In My Heart Forever
I wanted to tell you I love you today,
But I couldn't seem to get the words out,
As I pass you in the halls I turn
But I just can't seem to get your attention and then again,
I suppose I didn't try too hard.
I tried to find you at lunch,
But you weren't in your normal seat.
Your friend told me you were upset about something,
And she couldn't find you either.
I almost had her tell you for me,
But decided that I'd better do it in person.
I have to wonder to myself if perhaps you love me too.
I once saw you gazing at me but you
Seemed to be crying at the time.
Maybe that's why I waited this long.
I vowed to tell you in last period,
Our only class together.
We hated the class,
But I loved it, because it
Brought me to you.
I ran to class to see you ,
Waited by your desk, and then the bell rang,
And you weren't there.
I asked your friend where you were.
She told me you had gone home sick.
As I sat in class, I kicked myself
For not telling you earlier,
And swore that today would be the day,
No matter what.
But then again, I'd said that before
I knew where you lived,
So right after school I drove
Over to see you.
I even bought you a get well teddy bear
Holding a heart that said "I love you beary much."
I thought it would be a special gift
To go with a very special message.
My grin widened as I saw that your parents
Weren't home to see my profession of love;
I was always pretty shy.�
I had never been to your house before,
So I would have had a hard time finding
Your room had I not heard your CD player
Playing that song, it seemed familiar.
Oh, yes, it was the song I nearly asked you to dance
with me to.I remember looking at you, about to
Head over when another girl stopped me
To ask me to dance with her.
I turned her down, and started over to you,
But you had already gone.
I found you all tucked in bed,
Facing away from me towards the window, asleep.
I laid my backpack carefully on the ground
and rounded the bed to see you.
You really did look ill, your face was so white,
I heard a car door and realized that your parents
Must have gotten home to check on you,
So I had to be quick.
I set down the teddy bear without looking, kneeled down
And gently kissed your forehead.
Well, a little too gently, I suppose,
Because you didn't wake.
I shook you a little, and then looked down
to get your perfect white little teddy to present to you
But the teddy wasn't white.
He had fallen in some juice and was stained
Dark, matching the color of the heart he was holding.
And then I saw your arm hanging off the bed,
And I saw your wrist, dripping red,
And I realized it wasn't juice.
And then I screamed
And screamed
And even when they found us,
I continued screaming in anguish,
And then the tears came,
Followed by the darkness
They told me that you had left two notes
On your bedstand.
One was for your family,
It read:
I'm so sorry for the pain I will cause you.
I only hope that you can take comfort knowing
that my pain, the deep agonizing hurt that
was unbearable for me,the pain you didn't
even know was there, is over now.� I will
never again shed a tear. I'm in heaven with
the angels now.� Please remember me for the
love I held in my heart,the love I never really
had a chance to show.Don't remember me
for this.� I love each and every one of you
deeply, and I will always remain in your hearts.
Always and forever.
The second note, surprisingly, was for me.
It simply stated:
I couldn't stand to love you alone for any longer.
You're too late.
I wanted to tell you I love you today.
It took me this to realize that you already knew.
I didn't need to tell you of my love today,
I needed to show you my love every other day.
And I will carry that with me until the day I die.
Email the AuthorJada Marie Andrews �
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