Enemy of My Enemy -
Far From My Home

by Sheena (Micca) and Kath

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount. This story does not mean to infringe upon the trademarks or copyrights of Paramount.

EOME is a series of Voyager stories which are based on the premise that the Maquis ship was not destroyed in "Caretaker." Given that there is no name in canon for the Maquis ship, this series calls it "Fides," which is Latin for "Faith."

The order of the EOME series:
Confederation
Follow the Leader
Casualty and Confession
Food for Thought
Change of Command
Cracks in Time's Mirror
Fides Violare
Fletcher Christian Was in Starfleet
Far From My Home

Please do not distribute without Sheena or Kath's permission. Thanks.

*****

"Enough! Stop right now or I will punch your lights out! I have had enough!" The threats, though low in volume, were very, very clear in intent. Chakotay stood still, listening to the hiss in his roommate and best friend's voice. He was startled, to say the least, at Kurt's very quiet outburst.

All that could be seen of Kurt was one motionless foot hanging over the edge of the upper bunk. Chakotay, puzzled and slightly annoyed, moved to the bunk so he could see Kurt's face and figure out was going on. Before he could get very far Kurt swung himself down and faced Chakotay. His face was as annoyed as his tone.

"I'm not kidding. I have had enough! You are driving me crazy. All you do is pace and mutter to yourself. You don't sleep; you don't eat; you just sit around and bug me and I will have to kill you if you don't stop! Has anyone ever told you that you are the worst roommate in the history of roommates, especially when you are like this." The tone had changed to be more teasing but still serious. "Don't look at me with such disbelief. What were you just doing? Huh? I'll tell you - you were pacing again."

Chakotay had indeed been pacing. In fact, now that he thought about it, he had been feeling somewhat unsettled and restless but he attributed it to the Delta Quadrant, the unsteady alliance with Voyager, the constant search for food and power. The joy and pain of returning to a more Starfleet life, a life he thought he had left behind. But was it really bad enough to make his best and oldest friend so crazy?

"You're just overreacting, Bendera. What am I supposed to do? Pace the corridors of Fides? Unlikely."

"Stop pacing and do something about how frustrated you are. Go to Voyager and beg some holo time. I'm sure Bey has one of those weird Klingon training holos some place. Go walk in the hydroponics bay. Do something before I go nuts!" Kurt stopped and looked Chakotay straight in the eye. Slowly a smile crept across his face.

"What?" Chakotay demanded trying not to get sucked into some bad joke.

"You only get this way over one thing, old man." Chakotay could feel it coming and was helpless to stop it. "Go get laid and leave the rest of us in peace." Kurt pushed Chakotay out of his way and walked towards the door. Glancing back he was pleased with the shocked expression on Chakotay's face. Standing in the doorframe he smiled at the older man.

"Very funny. Is this the way we address a superior officer?"

"You're not in Starfleet in case you have forgotten. I'm your friend not one of your underlings." The mood had changed. Now they were bantering but Kurt was still concerned about Chakotay's mental state.

Ignoring this, Chakotay threw himself on his bunk and idly pushed at the bunk overhead with his foot.

"Get laid. Right. Fat chance of that," he mumbled under his breath.

"There is always Seska. You know she would be into it."

"Like I would ever go back to that situation! No, that has been over for a really long time and we both know if I even look at her the wrong way it will start up again. I love powerful women but it was constant conflict between us. Every decision I made she questioned. Sometimes I wondered who was commanding the ship. Seska is beautiful, and smart but very manipulative. That door is firmly closed and will not be reopened. That pretty much exhausts the possibilities as far as I can see." Chakotay slipped one boot off and was in the process of removing the other when Kurt stuck his head around the base of the bunk.

"There is always ... Captain ice queen." Kurt ducked as the boot sailed past his head and banged into the wall of the cabin.

"Bendera piss off and die!" Chakotay said as Kurt escaped the cabin.

"Great, just what I need! That image in my head," Chakotay said aloud.

"Again," he added softly.

*****

In retrospect it was this conversation with Kurt that showed Chakotay the root of his dissatisfaction and restlessness. He had been neglecting one of the most important parts of his emotional life; he had put aside his meditative practice. He had been in damage control so long that he didn't release that in all the time they had been in the Delta quadrant he had yet to perform his healing ritual and contact his spirit guide. As this realization came to him he reveled in the simplicity of the solution to the problem. But that was how it was with his beliefs simplicity was the answer.

The next problem was where to perform the ritual. It was possible to perform it on Fides but extremely unsatisfying. The point was that Chakotay was trying to reclaim his focus and center in regards to his spiritual life. The best place was an M-class planet, but to his knowledge there were none in this sector that would be accessible. The next option would be the holodecks. The Fides crew, as with Voyager, was allowed some time but it was usually doled out in one hour sections. Chakotay would need several hours in a row. He would gladly forfeit his total time to get the longer period but he would have to discuss it with Captain Janeway. As he planned what to say to the Captain, Bendera's words about Janeway flooded him. He smiled slightly before catching himself and focusing on the task at hand.

An hour later he found himself in Janeway's ready room. She stood up when he entered.

"Problem Commander?" she asked.

"No, just a personal request." Chakotay hadn't meant to phrase it quite that way; Janeway raised one eyebrow at him. A perfectly lovely eyebrow, he found himself commenting.

'Oh dear,' he thought, 'I'm going to kill Bendera.'

"Commander?" she said siting down behind the desk again.

"I don't know if you are aware that I practice a Native American religion?"

She glanced at the tattoo on his forehead and smiled.

"I suspected that you might," she answered with a smile her eyes returning to meet his.

"I need to ask a favor. I would like to condense my holodeck time into a single use. There is a healing ritual that I need to perform."

She leaned slightly forward in her chair, clearly he had got her attention.

"That is not a problem. What type of ritual? This sounds fascinating." She seemed genuinely interested.

*****

"Contacting your spirit guide is really very simple, Captain. But please don't be too disappointed if you don't make contact on the first attempt. Our guides come to us when they are needed not when we call them. It may take several attempts to make the first connection."

Chakotay sat, legs folded under him on the holodeck floor.

He had created a very simple scene an open meadow amongst a small stand of ash, cedar and pine trees. The sky above was blue and clear. In the distance a small stream tumbled over rocks as it made its way past them.

"Spirit guides often appear to us in the form of animals," Chakotay explained as she sat beside him.

"You strike me as a bear," she said with a smile.

"Thank you but no. Bear is a very powerful guide and I would be honored to be chosen by her. Custom dictates that we do not reveal our guide's identity to others. What happens within a vision is usually a solitary experience. It can be shared and discussed. Discussion is encouraged as a way to interpret the experience. But our relationship with our guide is very personal." He smiled slightly remembering his last encounter with his guide. He missed the gentle challenge and unconditional acceptance that she offered him.

"Is it similar to the Vulcan practice?" Janeway, ever the scientist, was searching for a base of comparison.

"There are some similarities of course but it is very different. It is very much about communications with oneself."

A slight breeze kept them comfortable and there were no major distractions.

"I made this program simple because it is to easy to be distracted by the bigness of the setting." Chakotay took a cleansing breath and tried to explain is beliefs clearly.

"Spirit quest is about getting in contact with our basic nature and finding the calmness of our spirit. Our spirit guide lives within us, as all nature lives within all of us because we are a product of nature. By looking to our Spirit guide we can see our lives more simply, pulling away some of the clutter and confusion of technology and science. We pay respect to our ancestors and give thanks for what has come before and what will come after." Chakotay stopped and looked over at the Captain.

"Sounds plausible except for the part about science," she said with a small smile.

She was eager to learn more about what made Chakotay such a centered person.

Chakotay pulled a worn leather pouch from inside his shirt. The pouch was hand sewn with a design of very small blue and green beads circled the opening at the top. Opening it Chakotay arranged its contents on the ground in front of him. The placement of the items created a small circle. In the centre Chakotay placed a stone with a hieroglyphic drawing on one side. The other items a small feather, a shell, a single Starfleet pip, small bundle of sage wrapped in red a cord, a small wooden carving.

"Medicine bundles are created over many years. My father started mine on the day of my birth and it has been filling ever since. Each item has some kind of connection to a stage in my life. Sometimes the object is to remind me of a person or a positive event sometimes it is to remind me of a mistake or a lesson that I learned." Chakotay stopped talking, he had no intention of elaborating on the significance of each item. But he was trying to be open if Janeway had any questions. She listened intently her eyes sparkling, he had never noticed before how blue they were.

"The objects in my bundle help me to focus on my life. Focusing on my life helps me to reflect on nature, which helps me to contact my guide. She leads me to the answers about my life. This reflection, like the placement of the objects, is a circle."

Taking a deep breath Chakotay focused on his preparations for meditation.

"The way of meditation is different for everyone. At one time my people used mild hallucinogenic drugs to help them reach their meditative state and many still do. I have brought you the 24th century equivalent." He placed a small ace inhibitor in her hand. "It will help you relax and focus on the mediation but to stop the effect you merely remove it there are no side effects."

She smiled and closed her hand around the device.

"Try and focus on a familiar place the images, sensations of comfort."

Janeway closed her eyes and listened to his voice as he spoke the words of his prayer.

"A-koo-chee-moya, I am far from the sacred places of my ancestors. I am far from the bones of my people..."

As his words ended she found herself relaxing deeply. Attributing it to the inhibitor she opened her eyes and looked around her. She was surprised to find herself sitting under a willow tree. The sensations were real; it wasn't exaggerated like a dream. She felt like she was really there. The light of the morning sun filtered through the longs thin branches of willow tree and pooled on the ground around her. The soil beneath her was worn to a fine dust and clung slightly to her fingers. The smells of damp warm earth surrounded her and the sounds of small birds filled her ears. It was a return to those amazing emotions of childhood where you are happy for no definable reason.

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a slight movement turning toward it she saw a small green salamander. The small lizard looked directly at her. Kathryn was struck with sense of intelligence that it projected. As she reached out the lizard allowed her to stroke its delicate skin. After a few moments of this touch the lizard lifted its head and looked away from Kathryn. She followed its gaze.

In the distance she saw the figure of a man and at his side stood a large white and grey canine. Kathryn had never seen one but she was certain it was a wolf. She was startled to realize that the man was Chakotay. He was standing sideways to her with his head up. She noticed he seemed very at ease, a posture she had never observed in him before. His shoulders were relaxed, his jaw unclenched. She smiled slightly. Then he looked at her.

Janeway was struck by the play of emotions across his face. His ease evaporated and was replaced with wariness. He seemed a bit confused. For a moment she thought she saw a fleeting look of annoyance. Then astonishment overcame him.

Confused, Janeway recalled his words from the conversation before the meditation began. Based on what he had said she thought she would not be successful in reaching the meditative trance. But the appearance of Chakotay's image seemed to mean that she had indeed been successful. Did this mean that her spirit guide was the salamander? Did this mean that Chakotay's image was appearing to tell her something? Her mind began to fill with a thousand questions.

Abruptly realizing that she was no longer in her meditative place she opened her eyes. Chakotay was still sitting across from her an expression of awe on his face. He struggled to find his voice.

"I think it worked," she said suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Captain, did you see me in your meditation?" He seemed unsure of how to proceed, uncertain if she understood the implications of his question.

She nodded. His expression verged on the intimate causing her to blush. This was starting to feel like too personal a conversation to be having with the captain of a Maquis ship. Rising to her feet she dusted herself off and busied herself with straightening her uniform.

There was a long awkward silence. Janeway started to think she had violated his ritual and managed to drive an even deeper wedge between herself and the Fides' captain.

"For the most part a vision quest is solitary," explained Chakotay. "Within a vision you may see the representation of another person, but rarely do you see or speak to someone and they have a conscious memory of the incident. It has happened that people will share a quest but it is extraordinary. It has never happened to me … before now."

Chakotay's words shocked her and amazed her and, to her embarrassment, thrilled her. The way that he was looking at her made her shift, suddenly conscious of the situation. What was she doing on the holodeck with him sharing this intimate an experience?

Feeling unbelievably uncomfortable, she retreated. She flashed her best patient captain smile at him.

"Thank you, Commander, this was educational experience." As the words left her mouth she couldn't believe she had said them. They seemed so detached. To avoid further embarrassing herself she called for the exit and walked purposefully out of the holodeck.

Chakotay watched, dismayed, as she fled the room, shaking his head slightly.

"My whole life I have waited to have a shared spirit quest and I get mine with Captain Kathryn Janeway."

*****

Chakotay was heading back to his quarters lost in thought. He wasn't too focused on what he was doing, so when the door did not open immediately, he merely keyed in the lock code automatically. It was only after he stepped into the darkened room that it struck him as odd that the door would be locked.

It also occurred to him that it was very unusual for it to be dark while Kurt was in residence.

"Chakotay," came Kurt's voice from the bunk region, "get out."

"What's the matter, Bendera? Are you sick?" asked Chakotay.

There was a rustling and shuffling sound on the upper bunk. The situation then hit Chakotay so plainly that he felt his cheeks grow hot from embarrassment. He was glad of the darkness to hide his blush, and to hide ... whatever was going on over there.

"Ah..." He turned back towards the door. "Uh ... I'll just be going."

The door slid thankfully closed behind him and he looked to the ceiling taking a deep breath. Faintly, he thought he could hear a woman's laugh from within the room. How could Kurt have done this without warning him? What was he thinking?

After he got over his embarrassment, Chakotay began to feel a little bit put out, quite literally. Now where was he supposed to go? It was inconvenient, to say the least, to have your bunkmate needing privacy. There was very little privacy to be had on Fides. The times when Chakotay had been in such a need he had always prevailed upon B'Elanna to switch bunks.

Now he wondered whom it was sharing the upper bunk with Kurt, if only so he knew where the empty bed was and whether it was one he could occupy. While he was pondering the possibilities, he began to walk slowly back down the corridor. He briefly considered the idea of contacting Voyager to see if there were any spare beds over there but dismissed this almost immediately. One embarrassment this evening was quite enough!

"I thought you had turned in for the night," came a voice behind him. Chakotay half-turned around to see Seska.

"I, ah, I ... I remembered I had some work to do," he mumbled finally, turning away from her. Seska's eyes narrowed. He was lying to her, but why? A sly smile spread across her lips.

'Why Kurt you devil,' she thought. 'You've kicked our fearless leader out of his quarters.' To do so took more courage than most possessed on Fides, but Bendera had a special place in Chakotay's heart. And that meant special privileges. Seska used to have a special place with Chakotay too. It bothered her that this was no longer the case. She stepped forward, taking his hand.

"Oh, don't say you have to work. Why don't we ... take our minds off work for a change?"

Chakotay nearly laughed at the scenario forming in his mind. Kurt boots him out, so he boots B'Elanna out, and she ... where would Torres go? A domino effect of bonding trickling down through the quarters of the Maquis ship. God help them if an emergency occurred!

"I don't think so, Seska," he said, gently, trying to pull his hand away. Seska stood firm, reaching out to him with her other hand to place a finger on his lips.

"Shhh, now, you've been working much too hard and could use a break."

"Seska," he began again, but this time she silenced him with a kiss, running a hand through his hair to hold him at the back of his neck. She brought her left arm around to rub his back, pressing herself against his chest.

For one blissfully carefree moment Chakotay allowed himself to go along with her embrace. It seemed so easy, a chance to get away from loneliness, to have someone to hold onto and to be held by, someone to cherish if only for the night. Kurt's liaison had accentuated his own solitude. He remembered loving Seska; it wasn't so distant a feeling that he couldn't conjure it up again.

Then he pulled away from her abruptly. He was fooling himself, and not doing her any favours, to pretend that there existed any bond between them.

"Chakotay," she whispered, her lips moving along his cheek towards his ear. He grasped her firmly by the upper arms to draw her away from his body.

"No."

"Why won't you let me love you?" she asked, placing her hands on his shoulders where her thumbs could gently massage his neck. He reached up to pull her hands down, holding them both in his own.

"No," he said again. He couldn't bring himself to say aloud 'because I don't love you.' He wasn't sure if this was his reluctance to hurt her, or if he wasn't entirely sure it was the truth. The only thing he knew was that he had to stop this before it began, or he would be powerless to defeat his overwhelming desire to scoop her into his arms and carry her back to her quarters.

Privacy. It was a luxury on Fides.

*****

'Privacy. What a concept,' thought Chakotay, wandering through the hallways of his ship. The more he wandered around the hallways the more annoyed he got and the worse he felt. He headed towards the galley in search of a coffee just for something to do. A horrible habit, this coffee.

'Thanks Janeway,' he thought as he walked through the doors. In the galley it was dark. He started to reach for the light switch when he spotted a couple sitting across from each other hands clutched on the table.

'Oh no,' he thought, 'another one.' Feeling awkward he retreated back to the corridor. He realized he was out of options on Fides. Fine Voyager it is. Hopefully he could find a quiet moment over there and maybe a cup of coffee.

As he walked to the transporter room, Chakotay pondered what he had just witnessed in the galley. It was unusual for his crew to pair up like this. They had all been together for so long that they were more like a family. Was this homesickness? Yet more challenges in the Delta Quadrant.

The mess hall on Voyager was blissfully deserted.

Sinking down into one of the chairs Chakotay let go of a long tried breath and put his head down on the table for just a moment before getting his coffee. When he raised his head a large and very fresh cup of coffee sat in front of him. Surprised he looked up.

"Captain," he said, about to stand and leave. She sat down across from him cradling her own cup of coffee in her hands.

"You are up late?"

She seemed to want to start a conversation. After she had left the holodeck he was sure that she was too uncomfortable to be in room with him, let alone share a cup of coffee in the mess hall well after 23 hundred hours, a time that should have found them both asleep. He smiled at her, hoping to put her at ease. He was at peace with himself about the vision quest. There would be time to speak of it later.

"I couldn't sleep," she said holding up her coffee cup and grinning sideways "This certainly isn't helping but I do love coffee…" Her voice trailed off. They sat in the quiet room for a few moments. "And you?" she questioned.

"Well, my cabin is unavailable," he said taking a long pull on his coffee. If he knew Kurt it would be quite a while before he could go back. He needed the coffee to stay awake.

"Unavailable? Is there a problem? Do you need a repair detail to come over and help?" Janeway's voice was concerned that he might be hesitant to ask for her help. The smile on Chakotay's face confused her.

"It's not damaged, Captain. It's my roommate. He is, uh, otherwise engaged." She still didn't get it. "With a friend," he added, his face splitting wide with a dimpled grin. The look of innocent confusion turned into extreme embarrassment as she understood his meaning. Chakotay had to brace himself against the table to stop from laughing out loud as the look on her face was priceless.

Noticing his amusement she gave him her best command voice.

"I see." This was the second time he had totally disarmed her today. They drank their coffee in silence.

"I'm not sure how you in the Maquis deal with fraternization but I think I will have to work with Tuvok to outline a policy to deal with developing relationships among crew members. Our situation wasn't covered in command school." She smiled at her own joke.

"People are lonely. They miss their homes, their families. They are going to turn to each other to relieve the pain and hopelessness. It is to be expected. Can you really outline policies to deal with it?" His voice was calm.

"Homesickness isn't as big a deal for you Maquis. The Starfleet crew doesn't have the experience that you have. We are never that far from home or out of communication with the people that we love even on deep space missions. For my people this is such a great hardship, this isolation."

Chakotay felt his hackles start to rise. But looking at her he realized that she wasn't judging the Maquis experience. She was just expressing her understanding or lack thereof, of the Maquis crew. He paused for a moment before answering.

"We Maquis have no magic method for dealing with homesickness. We experience it all the time. Most of us gave up our families and our lives to fight to save them - those that were left. At least for your crew, if we got home tomorrow they will be reunited with their families. For mine there might be no one left." He stared down at his cup. She put her hand over his.

After what felt like an hour, he turned his hand over in hers.

"What do you miss about home, Kathryn?"

She suddenly realized it had been a long time since someone had called her by her first name.

"I miss just being Kathryn," she admitted. "I miss my family, my mother and sister. My home ... and Mark." She looked down at their hands.

"Tell me about Mark," he said gently.

"Mark and I have known each other a long time, since we were kids. He's kind, and warm, and comfortable. And I miss him very much." There was a pause. "What about you, Chakotay? What do you miss?" He loved the way she said his name, realizing she hardly ever called him Chakotay.

"My mother, sisters. My home. But I don't miss the DMZ. I don't miss the fighting and the pain. I miss Starfleet. I hate what they did but I miss my life."

"You asked me about Mark. What about your personal life? What about ... Seska?"

"That is along story... " He gazed off towards the star field. "There is no Seska and me, not anymore."

"Bad idea getting involved with a crewmember?" It was a question but also a comment.

"No strangely that wasn't it at all. It was about personality and control. Seska is a very powerful woman." He smiled remembering that power had been a major attraction for him. "But she can also be a bit ruthless and, honestly, manipulative. It wasn't one incident that did it just a slow build." He stopped. He wasn't about to tell Janeway when Seska was the most conniving. He feared the slight reddening around his collar would give him away. Seska used sex as a tool and she was very skilled with her tools.

"One morning I woke up and realized that she never asked me anything, she never discussed anything, she merely made it happen. So it ended. I pulled away, spared her feelings and we remain on good terms. Friends but nothing more."

Kathryn looked at him in yet another light. He was a puzzle, tenacious yet fallible, a true mystery. She wondered if, in fact, it was over between him and Seska. Perhaps for him it was over, but not for the Bajoran women.

As they sat in silence she felt his hand absently caress hers. Grateful for the comfort she didn't stop him.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway." She pulled her hand away from his, a fleeting look of guilt crossed her face as she recognized the voice.

"Janeway here," she responded looking anywhere except at Chakotay.

"Captain, we have a situation."

Janeway's eyes snapped forward and locked with Chakotay's.

"What is it?" she barked.

"Ensign Susan Lavoie is not on Voyager. I have done a full personnel security sweep, as I do every 12 standard hours, and she is not on board."

Janeway quickly searched her memory for the ensign's profile: young, 29 years, raven haired and very lovely. Looking over at Chakotay both came to the same conclusion at the same moment.

They began a giggle, that rapidly disintegrated into a laugh and before long neither Captain could speak. They knew where Ensign Susan Lavoie was and with whom.

A rather perplexed Tuvok stood helplessly on the bridge.

Go to the tenth EOME story Judas Kiss

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page