I have too much to say, but I don't want to say any of it. Can you imagine the frustration of both being fed up with other people and with yourself? Imagine it. Try to picture yourself wanting to be this person who is wonderful, that everybody respects. Picture yourself being everything that is good and admirable, a successful individual, if you will. Now picture those hopes and dreams being dashed by your parents, family, friends, peers, surroundings, and reality. Now picture yourself sick of bitching about life because you know that complaining never did anybody any good.
If you can picture that, and get it onto canvas, you'd have painted me.
Here's the problem. I am tired. I am tired of school, I'm tired of my job, I'm tired of music, my friends, my religion, biking, snowboarding, my "future," my expectations, and of myself. I don't like sitting in health class listening to the teacher give a bunch of kids the exact same reasons I give kids not to do stupid things. I don't like going to work and feeling like just another employee. I don't like waking up every single morning and dreading walking up the staris because it means I have to deal with Preston, Nathan, Mikey, Brandon, Ian, Brian, Chris, Jeff, Rich, Dave, my dad, Carly, Laina, Lindsay, Cathy, and Casey that much sooner. How pathetic is that, I just named everybody I've seen in the last three weeks in less than two lines. Not that I don't like those people, I'm just over it, over them. I've come to believe that no matter how open and "real" I try to be, it's always going to end up in the same thing: boredom. And that is how I feel right now.
Bored. |
