This was posted to an E-list by one of the Pennsylvania Pagan Elders, and was sent to me by a friend who lives there. I thought it was a wonderful expression of what everyone tries to say, but yet , can't find the words. I hope that you read this with an open mind and heart. I thank Ord for allowing me to post his words here. This is HIS work, and all copyrights remain his.
Monogamy/Polyamory
Didn't know it to respond to these post or not.
Might help to have some clear definitions.
These words are often loaded with deep emotional
messages and the possibility for misunderstandings
is great.
Sex for many of us is a very spiritual experience.
Like most spiritual experiences
they are extremely personal.
Language is rarely adequate (at least in my hands)
to communicate spiritual experiences and ideas.
Frequently our attempts lessen the experience.
This may be the reason so many of us paint, sculpt,
do photography, write, or play music.
Some of us need alternative ways of expressing
who we are spiritually
who we are sexually.
Today is my 52 birthday.
More than 35 of these years have been
spent exploring the advantages and
disadvantages of monogamy and polyamory.
As in the Tarot, I started out as the fool.
"0"
Thirty five years of exploring, experimenting, studying,
living, learning, and experiencing
has returned me to the place I started.
Back to "0".
I am the Fool again.
It has been said too often,
that the more we learn
the more we realize
how little we know.
This could not be more true
in this area of our lives.
We are each so very different,
so very unique, in many ways.
Not only are we all different,
we are all in a state of constant
change.
Some so slowly, we can barely see it, like
the hands of a clock.
Others so rapidly, we can barely seem them
as they fly by like an arrow.
What is right for one
is by no means
right, if even an option,
for another.
Even within a given individual
what is right
for them
will vary
over time.
So our quest
is to only
determine
what is right
for ourselves
right now,
in the moment.
This answer has to come
from within.
Religion, books, friends, classes, experiences,
values, traditions, all play a role
but, the bottom line is
the answers are within us.
Very important to remember
these are "our" answers.
They are for us alone.
They are not
the answers for anyone
but us!.
We read posts that
remind us of high school
and frat type sexual humor.
It can be quite funny.
Too much of anything
becomes an irritant.
Suspect most high school kids
don't get laid by acting
like highschool kids.
Suspect no adults do.
Freedom of Religion
means just that.
Freedom of any religion.
When anyone infers or suggest
in anyway that to be truly
PAGAN, WITCH, Magickian,
that one has to run around
naked and have sex with
THEM, is not honoring.
Not honoring of the Divine,
not honoring of each other,
and not honoring of themselves.
These days sex has gotten more complicated
than it used to be.
Seems like it might be desirable
to really focus on having
Sacred Sex.
Sacred sex means different
things to each of us.
Some of the underlying principles
include Hierto gamos. (Please for give my nongreek spelling.)
A union of the Divine
Female/Male energies uniting
(Gay, Lesbian, and Bi brothers
and sisters please substitute your
own choice of words.)
This Divine union can take many forms,
is done in many ways,
and is experienced differently
in different cultures
but the common thread is to include
the spirit in the union,
Okay, it seems like we are off
subject here but it is not completely
the case.
Monogamy/Polyamory
If we want sex to be sacred sex.
Do we find it in monogamy?
Do we find it in Polyamory?
These answers will determine for us, right now,
is this our right choice
for us,
at this place,
at this time.
Growing up in the sixty's gave
me a wide range of experience.
Was in Haight-Ashbury
San Francisco in the late sixty's.
Experimented with alter states, and
with a wide variety of relationship forms.
Tried group marriages, open relationships,
communes, and various assortment
of "alternative life style choices."
Lived in Los Angeles and San Francisco
during the early seventy's and explored
the "human growth potential"
at Sandstone, Eslean Institute, Big Sur,
and other safe havens for exploration.
Raised on the Utopian Novels of the time
including Heinlein's STRANGE NEW LAND,
Huxly's BRAVE NEW WORLD, and Robert Rimmer's
PROPOSITION 31 and the HARRAD EXPERIMENT.
We tried groups of two, three, four and more.
At one point we had sixteen of us
living on a farm commune
during the "back to the land"
movement.
Robert Rimmer came to visit us at Sandstone,
but he felt we had taken it too far.
He did a very convincing job of suggesting
a family unit of six adults.
Within a six adult family unit it is likely;
There is enough joint income to live well.
Domestic responsibilities becoming minimal.
Child care enriches the children and eliminates
the need for day care.
It provides significant opportunities for
continuing education.
(Some one can stay home with the children
and then return to grad school,
when it was someone elses turn.)
Plenty of opportunity for obtaining
and supplying each others needs, within
the family unit.
Did these experiments work?
Depends on how you grade.
If you use the outdated yard stick,
did it last forever.
Not with these particular groups,
but we were very happy for several years.
We experienced love, joy, and learned lessons
of who and what we are today.
We believed that all we needed was love.
We learned we needed more than that.
There are groups that have continued for years.
Church of All Worlds (CAW) (visit their web site.)
They are the people who publish Green Egg.
They have been involved with several groups that
have lasted for years. They were very early
in organizing a structure around these groups
and early to bring spirituality to the center
of these groups.
Church Of All Worlds is very active socially, politically,
and spiritually in our community.
I am so sorry
Had too much caffine
and birthdays cause me to
become reflective.
Hit the delete key if
you want, but should be
getting to the point if there is
one some time soon.
Today there are many pagan spiritual
traditions and groups that utilize some form
of Sacred Sex, Tantra, Love Magick, Sex Magick,
or other form of ritualized sex
in the practice.
Many of these practices can be done
with the self defined limites of monogamy.
Sometimes, in some traditions, it is not.
Often these are "secrets" of the tradition.
Not secrets to lure any unsuspecting initiates
but for many other reasons including
misunderstandings by outsiders.
Look at the outsiders view of Christians
eating the flesh of Jesus and drinking
his blood.
The point is that it is NOT
a requirement of most traditions.
People who practice them
are not trying to convert you.
They have found that
sexual energy can be very
powerful, extremely bonding, and
very magickal in many different ways.
Many people who practice these paths who
are otherwise monogamous don't consider
acts of sacred sex unfaithful.
Many pagans find the middle ground
of shared intimacy, and sensuality,
without ever becoming sexual.
In our community nudity, touch, intimacy
dosen't mean sex!
When two people make love
particularly when they have
sacred sex, the union is so complete
that the two become as one.
So when they separate the parting
can be quite painful.
Once we completely join with another
in the sexual act part of us with
go with them always as will part of them
will be with us.
There is much to be said for Monogamy.
It is a path that most of us feel the
most comfortable with.
There is absolutely nothing
wrong with this choice and much
right with it.
Don't allow anyone to even suggest that
you are in anyway not Pagan, witch, magickian enough
because of your choice.
There is nothing wrong with
Polyamory. With love, trust, sensitivity,
it can be a extremely rewarding
path for some of us who chose
a path less traveled.
The bottom line (I really promise to finish soon,
I want to ride my bike and go for ice cream and cake.)
It is OK!
OK to be monogamist
OK to be Poly
OK to be Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Straight, Asexual,
OK to be different
OK to follow our own path
OK to run naked
OK to keep our cloths on
OK to make our own choices with out
being judged for when, particularly
in this community.
These are choices we all
have to make for ourselves.
Choices for this point in time only.
For tomorrow we will be different.
Be careful what Chalice
you say you will not drink from.
For tomorrow you may find yourself
thirsting for its contents.
In love and trust
ORD
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