11 March, 2000

A general state of depression is overrunning my otherwise happy life.  Hahahahahaha.

I'm really getting pissed at everything.  My friends (or lack thereof), my girlfriend (again, the lack thereof), my job (hmm, I'm starting to notice a trend, because I don't have one of these either), school, my complete failure at everything I've put myself into, and my suspicious absence in "the scene" at West.  I'm supposed to be a central figure amongst the crew, but I think that's not the case any longer.  Oh well, right?

So here's what happened tonite.  I've been driving Lauren around for like five hours, right?  And I like her.  She knows I like her.  I'm thinking that she doesn't want Chase anymore and that I'm doing alright, but as we're driving to Max's house, she asks Ana for the cell phone so she can call Chase.  That really, really pissed me off.  First off, you don't ask to call another guy while your with one.  Secondly, that guy you want to call REALLY shouldn't be a "competing factor" or whatever.  I'm really angered/sad about the whole thing, because she's a really cool girl, but I have no idea how things stand, because I was planning on talking to her when I gave her a ride home, but she decided to go hang out at Preston's after we leave Nick's.

What is my problem?  Does my breath smell?  Are girls just not into a guy who's not a criminal, respects his friends, and thinks honesty is something that needs to be brought back into society?  Maybe I'm just a psycho and everybody sees that except me, and nobody's willing to tell me because I'm prone to freaking out.  Whatever.

I've got this terrible feeling that I'll be spending a lot of my time alone.  I just don't seem to be the type of kid who anybody really wants to be around or whatever.  I feel like none of my "friends" even trust me.  Then the whole girls hate me thing doesn't help.  Ugh.