If the shoe fits, get another one just like it

We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Give a man a fish, and you have fed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle, and will pee on your computer.

Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, she also did it backwards and in heels

Cry me a river, build me a bridge , and get over it

I wish those space guys would come and conquer the earth and make people their pets, because I would like to have on of those little beds with my name on it.

I must admit you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you

My parents sent my brother to law school. He graduated. Now he is sueing them for wasting seven years of his life

I haven't failed. I have found 10,000 ways that won't work - Benjamin Franklin

A life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?

It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to rasie money to buy a new bomber

Human lungs are one hundred times easier to blow up than a standard balloon. But they tend to make lousy party favors

Question - How much dirt is in a hole that is six feet deep and dug with a square shovel?
Answer - There is no dirt in a hole

If you can't beat your comupter at chess, try kick boxing

The other day I was walking through the woods. I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadow puppets of people on a tree.
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