"Laws grind the poor, and rich men rule the law."

-Oliver Goldsmith

"Through tatter’d clothes small vices do appear;

Robes and furr’d gowns hide all. Plate sin with gold,

And the strong lance of justice hurtless breaks;

Arm it in rags, a pigmy’s straw does pierce it."

-William Shakespeare

"The mounful truth is ev’rywhere confess’d –

Slow rises worth, by poverty depress’d."

-Mishima Yukio

"The millions who are poor in the U.S. tend to become increasingly invisible….It takes an effort of the intellect and will even to see them."

-Michael Harrington

"For without money, George, A man is but a beast: But bringing money, thou shalt be Always my welcome guest."

-George Barnwell

I am in the Beverly Hills Courthouse again. I have a check for $810 in my purse from ----. Bless
him. And be aware that he has agreed to extend himself for me because I am worth that much to him.

Much much calmer this time around: because although the attorney said, "It’s all over," the last
time I stood there crying, I knew better. I knew that $810 was the same as $810,000 – it was
that far from my reach.

I am imagining now going to Inglewood and getting that part adjudicated. Request moving the case to this court, for instance. IN FACT: ASK PD if possible…if possible then a light would
be visible even in that tunnel.

But what I was daydreaming was presenting the FTB proof of my $300 payment –while
mentioning, "Apparently you accept partial payments from the Franchise Tax Board, though you would not take $300 from me when I tried to pay that."

I have not provided for Rory in the event that I am jailed.

I do not know when I could pay even more…

Paid (by me, ----, gonman)	$40 A pink piece of paper
	$300 Inglewood...And $1448 min. more…
	$1684 Torrance fines
	$869 impound
	$852 classes
	$810 Beverly Hills fine...And $262 for not showing up....

And how much time lost from work? Since it takes up to two and one-half hours to get there. Get a ride when I can, otherwise take the bus. My arm hurts already since I take so much work home…since it is Friday, even more.

Now inside the room. A very severe looking young prosecutor would no doubt like to send me up the river.

(please don’t let her! don’t let her! here’s the money [better late than never?])

Getting scared. Do not cry. Enough crying. Though dignity is a stranger today. Almost every
day any more…Christ the walk from Imperial is going to be a big-time, MEGA drag. And
there’s only four hours left until 6:00. Gotta be there for Rory at 6:00.

In spite of the money in my purse my mind keeps going to jail, going to jail…being a dog
instead of a person, in the hallway and that horrible drill, and crying all the time I was awake –
sleeping like a corpse otherwise. And what Brok was doing to me while I suffered like a dog in
that hell. And the amazing flashing RAGE at Lifer's ignorant Unfunny joke.

And the reason I was there for five days. The TRUE reason. The sense of being hog-tied, then ordered to jump through hoops. The crime of poverty. A circa 1997 debtor’s prison. Too shy to
pee in company and suddenly anything remotely like privacy was gone. Those first moments of petrified disbelief before I really acknowledged the rality.

I have screwed up and cannot offer much in the way of excuses. Poverty and Cannot
drive…finished my court-ordered classes, paid approx $1500 in fines and $900 more in class
fees.

Income:	$12.60/hr	(and my hours have gone down, due to ­ travel time, so I make less now than when the fines were assessed)
Expenses	$600 /mo	Rent
	$370 to $570 /mo	Child Care
Phone	Cable	Transportation (cab, bus, train, friends)
Groceries	Laundry	Clothing

His 7th birthday is 05-17-99 and he has just about outgrown the clothes I got him in September…

All the crap with Gonman: immaterial, really, and historical today. Today I have a steady job and a purpose, a
reason to make this crap RIGHT.
My attorney is not showing. Either is the judge in fact. I am the ONLY person waiting to see the
judge and consult the lawyer. I guess she forgot talking to me yesterday and did not recognize
me earlier. She is so busy after all. And because I am seriously late showing up here myself,
no complaints will issue from my mouth.

Unless he jails me. Please don’t let him jail me! Suddenly the queasiness in my stomach. The
fear.fear.fear!!!

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a Poem My 40th birthday

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poems.........- The last refuge of the malcontent. Geocities Indie Journal

Copyright information: The works within these pages are protected under The CopyRight Laws Of The United States Of America. Use of any works within without expressed permission from the author is in direct violation of those laws and guarantees prosecution within the parameters of those laws as well as Bad Karma. CopyRight is held by Barbara Bales unless otherwise noted All CopyRight To Works Within Renewed 2005

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October 1999 entry August 22, 2001 - after my daughter died

the money, or some of it, in a spreadsheet...with my feelings about what went on

Bales Law

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