This is the True Story of 3 Normal Girls, Hanging Out in a House...What Happens When You Add a Gay Guy, a British Guy Named Beef, a Bunch of High-School Guys, Captain Morgan, and Beer Pong...Stay Tuned to Find Out!
Ok, so here's what went down. Megan's brother, being 17, decides to take advantage of his parents being on vacation. And he throws a party. And Megan, Mary, Tom and I happen to also be there. Add alcohol and the rest is disaster, I mean history. We're fortunate to have an as-it-was-happening account of events, because mid-drunkenness, Mary decides to post in her livejournal. And everyone helped. I thought it wouldn't be very nice to send the link to Mary's livejournal to a lot of people she doesn't know, so I pasted it here. Of course, perhaps Mary does not even want people she doesn't know to read excerpts from her journal. But, in the name of comedy, sacrifices must be made. For example, everyone involved has now sacrificed their pride. Enjoy.
29th July 2003 1:56am
Hahahahahahaha...
I'm so drunk
and I'm at Megan's
and she thinks I'm emo
and we're surrounded by JAILBAIT
and Tom is the coolest boy here but he's gay
and he wants a gay boy
and I just want a boy
and I think Jessie wants a boy too
and she told me to write this
but now she's totally being molested by some drunk guy who puked
Matt is really drunk and he told me to say that
I want a margarita
Tom better make me one
Matt is cool
Jessie is cool
"You know what's cool? When you're drunk and everyone else is drunk!"
That was a quote from Matt.
Tom think Matt is cool and Matt thinks Tom is cool
and Tom thinks I'm drunk
and he's right
Tom used to want to make out with Mike, but now Mike is all pukey
Tom said he would make out with me (or anyone) but I think he's lying
"I would make out with pretty much anyone" says Jessie
and so would I
and now we're both just laughing
AND ALONE
and I keep putting my fingers on the wrong keys
and Megan thinks I'm a fuckass
she told me so
and Tom thinks someone should stay with Mike
and Tom just hit me in the face
but it didn't hurt
because I'm drunk
and Jessie can't keep up with the laughter
and now Megan wants to write something since I keep fucking up
hey now it's Megan
and someone scratched (no grabbed) jessie's boob by accident
I think it was Mary (but that's just between you and me)
and Mary says that's the most action she's had in a long time
"You guys make margaritas"
"WHAT?"
"and I'll have another shot"
now they're all laughing at what I'm writing
and Mary called me a doucheball or something I'm not really sure
and Tom kissed my hair
oh. I stand corrected, a douch puzzle.
oh fuck...a douche nuzzle.
what the fuck is a douche nuzzle?????
oh FINALLY ............drumroll.........DOUCHE NOZZLE
still....
what the fuck is a douche nozzle????????????
they went to go make drinks now
mary says bye bye
AHAHAHA FUCKASS!
"it's my journal. I get to say more stuff"
ok. bye for now. TOM IS COMING TO LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE GAY
BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK BYE FOR REAL.
Matt: "Megan, I love you. Gimme a little hug"
Tom: "Oh, I love straight girls"
Mary: "Oh, I love gay boys"
Megan hates to be touched and no amount of drinks can change that...apparently.
MEGAN CALLED SAM!!!
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was the funniest thing since...umm....since...since we all sang Weezer...
or since Mike TOTALLY tried to make out with Jessie by kissing her neck...
or since I grabbed Jessie's boob.
Tom: "Why is the journal entry still going? I thought it was done! I think it needs to end."
YOU'RE WRONG, TOM!!! It's neverending!!!!!!
Who loves the Captain??? EVERYONE!! Especially Jessie.
Who loves pirates? The question should be...Who doesn't love pirates?
The answer is...no one.
I feel like I should call a boy I like. But there's only one of those...and he is...
A FUCK ASS!!! I hate him I hate him...I'm drunk...
Okay...it's Jessie's turn now...
Hi. It's me. I'm drunk too. Oh yeah, it's Jessie.
And I'd really like to make out. Wanna make out?
I totally could have made out with a puker. But I don't like puke.
He's a touch drunk. I forgot why I wanted to type in the first place.
Ok, bye. It's time for my next shot of the captain.
I love the captain. Captain Morgan AND Captain Jack Sparrow.
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP!!!!!!!!!. And Mary is the BEST!!!!
Ok, Bye.
Matt thinks I'm the nicest. And I think I'm the nicest too.
Kyle the kid from Florida is super duper cool...and jailbait.
and brad is a pimp at the guitar and hes cool and he kicked my ass hard
and long and forever in beer pong because mike and he own the world
and mike is throwing up all over my mom right now ewwwwwwwwwwwww peace.
Okay...everything from "and brad..." to "peace" was brad typing.
I feel like I've lost control of my own journal.
There's popcorn being passed around
Tom wants me to "end the fucking journal now" and he thinks that
"food is soooo good when you're drunk"
Tom is also glad that he doesn't have to go to work tomorrow
but I have to go to work tomorrow
at 8:00am...
it's 1:50...maybe I just won't go to sleep...
Someone is playing Beethoven...badly...
Why aren't we playing Andrew W.K. anymore???????????????
I'd probably fuck Andrew W.K....
then again, I'd fuck Jesus
Jessie would blow him
HEY!!! Tom should meet Adam
and then they could blow each other
at least somebody would get some
even if it isn't me
Okay...it's MARGARITA TIME...or else...it's pink lemonade and grain alcohol time.
Bye kids.
See you later...when I'm sober...or at least hung over.
Or you know...whatever..
fucking A...I can't even end this...I'm so drunk, I can't stop talking...
Tom is still a cutie...
Matt is still nice and trying to push alcohol on us..
Jessie wants a shot...
Brad is...taking a beer bong...
I'm drinking pink lemonade and grain alcohol.
I'm going to drink, Jessie's going to pee, then we're all going to take a shot.
Kyle bonged grain alcohol. That's SOOOOOOOOO badass!!!!
Megan is MIA.
Matt wants to hook up with Jessie.
Hahahahaha...
Now Matt is trying to use his microwave prowess to impress Jessie?
I don't think it's working.
Christ...this is a long journal...
Jessie believes my previous statement to be a correct assessment.
How did I get this drunk?
I'm so drunk I would make out with a fucking tree right now
You know...I think I'm going to smoke a cigarette.
Hooray for drunkenness and being emo and partying with friends and jailbait.
And someone spit on my hand. Jessie stood in something wet.
the end.
mood // drunk
music // ANDREW W.K.
See how the night ended...