A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE TRIUMPH SPITFIRE
Triumph was originally founded by two chronically unemployed village idiots from Coventry in 2000 BC. In an attempt to capitalize on what they percieved as a hot market for stone monoliths, they created the TRonehalf, loosely based on Stonehenge, (but with superior luxury and convenience features). Unfortuneatly, they were 1000 years too late for the Stonehenge craze and 3000 years too early for 2001 A Space Odessey and sales were abyssmal. They staved off bankruptcy for a short time by selling British Racing Blue Skin Paint to the Druids, but soon the coffers were bare.
Although there was an aborted comeback in the late 1400s with the TRthreequarters, loosely based on the Bayoux Tapestry, (but with superior luxury and convenience factors), the company assets lay fallow until the middle of the 20th century. With the commencement of war hostilities, the company engineers came up with a unique design for a tank to battle the Luftwaft for control of England's skies. Quickly realizing that a tank couldn't be expected to win the battle of Britain in the skies and also noticing that the wings, fuselage and tail features of their tank were unsuitable, the tank was changed to a plane. All that was left was to come up with a name. The Spitphlegm and the Burpfire were originally considered, but were actually combined to create the Burp-phlegm, later changed to the Spitfire.
With the outbreak of peace, Triumph managment realized that it would be a simple matter to remove the wings, add two wheels, completely revise the body, totally change the drivetrain to convert the plane into a very desirable car. And in only 17 short years, the Triumph Spitfire 4 was introduced to the world, (except the Artic).
The car was a hit and sales were, by Standard-Triumph standards, a triumph.
But by the late 1970's, Triumph's engineering department had been cut back to a high school kid with a dull hacksaw and rusty pliers by their parent company, British Leyland (who actually only allowed MG a Fisher Price plastic screwdriver wielded by a epileptic Labrador-look at the late MGB bumpers!) and Triumph could no longer compete with the very stylish offerings from Subaru, Datsun and American Motors. By 1980, the last spunky roadster, tears streaming from it's headlights (shorting the electrics and rusting the frame) came off the assembly line.
OK, this was supposed to be a joke. Lighten up!
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