COMMEMORATIVE STAMPS!

More than forty years  after his death, Albert Einstein is still an American icon of genius and strangeness. Although most people would never pick up a copy of the General Theory of Relativity, they think of nothing of wearing Einstein t-shirts, drinking from Einstein coffee mugs, and naming their dogs after him.

Which is why the United States Postal Service wishes to bestow a new honor upon Albert Einstein: The prestige of a commemorative postage stamp.

But just as with Elvis, the USPS has a problem that only the American public can remedy: Which Einstein should grace the face of American mail?

The brilliant scientist who

• Showed that time and space were not inelastic, but malleable, and that matter existed in two forms simultaneously?
• Developed the Special and General Theories of Relativity, which few people still fully comprehend?
• Proved beyond doubt that atoms exist?
• Received patents for a number of inventions?
• Devoted his life (unsuccessfully) to uncovering the Unified Field Theory, which opened up new ground for budding modern physicists?

or

The eccentric meanderer who

• didn't wear socks?
• walked up to a chalkboard and debated Bohr unexpectedly in the middle of one of Bohr's lectures?
• routinely forgot his unlisted phone number and sometimes even where his house was?
• often went sailing without lifejackets or belts, although he had never learned how to swim?

It's too bad that Einstein's dead. But now we have the chance to lick him, stick him, and send him on his merry way throughout the world. Which Einstein would YOU rather see embossing an envelope?

Perhaps the answer's only relative.

Other commemorative stamps coming your way soon!

• J. Edgar Hoover -- Pinstripe suit, or taffeta gown with 3" pumps?
• Jimmy Hoffa -- Guici loafers, or cement blocks?
• Marie Antoniette -- Behooded, or beheaded?
• And upon expiration, Michael Jackson -- Black, or white?

This contest not sponsored by any affiliate of the United States Postal Service. In fact, this page is for entertainment purposes only. (Are we having fun yet?)