Andy Martin (AM): PG Tips picture cards (packets of tea/ tea bags, the most popular brand in Britain). A colour painting or photograph on one side with informative, educational text on the reverse. Each little card was given away free with every box of tea. I had the complete set of British trees, British birds, commercial vehicles, astronomy and cricketers. Then they stopped making them in the 1980s, the worst decade in the history of world: crap politics, crap fashions, crap music.

AM: To promote the ethos and ideals of Rock in Opposition – to present and provide music and texts that promote a viable alternative to the oppressive, bland, anodyne, mediocre aural wallpaper inflicted on the public by the corporate rock muzak machine, not only in terms of the style and content of the works themselves but also I terms of the process of production, means of distribution and attitude toward communication. It is the duty of any intelligent and responsible artist to seek to eradicate capitalist relations in the creation and dissemination of art, music and literature. Commercial music, like television, is purely a means of social control. It is no accident that the members of most rock groups (especially punk and heavy metal bands) are white heterosexual men. It is also no accident that the reason gangsta rap elicits such hostility from authority is because it hardly ever presents black people as victims. Yes, I know all this sounds absurdly pompous, but what RIO offers has to be better than the crap you find in commercial music magazines. Pop music urgently requires more songs about cricket, anyway.

AM: We probably only have one life so why waste it writing boring, conservative, predictable sonic wallpaper the same as almost everyone else? Also, the corporate rock machine promotes music that adheres to formulaic, conformist, production line muzak. Folk, punk, metal and art rock all serve useful functions for different lyrics while purely instrumental variants of these idioms are also essential for variety. Analogy: if you vary your line, length and pace, occasionally bowl round the wicket, you’ll confuse more batsmen and take more wickets.

AM: 1)I want to be physically 25 again but mentally my current age and remain that way for the next 200 years; after that, I want to die suddenly, aged 240, on stage after I’ve just played the solo to end all solos, drum sticks in either hand, fag in the other and bottle (not tin) of Castlemaine XXXX in the other. What a way to go! 2)I want £1,000,000 so I can buy a house and build a recording studio in it then release the next 10 Unit albums, 3)I want aliens to land on Earth, destroy the Pentagon and take over control of governing the planet because humanity clearly is unable to do so, 4)I want my homosexuality to be cured so I can be a normal, healthy man, 5)I want 5 more wishes.

AM: In 1997 I would have accepted the offer at once. Now my relationship to the music business has changed. Why should we be just another mindless cog in the corporate rock machine? If such an offer was made to Unit, in order for the company to defend its profit margins, there would be so many compromises imposed on us that the albums would be chart fodder rubbish, indistinguishable from music of the oppressors designed to promote capitalist relations in the creation and distribution of pop music. The official media merely provides the boardroom bulletins of the white western world. Also, the record company would own all the copyright to our works on those albums, a situation I would now find utterly unacceptable. This is a problem that affects an orthodox left arm spinner like me – do I bowl negatively just outside the leg stump or try round the wicket for a catch at slip?

AM: 1)Phil Tufnell after his acrimonious separation from his first wife, Jane, 2)Graham Gooch in his team talk prior to the final test against the West Indies at the Oval in 1991 (which England won by 5 wickets).

AM: Leg byes if you’re a wicket keeper.

AM: No: She thought you wanted to know the name of that famous tune so she actually said “Ask Handel”. Anyway, Mark Waugh was naïve in his assertion that spinners provide easy runs; Phil Tufnell took his wicket 3 times in 3 consecutive innings.

AM: 1)Causing people to continue to fight, rebel and revolt against global capitalism, authority and bigotry, 2)Melodies and lyrics that people hum, whistle and sing at bus stops and supermarket queues or while washing the dishes or painting the cat, 3)Smile magazine and my two books, to prove that a university degree is not essential in order to be able to write informative, educational essays, 4)Providing a decent role model for other people who are disabled; I’m not supposed to be able to play a musical instrument or do any sports so doing martial arts twice a week and being a reasonable spin bowler and fielder in cricket (okay, I admit I’m crap batsman) will give hope to other people with my condition.

AM: How can we love humanity? It allowed the American invasion of Vietnam and subsequent atrocities committed against its people, the slaughter of 1 million innocent people in Cambodia, the massacre in Tian An Men Square and so on and so forth. Our nations are governed by human weeds because human weeds allow such governments to run their nations. We need a gardener, a thorough gardener, a brutal gardener, for unless these weeds are dealt with, they’ll ruin everything and our grand-children will curse us for what we will have done (or allowed to be done) to the world.

AM: Ngo Anchoi left the group on September 30th to pursue the final year of his university course. He was the only one of the original “Chinese” trio who stayed in the group – the other two left the band and turned against me as soon as they discovered I was queer and for that I shall continue to hate them until the day I die. We also welcome Mixon, a Malaysian friend of Garlen, who joined us as a second guitarist on October 2004. This means I am now the drummer of the group – bugger it, just when we were starting to sound professional, too.