'If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I've got my life' - Jerry
'Sometimes when I think you're
the shallowest man I've ever met,
you somehow manage to drain a
little more out of the pool.'
- Elaine to Jerry in 'The Implant'
'I never met a man who knew so
much about nothing.'
- Tia the model to Jerry, in 'The Airport'
'If you can't say something bad
about a relationship, you
shouldn't say anything at all.'
- George, in 'The Stand-In'
'My whole life is a lie.'
- George, in 'The Non-Fat Yogurt'
"You couldn't have the normal sized salad. Oh no! You had to have the BIG SALAD!" - George to Elaine
"It's not a lie if you believe."--George
"I choose not to run!"--Jerry
"You don't touch the nose. You don't aspire to reach the nose. You don't unhook anything to get to a nose. And no man has ever tried to
look up a woman's nostril."--Jerry
"Nothing in life is "fun for the whole family."--Jerry
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."--Jerry
"I'm a great quiter. I come from a long line of quiters. I was raised to give up."--George
"Men don't care what's on TV.
They only care what ELSE is on TV."- Jerry Seinfield
'Ya know, I don't get it. I'm not
allowed to ask a Chinese person
where a Chinese restaurant is?
Aren't we all getting a little too
sensitive? If somebody asks me
which way is Israel, I don't fly off
the handle.'
- Jerry, in 'The Cigar Store Indian'
ON CLOTHES Observations from Jerry Seinfeld
I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!" TRAVELING