thursday - august three, two thousand - 9:08am
i had a horrible night on tuesday - i was going to write about it yesterday, but i didn't really have time.
my brother is going through some stuff right now... he called me around 9:30 on tuesday evening - and he was drunk. i noticed it immediately, and i commented on it - which put him in the defensive right off the bat. usually when he's been drinking too much, he's very affectionate and syrupy sweet - but he wasn't this time. he was talking, rather incoherantly, about a very large phone bill that his wife had developed for him to pay. (my brother's wife, rhonda, is not currently employed). she has this habit of bringing people from her family home for weeks or months at a time for dan to support... and he can barely afford to support her and his daugher on what he makes while living in new jersey! so, he either gets to support her family living under his roof - or he gets to pay a $570 phone bill so she can talk to them in another state for hours on end. according to him, this is more of the real reason why he didn't go to the family reunion, not because of the drinking thing (which i think is a lie, he's just trying to downplay it now because he fell off the wagon.)
anyway - he seems pretty depressed - and i can't say i blame him. rhonda really needs to get a job... even if it's not in her field - to help dan out before he loses it.
in all the time they've been together (something like 9 years) i can't think of a time when they've lived alone as a family for any length of time - they've often had somebody else shacking up with them. he tells me not to worry about him, but that's easier said than done.
he's a little pissed at me, because i called our mom after we spoke on tuesday. i was upset and worried about him. i don't know what i thought i was going to accomplish by calling her - but i was irrational, i guess. i feel like we used to be so close... and now i don't know how to talk to him. i felt like his calling me was really him reaching out - but i don't know how to help him other than to listen. but, when he's sober, he doesn't talk, and when he's drunk, he doesn't make sense.
i feel like i'm just babbling now - i guess i just had to talk it out a little. my brother's a big boy... he'll survive. i'll just be sure and start calling him more.
