Updated November 29, 2000
What your car says about you
Acura : I have always wanted to own the Buick of Japanese cars
AMC Hummer: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
BMW : I just cashed in my IPO stock options
Buick Park Avenue: I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Catera: I prefer German cars but either cannot afford that BMW or have
to buy American
Cadillac Eldorado: I am a pimp
Cadillac Deville: I am a very good Mary Kay Salesperson
Chevrolet Camaro: I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Caprice: I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I
pull up behind them
Chevrolet Caprice Wagon: No, it's not a station wagon. It's a chopped and channeled Suburban
Chevrolet Cavalier coupe: I start 11th grade in the fall
Chevrolet Cavalier sedan: I teach first grade and voted for Bush
Chevrolet Chevette: I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a
'vette.
Chevrolet Corvair: I will beat you up if you ask me whether I voted for Ralph
Nader
Chevrolet Corvette: I am having a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chevrolet Prism: I think Japanese cars are better but cannot bring myself to
buying one
Chevrolet Tracker: I start 12th grade in the fall
Chrysler P.T. Cruiser: I know, I know. I think it should have been a Plymouth,
too.
Citroen 2CV: I think your car looks funny, too
Daewoo Nubira: I would not be caught dead in a Hyundai Elantra
Dodge Diplomat: I used to enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes
when I pull up behind them
Dodge Durango:I will not be caught dead in a Ford Explorer
Dodge Neon: I cannot stand the Macarena
Dodge Power Wagon: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Ford Crown Victoria: I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when
I pull up behind them
Ford Excursion: I love the spotted owl. Tastes just like bald eagle
Ford Expedition: I have always wanted to own the Range Rover of American SUVs
Ford Explorer: I will not be caught dead in a minivan
Ford Mustang Cobra: I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Ranchero: I am leading a Militia to overthrow the government
Ford Taurus: I just live in the suburb with my 2.5 kids
Honda Civic: I just graduated and have no credit at all
Honda Accord: I lack originality and am basically a lemming
Honda Prelude: I am a rice boy
Hyundai Accent: I delivered pizza for years in order to get this car
Hyundai Tiburon: I miss the tasteful, conservative and understated styling of
the 1974 AMC Matador coupe
Infiniti Q45: I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Kia Sephia: I learned nothing from the Asian economic crisis
Lexus LS400: I am the lawyer suing the owner of the Infiniti Q45
Lincoln Continental : I have a wide butt that does not fit into a BMW
Lincoln Navigator: I don't bother comparing gas prices
Lincoln Town Car: I have always wanted to own a Lincoln even uglier than the
1958 model line-up
Mazda Miata: I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
Mercury Grand Marquis: I live for bridge and covered supper dishes
Mercury Sable Station Wagon: I am greying but can't afford that SUV
Mercedes 600SL: I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 600SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
MGB: I am dating a mechanic
Nissan Altima: I don't know what it means, either
Nissan Maxima: I am still in the closet
Nissan Sentra: I just like my car to start and bring me where I want to go
Nissan 300ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
Oldsmobile Cutlass: I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off
the parts
Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser: I get carsick driving minivans
Oldsmobile Delta 88 Diesel: I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Breeze: I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a
Mercedes Benz product that is no longer being made.
Plymouth Neon: I enjoy the Macarena
Pontiac Aztec: I am getting paid to drive this thing
Pontiac Firebird: I still watch Rockford Files reruns
Pontiac Trans Am: I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 928: I am dating big-haired women who would otherwise be inaccessable
to me
Porsche 911: I need penis extenders
Range Rover: I have always wanted to own the Ford Expedition of British SUVs
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: I think Maggie Thatcher is a touch too Whig for me
Rolls Royce Silver Spirit : I think Pat Buchnan is too liberal
Rover 3500: I am married to a mechanic
SAAB 900: I do not care about J.D. Powers or his surveys
Saturn LS2: I am in the Federal Witness Protection program
Saturn SL1: I hope someday to make it to a gathering in Spring Hill
Saturn SL2: I made it to a gathering in Spring Hill
Suzuki Grand Vitara: I do not want to know what it means
Toyota Camry: I have always wanted to own the Oldsmobile of Japanese family
sedans
Toyota Corolla: I have always wanted to own the Chevrolet Prism of Japanese
compact sedans
Toyota Echo: I have always wanted to own a Japanese compact car even uglier
than the Datsun 710
Volkswagen Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagen Cabriolet: I am out of the closet
Volkswagen Golf: I want to be more chic than the Jetta driver
Volkswagen Jetta: I am chic
Volkswagen Microbus: I am tripping right now
Volkswagen New Beetle: I think my car is a fashion statement
Volvo Wagon: I am afraid of my wife
Volvo Sedan: I am not so afraid of my wife
Volvo Coupe: I am afraid of the wife but she lets me decide on cars
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