This is a page I have made to share, with you, my thoughts and feelings on my life, my Religion, and the World in general. I hope this will shed some light on my beliefs and why I feel as I do. These are my personal opinions, and you know what they say about opinions! If you get easily offend, then I suggest you don't read this. It does contain things from my personal life that are not acceptable to some people. If you read it anyway and get offended, don't e-mail me or sign my guestbook with nasty notes about me being a sick bitch. That is an opinion, and you already know what I said about those. For those of you just starting out, please don't feel that my views on my Faith are what everyone thinks or feels who is a Pagan or Wiccan. Just like any other religion, each person has there own beliefs and interpretations of things. I have mine. I have come to these over many years, and quite a few of them I came to before I found Wicca (or rather IT found me!).
Individuality is what makes us each unique, so please form your own opinions and beliefs about life, love, religion, politics, ect., but never let some one dictate to you what IS the truth. Each person's truth is slightly (or greatly) different from everybody else's. Never take something at face value. ALWAYS QUESTION !!! For without questions, answers will never turn up.
I spent my childhood mostly outside of New Orleans. I was always the tom-boy. I also was always the outcast. I used to dig holes in the Earth and lay in them because I felt "safe" in them. I used to get dragonflies to land on me. I saw things that no one else did. I could feel the woods watching me when I walked through them, and sensed the "little people" in the trees. I used to talk to the Earth and the bugs and animals. I used to fly and look down at people in my dreams, and sometimes I had these dreams when I was awake. I never fit in with people, and had a tendency to speak my mind, even when I got in trouble for it. When I was ten, my parents enrolled my brothers and I in Catholic school. During Catechism, I would constantly get sent to the Principal's office for asking too many "questions". Sister Mary got fed up with seeing me so she would send me to Father Benny. The only answer I ever got was "Don't question God!". The Bible never made sense to me. It had contradictions in it everywhere and told you to do one thing in one place, then said to do the opposite in another place.
By the time I reached middle school, my mother had taken us out of Catholic School. In High School, I asked my Physical Science teacher what the Universe is expanding into if the Big Bang theory is correct. He said a void. I replied that a void was nothing and something couldn't go into nothing. He told me to shut up and I got in trouble for disrupting the class (everyone was laughing). It has always been my Nature to question what is percieved to be the truth. I always asked too many questions and most of the time they could not be answered. People always thought of me as a strange child. Now they think of me as weird and "misguided" because of my religious choice.
By the time I had hit 20 years old, I had already been the victim of an attempted rape, gotten my first deck of Tarot cards (for which my mother told me I was stupid for believing in, even though they were right almost always!), felt like I was worthless, moved from home at 18, and in with a man who beat the crap out of me because I felt I deserved no better. When you grow up being told you won't ever amount to shit, you begin to feel like it. My mother and I had a standing battle. We have a truce now, but it was really terrible for a while. When I turned 20, my Grandfather got very ill with cancer and other problems, so I moved with my family to be closer to him. I met my ex-husband and less than a year later we married because I was preggers with my oldest daughter. I was barely past 21, and he was not even 19 yet. Then 16 months later, I had my second oldest duaghter. I took up reading tarot again, and it caused lots of fights between he and I. He told me I needed to stop acting like a witch. I had no idea what he meant by that. Our problems got worse, he began to ignore me and my needs, my emotional state became very fragile, and to top it off, I was working the same job as him, bringing in the same money, and I was paying all the bills! We were working nights at the State Prison, and that got to me as well, I spent 2 and 3 days away from my children, had to babysit inmates who lived better than alot of people I knew, and was basically in a dead end job.
After almost 3 years of marriage, I had had enough. I met someone at work, and had an affair. I told my ex-husband I wanted a divorce. He filed on our 3rd Wedding Anniversary. Two weeks later, it was final. I moved in with the guy I had met, but within six months he was acting just like my ex. After a year, I left him. I was alone, had two kids, and no job (I had to quite it). I ended up moving back to my parents house. Again, my mother started her line of crap about how I was nothing and never would be. I left and moved to my ex's house at his invitation to help me until I got on my feet again. Big mistake. He wanted to get back together. I told him no because I knew it wouldn't work. I had a friend over one night. My ex got jealouse and locked me out of the house, so I left my daughters there until I could find my own place. I spent the next 3 months homeless, staying in hotels, or with friends when I could.
While I was homeless, I discovered alot about myself. The things I had kept burried because of religious teachings came flooding forth. I remembered that I dreamed of things that came to pass after I dreamed them, and saw/felt the ghosts and spirits again. I began to journey astrally once again. I began to question what was really the truth. I also began to question my sexuality. I met a girl. She was so very different. Both of us assumed we were straight. We got wasted one night on Tequila and we had what i consider to be one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I know that I am bisexual, and I don't hide it. I have always found women to be the most beautiful creatures of our species. The female form is soft and warm, lush and sweet, ... Hell, I could go on forever about what I find attractive in women. But it is also the attitude that a women has and the power to bring life forth into the world. Yes, i know we need men too, but we carry a living being inside of us for 9 months and then after the most intense pain immaginable, we forget we had the pain the first time we see and touch our child. It's like we are mini-Earths, the womb of the Mother Herself. I love men too! Don't think that I don't. But it's for the opposite reasons that I love men. The hard, well defined body created from hard work and not weight rooms, the natural smell of sweat after building something outside or cutting the grass, the "maleness" that is there. The sense of strengh and protection. Like I said, the opposite of women.
I stayed homeless until a once-friend let me move in with her. When I went to get my daughters my ex-husband wouldn't let me have them. He and his mother (who has a laywer for a boyfriend) had drawn up legal papers and forged my signiture to them sying that I gave him full custody of my children. Having no money for a lawyer, I was stuck. Shortly after this I met my partner. We both were coming out of bad relationships, and needed a friend. the more we talked the more we learned how many of our life experiences were the same. It was like we had each found the half of ourself that was missing. I hae never felt so loved and cherished in my life. We are still together and we have a daughter, his first child. We are not married, nor plan to get married. It's only a paper anyway. We are both 29 now, and for the first time in our lives, we seem to be moving ahead and not cowering in the corner, watching life pass us by. It's because of him that i know who I am today, and he is always there for me. He supports me in all I do, and never pushes or pressures me to be or do something I am not or don't want to do. We have a very open and honest relationship. He is the one who encouraged me to study Wicca even though I was hesitant because of old Religious beliefs. People talk of soulmates. I have mine.
Since I began studying Wicca, my eyes have opened to all of the wonderous things I have missed out on in life. I look at each day with the eyes of a child again, and live in the moment, while considering the past and seeing the future. I have learned tolerance of others and thier beliefs, love, forgiveness, and have a sense a peace inside me now that I have never known before. I see my life as a long line of ups and downs that, no matter what, is mine alone to live. I blame no one for my problems and accept my mistakes as lessons. I try to see things from all points of view, but I have no tolerance for blind hatred, or hurting others because they are different. I also have no tolerance for those who pray on children, are rapists, murderers, and are drug dealers. I don't feel my tax money should go to support them when it could be used to send another child to college or feed someone who is starving. These criminals chose to break the laws of being a good human being and in my opinion, the best deterent to people doing it again is death. I know it's not very "Wiccan" of me and goes against the rede, but isn't what they did against the rede? Isn't it worse to let them do it again and again? And waste monies that can be put to better use? it costs an average on $50,000 a year to house just one inmate, and the Correctional Officers who watch them make only $18,000 to $25,000 a year on average, and have families to support. What's wrong with this picture? Inmates also have (in most facilities) cable television, free medical care, free food, a roof over their head, and free clothes, but the people who must guard them struggle daily just to keep the basics of life available to their families. And over half of the inmates released from prison are going to be sent back within six months for doing the same thing again, or something worse. This is a fact. If you don't believe me, go look it up. I don't mean kill them the first time they commit a crime (at least drug dealers, anyway), but after 3 times, it's obvious they will not change. Rapists, child molesters, and murders will never change and IMO deserve death, rather than to keep them alive with the possibility that they may escape or be paroled and do it again. Do you want to risk your child's safety? I don't. I lived through an attempted rape, and I hope and pray none of my children ever have to live through what I did.
My views on religion are pretty simple: religion is what you feel in your heart to be true and right. No one has the right to tell you what you can or can't think, feel, or believe. You must make up your own mind about things, and you cannot use religion to break the laws of human morality. I mean, if you call your self a Satanist, does that automatically give you the right to KILL someone in sacrifice? NO! Killing is wrong, unless it for the greater good, like during WW2, when the Nazi's were massacring millions of Jews, just because they were Jews and Hitler felt that they were inferior. The only truly Godless people are those who use God as an excuse to commit acts like Hitler did. Religion should teach love of all mankind, reguardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, or gender. We all bleed the same, do't we?
I also believe that no one has the right to tell any one who is a consenting adult what they can and can't do in their bedrooms. If someone is Gay, there is a 90% probability that it is because of a genetic factor. This has been scientifically proven and, I feel it isn't our damn bussiness anyway. I have Gay friends, as well as straight friends. I don't judge someone by sexual orientation, gender, religion, or race. It's what type of person they are that matters to me. People need to get over the "It says in the Bible it's a Sin" crap and wake the Hell up! It also says in the Bible that Ruth and one of her maids had a love that surpased the love of a man and woman, and also mentions two guys who are the same way. So, you can't have your Bible, and read it to, so to speak! Anyone can pick and choose Biblical verses to suit their agenda. WAKE UP!!! It's a book! That's all! A bunch of stories in it that may or may not be true. I personally feel that Jesus was a real person and taught a wonderful thing "LOVE IS THE WAY TO PEACE!", but over the years, the Powers that Be have perverted that message to suit their own goals! It now is "Love thy neighbor, so long as he is EXACTLY LIKE YOU!", which is the biggest load of horse crap I have ever run across in my life. And as far a Jesus being the Son of God, aren't we all sons and daughters of that Divine Spirit of creation? So, people, lets drop the hatred of others who are different and embrace those differences instead! How many of you will eat Chinese or Mexican food, but won't go near someone of either of those races? Think about it. It's dumb! We are acting no better than a bunch of talking monkeys!
I think the biggest thing I wish for is that my children, their children, and every child this world sees in the future could live without fear and without hate. I wish the world could be filled with love, and that so few horrible acts were ever commited that it would shock you. Now, when somethng happens, we say, "What? Again?" and go back to doing what we were before. It's a horrible thing when people can be murdered and we don't even bat an eye over it. It makes me sad to think tht Human life means so little anymore. That is part of why I am for the Death penalty. When it starts to become the criminals life at stake, they think before they go out and harm someone else. It's not just, "Well, I'll go chill out in jail for a few, then when I get out, I'll just jump back in where I left off." That is part of why crime is so high. They know that jail is no big deal for them, not like it used to be back before the government decided to start regulating things. Now the ACA has stepped in and made it an easy life to the point where he inmates don't really even work when in jail. They have it soft and easy. There is no incentive to not go to jail and behave like a good citizen. I wish I could find an island where I could live with my kids, where the worst we had to worry about is an occasional Hurricane passing through, and no one could ever hurt them. Unfortunately, no such place really exists. This means it's time to start changing how society reacts and become proactive instead. Do something about the crime and hate. Not just sit back and watch. Help. It's the only way we can take back our world from the criminals and hate-mongers who would kill you for no reason other than they feel like it.
I hope this page has helped you to see who I am and why I feel the way I do about somethings. I hope it makes you think.
To me, my faith is not what I am, but part of who I am. Being Wiccan is just a title, not all of me. I am many things all rolled into one. Just like the fact that I am bi-sexual is not what I am, it's only a part of WHO I AM. To me, Wicca is a moral guide line that I follow because it is what comes closest to what I feel and have always believed. It doesn't define me as a whole person. There are somethings I agree with from the 10 Commandments, no lying, no killing, no cheating on your partner/spouse, but there are things from many faiths that I agree with. There are also things I don't agree with in all faiths, including Wicca. The Rede states "An ye harm none". Does this mean no hunting? I hope not, because I hunt for food. To eat a vegetable or fruit is to harm the plant.These are all living things, just as we are. But in accordance with Nature, we must eat, so sometimes you must harm. The animal rights activist will holler at you if you eat a steak, but sometimes they wear cotton shirts. This is taking from nature, also. So is washing it in water and using soaps that harm the enviroment. Everything we do has a concequence. It is up to us to decide if the consequence is worth the act.
God and Goddess, as I see it, are not separate Deities, but one and the same. They are two sides of the same coin, but still the same coin no matter how you turn it. It is one power that created us, with two distinct types of energy within it. The different names we use to invoke them aren't all different Deities, but the same ONE, just different names to focus our minds on the energy we wish to draw upon.Deity is neither Male or Female, but both and neither at the same time. It is the ALL of the Universe and the Void of Nothingness.
All Gods are one God. No matter the religion, it is still the same God. No better, no worse. No matter the belief system. OK?
Ritual is a wonderful thing. So is spellcasting and magick. But it is not the biggest part of Paganism or Wicca. The Faith and Belief in that Higher Power is what makes them "religions", not just toys to get what you want. The Faith is, and always will be, the biggest and most important part. Lose it, and you lose site of that which is important.
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All thoughts and writings here are my own, and may only be reprinted elsewhere with my permission. To obtain permission, e-mail me with your name and where you wish to post this and for what purpose you will be using them.
� 2000 , Jena Guidry
Created: 01/02/00
Revised: 01/03/00