mad-libs
ok, so mary, megan, claire, adam, erinn, and i were reallllly drunk one night and we did some mad-libs. only we thought it would be really funny if we only supplied sexual words. amazingly enough, it WAS really funny! ...but probably funnier if you were there.
The Space ShuttleIn 1981, the U.S. launched the first real Space DILDO. It was named Columbia and was piloted by two brave CUNTS. They had practiced SCHTUPPING for two years and were expert OXEN. Columbia took off from MECCA using its powerful first-stage CONDOMS and soared off into the WET blue COOTER. At an altitude of 47 feet, it went into orbit around the PUSSY. For people watching from earth, it was a SUPPLE sight to HEAVE! Who could really THRUST that there were two NIPPLE RINGS in space? It was mind-BOINKING. After 7 orbits, the shuttle landed SEXILY at an air force PROSTATE. It was a TAUT day for the U.S. Space program.
Description of the Lovely Group That I Am InWe are having a perfectly DRIPPING time this evening in the WOOLY home of JESSIE. The rooms are decorated MOISTLY with many stylish PUBES that must have cost at least 69 dollars. The guests are all ENGORGED conversationalists and are all PASSIONATELY dressed. MARY has been entertaining us by telling us about the time she showed her RED BONDAGE to ADAM who mistook it for an early American FUCK. The refreshments are SAGGY, and the idea of serving hot and THICK hors d'oeuvres showed imagination. Visiting here is always a HARD experience!
My Dream ManMy "dream man" should, first of all, be very SWEATY and STICKY. He should have a physique like COLIN FARRELL, a profile like ELIJAH WOOD, and the intelligence of a WOLVERINE. He must be polite and always remember to AROUSE my LUBE, to tip his BUTTPLUG, and to take my AEREOLA when crossing the street. He should move MOISTLY, should have a LUSTY voice, and should always dress UNFORGIVINGLY. I would also like him to be a BOOTYLICIOUS dancer, and when we're alone, he should whisper ERECT nothings in my PINKY TOE and hold my POOPY DIAPER. I know a NAUGHTY man like this is hard to find. In fact, the only one I can think of is ADAM.
Army InformationIf you plan on joining the army, here are some CREEPY hints that will help you become a PERT soldier. The army is made up of officers, non-coms, and SKANKS. You can recognize an officer by the BALL HAIR on his shoulders and the VAGINA on his cap. When you address an officer, always say, "BOOZE" and salute DRUNKENLY. If you get a SWOLLEN haircut, keep your COCK RINGS shined, and see that your POOTIE TANG is clean at all times, you will be a credit to the slogan, "the Army builds COCK PIERCINGS." And at roll call, when the WET sergeant calls your name, shout "HARDER!" loud and clear. Also, become familiar with basic weapons such as the thirty-calibre SEMEN and the automatic BLOW JOB. Follow this advice and in no time you'll win the RETARDED Conduct ANUS.
ok, this one.... first of all, its the last one we did - which means we were really wasted. in fact, none of us even really remember this part of the night. it was right before adam went home and claire yelled "WALK FLUFFY JESUS HOME!" which we all thought was a really good idea even though it was 2 am and raining and we had no umbrellas. and adam lives like a mile from me. and then i fell down in some mud which was upsetting but funny. but ANYWAY. this was the last mad-lib of the night, and all the words were provided by adam, and we have NO idea where he got this shit. he doesn't either. the funniest one to me is STIFFY HOMICIDE. claire asked him for a noun and he said stiffy homicide. yeah. that's right. you heard me. also, though, claire's handwriting had degenerated significantly, so the ones with ?? were ones i had real trouble reading. in places i couldn't even get an english word out of it. i don't know. this is why english nerds shouldn't drink.My Dream Girl
The girl of my dreams has SUPPLE GASH-GOLD VERMILLION (??) hair scented like BRUISES. Her eyes are like two DRUNK pools of BOOZE. And her lips remind me of EJACULATING COCKS. Her skin is as smooth and lovely as a SMITTEN BUSH, and she has a figure like ERINN. When she enters a room, people always stare at her and say, "THERE! What a BOUTLE (?????) woman!" Her sense of humor is always STIFF, and people marvel at her DIRRRTY vocabulary. In my dreams I see her wearing a HOTTT dress and a diamond STIFFY HOMICIDE in her hair. I would gladly give up all my HUSTLERS for one evening with this GROTHFUL (??) female. Her name is MEGAN.
*GROTHFUL could also have been GIRTHFUL, but the rest of them i just don't know....