A lot of people like to say "but I only write for me", and often when they've cheerfully stuck a piece of writing under the noses of a fair amount of other people. On good days, it makes me chuckle. On others, I roll my eyes and think "yeah, sure."

My take is that if you have written something for yourself, then that's how it should stay. If you want to share it, do so, but don't then pretend otherwise. It sounds far too much like a kind of defence or disclaimer that you add in case somebody doesn't like it or it falls on stony ground.

Sure, 'writing for yourself' can be true of the actual process of writing. At that point, and until even an editor sees it, it's up to you to craft it, tweak it, to inhabit that small world on your own. But if you once start hoping it strikes a chord with a reader, then things start to change.

How many writers can honestly say they've never slid in a scene or a phrase because they know full well that others like that kind of interaction, style or mood and you think they'll identify with it? Not many, I'd say. How many can honestly say that they aren't interested in knowing what people think of at least some things that they've written? Not many either. So why then add that a story isn't really for anyone but you when it's staring various other people in the face?

We can of course feel like keeping something hugged closely to ourselves, such as a story we've written or even something like a bottle of wine. That's also fair enough and who doesn't do it sometimes and with some things? It could mean you're too shy or modest to share. Or too embarrassed or ashamed. Or even too mean. But it's your business, and nobody need know your motives.

Remember, though, that once you've offered your mates a glass or two of your favourite vintage, you can't then say 'but that was only for me.' It's too damned late. You've created it or obtained it all by yourself, sure, but people have seen it, and you couldn't resist wanting their approval of it or you'd never even have said it was there.

I think it's normal to share some things that you're proud of or want other opinions of. Remember 'show and tell' at school? That meal with friends to show off your cooking, your house or your scintillating conversational skills? People like to put diplomas on walls or trophies on shelves, to pass around home made cookies or even to tell a decent joke that somebody sent them.

For that matter, some people appreciate being on the receiving end of the goodies too (and if they don't, then they have a delete button, or that simple little phrase 'no thanks').

The question of 'who to share with' also comes into all this, of course. Deciding on that 'who' is therefore worth a little reflection, in my opinion. Sharing with a group of people who are likely to enthuse about something is one choice, and it's a perfectly reasonable one.

In certain cases, however, one does wonder how people can possibly gush over something that a friend wrote yet frequently profess to detest 'that kind of story'. Or why they suddenly start trashing precisely the type of story they usually gush over if somebody they don't like wrote it. But that's fandom for you, with all its warts. And yes, I do concede that some reactions of this kind are perfectly honest (as in 'normally I hate that kind of story, but this one...'). Let that be said.

If you restrict yourself to posting in nice, cosy little circles where no feedback more negative than 'why didn't you write a sequel' ever appears, then that's just fine: people's motives for writing vary hugely and if writing for 'me and my mates' floats your boat then I have no problem with that at all. But if you post somewhere public hoping for ego-stroking and ego-stroking alone, then sorry, but I think you deserve all you get if it doesn't happen - particularly if you can't tell the difference between a flame and constructive criticism.

Of course sharing can hurt! What happened when another kid rolled into class with a bigger snail or a better new pen? Or dared criticise your beloved snail or pen? What did we do then?

Well, we could get back on our knees and try to find the biggest snail in the whole wide world, or we could burst into tears and swear that our snail-hunting days were over. Writing is no different – some people slam the door the first time the feedback doesn't please them while others plough on.

I've said 'I write for me' too. But on reflection, what I mean is that I write for my own pleasure. I share some of my stories or diary entries or articles either because I've had fun or I'm hoping for a reaction of some kind, or both. If people read them and then share their reaction with me in turn, it's a bonus – particularly when the reaction is positive. If it isn't, then that's the risk I took and I'll try to deal with it graciously. Cross my heart.

But if I ever dare use those words "but I wrote it for me" as a whinge or as self-justification when somebody didn't like something I wrote or didn't even want to read it, then it's time I hung up my keyboard.

July 2002

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