From the Ashes

by Vicki James, 2000

Disclaimer: The West Wing and its characters are the property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement is intended.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

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Summary: An emergency situation forces Josh to revisit a past trauma. Contains Josh/Donna romance.

******

It was late enough into the night that a 5:00 a.m. wake-up call was going to come far too soon.

While half of the guests had bid their goodnights to the opulent ballroom, the other half at the party were still going strong. But nobody would need anything further from the Deputy White House Chief of Staff's personal assistant.

Except for maybe the Deputy White House Chief of Staff himself.

Josh caught Donna just as she stepped from the ballroom into the hotel's large and ornate lobby. He had been travelling in the opposite direction.

"I was just coming to find you," he informed her. "Where are you going?"

"To bed." She frowned, already suspecting that would no longer be the case.

"There's been a change in the agenda for tomorrow's meeting again," Josh said, sounding frustrated. "We have to meet quickly with Toby and CJ to make sure everything is going to work out."

"Nooo..." Donna pouted. "Josh, no. I'm too tired. And my feet hurt."

"Come to the meeting and I'll give you a foot rub before you go to bed."

"Will you?" Donna perked up at the idea.

"Not really, but you still have to come to the meeting." He took her elbow and propelled her towards the great curving staircase that dominated an end of the room.

Halfway up the grand staircase, where it turned to climb to the second floor, was a door to an almost hidden mezzanine level. Josh led Donna through to a series of rooms that could be used as temporary offices by hotel guests.

The room in which Toby and CJ were already waiting was the largest, containing a massive mahogany desk with a chair behind it and two others in front, a separate computer station and a miniature a/v area with two loveseats and another group of chairs. As the mezzanine level was not a full floor, the room had a good-sized window which looked out over the lobby and the entrance to the ballroom.

Donna sank wearily onto one of the loveseats and yanked off the delicate high-heeled sandals she had chosen to wear with her cream coloured gown. She grimaced as a few sharp pains shot through her foot. The shoes were definitely made for style rather than comfort. CJ sat down opposite her and shot her a look of sympathy.

"Let's make this quick," Toby began, evidently tired himself.

"We have to decide on a couple of changes to the schedule for tomorrow now so that CJ can alert the press during her early briefing," Toby continued. "We've received a couple of threats against the President and some of the delegates. They're probably just hoaxes, but for safety's sake--"

Toby couldn't expound on safety any more, for at that moment the room shook violently as a bomb blasted through the ballroom below.

******

As the dust settled, Josh opened his eyes to an unearthly red glow bathing the room in light through the window overlooking the lobby beneath.

The small office was intact, though in complete disarray. The force of the explosion had only been enough to throw Josh against the wall, knock Toby to the floor and tumble Donna off the loveseat to the ground. But CJ had been struck in a glancing blow by a bookcase that had dislodged itself from the wall.

Josh helped Donna to her feet and they moved to CJ's side where Toby already was.

"I'll be okay," the Press Secretary said in response to their looks of concern, though she clenched her teeth in pain as she clutched at her shoulder. "Something might be broken, but I'll survive."

"Let's get out of here so we can get you to a hospital," Toby declared.

Josh walked over to the door. He opened it an inch and then could get it to open no farther. He pushed harder, and then threw his whole body against it, but it wouldn't budge. Something on the other side was jamming it shut.

"Shit!" he cried, marching across the room to the window. Thick black smoke was rising from the burning ballroom below. Opening the window would be a death sentence.

He turned and picked up the phone that had fallen from the desk to the floor. Holding the receiver up to his ear he slapped at the button on the base several times, although he didn't really expect to get a dial tone. He was not surprised.

Slowly, he put the telephone down. He looked up at the anxious faces of his friends and needlessly told them, "We're trapped."

******

Donna glanced up from trying to improvise a sling for CJ's arm to watch Josh hurl himself at the door once again. Her frightened, worried expression also echoed with the pain her boss was undoubtedly feeling in his shoulder after pounding it against the unyielding door for several minutes.

She couldn't take it anymore. She rose from CJ's side and walked over to Josh, her eyes never leaving him.

"Josh, stop!" she cried when he would have thrown himself against the door once more.

Laying a hand on his shoulder she gently turned him towards her.

While Donna had been afraid already, that feeling multiplied tenfold when she saw the wild look in Josh's eyes. She felt her legs begin to tremble.

She swallowed back her fear. "The door's not going to open and you're just going to hurt yourself. Come sit down."

Josh, his breath coming heavy from the exertion, said nothing but he let her lead him over to a chair and took a seat.

"Somebody will find us. We just have to sit tight until they do," Donna said, as she remained standing at Josh's side.

"Donna's right," Toby announced. "The emergency plan in case of an incident like this was evacuation first and a search of all floors next. We just need to stay calm and wait for emergency services to find us."

"While we're waiting we can ponder the reason why there is no sprinkler system in this room," Josh said caustically.

Three other pairs of eyes turned toward the ceiling. Toby and CJ lowered their gazes to look at each other and then to Josh, their expressions grim.

Donna was still looking up. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to a panel in the ceiling.

Toby nudged a chair over to where the panel was and then jumped up on it. He pushed at the panel and it opened, so he removed it and stuck his head up through the gap.

"Looks like a ventilation system for heating or air conditioning," he said, stepping back down. "It probably travels the length of the mezzanine level but unfortunately the access is too narrow for us," he told Josh.

"But not for me," Donna said. "I could fit through there."

"NO!" Josh roared, surging to his feet. "You are NOT going through there, do you hear me? We all stay together."

If Donna was taken aback by Josh's volatile response she didn't show it, though Toby and CJ exchanged a startled glance.

"What else are we going to do? Wait around for someone to check these rooms?" Donna spoke quietly yet firmly. "I can make it to another room where I can get out to get help."

"I think we should let her try," CJ said softly. The others followed her gaze to the window where a thin ribbon of black smoke had found its way through the minute space between glass and frame.

Josh turned away and went to stand with his back to the room, leaning with one hand against the wall.

"Can you help me up, Toby?" Donna asked, poised to jump up on the chair.

Josh took a great shuddering breath. "Wait," he implored, turning back to Donna. Her eyes questioned him.

He returned to her, touching her at the wrists and then running his hands up her bare arms to grasp her gently at her shoulders. He brought his face in close and touched his forehead to hers.

"Please be careful," he whispered, words coming in a rush. "I can't...I can't lose you, too."

Donna pulled back slowly. Her lips parted but she didn't get a chance to speak as Josh lowered his mouth to cover hers, heedless of the fact that they were not alone in the room. At that moment he didn't care. He wanted to linger, stretch the moment out and make time stand still.

But he couldn't.

When he released her, Donna gazed at him in stunned wonder. "Josh..."

"You'd better go now." He held out a hand to her. She nodded and he helped her up onto the chair.

Donna reached up and grasped the edges of the opening in the ceiling. She hesitated then, glancing back down at Josh.

"I'll get help and you'll be out of here right away," she promised. Her voice shook slightly as she added, "Then I want that foot rub you mentioned earlier."

Josh tried to smile at her; he managed a wan grin. "It's a deal." They gazed at each other for what could only have been seconds yet in that short space of time so many questions and emotions darted between their eyes.

Grasping her by the legs, Josh boosted her up and Donna pulled herself through the opening and into the vent. Then she was gone.

Josh stood watching the opening, even after her could no longer hear her passage. She'd be all right. She was determined and resourceful and spirited. She wouldn't get beat by having to crawl a ways through a ventilation shaft. She was too dauntless for that. Just like Joanie had been.

Joanie.

Josh felt his heart start to hammer as something twisted in his gut.

His older sister Joanie, who had alternately tormented him and taken care of him, had been courageous as well. She had thought to beat the ferocious flames which had laid claim to their home after the popcorn maker shorted out. But even for all her courage and tenacity, the raging fire had bested her.

Josh remembered the little boy he was, so assured that the big sister he worshiped would make everything okay, fleeing from the burning house without a backward glance. He huddled under the giant oak tree at the corner of the rear yard, watching expectantly for Joanie to come out and find him, laugh and tell him everything was okay and ask him to make this incident one of their special secrets they didn't tell mom and dad.

But Joanie never came outside.

Josh had been doing a wonderful job of keeping his composure since the bomb blast. Outwardly, he had managed to hold onto a shred of calmness. Inside, his heart raced. Even while pushing Donna into that shaft his mind had been screaming at him to pull her back down, not let her go, not let them get separated. For now that she was gone, he so feared he would never see her again. He had stolen that all-too-quick kiss in desperation, in case it was his last chance. He'd had no opportunity for a farewell with Joanie. His feelings for Donna were certainly something other than brotherly. He hadn't been about to let her go without taking that one brief moment in time to touch her as he'd longed to.

Please God, let him have the chance to do it again.

Finally overcome by shock and fear and exhaustion, Josh sank to his knees. He laced his fingers together and lowered his head to rest it on his hands.

CJ had watched with concern. "Will he be all right?" she asked Toby in a low voice.

Toby's response was equally hushed. "Josh had a sister who died in a fire when he was a kid."

"Oh God," CJ breathed. "Is there anything we can do?"

Toby watched as Josh's lips began to move soundlessly, and he recognized the cadence in the man's silent words.

"He's praying," he told CJ. "We can't offer him any help more powerful than that."

******

The bomb that had gone off on the main floor had been one of a pair. The second, a much less powerful explosive, was supposed to have been rigged to damage structural supports above the ballroom. However, the young man responsible for the smaller bomb had panicked when Secret Service agents began a routine check of the mezzanine level kitchen where he had been stationed. He had quickly stashed the device in a panel in the ceiling and fled the hotel, abandoning his short-lived career as a terrorist.

Though it had not detonated with its fellow, the explosives in the second bomb were still live. The flames of the fire caused by the explosion had worked their way through the roof of the ballroom, despite the diligent work of firefighters. It took just one small flicker of flame to set off another, though much smaller, explosion.

The force of the explosion was just enough to raze the small kitchen. That, and send a wave of fire hurtling through the ventilation shaft in which the bomb had been placed. The flames raced through this channel until they had exhausted themselves. They deviated only once in their journey to roll downward through an opening in the shaft.

******

Josh saw the fingers of fire come reaching for him from above, but not soon enough. Though he rolled out of the way the flames still found him in their grasp. An agony of pain tore at his arm and shoulder.

Toby reacted immediately, simultaneously leaping to Josh's side and ripping off his own jacket to smother the flames.

Josh lay immobile, gasping for air until Toby slipped an arm behind him and helped him to a sitting position.

"Are you all right?" asked a concerned Toby.

"Fine," Josh choked out, his lungs taxed from smoke inhalation. He looked up to the blackened edges of the ventilation access panel and his expression ignited with a different sort of pain. "Donna..." he whispered.

CJ came over and dropped to her knees beside Josh. "We have to believe she got out in time, that she's okay." She took Josh's hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Josh just continued to stare upwards, his eyes reflecting his feelings of complete and utter despair.

CJ was searching for words of optimism when they came to her. Not in her mind but in voices heard through the door.

Toby was up, banging on the door. "In here!"

"We'll have you out in a minute," came the shouted response.

Hope surged in Josh. If firefighters were at the door then Donna must have sent them. She was okay! She was alive!

He was on his feet and out the door as soon as it swung open. He turned to the nearest firefighter. "The woman who sent you, where is she?"

Even behind his mask the puzzlement on the firefighter's face was apparent. "No one sent us. We've just been doing a room by room search."

Josh felt panic get its icy grip upon him again. "There was another woman with us. She went for help, through the ventilation shaft."

"Through the ventilation shaft..." the firefighter echoed. "There was an explosion--"

"You have to leave this area immediately, Sir." Another firefighter came up behind Josh.

"Wait," Josh protested. "My...my friend."

"We'll take a look," promised the first firefighter. "If she was in that shaft, we'll bring her out."

Josh couldn't help but note how the firefighter spoke of Donna in the past tense. He felt heartsick but knew he could do no more and to try and remain inside would only delay the firefighters' search and rescue operations.

Still, it was with reluctance that he let himself be led away.

******

Josh was half reclined on a stretcher with an oxygen mask over his face and an emergency medical technician working on his burns when Sam appeared beside him.

"Josh! Thank God," Sam exclaimed.

Seeing his friend caused a momentary abatement in his worry for Donna. In his fearsome concern for his assistant he hadn't had a chance to ponder what the fates of his friends and colleagues had been.

Sam looked tired and a bit disheveled but not much worse for wear. "You're okay?" Josh asked to confirm.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was actually up in my room when it happened."

Josh knew the President had already retired for the night when the bomb exploded as well. "Leo? Margaret? Charlie?" he inquired.

"All fine," Sam replied. "Surprisingly, there doesn't seem to be that many injuries. Responsibility for the bombing hasn't been determined, but whoever did it was great at infiltrating the hotel and lousy at setting off the blast. The bomb went off in a food service cart that had already been wheeled out of the ballroom and into the lobby."

Josh was relieved to hear there was no body count. So far.

"Sam, have you seen Donna?"

The Deputy Communications Director's face darkened in apprehension. "No. I thought Donna and CJ and Toby had been with you."

"They were. CJ and Toby are okay. CJ's got a broken arm or something but she'll be fine. But Donna..." Josh swallowed as a lump rose in his throat, "Donna tried to get out to get help. She..." Josh closed his eyes. He couldn't continue.

He looked up a moment later when Sam laid a hand on his arm. "I'll go look for her, see what I can find out," he offered.

Josh nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

When Sam left, Josh stared up at the black sky. He was across the street from the hotel, the broad expanse of the hotel's front lawn between him and the building. Flames still lit the hotel and the sky directly above it shone orange, then purple, as smoke rose up to disappear into the inky darkness of the night.

Josh tried to clear his mind; he tried not to think. But it was impossible. First Joanie, then his father, now Donna? With Joanie, he had experienced loss as a child, finding comfort in platitudes and bouncing back with the resilience of youth. It wasn't until adulthood that her death began to haunt him. He had grieved his father's death, felt the sorrow acutely and dealt with his demons that attacked him for not being there to say goodbye. But his father had lived a full and rich life and this fact offered Josh some comfort in his father's passing.

Donna was young and vibrant and she had so much left ahead of her to experience. She couldn't have lost that chance at life. He couldn't live with the loss of her.

He simply could not picture never seeing her beautiful face again, not hearing her voice, whether she was calling for his attention - Joshua! - or calling him on a quirky retort - Josh!

Josh...

Josh realized with a start that the voice resounded not in his memory but within his earshot. He sat up quickly, ripping off his oxygen mask and pushing away the surprised EMT who was still trying to bandage his burns.

He stood, looking frantically around, listening carefully. Then he saw her.

She was silhouetted by the glow of the fire. She was still barefoot, her light-coloured gown was filthy, and her hair was in disarray. She was standing, turning, looking around in desperation, looking for him. With the fire still raging in the background, she had the appearance of an avenging angel, or the Phoenix risen from the ashes.

Donna called his name again and Josh tried to answer but his shout was subdued by a paroxysm of coughing. He began walking hurriedly toward her.

When he had almost reached her she turned and noticed him. A hand flew to her mouth, stifling a soundless cry.

Josh grabbed her, pulling her close, and her arms wound around his neck.

"Oh God, Josh," Donna said shakily. "I came out of the vent at the first panel, almost right on top of a couple firefighters. I told them about you, I told them to go back for you, but they made me leave! And then there was the explosion--" Donna's voice broke and she dissolved into tears.

The tension that had been sustaining Josh ebbed in his relief that Donna was all right. As his strength gave out he pulled Donna to the ground, unconcerned that the grass was wet from fire hoses and the dew of the approaching dawn.

Josh held Donna tightly, her head resting on his shoulder, his cheek against her hair. His fingers gently swept tendrils of hair away from her face, stopping only now and then to wipe a suspicious dampness from the corners of his eyes.

"Shh...it's okay. We're okay. Shh..." he repeated soothingly, rocking her in his arms. "Shh..."

Finally, her emotions spent, Donna gave a deep sigh. Then she pulled away from Josh so that she could look up at him. She left her arms linked around his waist.

Her eyes were red, puffy, her makeup smeared, yet her tremulous smile lit up her face.

"I was so scared," she whispered.

"I know the feeling," Josh replied.

Donna gazed at him intensely, and her smile faltered.

"Josh, when you kissed me in there..."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to do it again."

It was Josh's turn to smile. "Really?"

"Yeah." Donna's grin returned.

"I think that can be arranged."

"I'm waiting for that foot rub you promised earlier too."

"Don't push your luck," Josh growled and he lowered his mouth to hers.

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