This is my tribute to the Children of the Eighties. If you find something is missing,

This essay is by an anonymous source, but it encompasses all things 80s.

Children of the Eighties

I am a child of the eighties. That is what I prefer to be called. The nineties can do without me. Grunge isn't here to stay, fashion is fickle and "Generation X" is a myth created by some over-40 writer trying to figure out why people wear flannel in the summer. When I got home from school, I played with my Atari 2600. I spent hours playing Pitfall or Combat or Breakout or Dodge'em Cars or Frogger. I never did beat Asteroids. Then I watched "Scooby Doo." Daphne was a Goddess, and I thought Shaggy was smoking something synthetic in the back of their psychedelic van. I hated Scrappy.

I would sleep over at friends' houses on the weekends. We played army with G.I. Joe figures, and I set up galactic wars between Autobots and Decepticons. We stayed up half the night throwing marshmallows and Velveeta at one another. We never beat the Rubik's Cube.

I got up on Saturday mornings at 6 a.m. to watch bad Hanna-Barbera cartoons like "The Snorks," "Jabberjaw," "Captain Caveman," and "Space Ghost." In between I would watch "School House Rock." ("Conjunction junction, what's your function?")

On weeknights Daisy Duke was my future wife. I was going to own the General Lee and shoot dynamite arrows out the back. Why did they weld the doors shut? At the movies the Nerds got Revenge on the Alpha Betas by teaming up with the Omega Mus. I watched Indiana Jones save the Ark of the Covenant, and wondered what Yoda meant when he said, "No, there is another."

Ronald Reagan was cool. Gorbachev was the guy who built a McDonalds in Moscow. My family took summer vacations to the Gulf of Mexico and collected "Muppet Movie" glasses along the way. (We had the whole set.) My brother and I fought in the back seat. At the hotel we found creative uses for Connect Four pieces like throwing them in that big air conditioning unit.

I listened to John COUGAR Mellencamp sing about Little Pink Houses for Jack and Diane. I was bewildered by Boy George and the colors of his dreams, red, gold, and green. MTV played videos. Nickelodeon played "You Can't Do That on Television" and "Dangermouse." Cor! HBO showed Mike Tyson pummel everybody except Robin Givens, the bad actress from "Head of the Class" who took all Mike's cashflow.

I drank Dr. Pepper. "I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?" Shasta was for losers. TAB was a laboratory accident. Capri Sun was a social statement. Orange juice wasn't just for breakfast anymore, and bacon had to move over for something meatier.

My mom put a thousand Little Debbie Snack Cakes in my Charlie Brown lunch box, and filled my Snoopy Thermos with grape Kool-Aid. I would never eat the snack cakes, though. Did anyone? I got two thousand cheese and cracker snack packs, and I ate those.

I went to school and had recess. I went to the same classes everyday. Some weird guy from the eighth grade always won the science fair with the working hydro-electric plant that leaked on my project about music and plants. They just loved Beethoven.

Field day was bigger than Christmas, but it always managed to rain just enough to make everybody miserable before they fell over in the three-legged race. Where did all those panty hose come from? "Deck the Halls with Gasoline, fa la la la la la la la la," was just a song. Burping was cool. Rubber band fights were cooler. A substitute teacher was a baby sitter/marked woman. Nobody deserved that.

I went to Cub Scouts. I got my arrow-of-light, but never managed to win the Pinewood Derby. I got almost every skill award but don't remember ever doing anything.

The world stopped when the Challenger exploded.

Did a teacher come in and tell your class?

Half of your friends' parents got divorced.

People did not just say no to drugs.

AIDS started, but you knew more people who had a grandparent die from cancer.

Somebody in your school died before they graduated.

When you put all this stuff together, you have my childhood. If this stuff sounds familiar, then I bet you are one, too.

We are children of the eighties. That is what I prefer "they" call it.

You know you grew up in the 80s if....

You ever ended your sentence with "psych"
You solved the Rubics cube.....by peeling off the stickers
You watched the pound puppies
You can sing the rap to "the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"
You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish
You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own. (amen)
You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls
You know what 'Whoa' means from Blossom
Three words: M.C. Hammer
You thought it would be great to have a friend named "boner"
You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales"
If you played the chipmunks Christmas album all year long!
The crypt keeper really freaked you out
Remember reading Kool-Aid man comics
You ever watched Fraggle Rock
You had plastic streamers on the handle bars of your bike
You had a Big-Wheel
When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons
You wore a pony tail to the side of your head
You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen
You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school
You made your mom buy you one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side
You wanted to be a member of the Brat Pack
You cried while watching E.T. in the theatre
You saw watched Annie and learned "Tomorrow" by heart
EXCELLENT!
You had a Kirk Cameron, Chad Allen, Sean Astin, Corey Haim or Corey Feldman poster on your bedroom wall
You wore your acid washed jeans pegged at the ankles with leg warmers
You wanted to dress like Madonna and dye your hair like Cyndi Lauper
You played the game "Mash" with friends at school
You wore a Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of it
L.A. GEAR
Your mother wouldn't let you have garbage pail kids
You wanted to change your name to Jem in Kindergarten
You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off"
You wanted to be a Goonie
You ever wore fluorescent, neon if you will, clothing
You wanted to be on StarSearch
You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
You took Lunch pails to school
You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf
You remember the craze, and then banning of slap bracelets
You wore bangle bracelets and charm belts
You still get the urge to use "NOT" at the end of every statement
You remember Hypercolor T-shirts
Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band
You remember Punky Brewster
You loved Howard the duck
You thought Sheera and He-Man should hook up
You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you
exchanged "friendship bracelets"
You ever owned a pair of Jelly Shoes
After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you couldn't stop saying "I know you are but what am I?"
You remember the original "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
You remember "I've fallen...and I can't get up!"
You remember "Where's the Beef?"
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
You ever got seriously injured on a slip and slide
You know not to mix poprocks and soda
You have played with a 'skip-it'
You had or went to a birthday party at McDonald's
If you've ever wanted to go to Degrassi High
You ever sat on or used one knee on a skateboard
You learned oldies songs by watching Alvin and the Chipmunks
You had a Glow Worm or watched the cartoons
You remember dancing along with the Bangles in "Walk Like An Egyptian"
If you remember Heathcliff the orange cat
You saw the California Raisins Christmas claymation special
You've gone through this list occasionally saying "That wasn't from the 80's"
You remember Popples
DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You had to have at least one of the original Cabbage Patch Kids
You wore socks over tights with high-top Reeboks
You wore like 8 pairs of socks at once, scrunched down
MISS MARY MACK MACK MACK ALL DRESSED IN BLACK BLACK BLACK.....
You remember boom boxes instead of CD players
You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies
You remember the gimp fad
You remember the Transformers
You knew what it meant to say: "Care bear stare!!" and you had a favorite
You remember Rainbow Bright and MY Little Pony Tales
You remember watching TV thinking doogie howser was hot!
You emember Alf, the little furry brown alien from Malmac
You remember the large amounts of hairspray used
You remember those very stylish headbands
You remember Vicky the Robot
You wondered what a jigawatt was
You sang along with Tiffany or Debbie Gibson
David Bowie scared you in Labryinth
You learned how to fake being sick from Ferris Bueller
You remember Eve Garland from Out of this World and how she could stop time by pressing the tips of her index fingers together and talking to her dad through a glowing cube in her bedroom
You watched Chachi become Charles in Charge
You remember the beginning of New Kids on the Block
You remember watching The Cosby show
You remember Mr.Belvedere
You remember Michael J. Fox in Family Ties and Back to the Future

For more info on the 80s check out www.inthe80s.com and The 80s Exchange

Click or here to read a poem I wrote for fellow Generation Xers

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