EWA Proudly Presents

Richard Riley: "Hello Everyone and welcome to another edition of EWA's own Extreme Tonight. I'm Richard Riley and I'm joined by my co-host, direct from Ireland, Dan Kirwan. Dan, welcome to the show."

Dan Kirwan: "Thank ye, laddy. It's a pleasure to be here."

Richard Riley: "Tonight will be a special program devoted to the many matches to take place at the next EWA pay per view, Devil's Night, live from Madison Square Garden, this coming Sunday. We will be talking about all the matches and will even be hearing comments from the various wrestlers."

Dan Kirwan: "Aye, that we will. Plus, we'll hear some comments from our own president Artful."

Richard Riley: "That's right, fans, tonight be will having our first guest and who better than the current President of the EWA. Before we get into the various matches, here is a preview of the upcoming Devil's Night pay per view."

The camera opens up on the splattered blood red letters that read "DEVIL'S NIGHT". Suddenly, the opening guitar riffs of Motley Crue's "Shout At The Devil '97" from the Generation Swine album begin...clips of various EWA wrestlers are shown executing their finishers, regular wrestlig moves, etc. A raspy voiceover can be heard as a clip of The Train whipping Tommy Grayson into barbed wire is shown.

Voice over: THIS SUNDAY!! New York City will be invaded by the most HARDCORE...most EXTREME action to EVER be experienced on the face of this Earth, and we don't mean PORNO!!

A clip of Fang executing the Breaking Point flashes across the screen...the music fades to "You Could Be Mine" by Guns N' Roses.

"YOU COULD BE MI~INE...BUT YOU'RE WAY OUTTA LI~INE...WITH YOUR BITCH-SLAP RAPPIN' AND YOUR COCAINE TONGUE YOU GET NUUUTHIN' DONE..."

"I SAID YOU COULD BE MIIIIIIINE!!"

Voice Over: It's going to be an ALL OUT WAR for the EWA North American title as FANG defends his title against the enigmatic VIOLENT DARK!!

A clip of Violent Dark executing Violent Vengenace is shown..

Voice Over: Will Fang sucessfully defend the North American title...OR..will Violent Dark exact some VIOLENT VENGEANCE and gain an upset over Fang? It will certainly be one HELLUVA battle!

"You Could Be Mine" fades to "Bulls On Parade" by Rage Against The Machine as clips of previous scaffold matches in the EWA are shown...and then, a clip of The Train hitting a hapless opponent is shown.

"THEY RALLY ROUND THA FAMILY!! WITH A POCKET FULLA SHELLS! THEY RALLY ROUND THA FAMILY!! WITH A POCKET FULLA SHELLS!"

Voice Over: This has been a raging battle for respect...and now, THE TRAIN and JERRY MICHAELS battle it out in a HIGH-INCIDENT SCAFFOLD SHOWDOWN at Devil's Night '98!! Who will be the fallen one?

A clip of Jerry Michaels and The Train battling it out in a match is shown..

Voice Over: Find out at the pay-per-view!

"Bulls On Parade" fades to "Wild Side" by Motley Crue, as a clip of "The Extreme One" Tommy Grayson walking down the isle to a match is shown, and then Ronny Wonder holding the TV title above his head.

"I CARRY MY CRUCIFIX UNDER MY DEATHLIST FOWARD MY MAIL TO ME IN HELL...LIARS AND THE MATYRS, LOST FAITH IN THE FATHER...LONG LOST IS THE WISHING WELL!"

Voice Over: TOMMY GRAYSON has been looking at a shot for some major gold...and now he gets his chance against RONNY WONDER, the amazing rookie who has made quite a statement! Will Wonder succumb to a defeat to the more experienced Grayson...or will Wonder pull an upset over the "Extreme Icon" of the EWA? The fans are just DYING to know!

The song then fades to "The Unforgiven" by Metallica as a clip of Ronny Wonder defeating an opponent is shown, and then Suicide King sitting next to Conan O'Brien is shown.

"WHAT I'VE FELT...WHAT I'VE KNOWN, NEVER SHINED THROUGH WHAT I'VE SHOWN...NEVER BE...NEVER SEE...WON'T SEE WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN..."

Voice Over: RONNY WONDER...the EXTREME phenomenon...will be fighting TWICE in one night...first Tommy Grayson, and then, the "Extreme Jester"...the Andrew Dice Clay of professional wrestling, SUICIDE KING, a man who has certainly made his name here in the EWA with his lewd antics and comments about various EWA wrestlers...Suicide King is certainly a force to be reckoned with...and IF Ronny Wonder MANAGES to keep the TV title...will he be able to manage to keep it again? Only Ronny Wonder's endurance will help him in this one!

"The Unforgiven" fades to "Even Flow" by Pearl Jam, the song that truely represents all cruiserweights, as clips of Johnny Sledge, JT Welsh, Leon Hayze, Dean McGrath, Hellraiser, and Irish Rebel are shown.

"EVEN FLO~OHHHWW...THOUGHTS ARRIVE LIKE BUTTER~FLIIIEEEES...HE DOESN'T KNO~OWW...HE CHASES THEM AWAY...YEAH...SOMEDAY HE'LL...BEGIN HIS LIFE AGAAAIN...YEAH..."

Vioce Over: It will be a DOUBLE THREE WAY DANCE as Johnny Sledge, JT Welsh, and Leon Hayze battle it out, and Dean McGrath, Hellraiser, and Irish Rebel battle it out for the cruiserweight title ALL IN ONE NIGHT!! Who will be the NEW cruiserweight champion?!?

"Even Flow" fades to "No More Tears" by Ozzy Osbourne as clips of Eli Flair and "The Machete" Brett Anthony in action are shown...

"YOUR MOMMA TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS...LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND TELL ME DO YOU THINK YOUR LIFE'S IN DANGER..."

"NO MORE TEARS..."

Voice Over: "TOTAL ELIMINATION" ELI FLAIR and "THE MACHETE" BRETT ANTHONY square of for a NUMBER ONE CONTENDER spot to square off against GLOBAL HARDCORE CHAMPION, CYRIS!! Who will be the one to SUFFER??!? ORDER THE PAY-PER-VIEW AND FIND OUT!! DEVIL'S NIGHT IS THIS SATURDAY OCTOBER 30TH...ORDER NOW!!

Dan Kirwan: "It looks like its going to be a great show."

Richard Riley: "That it will be. What match are you most looking forward to?"

Dan Kirwan: "Well, I'd have to say that I'm most interested in the Suicide King vs Ronny Wonder match. They've had more than a few strong words for each other, and I can't wait to see what they do then the gloves are off."

Richard Riley: "That indeed should be an excellent match. Don't forget that Wonder will be pulling double duty by also wrestling the ever dangerous Tommy Grayson as well."

Dan Kirwan: "This much is true. Ronny has one hell of a night ahead of him, and if he can pull off both wins, he'll gain instant notoriety."

Richard Riley: "Truer words have never been spoken. When we come back, we will take a look at the matchup between Pimp Daddy J and "The Real Deal" Kenneth Morlock."

Show goes to commercial

Dan Kirwan: "Pimp Daddy J has had a rough career here in the EWA."

Richard Riley: "Very true, Dan. Pimp Daddy J debuted in the EWA shortly after it started and he has been a fierce competitor, but recently he has not been able to maintain any type of winning streak."

Dan Kirwan: "In fact, The Pimp has had a hard time getting a match recently as well."

Richard Riley: "Also true. PDJ left the EWA and when he came back, he had a new, "softer" attitude. That seemed to hurt him in the ring."

Dan Kirwan: "Nothin' hurts a pimp more than being soft."

Richard Riley : "After his recent losses to Dean McGrath as well as the loss of his #1 hoe, Diane, it seems like PDJ is back to his old pimping ways. Let's take a look at some clips of these two men in action."

The monitor to the right of the commentator's desk comes on and you can hear "Smack my Bitch Up" by Prodigy play. Scenes of PDJ wrestling are shown. There are scenes of PDJ wrestling JD Freeman, Fang and DJ Friday. Then the scene changes to PDJ smacking around one of his hoes and then of him executing the "Bitch Slap" on an opponent."

"Push" by Matchbox 20 begins to play and scenes of Kenneth Morlock wrestling flash across the scene. The scene shows Morlock wrestling a few opponents, then walking to ring side with the rest of the New Breed. The scene then shows Morlock attacking members of DI and then of him locking the figure four on Derek Davidson cauing him to pass out.

Dan Kirwan: "In the past Morlock has been a very impressive wrestler, but he seems to have cooled off a bit since joining the ranks of the EWA."

Richard Riley: "Morlock started off strong with a debut win over Derek Davidson, but has somewhat disappeared from action lately. Do you think that the fact that neither man has a grudge against the other, will impact of lessen this match?"

Dan Kirwan: "Nay, I think both men are looking for a big win to jump start things for them. If Pimp plays his cards right, this match could push him over the top. However, it could also backfire on him."

Richard Riley: "I think the fact that both men are members of different stables that were once a force here in the EWA may have an impact and could be a glimpse of things to come."

Dan Kirwan: "I wouldn't be surprised if this match restored the winners stable to prominence here in the EWA."

Richard Riley: "Right now, there really is no dominant stable anymore in the EWA. It seems Devastation, Inc's day of domination is over, so now is the time for the other factions to make their move. The next match at Devil's Night will focus on the growing tag team competition."

Dan Kirwan: "The tag team division has struggled here in the EWA in the past, but a steady stream of new teams seems to be infusing new life into the once dead scene."

Richard Riley: "That and the apparent break up of some of the old stables has led to new potential alliances and pairings. Partners in Krimez have been on the scene for some time now, but with no goal to shoot for they seemed to never hit their stride."

Dan Kirwan: "But with new teams arriving every day, they will soon have plenty of work."

Richard Riley: "Radium Junkees are one of the newer teams to join the EWA in the past month. Partners in Krimez should provide them with a difficult first test."

Dan Kirwan: "We could be looking at a major shake up in the tag division.

Richard Riley: "You never know what will happen at an EWA pay per view. When we come back, we will talk about a match that will be a debut for both competitors."

The show fades to commercial

Dan Kirwan: "Eli Flair and Brett Anthony both made their first appearances in the Battle Royal last week, but due to an apparent miscommunication they were unduly eliminated."

Richard Riley: "Both wrestlers, while thrown over the top rope, never actually had both feet touch the floor and the official incorrectly eliminated them from the match. President Artful, in his infinite wisdom has ruled that the winner of this match will be guaranteed a shot at the Global title."

The monitor goes on and the battle royal from the last Extreme Measures is shown. It shows Brett Anthony falling over the top rope with a whole pile of wrestlers but one of his feet not touching the floor and the referee wrongly eliminating him form the battle royal. The scene then switches to Eli Flair going over but likewise only one foot touching the ground and the referee making the incorrect call.

Dan Kirwan: "This is a great chance for these two new superstars to show what they're made of, and possibly upset the current champion, Cyris."

Richard Riley: "A win will catapult one of these men to the top of the ranks of the EWA, but for the other it will serve as nothing more then a disappointing setback. Another match that will showcase two new comers to the EWA will be Sid Seven versus Logan Williams."

Dan Kirwan: "This latest influx of talent should provide a much need boost in activity around here."

Richard Riley: "With the unfortunate shake up in management, things have not been moving as swiftly as before and men like Williams and Seven should do a lot to restore the tremendous fan base the EWA has always enjoyed."

Dan Kirwan: "Indeed. Next up, we've got the cruiserweight title tourney. Artful sure has been pulling out all the stops to please the fans, and the wrestlers."

Richard Riley: "Many of the newer wrestlers to come to the EWA recently have been the smaller men. While fierce competitors in their won right, it is unfair to force them to compete for titles against huge men like Cyris, Jerry Michaels, The "Train" and Capital Punishment. This cruiserweight title is a necessity as I see it."

Dan Kirwan: "The favorites in the tourney seem to be Dean McGrath, Johnny Sledge, and Extreme Tonight's own Irish Rebel."

Richard Riley: "Let's hear some comments from some of the competitors in this tournament."

The monitor goes on and shows clips of all the wrestlers involved in the cruiserweight tournament wrestling. It shows Dean McGrath slapping the "Shaolin Sword" on PDJ, Irish Rebel fighting in a bar room brawl, Johnny Sledge fighting against various larger wrestlers and then of the other competitors executing their finishing holds. The scene then changes to a locker room and the screen says "Recorded 10-28-98:

Timothy Braddock: I am here in the locker room of one of the contenders for the newly created EWA Cruiserweight Title, Johnny Sledge. Johnny, if you would please come over here...

Sledge walks over to Braddock from off camera. He is in his wrestling gear, and also has on an IoV T-Shirt.

Sledge: Hey Timbo!

Braddock: Hello Johnny. So, the time is winding until the PPV. You have been put into this Cruiserweight Title Tourney, which will decide the first champion. Do you feel that you are fully ready for your match, and maybe matches?

Sledge: To be quite honest, I didn't believe it when I was first told that there was going to be a Cruiserweight Title here in the EWA. I've been told that there was going to be one numerous times, but it never happened. But with the new regime, in Artful, one was finally created. I think that it is about time for us smaller guys to have something to strive for, and not something where we will have to battle guys twice our size.

Braddock: That's good and all, but you have not answered my question, are you ready for this tournament?

Sledge: I do feel that I am ready for it. I was in a slump for the past few months, but after last Extreme Measures, I was ver pleased with my performance in the battle royal, considering I had not competed for well over a month.

Braddock: You have been talking about this "Slump," what do you think made you think like this?

Sledge: Did you see how I was doing in the ring? I sucked, plain and simple, I can't deny it. But I know what my problem was, and plan on fixing that come the PPV.

Braddock: What was this problem?

Sledge: If I told you now, then that would let out what I have fixed about my style, and I wouldn't have any type of advantage going into the PPV.

Braddock: Ok Johnny, do you have any closing remarks going into the PPV?

Sledge: Yeah, just one... I've been listening to everybody out here say how great they are, and how tough they are. But I am the real deal, just check my resume. I have had my shots for title before, and have come up short on each try, but now it's my time to shine here. I have paid my dues, and now its time for me to collect. And I will do that at the PPV, you will know it when you here the announcer say, "The winner of the match, and NEW EWA Cruiserweight Champion... The One... The Only... The Original... Johnny Sledge!!!"

Sledge walks away from the view of the camera as the scene changes again:

The scene fades back into a big field, where we now see thousands of kids standing, cheering, as a camera scans the audience, and many are seen flipping the camera off, holding up F.M.C. signs, and several other things...finally, the camera gets to the stage, and we spot the star of the show, Dean McGrath...the theme to "Welcome Back, Kotter" is playing, and Dean is wearing a bright red t-shirt that says, "Dean for cruiser weight Champeen!!!"...Dean has a mic, and now he wales like a bat out of hell.

Dean McGrath: Hey everybody in capacity at "The Gathering of tha' Deaner," say hi to EWA Tonight!!!

The crowd all looks up at Dean again, once again flipping off the camera that is zooming by on what appears to be out of a helicopter.

Dean McGrath: Now, I guess they wanted me to say a little something about this Sunday's big extravaganza, "November to Remem--"....I mean, "Devil's Night." Well, well, well, looks like "The Gathering of tha' Deaner" finally got some publicity, eh?!

The crowd roars in approval.

Dean McGrath: Well now that they're here, let's give 'em what they came for!!! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!!

Simultaneously, on the count of three, all of the crowd, including Dean moon the camera, as a million little black censors cover the screen, but many asses are shown, and the program temporarily blacks out...after roughly thirty seconds, we catch Dean's next line in progress.

Dean McGrath (in progress): ...and that is how I got the name, "F.M.C." So anyways, this Sunday, I have possibly two of my toughest matches ahead of me, once wrestling two others, and twice possibly wrestling two udders. Yes, that's right, Dean McGrath may very well be the first man to wrestle against two cow nipples, or udders. So order the pay per view, because after Halloween, everybody needs a little bite to go with their crunch!! $29.95!!!

Dean then throws out an EWA frisbee to the crowd, as a dog mysteriously jumps up and catches it, and a man shoots the dog point blank in the stomach as he's coming down...many mourn, the others look on.

Dean McGrath: So ANYWAYS, to EWA Tonight, rock on! Abd to my legions and legions of fans, GOODNIGHT!

The helicopter pans out, flying high above "The Gathering of tha' Deaner," as it successfully shoots a beautiful interview...that is, until it connects with the power lines above, sending the helicopter gliding straight into the ground, as the pilot and photographer both die on impact...sucks for them...fade back to EWA Tonight.

Richard Riley: "Who are you picking to win the tournament, Dan?"

Dan Kirwan: "I'm pushing for Johnny Sledge. He's been around the EWA for quite a while, and doesn't seem to get as much respect as he deserves. A win in the tourney would really help his cause."

Richard Riley: "A win for Johnny Sledge will certainly do much to dispel the "loser" label he has been branded with. I have to go with the obvious favorite, Dean McGrath, but you can't count out men like Irish Rebel and Leon Hayze. Whoever wins the title will certainly have a lot of competition for it. When we come back we'll talk about more exciting matches."

Commercial

Dan Kirwan: "Ronny Wonder has been on one of the biggest winning streaks in recent history."

Richard Riley: "Wonder has been one of the best newcomers to hit the EWA since say Wayne Rothschild. This man exudes confidence and his phenomenal performance in the Global Battle Royal and subsequent upset for the TV title should do "Wonders" for him."

Dan Kirwan: "He never seems to slow down, taking everything in stride. Even the disperaging comments made by Suicide King regarding Wonders sexual preferences."

Richard Riley: "He has handled everything thrown at him like a true professional. Let's not forget that Wonder is also facing a former North American champion and one of the greatest EWA superstars ever in Tommy Grayson."

Dan Kirwan: That is true, Tommy Grayson, despite the hardships he's faced in recent months, still strives to bring the fans what they want to see. A good hardcore fight."

Richard Riley: "You can never count out "The Extreme One" to pull of a victory. Let's take a look at these men in action."

The monitor blares on a "The Suck for your Solution" can be heard. The screen shows Suicide King wrestling in a tag team match, then shows him hitting an opponent with a urinal. The scene then shows SK executing a moonsault. It then shows him locking Tommy Grayson in a sharpshooter to win the North American title and then finally of him holding up the "real" TV title and then changes again.

We fade in to find Suicide King, decked out in his wrestling gear, standing in front of a wall with spray painting on it. The spray painting says "The sexiest there was, the sexiest there is, and the sexiest there ever will be." SK doesn't have that REAL tv belt which is kind of a first...anyway...he looks pretty determined this time as he begins this really, really short promo.

SK:"Well well well Ronny...the day is finally upon us..Devils Night is here and my reign as TV champ is soon to begin. If i were you i'd polish that belt for the last time pal, because after tonight you're going to be lying in the locker room with your head in your hands and your teeth on the floor, wondering what went wrong. I want you to know Ronny that i'm not gonna take it easy on you one bit...i know you'll be tired from your Tommy Grayson match and i won't hesitate to take advantage...but when its all said and done i don't want you to use that as your lame excuse. Just take your ass whupping like a man and then after its over fade back into obscurity. Like I've said before Ronny...you're nothing but a classic case of 15 minutes of fame...and your 15 minutes are about up. By the way...I'd appreciate it if you could wax the belt down for me...I'd like it nice and clean for when I start my title reign. See ya later, Ronny."

We fade to the words "suck my nutz" and then to black.

"Terrible Lie" by Nine-Inch Nails begins to play. The scene then changes to Tommy Grayson wrestling Cyris, then changes again to him wrestling against the "Train" in a barbwire match before showing Tommy pinning Connor Chambers to win the North American title and finally showing Graysom locking "The End" on an opponent. The scene changes again:

The camera opens up on Timothy Braddock inside the locker rooms of the EWA Arena. Braddock is standing next to "The Extreme One" Tommy Grayson, who has a calm, collected look on his face. Braddock is wearing a denim shirt with the EWA logo on the right breast pocket, a pair of black jeans, and black Nike sneakers. Grayson is in his ring attire, which consists of a black EWA t-shirt, black trousers, black combat boots, along with tape around his fists. His short, black hair is combed neatly, and his goatee is neatly trimmed. They're both glancing at the camera.

TIMOTHY BRADDOCK: I'm here right now with the man who will be challenging the "Extreme Phenomenon" Ronny Wonder at Devil's Night...Tommy, what do you have in store for Mr. Wonder?

TOMMY GRAYSON: Well, Timmy...I hope the FCC is prepared, because I'm going to do what I've promised all this week...and that's beat the HELL outta Ronny Wonder. The rating for Devil's Night isn't gonna be TV-14 like it usually is...it's gonna be TV-666 because I'm gonna be raising hell like NEVER before. Wonder, I know you're prepared, and I know that I'm prepared...possibly even more prepared than you are. Anyway...I have respect for you, Wonder...and I'll tell you why. You accepted my challenge, Wonder, and you're not intimidated ONE BIT...in fact, you're confident, and that's the best thing you can be when you're in a match against a guy like me.

TIMOTHY BRADDOCK: Ronny Wonder has been saying that beating YOU would be MORE important than successfully defending the TV title...how do you respond to those comments from Mr. Wonder?

TOMMY GRAYSON: Well, Ronny...I'm flattered...in fact, <sarcastically> that brings a tear to my eye. I guess every man needs to accomplish a goal in order to attain respect among his peers...and I guess the goal you need to accomplish here is to beat me. This is title-for-title match, Wonder...you know that as well as I do.

TIMOTHY BRADDOCK: What do you mean by that?

TOMMY GRAYSON: It's simple, Timmy...I'm fighting for that Television title Wonder has around his waist at this moment...and Wonder is fighting for the title of RESPECT. As far as I'm concerned, you're gonna have a hard time fighting for that title of respect, because I guarantee you that I will be one of the most brutal, most difficult, and most stubborn opponents that you will EVER face here in the EWA. I've got no desire for respect here, Wonder...only you do. All I have desire for in this situation is GOLD. Plain and simple. Prepare to meet the END...and prepare to be taken ... TO THE EXTREME. I'm outta here.

Grayson walks off-screen.

TIMOTHY BRADDOCK: Well, there you have it...Tommy Grayson is obviously prepared for this match with Ronny Wonder...and it will be, quote, a "title for title" match...Wonder fighting for respect...and Grayson fighting for gold.

The scene changes to clips of Ronny Wonder of Ronny Wonder wrestling as the "Unforgiven" by Metallica is heard. A scene shows Wonder wrestling against Derek Davidson in an electrified cage match and then executing the "Wonderful Ending" on an opponent. The scene then shows Wonder rolling up Dean McGrath to win the TV title before returning to Extreme Tonight.

Dan Kirwan: "We certainly haven't seen the last of these three men."

Richard Riley: "I'm sure all three men will be around for years to come. The next match will focus on two men with nothing but hate for each other. Jerry Michaels and Wayne Rothschild started off from day one as enemies and now their feud has come to a head."

Dan Kirwan: "Both men have spent time in jail recently for allegidly molesting children. The charges were first leveled against Jerry Michaels, who quickly changed the focus of the charges to his arch rival, Wayne Rothschild."

Richard Riley: "The trial of Wayne Rothschild is going on as we speak. Do you think that the "Train" will be able to focus on the match?"

Dan Kirwan: "With all that's gone on recently, I think that it's all he can focus on to keep him sane. His hatred for Jerry Michaels is absolute, and I'm sure he'd like nothing more than to give Jerry one hell of a beating."

Richard Riley: "I'm sure and now with the added charges brought up by former Riot Squad valet Debra Delicious, the "Train's" blood must be boiling with hatred. Let's take a look at some comments by these two explosive wrestlers as well as a history of their feud."

The monitor goes on as "Dead Bodies Everywhere" by Korn starts to play. Clips of matches and interviews involving Jerry Michaels are shown as the following dialogue is given.]

Announcer Jerry Michaels

The Man

The Myth

The Legend

"The Viper" came into the EWA as a punk rock kid who didn't know what he was doing. He lost to Langdon Moore in a rookie 6-man battle royal, but he still showed his power in the ring and quickly went on to bigger things. Jerry, who is now one of the top contenders in the EWA and a member of the feared Innovators of Violence. He holds wins over Wayne "The Train" Rothschild and Cyris and Suicide King, and Connor Chambers. Recently, Jerry has been on a slump as he has a few losses to Dean McGrath. Last week on Extreme Measures, Jerry Michaels was supposed to wrestle Wayne Rothschild in a revenge match but Wayne did not let that happen as he trashed Jerry's car and almost beat him to death. Earlier this week, Jerry was in the hospital being treated for his injuries, and he showed us that he had a take no prisoners attitude after what Wayne did to him. President of the EWA, Artful has ordered Wayne Rothschild and Jerry Michaels to fight in a High Incident Scaffold match at one of the EWA's biggest events, DEVIL'S NIGHT. Jerry was released from the hospital Wednesday morning, and had the following comments for us outside of EWA HQ.

Jerry Michaels: F(beep)K YOU WAYNE.

Announcer: Jerry then proceeded to attack the cameraman and walk into studios for a meeting with Artful. On Devil's Night, the feud that has been brewing between Wayne and Jerry since Jerry joined the EWA will come to a finish in the High Incident Scaffold Match between two of the EWA's biggest superstars, "THE TRAIN" and "THE VIPER and remember, it doesn't take an army to stop Jerry Michaels, it takes a goddamn world, and Wayne Rothschild sure as hell can't do it.

It freezes on a picture of Jerry Michaels bleeding and then changes as "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine starts to play. Clips of the "Train" wrestling men like Tommy Grayson, Drifter and Capital Punishment are shown and then in tag team matches with Dean McGrath. The clips then shows the "Train" winning the North American title and then shows him beating on Jerry Michaels with a pipe. The Scene changes to Wayne Rothschild pacing back and forth in the back stage area of an arena.

The Train: Jerry, it's just a few days away. Can you feel it? The sweat starting to creep down your back as you begin to doubt yourself. This match isn't about who's the better man or who can prove their point. It's about pain my friend, pure and simple. I can dish it out, but I don't think you can take it. It's a matter of will and mine is stronger than yours. I've beat you every which way from Sunday and come Devil's Night, it will just be one more beating for you to take. Have a nice trip down.

The scene changes to a man falling off of a building and landing on the pavement with a huge SPLAT and then comes back to the Extreme Tonight Studios.

Dan Kirwan: "What will Saturday have in store for these two men, only time will tell."

Richard Riley: "When Jerry Michaels and Wayne Rothschild get together, who knows what will happen."

Dan Kirwan: "This leaves us with one final match for Devils Night. Fang vs Violent Dark."

Richard Riley: "The main event for Devil's Night will be a test not just one man but two. Fang shocked the world with his return form apparent death, but also with his amazing victory over Cyris and then his performance in the battle royal culminating in a win for the North American title. Violent Dark has steadily climbed the ranks of the EWA with several impressive victories. This will be his biggest test yet."

The video monitor goes on and "Head Like a Hole" starts to play as clips of Violent Dark is shown wrestling different opponents and nailing various wrestlers with Violent Vengeance. "You Could Be Mine" by Guns N Roses starts to play and clips of Fang wrestling against Pimp Daddy J, Ray Simmons and then it shows Fang locking the "Breaking Point" on an opponent. An issue of Pro Wrestling Illustrated is shown with a picture of Fang and the caption "Lost at Sea" on the cover. The scene then shows Fang winning the North American title.

Dan Kirwan: "Both men appear focused on one thing, the North American title. Violent Dark sees it as his chance to be what has always been just out of reach. A true champion."

Richard Riley: "Some people say that Fang's best days are behind him and that he is not the same man he was before. Some even say that Fang's has lost his edge. While still a strong favorite, this match is as important to Fang as it is to Violent Dark!"

Dan Kirwan: "Fang's got something to prove, but can he get back into his groove?"

Richard Riley: "There is only one answer to that and the only way to find out is to call your local cable provider and order Devil's Night. When we come back, we will have a real treat for all the fans, EWA president Artful is a compelling and possibly shocking interview."

commercial

Dan Kirwan: "In the last two weeks Artful has rocked the wrestling world to it's core when he assumed control of the EWA, and stripped all the champions of their titles."

Richard Riley: " Let's welcome our boss and a the United States pudding pop eating champion, President Artful to Extreme Tonight. Extreme Tonight special correspondent, Irish Rebel will conduct this candid and exclusive interview."

"Wild, wild Life" by the Talking Heads begins to play as EWA President Artful walks out. He is weary a bright red suit with yellow shoes. His spiked blue hair offsets the shocking colors of his clothing. He walks over and sits in a chair.

Irish Rebel: Ok first off, I think the question everyone wants an answer to, the question on everyone's mind.....how is Bobo?

Artful: Bobo is doing well. He suffered alot of emotional trauma in that now infamous attack by JD, but he is in therapy now, and should be right as rain by Devil's Night.

Irish Rebel: Ahh....that's good to know, I know I can sleep better at night now.

Artful: The outpouring of support from everyone has been tremendous.

Irish Rebel: Cool...man, cool...on to the important matters on hand, what are you're feelings on the tragedy that happened a few weeks ago with Enrique being cheated out of the TV title that is rightfully his.

Artful: Enrique and I have been working together for quite a while, so naturally I was upset when Aaron stripped him of the title after only a few short minutes. However, I must agree that Enrique was not a participant in the match, and thus should not be allowed to keep the belt. Looking back, the belt should have been held up until such time as a proper champion could be determined.

Irish Rebel: This brings me to another question...you've been pretty outspoken on your opinion of D.I., what exactly do you think of those no good in-bred cock suckers? I mean, what do you think of D.I.?

Artful: Well, when I originally created DI way back when, it's purpose was to take a few of the lesser known rookies that showed some promise, and mold them into really good wrestlers. JD, having been assigned this task, did well. Somewhere along the line things got thrown askew. JD began to assemble not a team in training, but a lethal band of cutthroats in an attempt to usurp control of that which occurs in the EWA. I can never forgive him for that.

Irish Rebel: Naughty...naughty. Actually Artie, try throwing back a few Guinnesses. It makes it a lot easier to forgive and forget.

Artful: I prefer sake. It's a tad more relaxing, and will knock you flat on your ass.

Irish Rebel: I hope you know what you just said I consider blasphemy...never say such awful things again!

Artful: The last time I went on a sake drinking binge was in Yokohama, Japan. I was living in a ditch for a month afterwards, and didn't even realize it.

Irish Rebel: During this time were you ever anally penetrated by a Water buffalo? [pauses for a moment] Your silence once again answers the question. It is a sad...sad day in Candyland.

Artful: Sadly, no, at least not that I can recall. You'd think I would remember something like that, but then again, you'd think that I would remember living in a ditch for a month too, so I suppose it's possible. Though I don't recall there being many water buffalo in Japan. The last thing I really remember was being at a karaoke bar with WyldChylde singing "Islands in the Stream" by Kenny Rodgers and Dolly Parton. Wylde sang Dolly's parts.

Irish Rebel: Hmmm...very interesting, and we all know the stories about Wyldchild and the Buffalo, so that answers that.

Artful: Indeed.

Irish Rebel: Ok. Never mind. I have no idea what the hell I just said. Sorry, a few too many of the Beast tonight.

Artful: We all have our vices.

Irish Rebel: Yeah I personally prefer Miami Vice. That Don Johnson is a hottie!

Artful: I was never too excited by Don Johnson.

Irish Rebel: Well then you haven't really lived....anywho, uhmm.. what were we talking about?

Artful: Pudding pops, I believe.

Irish Rebel: Ahh yes, now I'm of the opinion that chocolate is the overall leader in the pudding pop industry, your opinion?

Artful: I happen to prefer a nice chocolate/carmel swirl, myself.

Irish Rebel: Hmm....I'll have to try that out.

Artful: It's very tasty indeed.

Irish Rebel: Do you believe that your dad's blatant homosexuality, and your mother's obsession with large vibrating devices affected your childhood at all? I mean what was it like growing up in a house with that kinda stuff going on? It had to traumatize you [Irish Rebel pops open another brew].

Artful: It had a lot to do with my desire to become a professional wrestler. Because of the events that took place in my childhood, I became a bitter, petty, disillusioned man. I've traveled the globe causing trouble. Some of the things, and people for that matter, I've done would be considered scandalous, and I blame it all on my parents and if you can't blame your parents for all of your problems, who can you blame.

Irish Rebel: [drains the can of beer and opens another] That brings me to something I've wondered, what exactly brought Artful to the EWA? And how did your "career" before the EWA go.

Artful: Well, I've been around the business for a long time. I've worked with several organizations, and trained numerous wrestlers. In my off time I enjoy traveling and having sex with exotic people. Shortly after returning to America after the afore mentioned sake binge, I was approached by Aaron and Derek about being a VP here in the EWA. I thought about it for a moment, then agreed. The three of us go back to the days of the DECWF, and even farther than that.

Irish Rebel: So would this exotic sex explain where you met your apparent long time lover Enrique the Bondage Dwarf? Remember, you're under oath.

Artful: No. Enrique was in fact a slave to a large fat man. Bobo felt pity for the poor dwarf, and rescued him.

Irish Rebel: Ohh..you can always rely on good 'ole Bobo. I remember that time he hooked me up with some nice Jungle pun tang.

Artful: Well, sir, I must admit that was Derek's idea.

Irish Rebel: Ok, this leads to another question that's been bothering me for months, why is it that some monkey's have bare asses and this leads to the question, is it peach fuzz or is there nothing there?

Artful: So they don't get dingleberries.

Artful: Glad to be of service.

Irish Rebel: Uhhmmm....lets see. What do you think of the idea I've been tossing around about having all Extreme Measures matches been fought nude, with participants being covered in olive oil and hot fudge?

Artful: Though it has it's own sort of primal appeal to it, I would have to say that as long as it totally offends the Moral Majority and the Christian Coalition, it's good for me. Perhaps you should consider doing this show in such a manner.

Irish Rebel: But Artie [gulps down the can of beer and cracks open yet another] I was using the show to sport my brand new crotchless Speedos.

Artful: And very attractive they are, but can you imagine what it would feel like to do the show like you described?

Irish Rebel: Yes...I do like the free movement, and fresh air I receive from this, I can only imagine what it would be like with Olive oil and hot fudge, but my nuts are still sore from the last time I dipped them in hot fudge.

Artful: Queen Elizabeth and I once used hot fudge. It is most tantalizing

Irish Rebel: Very erotic.

Artful: Indeed.

Irish Rebel drains his beer and goes to open another can. His face gets very pale and his body begins to sway. His eyes roll back and falls back in the chair apparently unconscious. Richard Riley, who is still sitting at the broadcast table, gets up with a disgusted look on his face, walks over to where Irish Rebel is sitting, pushes him out of the chair and sits down. Irish Rebel is laying on the floor in a heap.

Richard Riley: Well, now that my co-host is "indisposed", we can get down to some serious questions.

Artful: Pogue Mahone.

Richard Riley: Yes, that's a lovely scent, but I'm more interested in getting to the questions that all the EWA fans have been desperately waiting for answers to. First off, would you call your recent actions a coup d'etat or more of a necessary means to an end to save the EWA?

Artful: Yes.

Richard Riley: Yes, what?

Artful: Yes, indeed

Richard Riley: Be serious please.

Artful: Sorry. It was something that was necessary at the time.

Richard Riley: Overall, what has been the reaction from the wrestlers here?

Artful: As far as I can tell everyone's just excited to get back to wrestling.

Richard Riley: I'm sure they are. After all that is what those men get paid to do, but as you know, many of them have certain loyalties to some of the other executives here in the EWA.

Artful: Well, they can just cast those loyalties aside, because I'm the only "executive" around here.

Richard Riley: You do have to admit that there will be certain wrestlers here who may feel very strongly about you taking control. For example, I'm sure that the various wrestlers in DI are not very happy that JD Freeman, their leader and mentor has been relieved of all executive power.

Artful: Well, that's just their tough luck, isn't it? I mean, they fell in with the wrong crowd, and now they're on the short end of the stick. What can I say? Sucks to be them, eh?

Richard Riley: How do you plan on dealing with those wrestlers that are malcontents or if people like Suicide King, Cyris or even Tommy Grayson who has a lot of loyalty to former EWA President Aaron Michael, do not take to your brand of "leadership?"

Artful: Well, in a case such as that, I would make them an appointment to visit with Bobo for awhile. Bobo has a way of straightening people out or kill them. One or the other.

Richard Riley: Has Vice President Freeman been relieved of all executive authority in the EWA and what will happen if he decides to come back and try to usurp control from you?

Artful: Actually, I have retained Mr. freeman's services as a Vice President, but I'm afraid he is vacationing in Belize at the moment, and in no position to usurp anything from anyone. Except maybe a margarita from a pool boy, or some such thing.

Richard Riley: I guess then that the same question could be asked in regards to ex President Aaron.

Artful: And, if you were to ask such a question, I would give you and answer not unlike the following. Though technically still the owner of the EWA, and raking in mega-dollars from t-shirt sales, and what not, he is away visiting relatives in the island nation of Guam.

Richard Riley: What is the status of Vice President Derek. I know he has been on a long term recruiting project overseas. With all that is going on, can we expect to see him back as a VP any time soon?

Artful: Well, Derek's work overseas has yielded many things. Not the least of which is a hot new wrestler by the name of....umm...well, I can't remember his name, but he's around here somewhere. At any rate, Derek is aware of the situation here, and has opted not to return for the moment, though he may return if he so chooses.

Richard Riley: Do you have any plans to "replace" any of the former executives with new VPs to help you with the day to day running of the EWA?

Artful: I can neither confirm nor deny any plans I may have of "replacing" any former executives with new VP's to help me run the day to day operations of the EWA.

Richard Riley: So basically you are in complete control of the EWA right now!

Artful: That is correct. I have complete and total control. My rule is absolute!

Richard Riley: Well, just remember that absolute power corrupts absolutely!

Artful: You are assuming that I was not corrupt to be begin with.

Richard Riley: Good point. On to another topic. You recently stripped all of the champions of their titles. Why was that decision made and how hard was it to come to that decision?

Artful: It was really quite an easy decision. I wanted to give everyone a fresh start, but I couldn't do that while there were still champions. So I got rid of them.

Richard Riley: Ok. Now what I would like to do is mention a name and you tell me what you think of that person.

Artful: Right on.

Richard Riley: First off, ex EWA President Aaron?

Artful: Hmm.....no comment!

Richard Riley: Ok. JD Freeman!

Artful: Definitely no comment!

Richard Riley: Two-time Global Champion Cyris?

Richard Riley: Hmm. Tommy Grayson?

Artful: Well, Tommy is.....err....that is.......umm.....well, he's......Actually, he's a good hard worker, that does his best for what he thinks s right. Sadly, he's wrong most of the time, but we can't blame him for that.

Richard Riley: Interesting. Ronny wonder

Artful: Stronger than never ever before.

Richard Riley: Wayne Rothschild

Artful: Now Wayne.....he's just a goddamn dog snatch, isn't he?

Richard Riley: If you say so. Jerry Michaels?

Artful: Blind.

Richard Riley: Capital Punishment?

Artful: An asset to the company.

Richard Riley: Suicide King

Artful: A wrestler in my own image, however twisted he may be.

Richard Riley: Bobo the chimp?

Artful: Wicked.

Richard Riley: And finally, Fang?

Artful: He's not the same man he was before.

Richard Riley: Well, Artful, any last comments before we wrap this up? Anything about the upcoming pay per view or anything else you would like to mention?

Artful: Umm, yeah, actually. I'd first like to mention that the PPV is in fact a wrestling PPV, and not a soft core porn movie on Cinemax. Also I would like to say Pogue Mahone to all those people out there who thought I wouldn't make it, because now I control their lives. Muahahahahahaha.

Richard Riley: I just want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to come and do this very thought provoking interview

Artful: Yeah, whatever. Where's the pudding pops?

Richard Riley: Right here boss [hands Artful a pudding pop]. Thank you for joining us for Extreme Tonight and be sure to order Devil's Night on Sunday. Next Week we come to you from Radio City Music Hall for a special end of the year awards show.