Almost nine years ago I met him through a personals column. We went out to lunch after talking on the phone for about 7 to 8 hours a day 7 days a week for about 3 weeks. We had so much in common. We were both separated and had filed for divorce. We both had 2 kids. We both loved animals. It was love at first sight, for both of us. We met for the first time in December and were inseparable from that first meeting. He moved in, in February. He'd always worked 3rd shift, I worked 1st, so we didn't have a ton of time together, but the time we did have together was great. We lived together for 4 years before finally, one day, deciding, why not? and made plans for a small wedding.

We never had fights, he wasn't much on confrontation. If something happened or didn't happen that he wanted, he'd disappear over to his parents house for a day or two, until I'd call and beg him to come home, promising the moon if we could just work it out. He'd come home, never say a word, and things would go on from there.

The fateful day came May 1, 1998 when he received a call from his kid's school (they lived 1 1/2 hour drive from us). The principal told him that his oldest child had contacted Child and Youth Services stating that his mother (my husband's ex- wife) had been beating him up. The school called to inform my husband and instructed him to call Child and Youth Services. He did. They instructed him to get a Protection From Abuse order against her and her current husband. He did. The next day (Friday) he had full custody of his kids. I was happy for him and a little scared about integrating our family like this, but our kids always seemed to get along, so I didn't think it would be a big problem. Over the weekend we discussed what we were going to do and it was agreed that we'd make the unused living room his kid's room by putting up a wall and doors so they could have their own private place. We also discussed kids doing chores, schools they would go to, and just about everything. Imagine my surprise when he called me at work on Monday telling me he was moving them over to his mother's house.

I was devastated. I tried to talk to him but he adamant. Actually, this had been his plan ever since he got the call from the school. All the stuff we'd talked about over the weekend, he just agreed to, to shut me up. He never had any intention of letting his kids go to the same school district my kids went to. He thought it wasn't good enough for his kids (he'd told me this so many times in the last 8 years). I told him I was not prepared to be a part-time wife. I wanted him and his kids at my house. He flat out refused. Although he did return for a week or two over the summer and we talked. He told me he would enroll his kids in our school district and I thought it was all talked through.

On Labor Day he went over to his parents while I went to my Dad's. Around 9pm, I called to ask when they were coming home. He said he'd be home after his kids were put to bed because they had to get up to go to school the next day. I pointed out that school didn't start until the following day. That's when he informed me that his kids were going to the same school district that they'd finished in ... over at his parents. In other words, I'd been used. He only came over in the summer to get away from his parents when they got too overbearing or when they actually tried to discipline his kids.

That was it. I told him to get his stuff out. He did come and take some of it. We still talked about once a month. We even went to a marriage counselor in November ... but only for one visit. After all, it was my problem not his.

The last time I talked to him was December 31, 1998, my birthday. After talking to him 4 times that day, he said he wanted to take me out for my birthday, after dinner. I came home early from my Dad's just so we could go out. He never called, never came over, nothing. I'd been stood up by my husband, on my birthday. That's the last time contact I've had with him. I am still devastated, we were so close until the day he left. There were never any arguments, there was total love between us. I would have done anything for him as he said he would do for me. Even in the time we talked after September, he would say he still loved only me. I still can't figure out, if he loves me as much as he says, why isn't he here ????