3 December, 1999

So here I am at 1:09 am on Saturday typing away at my computer because Laurie didn't call me back.
Well, in all honesty, I didn't expect her to call me.  I think, even though she says otherwise, she's really afraid of me.  I would be; some scary poser-punk from West who bugs her to hang out every weekend even though the two kids have met face to face like three or four times.  So while I understand the not-getting-called, I must say I'm more than a little disappointed.
   It's odd.  I barely know her, and yet I really like her.  And a lot of those feelings are based on friendship, even though we don't know each other very well still. I fell really comfortable when I'm around her, she's hillarious, and a lil hottie (such a disturbing term, but I'm going to leave it anyway).  And despite all that, I still get all anxious when I talk to her on the phone or go out to her house.  Here's another odd thing:  Even though I just told myself (and typed) that I feel like me and Laurie are good friends, I know my feelings aren't even close to being limited to that.  And that's what freaks me out the most.
   Most girls who I want to hang around with (the new ones that aren't losers, anyway) evoke one major thing in me: lust!  I don't care; I'm a junior in high school, I can look at a girl and think bad things.  That's the way it goes.  So when I see Xia Litz walk by in the halls, I don't really think "meaningful relationship."  But with Laurie, even though I know very little of her, I'm not stuck physical trash.  I could be, don't get me wrong.  But I'm not.  I don't know why I'm typing this.  I hope she still can't access my page.  Otherwise I'm going to be in a very weird position.
   Anyhow, tonight blew.  We sat at Kashif's and watched some movie.  I can't remember which one.  It was okay, I suppose.  I don't want to type anymore.