14-22).

I believe the God of Israel honored Naomi's brutal honesty with herself and others about her bitterness, and honored her decision to move on - picking up and heading to Bethlehem so soon after her bereavment certainly wasn't the most comfortable thing she could have done. Even today, the experts say not to make any major life changes for at least a year after a death or other major emotional upheaval. (Having been through something like that earlier in life with the death of my father, I can say that I believe this to be very good advice.)

Is It Time to Leave Moab?

I believe that being in the ICoC is like living in Moab. Maybe you perceived a famine in your own personal "Israel" and decided to head for Moab, looking for food. Things were okay in Moab for a while - maybe great, maybe not so great - but you had your reasons for staying in Moab. Yet a time may come when, like Naomi, you lose (by whatever means) some relationships that are dear to you and you decide it's time to leave Moab.

Leaving Moab is hard because life is always black-and-white there. Its draw is the comfort of familiarity and you don't have to think too much about what the next day will bring forth in Moab - until a loss like Naomi's throws you for a loop. Like Naomi, chances are that if you are in a similar position, you will spend some time feeling bitter about what you've lost - IT'S NORMAL. Surely Naomi knew she would miss her friends in Moab, and even more, that she would miss her husband and sons until the end of her days; however, it seems that God Himself had a plan for Naomi - and Ruth - that could not be fulfilled if they remained in Moab!

It seems clear that God used the difficult circumstances in the lives of Naomi and Ruth life to show them that Moab was no longer where they belonged - and to guide them to their ultimate joyful destinies as wife, mother, and great-grandmother, and the direct progenitors of King David! (Ruth 4:13-17)

Is it time for YOU to "leave Moab"? That's a decision that only you can make. Listen for the voice of God - whether it's a whisper or a shout - speaking through your current circumstances. And rest assured that if it IS indeed time for you to go, you will find loving support as you go about establishing a new life for yourself elsewhere. This is my own personal testimony to God's great kindness and loving mercy - and I trust that by the grace of God, you will find this to be true, too.

Remember when Naomi first arrived back in Bethlehem? People remembered her and were kind to her. They didn't hold it against her that she'd left Israel in the first place - in fact, they were excited to see her return! (Ruth 1:19)

So, what exactly happened here, in the book of Ruth? Naomi isn't even the main character, but her life still has lessons for us. In looking at the life of Naomi, it seems clear that bitterness is indeed a major occurrence that may lead people to seek a different path in life. But "a sin" I suppose that depends on what someone has to gain by labeling someone in this manner. In the ICoC, the word bitterness�� is part of their language of subjugation. With the negative and selfish influence of the ICoC organization now behind me, and the words of Scripture before me, I have formed a different opinion on the matter:

Bitterness is simply a catalyst for change - and anyone who says differently is selling something.

Change is Just the Way of Things

As former ICoC members, we are no longer bound to live our lives by the ICoC's shifting, situational standards. I don't know about you, but I feel VERY happy and empowered each time I realize this anew. I work (hard at first, but this becomes easier to recognize and counter over time) not to let other people use my emotions against me in a way that serves their own motives and desires. If you are a Christian, remember that your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is your standard - your standard is NOT other peoples' opinions about what the Bible says. Reject any attempts that others make to label you as anything at all, if that's not actually what you are feeling. Reject any attempt that others make to dismiss or minimize what you are feeling. In the ICoC, we were taught that we were not allowed to have personal boundaries - but in order to be successful in moving on from the ICoC, you must set some now, and stick to them.

As you've probably learned by now, we can't change other people - we can only change ourselves. This starts when we can begin to be honest with ourselves - there is no other way to move forward emotionally and spiritually. By being honest with yourself about your feelings - good, bad, or ugly - you are letting God/your Higher Power bring you to a place where your needs can be met and your cup can be filled to overflowing - just as the God of Israel did for Naomi (Ruth 4:14-17). I can promise you this from personal experience: it's worth the effort, and it's worth the pain. The pain lessens as you start to deal with things - and the quicker you face whatever's going on in your mind and heart, the quicker you'll be able to heal and move forward.

It will take some time for you to heal, but it will happen. "Let go, and let God." Don't fight the process. Don't turn away from your emotions, no matter how negative they seem. This is a time to be praying, meditating, and gaining psychological understanding about what it takes to heal your heart. This is the time to Know Thyself. If you must, you can worry LATER about what other people think of the direction your spiritual journey may be taking. Preferably, you'll come to the point where you won't worry about human opinion at all. God (however you choose to view the subject) is the only one you answer to now. If you are no longer religious, you answer to yourself, or to whomever you choose.

Those who do evil will reap what they have sowed. Leave Moab, if it's time. You can and will find people outside the ICoC with whom you share at least a few common beliefs and goals, and you won't have to be held emotional hostage by a self-serving organization like the ICoC. Knowing the truth of this and seeing it in action in my own life gives me a full measure of joy and gratefulness. I so much encourage those moving forward from the ICoC to begin filling their lives with activities that they love, activities they are passionate about. If you don't know what your passions are anymore, start experimenting! Gosh, join a bowling league if you think you would enjoy it! Do volunteer work, take a pottery class, learn auto repair, Tai Chi, participate in sports, whatever - while you are talking through your bitterness with friends, family, or a qualified professional of your choosing, you can help yourself along by filling your life with new, positive influences and experiences. As the light brought in by new friends and new experiences shines brighter and brighter in your heart, the shadows of ICoC's negativity will grow very dim indeed!

Experience your emotions - express them, and then let them go. If you wish, express these emotions to someone you trust not to freak out on you - or perhaps even better, just cry them out to your Higher Power.

Whichever you decide to do, it is enough.