25 September, 1999

Suicidal James returns!
I don't know what happened, but on Thursday night, me and Michael were talking about girls (woah! imagine that, eh michael?) and I just had this horrible shift of emotion and realized that I am an utter and complete failure.  I have no girlfriend, the last girlfriend I had more or less hates me, and I don't see any prospects in the future.  I think I'm a pretty smart kid, and yet my GPA last year was a 3.3.  Not bad, but I should be doing a lot better.  My friends are all either boring or hate me (great friends, eh?).  At least I think that's the way it is.  And best of all, I can't even portray myself the way I want to.  I don't have to tell you what I think of myself; that's why I have this bloody site.  But I can tell you what society in Utah thinks of James Peterson:
Poser, wannabe skateboarder, loser, jerk, idiot, moron, quitter, slacker, lazy, uncultured, and ignorant.
Can you see why I'm contemplating killing myself again?
Today has actually been a fairly good day.  After returning home from a night at Kashif's house with Kappy, Todd, and Brian Hoyt (blah). I got home, ate breakfast, and left to start mowing.  That was like 11:30.  So me, Brandon, and Ian mowed until like 4:00.  It was rad.  I saw Scotty, one of the coolest guys I ever met through working at the shop, and talked to him for a minute.  We also stopped by the Juniors planning meeting and I think me and Ashley Hill are on decent terms now.  So that was cool.
I got home, got in the gorgeous 85 degree pool for a little bit, then went skating with Preston and Brandon for a while.  We suck, but it was fun.  After that began the rest of the evening: sitting at Preston's house, a regular weekend affair for the 2001 ELP crew.  We're all such losers, I hate it.  I paged Emma, but she didn't call me back ever.  That jacker!  Not really, it was already like 7:30 when I paged her so I'm sure she was doing something else.  But yeah, the whole day was good except for two hourse of waiting for anybody to show at Preston's.
I don't know why I'm so irritated.  I do know that I'm all pissed about this lack of a girlfriend thing, which shouldn't be that big of a deal.  After all, most of my high school career has existed sans-novia.  But right now I need someone to be close to and my friends, even if they were willing to be good friends for three f*cki*ng minutes just wouldn't cut it right now.  I think of myself as a guy who's fairly easy to get along with, so why don't I ever have anyone to get along with?  Oh well.




I miss the old James.  I was a lot happier when my life revolved around bicycles and Dana.  This pre-adult crap sucks major dick.