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*****
**First Officer's Log - We are travelling a relatively deserted region of the Delta Quadrant, the most barren since the Necrid Expanse. Recently, our only encounters have been with dense nebulae, many containing temporal or spatial shifts. The captain has chosen to avoid them wherever possible, however we were forced to pass through one this morning. Surprisingly, there were no effects. I think everyone was a little disappointed. You know that life has been dull when the crew is hoping for a temporal complication in their lives! I have noted to Kathryn that we are long overdue for shore leave but there are few places to stop.**
"Commander!" Harry Kim's voice was sharp with concern. "I'm picking up five ships approaching fast."
"Identity?" Chakotay was on his feet instantly. They hadn't met a lot of friendly Delta Quadrant residents, which made him uneasy and overly cautious with contact situations.
"Unknown, sir," was Harry's response. "But they do have weapons ready."
"Shields up!" ordered Chakotay. "Go to red alert."
Before he could contact the captain they felt the first volley of weapons fire, coming at them from behind. The rocking of the ship, along with the alert claxon, brought the captain from her ready room at a fast pace.
"Status Commander!" She moved to the center of the bridge where he stood.
"Five ships of unknown origin. No contact. Shields at 89%," he responded.
"Open a hailing frequency, Mr. Kim," the captain said. He nodded to her when it was ready.
"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the ... "
The hail was cut off with a screeching feedback loop that caused the bridge crew, Janeway included, to cover their ears in pain.
"This is Kretin of Vlak! You are in violation of our space!"
"Did he say cretin?" asked Janeway of Chakotay, who shook his head with bewilderment. It was hard to make out the alien's words with the high-pitched noise that accompanied the transmission.
"Harry cut the communications!" Janeway finally ordered, when it appeared that Kretin wasn't going to say anything else of substance.
Another round of weapons fire caused Voyager to pitch and roll, with Tom Paris attempting to evade the other ships. Janeway looked over to the Engineering station which was in pieces on the floor.
"Some of Torres's crew were in here doing some repair work earlier," Chakotay said, by way of explanation. "I don't think they're finished yet."
"Bridge to Engineering!" called Janeway through her comm badge. "We need some power up here!"
"Captain, we're running at maximum impulse now," came back B'Elanna's harassed tone. "The warp drive is off-line for the overhaul to the ..."
"Understood," Janeway cut off B'Elanna's explanation. The captain knew very well why the warp drive was off-line; she was the one who authorized the work. "Can we target their weaponry, Mr. Tuvok?" asked Janeway.
"I am attempting to get a lock on their weapons array now, Captain," replied Tuvok. Another direct hit on Voyager shook the ship so hard that Chakotay and Janeway, unprotected in the centre of the bridge, fell to their knees.
"Captain, their weapons are protected with a rapidly remodulating shield," Tuvok informed her. "Our phasers will have no effect while the shield is in place."
"Our shields are down to 72%," added Harry.
"We can't out run them, we can't out gun them, what's next?" muttered Janeway, looking over to Chakotay. He reached out a hand to help her to her feet. "One of your old tricks would be very handy right now, Commander."
"Torres!" called Chakotay, moving to the engineering station, "Is anything working on your station up here?"
"No!" snapped Torres back making him wonder how bad the situation was in engineering. "Try using Ops terminal three. I've rerouted the engineering commands through there."
Janeway was up the small steps and in front of the terminal before Torres had finished speaking.
"What do you have in mind Chakotay?" she asked.
"If we emit a short tachyon burst it will scramble their shielding for a few seconds. We'll need to be quick!" he told her. They accessed the engineering commands easily from the terminal next to the turbolift, working with a tense speed.
"Tom! Be ready to execute evasive maneuver Beta IV!" barked Janeway as she worked.
"Yes ma'am!" he acknowledged without turning around.
"Tuvok, ready phasers," ordered Chakotay, half-turned to face the Tactical station.
"Phasers ready, Commander," was Tuvok's calm response.
"NOW!" ordered Janeway.
Voyager's phasers followed the tachyon burst that Chakotay set up, effectively destroying the weapons on two of the ships ahead of them. At the same time, two Vlak ships fired from behind rocking Voyager so heavily that Harry lost his footing and Tuvok had to grip his station to remain upright. Chakotay was knocked on top of Janeway, pushing the two of them off the upper deck and down the stairs in a tumbled heap.
Before anyone had regained their senses Ops terminal three, where Chakotay and Janeway had been working, exploded in a flash of sparks and flying computer chips. Smoke billowed out onto the bridge causing Harry to cough as he instinctively grabbed the extinguisher to aid the auto-fire suppressers built into all the bridge terminals.
Janeway coughed as well, as she pushed her first officer aside.
"Are you alright Chakotay?" she asked with some concern, barely able to see him with all the smoke.
He nodded, coughing, and stumbled to his feet unsteadily, finally deciding to rest on the edge of the captain's seat.
"Captain! The other ships are retreating!" called Harry, back at Ops now that the fire was out.
"Report!" she ordered, standing with her hands on her hips, looking dishevelled and worried about the state of the rest of the ship.
"Minor casualties have gone to sickbay, environmental controls out on deck 14, a fire in engineering has been extinguished and also ... one on the bridge," finished Harry, realizing too late that she already knew about that one.
"Chakotay!" Janeway said sharply, noticing for the first time that he was bleeding. He absentmindedly reached a hand up to his head to feel the wound.
"It's nothing much," he tried to assure her.
"Get to sickbay, that's an order!" she said, pulling him to his feet. He complied without protest. The last thing he heard as he left the bridge the captain snapping to Torres about the bridge explosion and fixing the engineering station sooner than yesterday. Chakotay winced. He was glad he wasn't Torres.
*****
**Captain's Log - We have recovered from our encounter with the Vlak. Repairs went smoothly, even the replacement of Ops terminal three on the bridge. Lieutenant Torres said the chances of such a thing recurring are very slim. We were fortunate that no one was seriously hurt. Commander Chakotay's injury was the worst, and I have it on the Doctor's good authority that it was minor.
In order to stock our always dwindling food supplies we are in orbit around Valost which looks to be more than able to fill our needs. Commander Chakotay and I have arranged for shore leave rotation after the supplies have been gathered. It will be a good boost for morale, as everywhere we turn these days we seem to find another obstacle in our path.**
Janeway watched the crew gathering the food supplies from the edge of the clearing where they'd beamed down. They were in a hurry to get the "chores" completed so that shore leave could truly begin. Chakotay seemed to have things well in hand, so she wandered off a little, following a slight path through the brush. Both Tuvok and Chakotay watched her go with some concern, taking note of the direction she was headed.
Janeway had gone just far enough so that she no longer her the laughter and chatter of her crew. She took some deep breaths of the clean air, wishing that they could spend more time on shore leave in beautiful places like this. But there was always something getting in the way.
Not to be completely lazy, she pulled out her tricorder to take some readings for their records. Scanning the foliage she found nothing remarkable or unexpected and was about to close the device when something quite out of place appeared on the display. A massive energy signature appeared, as if out of nowhere, just over to her left.
Frowning, but curious, Janeway moved slowly in that direction. What could possibly give off such readings without having been noticeable before this? She was nearly on top of it now. Closing the tricorder to use her eyes, Janeway parted the overhanging leaves of a nearby tree to reveal a startling view.
There before her was Voyager. On the ground! She was about to hail the bridge to get some answers and damn fast when she noticed something else that was odd. Several of the crew were milling about the base of the ship, obviously collecting supplies. Janeway could swear these were the same people she'd just left behind her when she turned away to explore.
Retreating slightly she pulled out the tricorder again. She hadn't walked in a circle, that much was clear. Well, then somebody was going to do some pretty fast explaining as to why the ship was on the ground when she'd left it up in orbit! She raised her hand to tap her badge when something made her stop once again.
There, across from her, heading in her direction, walked the captain of Voyager with a hint of amusement plainly written on her face.
It was uncanny. It was unnerving.
Janeway hit her badge finally, contacting her first officer.
*****
Chakotay had finished with the supplies and was about to let the ground crew loose when he received the captain's hail. He was relieved to hear her voice as she'd been gone for quite some time. Perhaps they could do some exploring together, when he had organized the shore leave rotation.
"Chakotay here," he said signalling with his hands that the crew was off duty. "Thank you for your efforts. Good work!" he added to them.
"Commander, round up all of our crew and get them back to Voyager immediately," was the captain's next order. Chakotay blinked with surprise.
"Uh, but Captain! I've just finished sending them off for shore leave. I thought that we were ... "
"You thought wrong, Commander!" Her tone was sharp enough to make him wince. "Something has come up. This is no longer a safe place for us to stop. Now get them back to the ship and get them back there now!"
"Captain are you alright?" he asked, alarmed. What on earth had she found to make her so agitated?
"I am fine," she replied with a softer voice. "I'll see you shortly. Janeway out."
Chakotay wasn't looking forward to cancelling all the shore leave without any good reason, but despite the grumbles everyone returned in a timely fashion. Everyone but Chakotay. He wasn't leaving the planet without the captain, or at least a better explanation.
*****
Janeway greeted her double with caution as they both expressed curiousity on how their universes had suddenly overlapped. They suspected it must have something to do with the anomalies in the series of nebulae that both ships had encountered recently. Her double had agreed with her that it was best their crews did not mix and contacted her ship to round up those outside.
The captain herself was preparing to take leave of her counterpart when a noise in the forest caused them both to stiffen warily. Chakotay stepped into view, his face a combination of curiousity and concern. He stopped short at the sight of her.
"Captain I ..." Then he saw that there were two captains. "I'm beginning to understand," he added, sounding more confused than ever.
"Chakotay!" whispered the other captain with something like awe. Her eyes had gone very wide and she'd turned so pale that Janeway feared she might be about to faint. Unsteadily she crossed over to the commander and reached out a trembling hand.
"Are you going to be alright?" he asked, not entirely sure which of the two women was his Kathryn Janeway. For that matter, which of them had given the order to withdraw from the surface?
She touched his chest lightly, almost as if to make sure he was solid and not some hallucination, or perhaps a hologram. Then her fingers moved up to his chin and trailed across his cheek. Chakotay swiftly raised a hand to take hers and pulled it away from him firmly. He looked over at the other Janeway, who was watching with perplexed interest.
The woman before him now backed away, her eyes still widely fixed on the commander's face.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking slightly.
"My apologies for the intrusion," Chakotay said softly, wondering where the other Chakotay was, and what had he done to cause such an emotional reaction in this captain.
"Commander," came the firm voice of the other Janeway, "I believe I told you to evacuate the surface."
"All the crew are aboard the ship, Captain," he told her. "But I was worried about you."
"There is no need to worry," she said. He looked from her back to her double, who was still in some kind of shock, and back to her again. His expression said he didn't believe her. "Thank you for your concern, Commander. I will join you on Voyager shortly."
It was a dismissal as sure as if she'd told him to get lost. Still he hesitated, too many questions left unexplained. She nodded slightly at him with an encouraging smile.
"As you wish, Captain," he finally said, retreating slowly in the direction from which he'd come.
Janeway watched him go for a second then turned her attention to the other woman. She was crying, slow tears welling up in her downcast eyes and trickling down her pale cheeks.
"Come here," Janeway said gently, taking her by the arm and pulling her to a nearby log so she could sit before she fell down.
"I haven't seen my Chakotay for some time," the other Janeway whispered, wiping the tears angrily off her face as if she resented their presence and could rid herself of the pain by simply drying her eyes.
"I suspected as much," Janeway admitted, uneasily, not really sure if she wanted to hear any more of the reasons why. But in offering her shoulder as support to herself she had opened up to listening to a story that made her heart ache.
*****
Chakotay's attention kept travelling across the cargo bay to where the captain stood. She'd come down to oversee the storing of the food they'd gathered before evacuating the planet's surface. At least that is what she'd said. But she had done little except watch him handle the procedure, hovering without being near him, her expression somber and thoughtful.
He wondered what she and her double had discussed after he left them. Considering the reaction of her double to seeing him, he had a few ideas. With her acting so overprotective he'd narrowed the possibility to one.
He dismissed the ensigns and picked up the PADD containing their new inventory. He had some work cut out for him before the day was over. She was still there, by the door.
"Walk with me, Commander," she called to him. "I'm going to the bridge."
He easily complied, their walk more of a stroll as they made their way easily through the corridor. They did this occasionally, walk the decks of the ship. It was almost like a ritual of contact and reacquaintance. He was content to be by her side, feeling that if she wanted to discuss the experience she would speak to him.
"It's been an unusual day." She finally broke the silence.
He nodded his agreement.
"It must have been quite a shock to bump into yourself like that," he said, with a twinkle in his eye.
"Nothing I haven't done before, Commander," she shot back, with a grin. "It *was* a shock," she added. "But probably more so for her."
"Let me guess," Chakotay said, "there is no Commander Chakotay on her ship anymore."
Janeway glanced sharply up at him, but his expression was passive, as though the thought of his non-existence was nothing to concern him. He smiled at her reluctance to confirm his suspicion.
"It had to be either that or ..." He considered other possible reasons for the captain's reaction to his appearance. "Maybe he's a real rebel, maybe he tried to take over the ship, so she had to lock him up for the voyage and she was shocked to see me running free," he suggested, teasing.
Janeway's expression was sad. She felt a lot of compassion for the other woman and had spent most of the afternoon speculating on her own reaction to such a fate.
"She is still grieving for him," Janeway said, "and it's been some time since she lost him ... since he was lost." Chakotay smothered another smile at her choice of words and the rephrasing of them.
"I'm sorry if I opened up some wounds," he said, seriously.
"And she blames herself too much," Janeway added as an afterthought. "Does it bother you?" she asked suddenly.
"Should it?" he countered, unsure of how to respond.
"I can't decide if it would bother me. I think it would," she admitted.
"I don't know what kind of life he led, if he was content with his life ... " Chakotay began.
"Some of the similarities were ... startling," Janeway murmured. He was starting to understand why she'd come down to the bay to watch him work. She was disturbed by the story of his double's death.
"Then I'm sure that he had peace in himself and he died without regret," Chakotay said quietly, with more confidence than he felt about his own life.
The captain wasn't so sure, and she wasn't sure that her Chakotay would fall into that role as confidently as he'd just spoken. In fact, she was pretty sure he would not.
"He died for her," Janeway whispered.
"That doesn't surprise me a bit," Chakotay said softly. She held his gaze for a moment, then looked away.
"It really doesn't bother you?" she asked again, as though she couldn't believe he wouldn't be disturbed at the thought. But then, he hadn't heard all the details.
"Kathryn," he said, seriously, "he is ... was not me. Everyone dies. Should I be upset at his death just because we shared the same name?"
'Oh, you shared a lot more than that, Chakotay,' Kathryn thought to herself. But she forced a smile on her face, determined to chase away the demons of the afternoon and move forward.
"I'm going to the bridge to check on our departure," she told him.
"I'll be working on the inventory," he said, holding up his PADD.
"Don't stay up too late, Commander," were her parting words.
*****
Chakotay had just begun his work when the door to his office opened. He looked up surprised at the entrance without a door chime. The captain walked in, surprising him further. Hadn't she just said she was going to the bridge? However, the expression on her face frightened Chakotay. He stood and came around the front of his desk approaching her quickly.
"Captain? Kathryn? What is it? What's wrong?"
Chakotay couldn't say for sure exactly what it was that tipped him off. Perhaps only a sense that something about the way she held herself was off; something about the way she looked at him was wrong. He stopped short of touching her.
"You're not the captain," he told her.
The corners of her mouth twitched but she did not smile. Nor did her dull eyes dance with merriment the way they normally did when they teased each other. Instead they fixed themselves coldly on him.
"Oh, but I am," she assured him, with a commanding tone.
His hand came up to hit his badge but equally swift was her arm and he found himself with a phaser pointed at his chest. He stepped back, bumping into his desk. While he hesitated, trying to decide if she really would shoot him she seemed to read his mind.
"I have nothing to lose that I haven't already lost, Commander."
"What do you want?" he asked, hoping she would lower the phaser. She did not. Now her mouth did form a smile, one filled with sadness.
"I would have thought that would be obvious. I want *you* Commander."
While he tried to formulate a reasonable reply to this she tossed something at him. Caught off guard his fingers fumbled with it. Closer examination revealed it to be a personal cloaking device like the one they had taken from Gegan's assistant, Vir.
"Put it on," she told him, the phaser still raised. He complied, as slowly as he could, desperately thinking of some way he could warn Voyager of her presence, or leave behind some clue as to where he was going. He wasn't exactly sure what she had in mind, but he could guess.
*****
"Prepare to break orbit, Mr. Paris," Janeway commanded from her chair. She was quickly checking all systems from her console before they left Valost.
"We are a-go, Captain," he informed her, with his usual saucy tone. Paris didn't often work this shift, but he'd switched in order to take his shore leave rotation earlier in the day. She was sorry she'd had to cancel their plans. They so rarely got a chance to set their feet on solid ground. But her pilot had recovered from his disappointment quickly enough, even if it meant a rotation on the Beta shift.
"Set a course for the Alpha Quadrant, Warp 6 and engage when ready," she ordered, standing. As he was carrying out her commands she felt a flash of sorrow. She shook her head. The experience on the planet had affected her more than she thought. She considered hailing Chakotay to talk with him about it again, but decided he was better left alone to finish his work.
"Captain, when are you going to tell us what happened?" Paris asked, swiveling around in his chair.
"Just another incentive to show up for the morning briefing on time, Mr. Paris," she said with a grin. "You have the bridge."
*****
The captain was calling the bridge to prepare for take-off before her feet had left the transporter pad. Chakotay remained where he was, still not quite believing the situation and unsure of how he was going to fix it.
"Welcome home, sir," said the transporter chief. Chakotay just stared at the man in amazement.
The captain hesitated in the doorway, now open.
"Well come on!" she said impatiently. "You can't spend the night in here!"
Cautiously, he made his way off the transporter pad and followed her out the door. She was walking at a brisk pace down the corridor, sending orders to the bridge as she went. He lagged behind, stunned a bit by the startling familiarity of the other ship, and by the circumstances which found him on it. He caught up with her at the turbolift.
"Captain," he said, his voice low but firm, "what you're doing is wrong. I don't belong on this ship."
She regarded him frankly a moment then stepped into the lift. He followed.
"Nonsense Commander. You are the first officer on this ship."
"No, I am the first officer on *my* ship! The one that is still in orbit!"
"If you are referring to the one we just left, it is gone. This is your home now."
They stepped off onto the bridge just as Paris cleared the ground and swung Voyager up into the atmosphere of Valost. So far Chakotay could not spot a single difference between the two ships. It was unnerving to say the least. The bridge crew acknowledged him with nods and smiles and stares. Even Paris, not usually so demonstrative of anything that could be construed as friendship towards Chakotay, gave him a salute from the helm.
"You're all nuts," he spat, resentment beginning to rise in him. "You bring me here against my will and welcome me with open arms and you think that's going to make everything alright??!! Are you crazy??!!"
"Commander Chakotay," Tuvok began, coming from behind him. Chakotay swung around and, without thinking, brought up his fist strike the Vulcan. Their violent interaction was a pent up release of many years of resentment but Chakotay knew before it was over that he'd erred in choosing this reaction.
Lieutenant Rollins shot him, stunning him while the rest of the crew stood by watching with amazement.
"Take him to the brig," was Tuvok's only comment, as he picked himself up from the floor and straightened his uniform.
*****
"Ok Captain, time to let us in on the big secret," were the first words out of Tom Paris's mouth when Janeway encountered him outside the conference room the following morning.
"Curiousity killed the cat, Lieutenant," she replied cryptically, gesturing for him to enter before her.
Most of the other senior staff members were already there. Torres was still working on her report, her fingers rapidly clicking against her PADD. Kim was leaning back in his seat, lightly drumming his fingers on the table to some musical beat heard only in his head. Tuvok sat stiffly, staring out the portal. The Doctor was making an appearance via the computer, as he was busy in sickbay and feeling the loss of Kes greatly. Neelix burst in after the Captain, making his apologies with something about the galley. She tuned him out.
One seat was empty. Janeway frowned. It was unlike Chakotay to be late.
She checked the chronometer to be sure he was late, and the others not extraordinarily early.
"Anyone seen Commander Chakotay this morning?" she asked, thinking maybe he'd run into a crisis on his way to the briefing. It wouldn't be the first time such things occurred so early in the morning. She watched a round of shrugs and heads shaking before tapping her badge. "Janeway to Commander Chakotay. Are you joining us, Commander?"
It was so silent in the room Janeway could swear she heard the air ventilation system.
"Computer! Present location of Commander Chakotay!" Janeway leaned over the table with her palms down.
"Commander Chakotay is in his office," came the reply. Janeway's eyebrows shot up. Had he fallen asleep there while working on the inventory? It seemed unlikely.
"Janeway to Chakotay, please respond." She paced around the back of her chair a bit. "Anything wrong with communications?" she asked Harry and B'Elanna. They both looked perplexed.
"Not that I'm aware of, Captain," Torres responded.
Chakotay's office was just down the corridor from the conference room. She knew she could have sent someone, one of Tuvok's security team perhaps, but she felt she had to know. Perhaps she was still feeling the overprotectiveness from yesterday. Her staff, their morning routine disrupted by this unusual turn of events, followed her brisk pace out the room and down the hall.
She didn't bother with the chime, thinking that if he was upset with her for using her authorization to enter what was his space she'd nail him to the wall for not answering her hail. It turned out she didn't need to be concerned about it. He was not in the room.
"Computer!" snapped Janeway, now getting annoyed. "Locate Commander Chakotay!"
"Commander Chakotay is in his office."
"Then where is he?" asked Torres, looking around. It was not a big room. With the six of them in the small space there wasn't much room for anyone else.
"Captain," Tuvok said, crouching down, "I believe I have found the reason for the computer's failure to properly locate him." He stood back up, holding Chakotay's comm badge in his hand. It had been under his desk.
Janeway felt a tiny prickle of fear creep slowly across her skin like goosebumps. She turned on Ensign Kim.
"Harry, get to the bridge and do a level one scan of the ship to see if you can find him. He may be hurt, or sick ..." She didn't have to finish before he nodded briskly and left the room. "B'Elanna, check the transporter logs to see if anyone beamed on or off the ship after we left the surface yesterday."
"Captain," Tuvok's voice was low, "we should not rule out the possibility of some kind of foul play. I recommend we leave this room before contaminating any evidence that may provide answers. I will begin an investigation immediately."
His suggestion was so appalling that at first she was reluctant to concur. But she could not deny that it would be very peculiar for Chakotay to remove his badge on purpose, much more so than for him to be late for their meeting. She nodded, and suggested they return to the conference room.
They were in the middle of the Doctor's report, with Tom not even feigning interest and Kathryn not hearing more than every third word when Harry and B'Elanna entered the conference room again.
"Level one scan checks out, Captain," said Harry, taking his seat. "The commander is not on board."
"What? Does that mean we've left him behind?" Janeway rose from her seat. "Helm! Full stop!" she called to the bridge.
"I don't know how, Captain," B'Elanna said, shaking her head, "because there's no indication of anyone coming on or off Voyager after the last of the away teams came up yesterday. You were the last person to return."
Janeway tapped her chin, trying to make sense of it.
"Well, something isn't right. Either the sensor sweep just isn't finding him, or there *was* a transport that we're not seeing it."
"Sensors are picking up everyone else on Voyager, Captain," Harry informed her while Torres stated adamantly,
"There is absolutely *no* residual traces of a transport after you came on board!"
Tom sat up a little straighter in his chair, looking over at Torres. She was worried, he could tell. Everyone loves a little mystery, but not one that involves a friend.
"Harry, scan again," Janeway said, her voice cold. Seeing he was about to protest, he had after all done the scan very thoroughly the first time, she added quietly, "This time scan for his body."
"You don't think he's dead, do you?" asked Tom, who looked as aghast as Harry at her request.
Tuvok entered the room, saving her from answering.
"Captain. I found residual traces of an unknown energy in the commander's office. It appears to be similar to the anomaly we encountered in the nebula two days ago, but much less intense."
"Oh my ..." Janeway sat down slowly, a thought suddenly entering her mind that was almost as bad as the one which had made her ask Harry to scan the ship for his body. 'Oh Kathryn, Kathryn, what have you done?' she thought. Her eyes seemed to flit everywhere in the room except to meet her officers questioning looks while she considered the possibility. Was it possible that she ... ? Given a similar choice would she ...?
"Captain?" That was Tom's voice cutting in on her thoughts.
"Helm!" she called out again, her fingers tapping the badge. "Come about and return to Valost."
"Do you think he's on the planet's surface Captain?" asked Tuvok.
"But how?" asked B'Elanna.
"I don't know how. There's a lot of 'I don't know how' to this situation," she replied. "Well, Tom, you wanted to know why shore leave was cancelled, I'll tell you now. Somehow, most likely due in part to that unexplained anomaly, there was another Voyager on that planet. On the surface."
"What?" asked Tom, B'Elanna and Harry at the same time.
"Extraordinary!" exclaimed Neelix. "But, er, ..."
"Don't ask me questions I can't answer Neelix," Janeway said, sharply. "All I know is that I encountered my double while I was exploring the area beyond where the food supplies were being gathered. And I *saw* the other ship."
"Whatever was in that nebula must have brought two parallel universes together somehow," Torres said slowly as she tried to work her mind around the possibility.
"I thought it best, and my counterpart agreed, that the two crews not mix."
"What does this have to do with Chakotay?" asked Torres, reminding everyone of the situation.
"Commander Chakotay found us and after seeing him my counterpart told me that her Chakotay died at the Battle of the Scorpion. She was quite ... distraught about the ... circumstances of his death," Janeway told them. She watched their reactions. Surprise, shock, unease. She turned to her left. "The energy that you found, Tuvok, could it have been caused by a member of that alternate crew being aboard our ship?"
Tuvok was the only one at the table unruffled by her announcement. Even the Doctor had a shocked expression. Her chief of security pondered her question.
"Without more detailed analysis I cannot say for certain, Captain," he finally responded. "But given the evidence at hand I would tend to concur with your suggestion."
"But why?" asked Harry, genuinely perplexed. Janeway thought about the distress she'd witnessed on the other woman's face when Chakotay had entered the clearing yesterday.
"Hopefully, they just wanted to talk with him," she said slowly. "Make some kind of connection with him. If we're lucky the ship will still be on the ground." She wasn't confident about this. There was no reason to leave his comm badge behind, unless they wanted to make sure he couldn't contact his ship.
"And if we're not lucky?" asked Tom, who didn't look very confident either.
"Then they've decided to take him with them."
*****
In Chakotay's dream the captain came to him, sitting on the edge of his bed and calling his name softly. He could feel her presence even before her hands rested on his shoulders. He could smell her, particularly her hair, as she bent over him. Her hair fell loosely forward, trailing across his face and he resisted the urge to run his fingers through it. She stroked his cheek softly, murmuring,
"Oh Chakotay, what am I going to do with you?"
Dreams are strange and run without much control on the part of the dreamer. If he could have directed it he might have opened his mouth to tell her of the strange experience he'd had on the other Voyager. He might have pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her slight frame. He might have held her tightly so that he could feel their hearts beating together.
She was very close to him now, her lips lightly brushing over his. His dark eyes snapped open to look into her blues, which were filled with a sadness he'd never before seen in them. It wasn't a dream. It wasn't his captain.
Without a word he gently pushed her off of him and sat up on the bed. When she remained too close for comfort, he stood, walking to the far side of the room where he hoped he could find some perspective.
"Just a little word of advice," she said, with a coy smile, "I wouldn't try to take on Tuvok again. He is probably the only person on the ship who is *not* glad to see you."
Chakotay looked around, trying to get his bearings. They were in the brig, but there was no security force field in place, and no security guard in the outer chamber.
"The feeling is mutual," he said shortly.
"He insisted you come here," she said, standing, "but that was just so you could recover from the stun. Nasty isn't it? It's a myth to say that it doesn't hurt. You are free to go to your quarters," she added when he said nothing.
Chakotay cursed himself for reacting with violence on the bridge. Who knows how long he'd been out, which only meant his Voyager, his *home* was further away. He had to handle this differently. He'd tried bluntness, he'd tried anger. He had to remember that this woman was very much like the one he cared about. What was it Kathryn had said? The similarities were startling.
"I want to go back to my ship," he said, gently. "I don't belong in your universe."
"I want you on my ship," she said simply. "And I outrank you, Commander."
"What kind of relationship do you think we could ever have after what you've done?" he asked her, honestly. "How could we ever be close when you abducted me and forced me to come with you?"
"It's the same ship. Same people." He wasn't getting through to her, he could see that. He tried not give way to his anger again but it was very hard.
"What you did was wrong, Kathryn. Very wrong!"
For a second Kathryn saw them standing in the conference room debating her decision to ally with the Borg. He was telling her that helping the Borg assimilate another race was morally *wrong*. He'd raised his voice to get the point across and she felt every word cut into her. She raised her voice back to remind him that their crew member was dying, as might they all, because of that species he was trying to protect.
Chakotay sensed somehow that he'd hit a nerve. Unfortunately it was not the right one. Her eyes sparked with irritation and she drew herself up a little straighter.
"You have run of the ship, Commander, but I don't think you should report for duty for a few days. Get yourself accustomed to things and then return to the bridge. We'll worry about your access codes then."
*****
Chakotay entered the holodeck to find Neelix's resort program running. He'd been wandering the ship looking for differences, looking for a method to convince Kathryn, to convince the crew, to take him home.
It shouldn't really be called Neelix's resort anymore, he considered, after all the modifications made by Paris, Torres and others in an effort to create the perfect getaway. Apparently they had been equally busy on this Voyager too, as Chakotay noted the steel drum band in the corner and the scantily clad holo-characters milling about the pool area.
"Commander!" Paris called from the bar. Chakotay wandered over slowly. Paris snapped his fingers at the bartender to get a drink for the other man; he sipped a fruity cocktail. Chakotay's drink arrived at the same time he reached the bar, but he didn't pick it up.
"Cheers man!" Paris said with a grin, lifting his drink. "Promise you won't slug me for being cheerful."
"Doesn't anything about this situation seem weird to you?" asked Chakotay, hoping to appeal to Paris's fascination with the extraordinary.
"Sure, a bit," the pilot agreed. "Probably not as much as it seems weird to you." He took a long drink. When Chakotay said nothing else Paris added, "You've been really missed, Chakotay. It's good to have you back."
"But I'm not *back*!" insisted Chakotay. Paris didn't appear to have heard him.
"I remember the last time I saw you," he said, speaking more to his drink, as though he was a little embarrassed to mention the topic.
"The last time I saw Tom Paris was when I cancelled his shore leave and sent him back to the ship," Chakotay said, a bit harshly. "And he wasn't very happy with me for doing so."
"It was when the captain was trying to negotiate with the Borg," Tom continued, ignoring Chakotay's interjection. "We didn't know what had happened to her, or if we'd even ever see her again. You were up at Harry's station on the bridge talking with B'Elanna in engineering about some ol' Maquis maneuver to somehow boost the forward sensors using ... " Tom squinted up at the holodeck blue sky as though trying to remember.
"Using life support," supplied Chakotay with a sinking feeling.
"Yeah!" Tom brought his gaze down to the commander. "You know, it amazed me that even after three years of booting around the Delta Quadrant you and she could *still* come up with Maquis tactics in times of crisis."
Chakotay said nothing, thinking that shortly after the time in question Tom had said something very similar to him, asking if there was an infinite number of Maquis tricks up the commander's sleeve.
"Then you came charging down the steps towards the helm and mid-stride, mid-sentence you just ..."
"Just what Paris? Don't keep me in suspense!" snapped Chakotay when Tom stopped abruptly and examined his drink again. Paris cocked his head with surprise.
"You mean you really don't know?"
"How the hell should *I* know when it didn't happen to ME?!"
"You just vanished, with a blaze of green light. The Borg transporter beam I guess. I never saw you again. The next thing I knew B'Elanna was hailing the bridge asking what happened to your instructions."
Chakotay relived that moment on the bridge. He recalled modifying the sensors with B'Elanna in an attempt to find the captain and he remembered moving from Ops to Helm in order to with Tom about breaking free of the tractor beam. If his memory was correct then it was shortly after this that the captain returned to Voyager with the plan in place. He never left the ship for the Borg cube, even if he had considered going over there to look for her. However, up until that moment, everything about Paris's version *had* happened to Chakotay.
"Duty calls," Paris said, gulping down the last of his drink. He stood and seemed about to say something else, but then left Chakotay alone with his thoughts.
*****
Chakotay entered the first officer's quarters warily, almost expecting to see a mirror of his own quarters. It was a bit shocking to find them completely empty. He ran a hand along one shelf, finding it dusty. None of his belongings, none of the personal effects that were in his own quarters were present. There wasn't even any linen on the bed.
He wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not.
He sat at the desk, in front of the computer console, wondering what to do next. He tapped the computer to activate it.
"Computer, display crew manifest for Voyager," he commanded the empty room. The list scrolled by his eyes. As first officer everyone on the ship reported to him. He knew everyone. Sadly, it appeared he knew everyone on this list. It gave him an unsettling feeling to watch his own name scroll by, a deceased label attached to it.
He was almost to the bottom of the manifest when the door chime went. Curious, he walked over to the door. When it slid open he could just barely see B'Elanna over the top of a small box that precariously rested on a large crate she was carrying. Starfleet cargo bin #247: used for shipping or storing the personal effects of deceased crew members.
"Here you go!" she sang out, stepping forward and dropping the crate, none too lightly, on the floor. She stood back up to look at him with awe, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She reached out a hand and he involuntarily stepped back beyond her reach. She straightened a bit, trying not to show her hurt. Chakotay moved his eyes back to the crate so as not to see. It was not his intention to hurt these people.
"The captain boxed up your effects personally after ... after it happened. That smaller box on top is stuff she kept out. She must have had it in her quarters," Torres explained. "She asked me to bring it to you here."
"Thanks," Chakotay finally said, not feeling very sincere.
"I wish I could have seen the looks on their faces when you stepped on the bridge!" she said.
"It was rather ... explosive," he said.
"You even have the same sense of humour," she told him, her head cocked to one side.
"And you have the same strength as the B'Elanna I know," he said, as he bent down to move the crate. It shifted a few centimeters.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you came on board, I ..." Now she looked down at the crate too, suddenly feeling shy. "I've missed you so much, Chakotay," she confessed.
He looked up at her with a sad expression.
"It is unfortunate that he and I look so much alike," he said softly, standing straight again, "and it is unfortunate that he and I share so many of the same experiences. And that we have the same name. Because despite all that, we are not the same person."
"I'm sure you feel disoriented a bit," she tried to start but he interrupted.
"I have memories that he never had," he told her. "I experienced things that he never did. If I asked you if you remembered playing hoverball together last week would you be able to tell me who won?"
Torres tried a little smile.
"I hope it was me."
There was silence in the room for a moment.
"This is not the way it was supposed to be," Chakotay said, reaching towards her now and grasping both of her hands. "Please, please tell me that you understand that."
She gave his hands a little squeeze and nodded.
"I understand. And I understand that I lost my best friend for no good reason and now I have a chance to have him back in my life again."
"No," whispered Chakotay, shaking his head slightly. She dropped his hands and took a step back towards the door.
"I should leave you to get yourself organized. But maybe I'll catch you later in the mess hall or something," she said, turning as she spoke to exit the room.
Chakotay slumped down near the crate, defeated. He ran his hands along the outside of the storage unit idly, reading the label. He'd filled a few of these since serving on Voyager. And he'd labelled them all. This one read: Chakotay, Commander Personal Effects. He wondered at the captain personally seeing to his effects. Why not Tuvok, as his new role as first officer? Or Torres, as his old friend? Perhaps she saw it as a method of grieving.
He opened the smaller box first to find a medicine bundle and a few carved figures. Holding them in his hands he decided that he really didn't want to be going through these items. He'd rather not open the crate to see his belongings packed carefully away.
Was someone, even now as he sat on the floor examining this crate, pulling out a cargo bin #247 to pack away his things on his Voyager? Would Kathryn keep anything of his out of the box in order to have something of his close to her? Had they given him up for dead? It bothered him to think that as he unpacked here, somewhere someone might be packing away the same items.
He pushed up off the floor and moved to the desk, tapping the computer console to reactivate it.
"Computer display the personal logs of Commander Chakotay."
The stardates flashed by and then ended abruptly. Well that was to be expected, based on what Paris had told him. He chose one close to the end and tried to call it up.
"Access denied," the computer voice stated.
Of course he had no access anymore, the computer believed he didn't exist. Chakotay suddenly felt the need to know how his counterpart had died. He thought that perhaps it might explain the reasons why his friends were so intent on keeping him on board.
*****
Feeling extraordinarily helpless, with nothing to do while they backtracked to Valost Janeway paced in her ready room. She tried to block it out, but the voice, her *own* voice, kept coming back to haunt her. She sat slowly, thinking about the other captain's story; thinking about how it might have been for her if things had gone differently.
Just before we made contact with the Borg Chakotay and I had a terrible fight. It was a disagreement over my plans. I don't think we'd ever been so at odds with one another. Of course, he started out by masking his point in a story. Chakotay had a way of getting his point across by hiding behind stories and sayings. No, that's unfair, he wasn't hiding, he was just choosing his way carefully. He had a *wonderful* way of expressing himself. Not that he couldn't be direct when he chose, which is what he did when the parable didn't work.
He thought I was wrong and told me in no uncertain terms. I remember feeling like I was sinking right through the floor of the conference room. Here was my anchor, my harbour, my safe haven in the storm telling me he didn't support my plan. It was like a betrayal.
Of course, if I'd been thinking clearly I would have seen that I was being unfair, judging him so harshly for speaking his mind. He'd had the courtesy to wait until the others left, and he pointed out, so rightly, that it was his job, his position to give me other options. And would I really have wanted him to lie, to blindly follow me even when he so vehemently disagreed? At that moment the answer was yes. But now I wish I hadn't been so exhausted, so afraid, so frazzled, that I lashed out at his criticism, taking it to be a personal attack on our trust.
He said he'd publicly support me and follow orders but that cut into me. Did he think I wanted a robot carrying out my commands? I needed him to follow me because he *believed* in me and when he didn't I felt hurt by him the way I've never felt before.
I know I hurt him back. I dismissed him, letting him think that I didn't value his counsel. Any closeness that we'd built up over the last three years seemed to be wiped completely away. How easily the foundation of our friendship seemed to crumble! But there wasn't any time to worry about hurt feelings then. I assumed I would be able to patch up the relationship later, after my plan worked and he told me I was right to have tried it.
Inside the Borg cube, trying to negotiate with them I found myself thinking of his damn parable. It is hard to work out an alliance with people you don't trust, but I couldn't let myself trust them. I had to assume they would turn on us at any opportunity so I needed to make sure they didn't get one. It was so cold on that cube.
When it started to rock from a fire fight I was so frightened, thinking of what might be happening on the outside, to my little ship. To *all* the people on my little ship. To one man on my little ship. Damn it I was going to make this work!
My first look at 7 of 9 was when she walked across the gangplank to meet me. At that time I couldn't even tell her gender behind her Borg paraphernalia. The voice, the big voice that spoke for all of them but all as one, told me 7 of 9 would go to my ship to oversee the plans. And to ensure that we wouldn't attempt to dismantle her, as a means of undermining the Collective, they would take on a guest as well.
I didn't have any time to respond to this idea before they beamed him aboard. I don't know what he'd been doing when their transporter grabbed him but he appeared looking confused, exhausted, worried and afraid. That's the thing about Chakotay. He had this mask of indifference he wore all the time. This cool exterior that didn't reveal much. Then all you had to do was look into his eyes, watch his mouth, study the way he stood, pay attention to his hands and suddenly you realize that he was expressing himself a lot more than you thought.
"Are you alright?" he asked me, in a tight voice that spoke volumes about the fear he'd been living while I was on the cube.
"Yes," I said, wanting very much to reach out to touch him, but holding back because of circumstances, our location, our fight which still hung in the air between us.
His face remained unchanged when I told him of the plan but I saw the flicker of uneasiness behind his neutral expression. We all had our reasons for fearing and hating the Borg, all of our lives had been touched by their destruction. Chakotay had more reasons than most, having had his mind used like a tool to serve the purposes of Riley Frazier's Cooperative.
"Chakotay, I know how you feel about them," I said, low, "but ..."
"No Captain," he interrupted, "I don't think you do."
I approved the plan with the Borg Collective, stating that under no circumstances were they to assimilate my officer and any attempt to do so would nullify our agreement. I hoped my voice sounded more commanding than the sinking feeling I had within me.
I left him there. I left him there while 7 of 9 and I beamed back to Voyager to carry out the plan.
We worked swiftly. Days went by without sleep. I felt like I'd been living a lifetime on coffee and adrenaline. All the time we worked the cube carried us through Borg space.
We only heard from Chakotay once, when he accessed a communications terminal to send a message across to us. Tom, working the Ops station on the bridge, received it. Chakotay said that he was wandering aimlessly around the giant ship, being totally ignored by the Borg. He said it was like being invisible. I breathed a small sigh of relief over that. I hoped he stayed invisible just a little while longer.
I remember thinking that the worst of my fears came to life in a nightmare I had just before the battle. I had succumbed to fatigue at my desk, slumping over the PADDs and my computer terminal. In the dream I was the one walking aimlessly around the cube. I came upon him suddenly as he turned to me, his Borg attachments whirring and spinning as he raised his artificial arm as if to strike me. I only knew it was him because of the eye, not the one with attachment but the one that was still human, which still held expression in it.
"Why did you leave me behind?" he asked, his voice filled with bewildered hurt.
I awoke with a gasp, my heart pounding. I felt physically ill. It was a long time before I could get that image out of my head, even now it still comes to haunt my dreams.
The details of the battle are a blur to me. I know I could read the logs and remember every moment with clarity but as a whole I don't recall a thing. Except we won. My plan had worked. Species 8472 had been stopped; Harry Kim was alive! And the Borg had given us passage across their territory, at a much faster rate than we could have flown it ourselves. They were behind us, the future was ahead!
I beamed over to the cube with the Doctor and 7 of 9 when we couldn't locate Chakotay with the sensors. The equipment had taken a beating, but I couldn't wait for repairs. I wanted him back on my ship. The cube was a mess of wires and twisted metal. They'd taken some heavy damage. They'd borne the brunt of the fire as our little vessel was overshadowed by the cube's presence. I led the way, squeezing past computer consoles that had exploded and stepping over dead Borg bodies. 7 of 9 followed us, perhaps due to an awakening of her human curiousity, perhaps because she knew what we were going to find.
I think I knew, even before I reached him, before I felt for a pulse, that he was dead. Something about the way his body was sprawled told me that there was nothing of his spirit left. The Doctor immediately went to work examining him and I thank him for that effort even when we both knew it was hopeless. I gently untangled his limbs and placed my hands on his cold cheeks. And I knew then that his disagreement with me was not the ultimate betrayal, not by a long shot.
"Why didn't they help him? Why?" I asked 7 of 9, trying but failing to keep my voice steady. She regarded me with that detached coldness of all the Borg.
"Assistance required assimilation. That was not permitted by the terms of the agreement."
*****
Chakotay entered sickbay and found it surprisingly quiet. Checking quickly around for the EMH presence he finally activated the Doctor via the computer.
"Please state the nature of the ... " the Doctor paused in the middle of his usual opening statement as he caught sight of Chakotay. His jaw dropped.
"Doctor I need to access some of the medical logs for stardates ... "
"Lieutenant Torres please turn to the Emergency Medical Holographic channel!" interrupted the Doctor, turning away from the commander.
"Yes, Doctor?" asked Torres wearily, her face filling the screen.
"Is this some kind of bizarre joke that you and Lieutenant Paris have concocted?" the Doctor asked acidly. "Because if it is, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when the captain finds out!"
"What are you talking about now, Doctor?" asked Torres, still weary but a little bit more frustrated than before.
"I was just activated by Commander *Chakotay*!" snapped the Doctor. "Or wait, let me guess, we've entered one of those unexplained temporal waves that the captain loves to explore so much and actually we're in the past now, is that it?"
Chakotay waited silently, wondering how B'Elanna was going to explain his presence on the ship to the Doctor.
"No, actually we picked up Commander Chakotay from an alternate universe we accidentally bumped into recently," Torres said slowly. "I'm sorry that you weren't informed but his arrival was ... unexpected."
The Doctor sniffed with disbelief and probably would have continued to grumble but Torres cut the channel leaving only Chakotay to gripe with and the commander wasn't that interested in the Doctor's complaints. He had too many of his own.
"Doctor, I need to access some of the medical logs," he repeated, as the EMH picked a tricorder.
"You should have no problem accessing them from the computer," stated the Doctor as he scanned Chakotay's head. Chakotay stood with his hands on his hips and tried not to lose his temper.
"I don't have access to the main computer logs. The voice recognition for Commander Chakotay was removed after his death," he explained patiently.
The Doctor stopped scanning and peering into Chakotay's eyes for a moment. Then he blinked and nodded as he considered this.
"Yes of course it was," he murmured, moving to the computer console on the far wall and calling up the medical logs. "What exactly are you looking for?"
Chakotay had followed him over to the computer.
"I'm looking for the circumstances of Commander Chakotay's death," he said, as the Doctor went back to scanning him with the tricorder.
"Remarkable!" breathed the Doctor. "There is absolutely *no* difference between you and the commander. Your cellular structure and DNA is identical! Even the scarring of tissue from ..."
"Doctor!" Chakotay's sharp voice caused the EMH to look up from his data with surprise. Chakotay was looking for differences, not similarities.
"Are you not familiar with the details of ... er, your death?" asked the Doctor with an eyebrow raised. It was difficult to know how to speak of the two of them.
"I want to make something clear," Chakotay spoke softly, moving a bit closer to the Doctor who stepped back with some alarm, "the Commander Chakotay on this ship was not me. His death was not mine. I am *not* him."
"Understood," managed the Doctor, under the angry eyes of Chakotay. "You can check the logs if you like, or I could tell you about it. I was the one who performed the autopsy of course."
"Paris said Chakotay was beamed aboard the Borg cube," Chakotay began. "Why was that? On my Voyager, the captain was returned after an agreement had been reached."
"Oh," was the Doctor's comment to that. "Well, the Borg took you, ah sorry, Commander Chakotay, as assurance that we wouldn't use 7 of 9 to try to access the Collective. A kind of hostage, if you will."
"Then he was killed by the Borg?" asked Chakotay.
"No, well, not exactly, in a sense yes, but not really," was the Doctor's response. "It's hard to say for certain," he concluded vaguely.
"The EMH program on my Voyager has never expressed such uncertainty," said Chakotay, as a challenge. The Doctor drew himself up. He was not going to be outdone by some other hologram on some other Voyager in some other universe.
"When I performed the autopsy I determined that Commander Chakotay had been dead for approximately 20 hours. He died as a result of an injury sustained when the cube was attacked by species 8472. Based on the blood loss and tissue damage I estimated that the injury occurred approximately 45 hours prior to death. So you could say that he was killed by species 8472, as they caused the injury; or you could say he was killed by the Borg, as they did nothing to save him."
"Are you saying that I was injured for two days before I died?" asked Chakotay with some amazement. The Doctor raised an eyebrow.
"Interesting use of pronoun, Commander," he observed, "but yes, that is what I'm saying."
"But the Borg have extraordinary healing powers with their Collective link," Chakotay said, ignoring the Doctor's jab at his slip, "why wouldn't they have used them in order to ensure the safety of their hostage?"
"That is a very good point. It is my personal belief that the Borg had forgotten the commander was even there. They were in the middle of a serious battle, one that threatened their very existence. The safety of a mere human was probably very low on their list of priorities. However, 7 of 9 put forth another theory that the captain prefers to believe," the Doctor said with a hint of disapproval.
"What theory is that?" asked Chakotay.
"She told the captain that the Borg did not attempt to heal Commander Chakotay because that would have required assimilation to some degree. The captain had made it very clear that she was leaving her officer on the cube under the condition that there was to be NO assimilation or the agreement would be nullified," the Doctor explained.
Chakotay was beginning to understand a few things more clearly now. The attitude of the captain suddenly made a lot more sense.
"I will never understand humans' masochistic desire to pour salt in their psychological wounds," continued the Doctor. "The captain feels responsible for the death of Commander Chakotay, even when she acted only to protect him, and to protect the ship. She prefers to believe that he died because of her orders, rather than entertain the idea that perhaps the Collective just wasn't watching him very carefully."
Chakotay looked at the floor. He could remember the raw feelings that ran between him and Kathryn during that time. If one of them had died during that battle then those wounds would never have had the chance to heal.
"She must be very glad to see you!" the Doctor exclaimed, as though the thought just occurred to him. Chakotay remained somber.
"You could say that," he said. His eyes flickered over the medical logs of the autopsy. "Thank you, Doctor," he added, exiting sickbay.
*****
Kathryn stood in the open area on the planet's surface where she had seen Voyager. Her away team scurried around her, taking readings on tricorders and communicating with the ship in orbit to get sensor information. She remained absolutely still.
She had known they weren't going to find it as soon as she gave the order to return. If her double had somehow managed to get Chakotay off the ship without detection there was no reason to hang around tempting fate. Kathryn could almost hear her voice giving orders to the helm, most likely Paris, to take off.
In what direction? Alpha Quadrant, of course.
Then why hadn't they detected *any* sign of the other ship on their route back here?
"Captain?" It was Torres disturbing her musings. She turned to face the engineer, noting the worried frown on the other woman's face.
"Yes, Lieutenant?"
"We're not getting any readings from the other ship that would help us determine their course. In fact," Here Torres hesitated, unsure how to voice their findings. Receiving an encouraging nod from the captain she plunged ahead, "We're not getting any readings that show another ship was ever here at all."
Janeway sighed.
"I didn't imagine it, B'Elanna," she whispered, "she was here, and so was her captain."
"I wasn't suggesting that you ..." Torres began.
"Just over there," Janeway pointed, interrupting, "is where we spoke. And Chakotay was there. And there's the log we sat on while she told me the tale of his death."
"I believe you," Torres said sincerely, "and we have found evidence that both you and Chakotay were along that path. But there is nothing here to indicate another Voyager, or any other crew besides us."
"We're looking for ourselves," muttered Janeway. "This is worse than a needle in a haystack."
"Captain," Harry had walked over to join them, "it could be that the overlap in the two universes occurred because both ships converged on that nebula at the same time. Without the other ship in exactly the right place at exactly the right time, we may not be able to enter their space again."
"May not?" repeated Janeway. Harry just shook his head. "In which case, Commander Chakotay has just vanished into an alternate universe never to be seen from again?"
Kathryn looked back over to where she'd sat with her double, listening to the horror story of the loss of a first officer. She was beginning to think they had more in common now than before.
"I'm not ready to accept that," she told Harry and B'Elanna slowly, "not yet. So, let's go back over all our data and see if we can find a way to recreate the circumstances that allowed the other Voyager to enter our universe. Or vice versa, whichever, I don't care."
*****
Chakotay walked into the mess hall. He was still observing the ship and crew carefully, hoping to find some difference, any difference. So far he remained the only variable between the two ships. He sat across from Harry Kim, who was devouring his food.
"Hello Commander!" Kim greeted him with the same enthusiasm with which he was attacking his dinner.
"Hello Harry," Chakotay said quietly.
"Not hungry?" asked Harry, noticing that Chakotay hadn't picked up tray.
"Not really," Chakotay admitted. "I don't feel very good about being here."
Harry didn't look at all surprised, which in itself was surprising. He was the first person Chakotay had encountered who didn't seem to think the commander should be able to switch from one ship to the other without so much as a thought.
"I know exactly how you feel," Harry said, taking another mouthful. Chakotay waited patiently for the other man to finish chewing. "When I switched Voyagers I felt like I was in the wrong place for a long time. A lot longer than I let on to anyone. And you know," Harry bent over his plate to get closer to Chakotay, "I felt really guilty too, since everyone on *my* Voyager was killed. It was a really weird feeling."
Chakotay was silent. He had totally forgotten that Kim had been through a similar experience. Swapping universes. Leaping from one Voyager to the next. Harry had had some incredibly odd experiences in the Delta Quadrant.
Chakotay suddenly remembered that Harry had brought over Sam Wildman's baby when he crossed onto Voyager from his doomed ship. A child who wouldn't be alive without the switch from one universe to the other. This wasn't going to help his case at all.
"One of the big differences between your situation and mine," Chakotay said after a moment of only Harry's chewing, "is that your Voyager ceased to exist after you came here. Mine is still out there somewhere. Somewhere without me."
"This was a Voyager without you until a few days ago," Harry pointed out. He grinned a little. "Seems like there's too many Voyagers and not enough commanders to go around."
"Chakotay died on this ship."
"So did Harry," countered Kim.
"You had a choice," Chakotay tried another tactic.
"I was given an order. A direct order from the captain," Harry clarified.
"I had a phaser pointed at my chest," Chakotay snapped. "Would you call that an order?"
Harry didn't answer. He went back to eating, his eyes lowered. Chakotay sighed. He looked around the mess hall, so familiar, so comfortable, filled with so many well-known faces. It would be so easy to let the lines between the two ships blur and take up life on this ship where it had left off on the other.
"Harry, do you think that the captain was wrong to bring me here against my will?"
Harry looked shocked. Chakotay thought the younger man was going to choke.
"Don't you think that maybe what happened to your Commander Chakotay has affected her judgement somehow?"
Now Harry appeared to be offended. He prepared to leave.
"Captain Janeway saved my life by allying with the Borg. She defeated an incredibly powerful enemy and maybe saved the entire Quadrant from destruction. I don't think her judgement is impaired in any way!"
Chakotay remained seated after Harry left, thinking that perhaps Kim's judgement had been affected by the experience as well. Remembering the intensity of the battle, and the fierceness of species 8472, he could hardly blame the ensign.
*****
Janeway entered his quarters without purpose or plan. She stood just inside the door, in darkness, wondering what to do next. She needed his counsel. Chakotay was an excellent sounding board as he not only listened carefully but he also pointed out errors in reasoning and provided alternative plans. He was also very good at agreeing with her, which always made decisions easier to make.
She let her mind wander back to one time he had not agreed with her and how difficult that had been. Listening to her double's description of the fight she'd had with Chakotay and her feelings during it had been like someone reaching inside her mind to yank out her most personal thoughts. Something else they now shared was the feeling of being totally alone. How could she ever have thought that when he was standing right in front of her?
Janeway shook her head. There was no point in dwelling on the past. She and Chakotay had buried that hatchet a long time ago, each one understanding the motives of the other and agreeing to disagree. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if she had taken Chakotay's advice and retreated at that time. Would she be standing in an empty room now if she had?
Chakotay certainly would be the first one to tell her to stop entertaining 'what ifs' in her mind. He would laugh at her and say that he knew from personal experience that it didn't solve any problems and didn't make you feel any better.
"And what else would you tell me, Chakotay?" Kathryn whispered in the darkness.
She sat on his couch, still with the lights down, and gazed out of his portal at the planet. How much time should she spend trying to recover one crew member? All of her scientific reasoning, all of her senior staff, all of her data was telling her that he was gone. Yet her instinct was saying that there *must* be a way! Was it instinct, or wishful thinking?
She looked around the room, her eyes accustomed to the darkness and thought about times she'd spent in here. Not that many, she realized with some surprise. When she and Chakotay spent time together it was usually in her space: her ready room, her bridge, her quarters. If she thought about anything personal in his life that he had shared with her she always pictured New Earth. Or the holodeck, where he'd shown her places of significance to him on occasion.
The idea of packing away his belongings into a box and placing them in the cargo bay was appalling. Having them here, waiting for him to return, made it seem like he was about to walk through the door at any moment.
Torres and Kim had even put forth the possibility that the other Voyager existed in the same space as theirs, just out of phase somehow. This idea was somewhat comforting in that she could think of him as always being here with them, even if she couldn't see him. But it was a cold comfort, nonetheless, and she wasn't willing to give up without exhausting all possibilities.
Soon, however, she was going to have to admit that all the possibilities had been examined and that he was gone, because they needed to move on.
*****
Chakotay was back in his quarters staring at the crate again. It was still full. He was feeling discouraged. He had no idea how to convince the captain, or anyone else for that matter, to turn the ship around and get him back to Valost. And if he didn't do something fast then his ship wasn't going to be there even if he did.
The door chime went. He hesitated, not really wanting to see anyone, not really wanting to hear about how much he'd been missed. He felt like a total fraud.
"Come in!" he called, when the door chime went again.
"Commander Chakotay, I'm sorry I haven't been to see you sooner," the soft voice said as the small figure entered his quarters.
Chakotay was on his feet in an instant.
"Kes!" he cried, grabbing her wrists. She smiled with surprise.
"Well, Commander, based on what I've been hearing, that was the most excited greeting you've given anyone on the ship. I'm flattered!"
He was still looking at her with part shock and part awe until she finally nodded with a knowing smile.
"Just a question Commander, is there still a Kes in your universe?"
"I'm sorry," he said, looking down and finally letting go of her hands, "that was thoughtless of me."
"No, it's ok," she assured him, "after all, if there are as many universes as B'Elanna says, then I can't expect to be in *every* one of them. Besides, your Kes wasn't me."
"I used to feel that way about a certain Chakotay," he said wryly, "and look where that got me."
She smiled sympathetically at him.
So far this was the only major difference between the two Voyagers that he had found. He was wondering how he could use this in his argument with the captain when he realized Kes was speaking again.
"... really makes you appreciate how much you are loved and needed by everyone."
"I guess," he mumbled, feeling like he wished he wasn't quite so loved and so needed, then maybe they would have just left him where he was.
"Tell me, Commander, how different was your life on the other ship? Was it exactly the same?" Kes sat on the end of his couch, curling one leg under the other. He sat back down, half-turned to face her.
"As far as I can tell, up until the moment Chakotay was taken by the Borg as a hostage our lives were identical," he told her.
"You mean you didn't go to the cube?" she asked, amazed. He shook his head.
"And a good thing I didn't too, as it was destroyed. Just another example of how things happened differently in my universe."
"Then how did you return 7 of 9?" Kes asked with her expression a puzzled frown.
"We didn't," he answered simply. "She became a crew member working with ..." He stopped, suddenly realizing what she had asked. "Do you mean to tell me that 7 of 9 is *not* on this ship?"
"No," Kes was surprised he would ask such a thing, "she was returned as part of the agreement with the Borg at the end of the battle."
"Even though the hostage died?" Chakotay wasn't sure why he was feeling so bothered by this. He'd been trying to remain distanced from the other Chakotay and shut off any feelings about the man's death by forcing himself to remember they were not the same person. Yet the fact that the captain had returned 7 of 9 even despite losing a hostage to the Borg struck him as unfair somehow. It diminished Chakotay's death somehow.
"The captain saw no reason to use 7 of 9 for vengeance," Kes explained softly, "especially as she felt that the Borg complied with her orders by not assimilating you. I mean, the other Commander Chakotay." Kes looked down at her hands with a smile and then lifted her head again. "I bet I'm not the first one to make that mistake."
"Kes," Chakotay began slowly, thinking of Harry's reaction, "do you think that the experience with the Borg has affected the captain's judgement in some way?"
"Commander," Kes was frank, "it is no secret on this ship that Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had a serious disagreement just before the alliance was struck. Those wounds were still deep when the captain found his body. She blamed herself for his death in many ways. She had the idea to ally with the Borg in the first place, she agreed to let him be a hostage, she gave the orders about non-assimilation. Guilt upon guilt upon guilt. Of *course* it has affected her! To say otherwise would be terribly unrealistic."
Chakotay thought about his captain and tried to imagine her reactions to a similar situation. He tried to imagine his own feelings had Kathryn not returned from that cube. Even knowing he'd been right would not have come close to making him feel better if she'd died.
"Commander," Kes laid a gentle hand on his arm, "I know you have been resistant to this situation but it doesn't have to be such a bad thing. We are all the same crew you knew and cared about - right up until that one moment in time. How could you share so much with one man and not have an affinity for his life? You *could* live in this universe if you chose to do so."
"But that's the problem Kes," he responded, "I didn't choose."
*****
Janeway read his report while Tuvok stood at attention in front of her desk. When she was finished she leaned back in her chair regarding him thoughtfully.
"Still can't give up being chief of security, eh Tuvok?" she asked, with some amusement. He raised an eyebrow.
"I consider these acts of sabotage to fall under the mandate of the first officer as well as the chief of security," he told her. She let it pass. Teasing Tuvok brought little joy as he had usually such a good explanation for everything. Instead she gestured to the PADD he'd given her.
"And it is your *opinion* that Chakotay is responsible for this?"
"Yes," he answered shortly, not acknowledging her emphasis on opinion.
"Even though you don't have any evidence to implicate him in *any* of the instances?" Janeway stood now, coming around the other side of her desk to face him. "Why Tuvok, that is most unlike you!"
"I believe that Commander Chakotay's motive is strong and his expertise in such matters cannot be ignored."
"Isn't it possible that these failures are not sabotage at all?" asked Janeway, scanning the list once again.
"Such a possibility stretches the realm of plausibility," Tuvok replied. "All the incidents occurred after he came on board; all are designed to be annoying but not life threatening, for example, the environmental controls but not life support. Then there was the holodeck, the replicators, the warp drive ... "
"That is a serious one," Janeway agreed.
"It was an act to force us to slow us down; to make us change our course and return to Valost," Tuvok stated.
"Or it was just a routine failure caused by the fact that we haven't put in at a starbase for maintenance in over three years," Janeway countered.
"Captain," Tuvok said, "it is no secret, nor surprise, that Commander Chakotay is not happy about being on this ship. We cannot forget that he was once a terrorist in the Alpha Quadrant. And a very good one too," he added.
"Sabotaging the ship ... that doesn't strike me as Chakotay's modus operandi," Janeway said, considering it. "He strikes me as the kind of person who would try a direct approach, rather than sneak around the ship's systems causing computer failures."
"With all due respect Captain," Tuvok said, showing faint signs of impatience, "he has already tried a *direct* approach. It failed. And he strikes *me* as the kind of person who does not give up very easily."
"What would you have me do, Tuvok?" she asked with a smile. "Throw him in the brig again?"
"If he is the guilty party, then yes," answered Tuvok without hesitation. She walked away from him, over to the portal, staring at the stars as if lost in thought. He doubted she was really considering imprisoning the commander.
"Permission to speak freely Captain?" he ventured. When she waved a hand lightly at him he continued. "I think you were in error to bring Commander Chakotay onto this ship." She looked over to him, surprised.
"What an unlikely ally he's found," she murmured to herself. "And why is that, Mr. Tuvok?" she asked, raising her voice.
"Our universe does not include the commander, it was illogical to assume he would easily fit in, or even that he would wish to do so. We were not meant to continue our journey with him in our lives."
"Tuvok," Janeway was truly amazed now, "I didn't think you believed in fate."
"I do not," he assured her. "But that does not mean that I believe we can alter our universe in such a fashion. To do so upsets a balance just as surely as if we contaminated our timeline in a temporal shift," he explained.
"It's not logical to try to bring back the dead, is that it?" she asked.
Tuvok did not reply directly to this. He continued to regard her thoughtfully, giving her the impression he could read her mind. She tried to hold his gaze but felt the first tinglings of guilt begin to flow through her.
"However much Commander Chakotay appears to be the crew member we lost, the experiences that he has had since the time our Chakotay died have made him a different person. We are also altered, having lived without him for the same amount of time. In the regular flow of time and space our worlds were not meant to cross; it is not logical to assume that they will mix easily, if at all. To make such an assumption presumes a power over the course of events that you do not have."
"Your opinion is noted, Lieutenant," Janeway said softly. "Thank you for your report. If you acquire some hard evidence that ties Chakotay with any of these crimes then we will take some appropriate action. Until then he is to be left alone. Dismissed."
*****
He entered her ready room slowly. She had purposely stayed away from him, hoping that the space between them would help him to adjust to the idea of the switch. She had not been unaware of the resentment in his eyes and in his voice. However, she felt that there was nothing they could not overcome as long as they worked together. Hadn't she proven in the past that this crew could do extraordinary things? This was no different.
He didn't speak for a moment, just looked at her. She didn't see any resentment in his dark eyes, only sadness. Tuvok's words came back to her, making her wonder just what she'd accomplished by bringing Chakotay onto her ship.
"How are you?" she asked, finally.
"How should I be?" he shot back.
"I've been worried about you," she started. He gave a little snort of disbelief. "I know you spoke with the Doctor about the other Commander Chakotay's death."
"Captain, I can appreciate how difficult that must have been for you," he said gently, "but bringing me here does not change what happened. That man still died as a hostage to the Borg. A hostage you gave willingly, even knowing how he felt about them, even knowing he did not support your plan."
She turned away quickly, but not before he saw her wince slightly.
"In fact, all you have accomplished by abducting me," he continued, "is ensure that your counterpart on my Voyager experiences a similar loss of a crew member. Perhaps worse this time, as there will be no explanation for it, no body for an autopsy, no enemy to blame, no war being fought ... "
"It is totally different," she said, swinging back towards him. He said nothing. He didn't have to disagree with words. "I ..." she stopped, then tried again, "I touched his face and it was so cold but .... it was as though I could just touch him and he'd be warm again, his heart would beat again....You have no idea what it felt like."
"I think I do," he spoke quietly. "I think I do know what it feels like to hold in your arms the dead body of someone for whom you care deeply and to know that nothing you can do will bring that person back. No amount of praying, or crying, no medical treatment will work. I know all about that!"
"I came back to you," she said, lifting her arm to touch his chest. He slowly stepped back.
"No, you came back to *him*," he corrected.
"If your captain had died then, in your arms, because you couldn't save her, would you be so resistant to being here now?" she asked.
He seemed to consider the question very seriously, pacing slowly the length of the desk a few times before sitting in the chair opposite it. She perched on the corner of the desk, looking down slightly on his face.
"I made a promise to her a long time ago that I would look after her crew and ship if anything ever happened to her. That's part of being first officer. So even though I would be personally torn between staying in a universe where Kathryn Janeway still lived, and returning to my own life, my duty would dictate that I go back there no matter what."
"A promise means that much to you then?" she asked, knowing the answer.
"Yes," he answered swiftly, "it does."
"You promised to stay by my side, you promised to support me, to ease my burdens, to make my path easier. And yet you are determined to leave me. Why?"
"Captain." He stood now, to look down on her face. "The woman to whom I made those promises is not here. And the man who promised you those things has left you." Her head dropped as she couldn't hold his gaze. He lifted a gentle hand to raise her chin back up and saw tears forming in her eyes. "He didn't go by choice; he would *never* have left you if he could help it. But he *is* gone. And no one, not even me, can ever take his place. From the moment he was taken by the Borg over to the cube we ceased to be the same person and become two independent lives."
"I don't even know how to get you back there," she confessed, her voice a hoarse whisper.
"We can start by returning to Valost," he said, holding his breath.
"If your Voyager isn't there then..." she began, shaking her head.
"Then there's no time to lose," he urge, gesturing towards the door. She moved slightly in that direction then hesitated.
"Chakotay, I ... "
He held out his arms and she moved into them readily, murmuring words of apology that his counterpart had never heard. Chakotay accepted them on the other man's behalf, stroking her back with comfort. He closed his eyes, thankful that he had finally made her see that he was not whom she wanted him to be.
*****
Janeway had returned to her ready room after giving the order to return to Valost but Chakotay remained on the bridge. He paced with nervous excess energy, worried about how they were going to find the other Voyager. Eventually he sat in his old seat, without even realizing that he'd assumed command of the bridge in the captain's absence. It was the first time he'd spent on the bridge since coming aboard, but the crew seemed to accept his position without question. Even Tuvok, rightfully the first officer now, remained at the tactical station, not outwardly bothered by this turn of events.
Torres and Vorik were working at the engineering station. What seemed to be a routine maintenance check was turning into a major overhaul. Vorik's calm nature was a direct contrast to B'Elanna's increasingly frustrated manner. Her Klingon curses were getting louder, causing Tuvok to cast some disapproving looks in her direction. Suddenly a spanner went flying across the bridge narrowly missing Chakotay's chest.
"Lieutenant!" he snapped, coming to his feet. He picked up the tool and walked over to the station, now in various bits and pieces.
She pulled herself up from underneath the console. Vorik took the spanner from Chakotay without a word and replaced it in his toolkit. Torres dusted off her uniform waiting for Chakotay to speak. He seemed about to say something to her but hesitated, looking around as though suddenly confused.
"This is wrong," he murmured. "You weren't on the bridge when this happened ..."
"What was that Commander?" she asked, not hearing him. Vorik, having the advantage of better hearing and being closer to Chakotay, had heard, however the commander's comment made no sense to the ensign and so he remained silent.
"What is the problem, B'Elanna?" Chakotay asked, returning his attention to her.
"Some of the conduits are going to need to be ... "
"... completely replaced," he finished for her.
"Yes," she agreed, surprised that he had known. "We don't have the equipment up here. We'll have to go back to engineering."
Vorik nodded his agreement and the two of them made their way out of the jumble of what used to be the bridge's engineering access and over to the turbolift. Chakotay stayed a moment looking over their mess and then returned to the centre of the bridge with a frown. It was just a coincidence he decided, as he sat in the captain's seat this time.
"Commander!" Harry's sharp voice interrupted Chakotay's thoughts. "I'm picking up five ships approaching fast."
"Identity?" Chakotay was on his feet instantly. He had a sinking feeling.
"Unknown, sir," was Harry's response. "But they do have weapons ready."
"Shields up!" ordered Chakotay. "Go to red alert."
He went to hail the captain but lost his balance slightly with the rocking of the ship as the ships fired on them from behind. The captain emerged quickly from her ready room.
"Status Commander!" She moved to the center of the bridge where he stood.
"It's the Vlak," he responded to everyone's surprise. "Five ships. No contact. Shields at 89%."
"Do you know them Chakotay?" she asked. He nodded. "Open a hailing frequency, Mr. Kim," the captain said, turning to Ops. Harry signalled her when it was ready.
"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the ... "
Ignoring the strange look from Janeway, Chakotay covered his ears anticipating the screech of the alien's response.
When her hail was cut off with a loud squawking the rest of the bridge crew, Janeway included, covered their ears in pain. Now Janeway watched Chakotay with a strange look. How had he known?
"This is Kretin of Vlak! You are in violation of our space!"
"Did he say cretin?" asked Janeway of Chakotay.
"Yes, I think he did," he replied over the squeal of the transmission.
"Harry cut the communications!" Janeway finally ordered, when it seemed that nothing else was going to come from Kretin.
Voyager took another round fire causing her to pitch and roll. Tom Paris called out that he was attempting to evade the other ships. Janeway looked over to the engineering station which had been left by Torres and Vorik shortly before.
Chakotay's mouth was dry.
"B'Elanna was in here doing some repair work earlier," Chakotay told her. "I don't think it's finished yet."
"Bridge to Engineering!" called Janeway through her comm badge. "We need some power up here!"
"Captain, we're running at maximum impulse now," Torres informed her. "The warp drive is off-line for the overhaul to the ..."
"Understood," Janeway cut her off. "Can we target their weaponry, Mr. Tuvok?" she asked.
"I am attempting to get a lock on their weapons array now, Captain," replied Tuvok. Another direct hit on Voyager shook the ship so hard that Chakotay and Janeway, standing in the centre of the bridge, lost their balance and fell.
"We need to emit a tachyon burst," Chakotay said. "To disrupt the remodulating shields around their weapons."
"Captain, their weapons *are* protected with a rapidly remodulating shield," Tuvok confirmed. "Our phasers will have no effect while the shield is in place."
"Our shields are down to 72%," added Harry.
"Chakotay how do you know about them?" Janeway asked pulling herself up off the floor.
"We encountered these ships prior to coming to Valost," he told her. "And everything is happening exactly the same way."
He walked over to the mess that used to be the engineering station and hit his badge.
"Torres!" called Chakotay, "Have you rerouted the engineering commands elsewhere on the bridge?"
"Yes I did," replied Torres, sounding too bothered to be surprised by his question. "Try using Ops terminal three."
Watching Janeway run up the small steps, Chakotay had a wave of deja vu sweep over him. He remembered very clearly what happened to Ops terminal three.
"What do you have in mind Chakotay?" Janeway asked.
"Uh," he found himself stuttering as he sprinted across the bridge from the useless engineering station, "uh, a short tachyon burst will scramble their shields for a few seconds. But we need to be quick!"
He touched the computer console delicately remembering that B'Elanna had told him the chances of that terminal exploding were around 1000 to 1 and they'd been lucky no one was seriously hurt by the blast.
"Tom! Be ready to execute evasive maneuver Beta IV!" commanded Janeway as she worked.
"Yes ma'am!" he acknowledged without turning around.
"Tuvok, ready phasers," ordered Chakotay, half-turned to face the Tactical station.
"Phasers ready, Commander," was Tuvok's calm response.
"NOW!" ordered Janeway.
Just as she yelled the order, Chakotay grabbed her by the upper arms and roughly threw her down the short stairs. He felt himself lose his own footing as Voyager took the last of the Vlak's firepower before the alien's retreated. Their phasers destroyed the weapons of the forward two ships, just as they had the first time. And Ops terminal three exploded spectacularly, spewing out fragments of the console, just as it did before.
Janeway coughed as she pushed herself up on her knees, her first reaction to dress Chakotay down for being so rough, her second reaction to thank him for saving her life. Then she realized that Chakotay was nowhere to be seen. The air ventilation system, working in tandem with the auto-fire suppressers, quickly dispersed the smoke revealing the commander still on the upper deck. He was sprawled on his side beneath the remains of Ops terminal three.
"Chakotay?" Janeway called, standing on unsteady feet. "Chakotay?!" As she moved towards the stairs, Tuvok intercepted her.
"Captain," he began but she shrugged him off and he did not intervene again. She did not even hear him call sickbay with a medical emergency on the bridge.
Harry, who was closest to Chakotay, stood in shock until Tuvok's request for status forced him into action. As if on autopilot he moved back to the main Ops terminal and read out the report.
On her knees again Janeway reached out a hand to Chakotay's body. He had been standing right next to the console before it blew and had borne the full brunt of the blast. Her hand, seeking a sign that he still lived, pushed him lightly onto his back. Her fingers felt for a pulse along his neck; they began to tremble as she found herself looking into his lifeless open eyes. Some kind of sound escaped her, a gasp, a gulp, a cry. On the silence of the bridge it seemed loud.
"No, not again," she whispered, "oh, not again."
How long she sat there, with his head on her lap, she wasn't sure. The Doctor arrived but she knew even before he made the attempt that there was nothing he could do. History was repeating itself in more ways than one.
*****
Janeway was on the bridge when they broke orbit a second time and prepared to leave Valost. The crew was in a subdued mood, knowing that the possibility of recovering Commander Chakotay was gone. They were resuming their journey home with one less crew member.
Tom turned to tell the captain their course was set and was amazed at her composure. She sat stiffly in her seat, nothing about her facial expression revealing her thoughts on abandoning Chakotay to an alternate universe.
"Thank you Lieutenant," she responded to his report, keeping her eyes on the viewscreen ahead. Slowly Tom turned back around.
"Captain!" called out Harry a few minutes later. "There's another nebula now directly in our path."
Tom waited for the orders to alter their course but Janeway was hesitating.
"Mr. Tuvok, what would be the effects of entering the nebula?" she asked slowly, rising from her seat.
"I cannot say for certain, Captain," Tuvok replied.
"Speculate!" she snapped at him, her temper on a short fuse.
"We travelled through it once before without any discernible harmful effects to the ship or crew," he pointed out. "However, we do run the risk of colliding with another universe, as we did the first time."
"Keep us on course, Mr. Paris," she said, pondering Tuvok's words. Paris sat up a little straighter in his seat.
"Aye, Captain," he agreed.
"I hate these things," muttered Janeway, under her breath.
For several minutes after entering the nebula there was silence on the bridge, the only sounds coming from the computer consoles. Even Paris kept his wise cracks to himself.
"Tuvok," asked Janeway, low, "is it affecting our timeline at all?"
"Not in a manner I can detect, Captain," was his equally soft response.
"Captain! Lieutenant Tuvok!" Harry's voice had some alarm. Janeway turned from Tuvok's station to see Kim standing next to Ops terminal three, attempting to pull up a shipwide scan for temporal distortion. But the terminal kept shifting on him, almost as though it was a holographic image that was losing power.
"What the hell is this?!" blasted Torres, quietly for her, over by the Engineering station. She stood, not touching any of the equipment and watched as the computer console fell into pieces around her. Bending over to pick up a board she gasped as it disappeared in her hands. The station was whole once again.
"Are we moving back in time?" asked Janeway, watching the Engineering station shift in and out of various stages of disrepair.
"Captain," Tuvok's voice called her, but it sounded different like it was far away. She turned to him to find there were two Tuvoks on the bridge, one standing behind his station where she'd last seen him, the other moving down the stairs to intercept ... the captain.
"There seems to be a fire in here, but then it's gone," Harry observed, still focused on Ops. Looking down the length of the section he jumped back with alarm when he saw a body crumpled at the base of the terminal. "Oh my!"
Janeway watched with fascination to see herself shrug off Tuvok and step shakily up the stairs to where Chakotay lay.
"Tuvok," she said, not taking her eyes from the dead commander, "we have to determine if we've stumbled across yet *another* alternate Voyager in the past, or if that is *our* commander who's just died."
Tuvok did not stop to argue the illogical reasoning behind Janeway's request. He knew humans well enough to know that the 'need the know' overpowered a lot of rational thought.
"Can you see us?" Janeway asked her double, trying to place a hand on the other woman's shoulder. Her hand passed right through as though nothing was there. The other Janeway did not appear to have noticed the touch.
"No, not again," she whispered, "oh, not again."
Janeway looked sharply over to Tuvok.
"Not *again*? How many times can one man die Lieutenant? That's *our* Chakotay!"
"I believe I can validate that hypothesis Captain," Tuvok stated. "I am picking up energy reading similar to the traces left in the commander's office. These ... images ... are coming from the alternate Voyager you encountered on Valost."
The images of the other Voyager were becoming fainter now, shifting in and out of focus before finally disappearing. The crew looked around the bridge cautiously. Everything appeared to be exactly the way it had been before.
"I'm picking up the other ship!" Harry said, excitedly. "It's moving away from us."
"Onscreen!" ordered Janeway, moving down towards her chair from Tuvok's station.
The sight of their own vessel moving peacefully in the opposite direction was disquieting to many of the crew, Janeway included. Calmly she sat.
"Follow her, Mr. Paris," she commanded, causing Tom to raise an eyebrow. He opened his mouth, perhaps to disagree, perhaps to make a comment, but shut it quickly and complied with her order. "They have someone who belongs to us, and I am going to get him back," the captain added, by way of explanation.
Tom and B'Elanna exchanged a quick glance. Both of them had seen the flickering image of Chakotay on the other ship and he didn't look to be in very good shape.
The density of the nebula made it hard to track the other ship and when they finally exited the was no Voyager in sight. In fact, they were not situated where their instruments had calculated they should be.
"We're in orbit around Valost," Tom informed the captain finally, thinking that it was getting to be an awfully familiar position.
"And we have moved back in time approximately 4.2 days," Tuvok added.
"That's just before we left orbit the first time," Tom clarified.
"There is no sign of the other Voyager, Captain," put in Harry.
Janeway paced shortly in front of the command console, shifting her eye contact amongst her bridge officers. She tapped her badge suddenly.
"Janeway to Commander Chakotay."
There was no response. She stopped pacing and stood with her hands on her hips staring at her boots. Had they come back in time just to miss him?
"Captain," Tuvok said, drawing her attention to him, "I still have the commander's comm badge." He held out his hand to reveal the golden Starfleet emblem.
She didn't pause to think about it anymore, striding swiftly up the steps and into the turbolift after taking the comm badge from him.
"You have the bridge, Mr. Tuvok," she said just before the doors closed, "and keep scanning for that other ship."
*****
Janeway overrode the lock on his door without even thinking about invading his personal space this time. She stepped into the room and let out a breath, not realizing she'd been holding it. He was not there. Her shoulders slumped with a defeated posture. After a moment she turned on her heel to go, reluctant to leave the room, when she heard a thump.
"Who's there?" Chakotay asked, his head coming into view from under the desk. She stared at him with total amazement.
Chakotay had been sitting at his desk staring at the work before him without any comprehension. He had felt very disoriented and was about to contact someone when he noticed he didn't have a comm badge on. Figuring it had dropped off nearby, he'd gotten down onto his knees under the desk to take a look. He had heard the door open and when he popped his head up he was surprised to see the captain, standing hesitantly in the doorway. Hadn't she just said she was going to the bridge? However, the expression on her face frightened Chakotay. He stood and came around the front of his desk approaching her.
"Captain? Kathryn? What is it? What's wrong?"
Then he stopped, confused. Something was definitely wrong about this. Seeing his perplexity, Janeway held out her hand.
"Looking for this Commander?" she asked, quietly. His comm badge rested in her palm. He took it from her slowly, still unsure of himself. Feeling the warmth of his hand brush hers, Janeway felt her tension ease somewhat. He was here; he was alive.
"I'm ... " he looked around as though trying to get his bearings.
"What's the last thing you remember Chakotay?" she asked him. He placed his badge back on his chest, his forehead creased in thought.
"You and I were coming back from the cargo bay where we'd stowed the food and you were heading for the bridge ... " He looked at her with surprise and then some suspicion.
"That's right," she said to encourage him. He stepped away from her.
"You're not the captain," he said, bumping into his desk. Then he frowned and shook his head to clear it.
"Yes, I am," she said soothingly.
"The Vlak! They attacked us! And everything was familiar, like it had already happened once before." Chakotay's hands gripped the edge of the desk for support as he remembered. He shook his head again, more decisively this time. "I'm not on the right ship. This isn't my Voyager."
"Chakotay," Janeway said slowly, "do you remember what happened when the Vlak attacked? What happened to the Ops terminal?"
"It exploded," he told her. "B'Elanna said it was ... 1000 to 1 chance." He turned away, rubbing his head.
"You've been missing for two days now Chakotay, do you remember anything of what happened?"
He stared at her blankly.
"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."
She tapped her badge immediately.
"Janeway here."
"Captain, we have detected the other ship on the surface of the planet."
"Good work, Lieutenant. Now check to make sure we have a full compliment aboard and let's get out of here before we lose anyone else!" She stepped closer to her first officer. "I'm going to assign a security detail to you until we are well away from here."
"She won't come again," he told her, suddenly certain.
"How do you know?" asked Janeway, not so sure.
"I know," he insisted. "She won't try it again. She was ... trying to get me back to where I belong," he added.
"She succeeded," Janeway told him.
*****
"Was *everything* the same?" asked B'Elanna, passing Chakotay a bowl of fruit from Valost.
"I was only able to find two differences," he told her. "Kes was still with them and 7 of 9 was not."
"What happened to 7 of 9?" asked Janeway, when she'd recovered from the sadness she felt thinking of Kes.
"She was returned to the Borg after the battle, as per the agreement," Chakotay told her.
"But their Chakotay was taken as a guarantee for her safety and he was killed!" protested B'Elanna.
"The Borg didn't kill him," Chakotay pointed out. "It was just unfortunate that he was injured during the fighting."
"*Unfortunate*?" asked Tom. "Boy, I hope I'd be as detached as you about it if Tom Paris had been the hostage."
Chakotay looked away.
"I admit, it was getting harder and harder to stay separate from him," he said, taking a bite from his fruit.
*****
The captain gave orders that she was not to be disturbed as they made preparations to leave Valost. She sat on the couch in her ready room, watching the sky change from blue to black as Paris lift them off the surface. They were going on without him once again.
Somehow she knew he'd made it back to the other ship, his ship. He was lucky to have survived the Battle of the Scorpion and it wasn't his fate to die in that explosion on the bridge of an alternate Voyager.
She knew she would go on without him, just as she had up to the point of seeing him in the forest on Valost. It didn't stop the ache of loneliness that hit her but this time she had laid to rest her regret and her guilt.
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