| I never forget a face, but in your case I will make an exception I was going to buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking', but then I thought "What good would that do? In my world you don't exist 99% of everything is worthless All you need in life is ignorance and confidence, then success is sure One by one the penguins steal my sanity A lie told often enough becomes the truth I did NOT escape! They GAVE me a day pass Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those is authority off gaurd and will give you a chace to commit more I feel much better now that I have lost all hope A man who smiles when things go wrong, knows who to blame. Ducktape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and hold the universe together I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a huge fan of theirs. Honesty is the best policy, unless of course you are an exceptional liar Mary had a little lamb, but I ate it A nuclear war can ruin your whole day As you journey through your life, stop every now and then to give a minute of thought to the other fellow. He's probably plotting something In the long run, we're all dead Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in one way or another Had this been an acutal emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified One day you are going to die. It's probably going to hurt I didn't lose my mind. I know *exactly* where I left it It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candle light Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding he sings A little greed can get you lots of stuff! Good generally conquers evil. Unless of course good is stupid. Did you hear about the dyslexic, angostic insommniac who sat up all night wondering if there really is a dog? Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist? He sold his soul to santa A book is like a leg, only it doesn't bleed as much if you stab it If you can still hear the music , IT'S NOT LOUD ENOUGH! If one syncronized swimmer drowns, do the others have to drown too? If you sit around anywhere long enough, you'll die Does it really matter is the cup is half full or half empty? Whatever is inside is evaporating either way Just be cause you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you I'm tolerant of your fruitcake-like beliefs Reality bites...... and doesn't let go You'll get what's coming to you....... unless of course it's mailed Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window. Jack and Jill went up the hill..... oops! It was a cliff How do I set my laser printer to kill? What about attaching razor blades to frizbees? If you touch a rearveiw mirror that says 'objects in mirror are closer than they appear' how is that possible? Illiterate? Write for free help! |
| The truth is out there. Anyone know the URL? You people are so apathetic, the again who cares? WARNING! Trespassers will be horribly mutilated I think therefore I am dangerous How's he supposed to read with the magazine all rolled up like that? - insect No matter how much Jell-o you put in a swimming pool , you still cannot walk on water I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it Anarchy- better than no government at all Everytime I find the meaning of life , they change it The problem with reality is the lack of background music Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they are going to be when you kill them I am free of all prejudices......... I hate everyone equally I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king they don't go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuahs out there with some pretty good ideas If a kid asks where rain comes from , I think it is cute to tell him that it is God crying. If the kid asks why God is crying , I think it is pretty cute to tell him probably because of something you did Most people this life stinks, then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life stinks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, then your wife leaves you for the grocery bagger, then the cancer goes into remission, then you get a new dog, then you get remarried, but you owe ten million dollars in medical bill, so you work really hard for thirty-five years and you pay it all back-- one day-- you have a massive stroke and your whole right side is paralized, so now you have to limp down the street, speak out of the left side of your mouth, and drool all the time, but you go to re-hab and regain the powers of speach and motion -- one day -- you step of the curb of sixty-seventh street and BANG! you get hit by a city bus, then you die. Maybe Anytime I see something sreech across the room, latch onto some guy's neck, and the guy starts screaming, I have to laugh, because, what is that thing? As I said before, I never repeat myself Everyone hates me bacuse I am paranoid I believe you should live each day as if it is you last. Which is why I have no clean clothes, because, come on, who wants to wash their clothes on the last day of their life? I heard the voice of God once. It said 'Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm', unless of course it was a lawn mower. I did a drot of lugs in college, I hink I got dain bramage I don't know about you , but I enjoy watching paint dry. I pretend that the wet paint is a big freash-water lake, and the only source of water for some little town. As the paint dries, the lake dries up. As a water dries up the population gets more and more desparate. Some times there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died. I took and IQ test once. The results came back negative I have all the answers, it's just that most of them aren't right I'm surrounded by idiots! I knew I had been living Berkley too long when I saw a sign that said 'Free Firewood'. My first thoughts were "Who is Firewood and what has he done?" I'm not as think as you drunk I am I never nake Mistaekes I think that I am , therefore I think that I am I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose I'll never forget what's-his-name I'm a paranoid schyzophrenic. I'm after me! |