Stars in the Night Sky

by Sheena (Micca) and Patti Vickers, 1998

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters is the property of Paramount. No infringement on copyright is intended.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

*****

He sat in his chair on the bridge, glancing towards the ready room every minute or two. She had been in there most of Alpha shift, reading, he was sure, yet another report detailing her crew's precarious but improving condition. Things had been getting steadily better, since they were able to replenish their energy reserves, but it still left a lot of work for all the crew and in particular the Captain and the First Officer. In the past few days, he noticed that she was pushing herself harder than she should have been. Her began her shift earlier than ever. And together, they had been working late into the night, every night for the past seventeen days. But not tonight. Or so he hoped.

Tomorrow was May 20th. Her birthday. And he wanted to do something special, something a little unexpected and something just for her. However, as close as they were, there were delicate boundaries between them. As much as he wanted her to return the feelings which he did not hide, he didn't want to do anything to disrupt their friendship or push her too far. Something too personal, too intimate would push her away.

"Tuvok, you have the bridge. I need to confer with the Captain briefly."

"Aye, sir" came the quick and sure answer of the Voyager's Tactical officer.

Quickly, Chakotay crossed the bridge and pressed the chime, awaiting entry into the Captain's office.

"Come in."

Kathryn was seated at her desk, a cup of coffee in one hand, a PADD in the other. As Chakotay stopped in front in of her desk, she looked up.

"Commander, what can I do for you?"

"Actually, Captain, there is something you can do for me."

She smiled brightly, "You know, Chakotay, you always manage to surprise me. Here I was, expecting yet another lecture on drinking too much coffee or working too long, and instead you come in and actually say there is something I can do for you."

"Well, Captain, no lecture today. Because, though I do think you work too hard, don't eat enough - you forgot that one - and drink too much coffee, I need your help."

"My help? Now that is a surprise. What can I do for you, Chakotay?"

"I need your help with a programming program."

"Programming? Like the holodeck? Chakotay, I am good, but Tom is certainly the king...."

He interrupted her, anticipating the "Tom" comment, "Kathryn, this isn't something I'd feel comfortable sharing with Tom. And I do need some help. I thought maybe you could..."

"I'd be happy to help, Chakotay."

*****

Standing just inside the holodeck, Kathryn Janeway felt herself transported not just in space but in time. As their friendship grew, she and Chakotay had shared memories of home, family, favorite places but this, this was the world through the eyes of a child. The eyes of her first officer. It was very beautiful and perhaps, not suprisingly, a little lonely: they stood at the top of a mountain, weather-worn and flat, wind and rain and time having carved an elegant history into the rock and sand. Brown stone, white rock spread before them, a sea of red rich sand at their feet pouring down and away from them, disappearing into the horizon line. Just beyond their vision was the ocean, an expanse of water that shimmered a dull gray and silver in the evening sky. The sun was setting and the air was cooling to a comfortable degree.

They had said nothing since entering the holodeck - no words were needed yet. She was busy looking around, looking for the reason she was here. Looking for an apparent fault in this beautiful program.

His silence combined with the stunning landscape were slightly discomforting to her. She was

just supposed to be helping him with a program, this was nothing more, nothing personal. Or so she kept telling herself.

But standing there, a tight silence between them, she felt like she was looking into his mind, into his heart.

"Chak-"

"Shhh. Watch."

At his words, she stood in front of him, near the edge of the cliff, watching the sky. She watched as the sun sank into the distant water and the surrounding sky was lit like a bowl of jewels. Slivers of ruby and sapphire sliced through the fading light, creating a fragile and tender moment above.

As the colour faded and darkness crept towards them, Chakotay ignited a large fire. It crackled to life, and surrounded them with noise and sound and smell and gave Kathryn some thing to focus on other than her first officer.

"Well, what do you think?" Chakotay finally asked, as he leaned back against a rock stretching his legs in front of him, warmed and relaxed by the fire.

"I think it is very lovely. You must have worked on this for a long time." She tried to be polite, uninvolved.

He regarded her with a small smile. "Yes," he said, "Since I was nine years old", as the smile spread across his face. "This was the closest place to space on my home world. I remember the first time I came here. I hadn't told anyone where I was going and I stayed perhaps a little too long. My father was worried -- he thought I gotten myself killed. At that age, I wasn't one for being outside, away from books and star maps and computer consoles!"

Kathryn smiled at him, from her position, still standing at the edge of the mountain. "That doesn't sound like the Chakotay we all know and ……", the words of the expression floating away. What had possessed her mouth to start that expression - "we all know and love" - a common enough turn of phrase, but it could be misleading. Or even dangerous.

Quickly, she turned back from him and watched the stars show their faces in the dark night.

Minutes passed, the silence between them stretching into a personal and tender moment.

"Have you heard the story of Coyote and the first woman?" Chakotay asked, quietly, from the fire side.

Kathryn turned to the sound of his voice and sat on the sand, on the other side of the fire, watching him.

"No, I haven't. But I would like to." She loved his stories, his sense of history and delight in the past.

He smiled gently at her and began to speak.

"It is Navajo. When First man and First woman came to be, there was no night and no day. They wanted to make them, so they did. At the end of the first day, woman said to man, 'Where shall I write the laws?'

Immediately, he answered, 'Write them on the sea.' And the woman said, 'But they will be washed away'."

Chakotay paused a moment, and looked across the fire to see Kathryn's expression. She sat, her body attentive, her eyes rapt. He continued.

"'Then write them on the sand' said the man. 'They will blow away in the wind', came her reply. 'Then write them in the night sky', he said as he gave her a cloak of velvet night to use and in it were the stars, shining

like a million crystalline jewels. First woman took the stars and began the task of writing the laws for the people. Very, very carefully placing each star in its place in the night sky, to tell the people what was right and what was wrong and how to live their lives. This was a very long task, and to help pass them time as she worked, she sang. The sound of her voice brought coyote to her and he asked to help."

"She agreed, but she told him he must follow her instructions and place each star just so. This was an important task and one not be taken lightly. But before the night was over, coyote could wait no longer and grabbed the cloak and tossed the stars into the heavens. And there they stayed. The first woman asked coyote why and said 'Why did you do this terrible thing? How will the mothers teach their children the rules of the people? How will the men learn the sing of the world? How will the dancers learn the dances?'"

"The first woman was heartbroken. But the coyote just looked at her and finally said, 'They will live, woman. They will learn, they will share with one another and they will remember', as he ran off into the night."

Chakotay stopped talking and waited.

Kathryn smiled at him through the glow in the darkness. 'What does it mean?"

"Does it have to mean any thing?" he asked. "What do you think it means?"

"Does it mean that some times the rules aren't clear and they can be hard to see in the clutter of our lives?"

They were on familiar ground again. Familiar. And slippery.

"I don't know. Perhaps. If that's what you took from it, then that's what it means. Stories don't always make sense when you first hear them. It can take along time for the meaning to be revealed. And some never make sense but are beautiful nonetheless."

They sat silent, the roar of fire and far off rush of a storm forming miles and miles away filling the air.

As she concentrated on the man sitting across from her, Kathyrn could help by think that this place, like Chakotay, was full of contradictions: A few kilometers away was an ocean water without end, wet and full of life and here, nothing but sand and heat and rock. And here also was a man who told her that, as a child and teenager, he had longed to escape from the world and the culture of his people but had brought her to that very world, and delighted in telling her stories of the land, the sky and his people.

"I heard another story today," she said, her voice small . He waited, knowing that she would tell him when she was ready. Given time, she told him most things.

"Seven came to see me, to talk about her report on this last situation we found ourselves in."

"Ah."

Kathryn smiled slightly. When she had read Seven's report, she knew that there was more to it than what she could read on PADD. This woman child had been changed: She had valiantly faced a great fear and it had almost overcome her. Seven, the unreachable Borg, had been reached in the most devastating of ways and it had frightened her. And, if she were to tell the truth, it had frightened Kathryn too. True, Seven's isolation was absolute and severe, but Kathryn, in her position, understood a little of that feeling. And if Seven, the one who often stated the irrelevance of companionship, could not withstand the loneliness in the short term, how could she, at the ready for sixty more years, guiding Voyager home? Alone. While every one around her ……

Kathryn shuddered and thought to herself "I will not do this. I will not let Seven's fears invade me."

She stood up and started to move away from the fire.

"Where are you going?" Chakotay's voice was slightly puzzled.

"I thought I would have a look around. You know, check the program. That is why you asked me here, isn't it?" She moved away, seeking the calm in the darkness, without waiting for an answer to her question.

Chakotay watched her go and disappear into the murky night. He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. And waited. There are days he felt he did nothing but wait with this woman. And for this woman.

"Kathryn. Kathryn, please be careful," he called after her, when she was out of his sight.

"The safeties are on, Chakotay. Don't be silly," came her reply.

Once she was sure he couldn't see her, she perched on a rock and watched him watch the fire. Again, she was over come with the memory of Seven's panic, of being alone. It insidiously worked itself into her being, crawled through her body like a virus. She felt her stomach knot and a dull ache infect the rest of her. There had been so much fear, so much death. Why now, why in this place, at this moment did she feel the most fear? Why now, that it had all passed by and she and Chakotay …..

She stopped herself. She hadn't thought, "Now that my crew and my ship were safe", she had thought, "Now that Chakotay and I are safe and together". When had that happened? At what point did he come to her mind before the ship and before the crew?

She got up off the rock and walked towards him. As she came closer, she felt the panic burn away like dew in bright morning sun. Her fear was fading away with each step she took.

She sat down beside him, almost but not quite leaning into him, their bodies closer then they had ever been before.

Chakotay ached to reach up and take her in to his arms, but he could see her body was rigid, that she still held her self away. But still, he was encouraged: This was good. This was movement.

"So, what did you find?"

"I …"

She stammered. Sometimes it was like he could read her mind. She almost said the words. She could have let them slip off of her lips and into the air where they could not be called back. But she didn't. She refused herself - and him - again.

"Nothing. Nothing, the program is perfect. I wouldn't change a thing."

The fire died down a bit as the moon rose slowly above the water. She could see the water more clearly in the distance, banks of thick white cloud hung high over the sea outlined in the moonlight. For a moment,

Kathryn could have sworn she saw a flash of angry lightning.

"Now," he said quietly, "tell me what really happened between you and Seven today, Kathryn."

He reached out and touched her arm. She shivered slightly, caught of guard by the warmth of his hand in the cool night air.

"Nothing really. She just wanted to talk about how lonely and frightened she was. Of course she didn't use those words -- she hasn't quite grasped the meaning of her feelings."

She paused slightly, wondering if this is what he had in mind when he issued his invitation earlier.

"And I began to think about other people on the crew, wondering if they have the same kind of fear, or experience the panic of being alone here, so far from home."

"Did you have anyone particular in mind with these musings?"

"No, no. Not anyone specific."

She sat up straighter. Under the guise of stretching, she moved away from him.

"Don't do that," he said, his voice angry.

Kathryn looked at him, startled by his tone.

"What? I don't understand."

"Yes, you do. You're scared. You felt afraid over there in the dark and you came and sat down beside me. And for a moment, you admitted that you needed me. You accepted my support, took what you wanted and the moment I asked for more from you, more of you, you pulled away. I didn't grab you in a dark corridor, Kathryn. I just offered you my hand."

Kathryn stood up and looked down at him, amazed, as a dull wave of anger worked its way up her body.

"I did no such thing."

She started to move towards the exit of the holodeck.

"No, Kathryn. Not this time. I know what happened. You realized that you need me. And you are too stubborn or too proud or too foolish to accept that even a Starfleet Captain, that even Kathryn Janeway, might need a hand to hold when she was afraid."

He pushed passed her and called up the exit.

His words and his actions overwhelmed her and she grabbed at him as brushed past her.

The warmth and feel of his skin under his fingers flooded her. She couldn't speak and instead tightened her grasp on his arm. He pulled her into his arms and held her, while she shook.

He wrapped his arms around her tight and tried to comfort her as she let the fear roll over her like the tides. And as the tides rise, just as surely they recede.

"Kathryn," he whispered into her hair as they sat down in front of the fire, his arms still surrounding her. "Kathryn, you asked earlier about the meaning of the story. Sometimes that story means that the rules are a wonderful tools to be used as needed. But sometimes, we need to write our own rules. Especially when we are far from home."

She looked off into the night sky and this time, when she saw the flash she didn't think it was angry lightning. This time, she saw the whole sky lit by a brilliant streak of light in the shape of a perfect ball. One by one,

they followed the first one in a cascade of sizes and speeds, the sky erupting like a thousand tiny novas.

"Chakotay, this is so beautiful. Why did you bring me here? Thank you. But why?"

He moved gently, and settled her against him, her back to his chest and their breathing in rhythm.

"Because when I was a child, a lot of the time I felt like nothing in my life would be the way I wanted it to be. And when those fears threatened to take over, I would come to this place and somehow my life would fall back into perspective. I could see that there were things to search for and much time to make discoveries. And that some day, I would get exactly what I wanted, if I only had the patience to wait for it. You helped me find it, Kathryn. And you, on the day before your birthday, well, I wanted to give you a little bit of what you've given me."

He stroked her hair away from her face and touched her neck softly with his lips. Just a whisper of a kiss.

She smiled. "So you have what you want?" she asked, her voice quiet.

He pulled away from her, turning her in his arms. With his eyes full of laughter, he leaned into her and gently kissed her.

"I guess that's a 'yes'."

 *****

Later, as the embers of the holographic fire faded away, Chakotay looked down at the woman sleeping in his arms and smiled.

"Happy birthday, Kathryn," he whispered into her ear. 

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