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21 year old guy, trying to get rid of sexual urges (self.Christianity)
submitted 14 hours ago by tjheittmann
Hey so I'm a 21 year old male. I'm a Christian. I'm also very immature and no where near being ready to get married or even date actually. I don't expect to get married before 30, if ever. But I have strong sexual urges and I hate it. I know that there's no place for that outside of marriage and it's sin. I just wish there was a way I could turn them off. I don't want to sin and rebel against God and I also don't want to get married. What can I do about these feelings? Thanks and God bless.
all 34 comments
[–]RedbeardCrew
Give yourself grace. Our Christian culture today is obsessed with sexual purity in a way I don’t think God is. If you don’t believe me read Genesis. See how many funky sexual quirks are going on that would be considered detestable today and God says nothing about it. He gives grace. He deals with people where they are at. I am not saying to not seek purity in this arena but realize your physical urges are strong and if you fall short of perfect there is great precedence to God being extremely gracious to his people in this arena. Don’t let it separate you from God but keep bringing it to him and trusting in his forgiveness.
We over sexualize everything in culture while simultaneously not allowing people to talk about sex in a healthy way because it is taboo. We become sexually mature at a much younger age than in generations past (especially the ancient world) and get married much older than in the past. We have extended the years of sexual frustration through many things in our culture. In other words we have made it tougher on people to stay pure and yet we expect a higher level of purity without a release valve of healthy discussion around the topic.
[–]hraefin
Great point about grace. Realizing that falling isn't the end of the world is a huge step towards being more sexually pure.
That said, some of your assertions about history aren't correct. In some cultures people did marry as soon as they became sexually mature (which was at a later age due to diet and such). However, many people didn't. The prophet Muhammad married a 9 year old girl. Additionally, men often had to be finiancially secure to marry a woman. For instance, many Christians believe the Joseph was in his 30's when he married Mary (who was in her mid teens). This also held for midevial, urban Italian culture as well in which the economic situation and laws encouraged men to delay marriage as long as possible but for women to be married as soon as possible. However, more rural and northern Europe more closely aligns with what you are suggesting (where two sexually mature teens or people in their twenties marry each other). You can find more information from r/askhistorians on this page from their wiki.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/3pafst/what_was_the_average_marriage_age_for_people/cw4w6vb/?st=jf15jjki&sh=8140289f
[–]Christian (Chi Rho)subarctic_guy
You're supposed to have a sexual drive. It's healthy and normal, the way God made you.
What you need is self control and to learn how to resist temptation. Make those your goals instead of trying to remove your God given sexuality.
[–]GOB_Farnsworth
Getting rid of sexual urges is easy. Just wait about 60 years.
But seriously, you can't get rid of your sexual urges. Without them the human race would have gone extinct long ago.
[–]Christian AnarchistELeeMacFall
What you can do is get older—you'll probably start to mellow out in your late 20s—and not beat yourself up in the meantime for being just like literally every human being ever.
For the long term, if you're sure about not getting married, you might consider joining a monastic order.
[–]Guardianangel93
As somebody who struggles with this as well I can share some practical (biblical) things you can do.
1.Perspective
You are clean. I know it may not feel that way, but 'we live by faith, not by sight'.
Jesus cleansed you from all unrighteousness and nothing will dirty you again. Saying it will is saying His blood was not enough.
Now what does this do?
It changes the way we see. Instead of being like 'God, I am so sorry. I want to stop this, please stop me. Please forgive me, I cant do this,...' all of a sudden we pray more like
'Thank you, God, that I am free. I am a new creation and everything has been made new. Thank you that I do not want to do these things anymore and that I do not have to. You are my Lord and my peace. I will rest in your finished work. You hung on that cross for me and now I am free. I love you God, you are my everything.'
Do you see what happens?
Instead of focusing on the problem you run to your Father, lean on Him and thank Him for what He did for you.
WHILE you are in temptation, maybe even watching porn or masturbating, pray this way.
'Truth will set you free' and we have to start kicking out every lie with truth.
2.(For watching porn) These people are your siblings
Maybe they didn't come to Christ yet, but salvation is available to them as well. Accepting this would make them your siblings.
Looking at things this way helped me a lot. I cant watch my sister do those kinds of things.
3.Get a friend you trust and be 100% open
Shame will keep us entangled. The bible tells us to bring everything into the light, not hide it.
I have witnessed what this can do. Be open about what you do with at least 1 person and the grip of lust will already start to loosen.
I started sharing about my problems with more people now and it gets easier and easier to resist.
One bible verse for you to lean on
Corinthians 10:13
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
[–]SWo777
But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other.
That sense of powerlessness, of failure, of unworthiness is the place of justification. That place is where the sense of not being right becomes the sense of being right, where we realise that everything is actually ok because nothing can separate us from the Love. There is absolutely nothing that we do or don't do can get in Its way.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
Our powerlessness reveals God's grace, because we are "accepted in the beloved" unconditionally.
Jesus said
I can do nothing on my own
Our weaknesses, failures, sins, problems etc etc form the ammunition by which we can be accused and it is in the mind where that battle takes place. But within, through, beyond and above these is the Grace which will receive us, come what may.
[–]BondservantOfChrist
/r/nofap has some sound science if you aren't persuaded by sound doctrine. Setting up software on your computer, router or for your browser can help, along with getting an accountability partner or making yourself accountable to those you live with by placing the computer in a more public part of your home. You can also order supplements that have been shown to have a statistically significant anaphrodisiac or libido lowering effect, such as this or this. Making a play list of doctrinally sound praise music can also help keep your mind from wandering. Regardless of what you do to help resist temptation, you must also flee from it. Lastly, rebuking the temptation verbally when done in faith can have a mighty result.
With that being said, the greatest and most consistent victory I've ever had over this type of temptation was by focusing squarely on Jesus Christ. Consider that in Matthew 14 where we read about Peter walking out on the waves to meet our Saviour, it was when he looked right or left and was reminded of the waves that he began to sink. It's not unlike driving a car. Do we look at where we don't want to go in order to get where we're going? The hands follow the eyes and so it is with the lust of the eyes and the sin you're struggling with. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.
[–]Apoo2 -
This.
r/nofap changed my life. I was 22 when I stopped masturbating. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I just stopped going online altogether as there is temptation everywhere. You are literally just a few clicks or keystrokes away from HD videos of the nastiest and most ungodly sexual acts that man's wicked mind can imagine. It was easier for me to just turn off the internet rather than deal with the urges to google "anal gang bang" or "cumslut milf" and go to Pornhub or Redtube.
At first, it seemed impossible. I got very anxious and crabby all the time. I couldn't sleep. I got headaches. Ugh. Honestly, it was awful.
But after few weeks, and steady doses of lithium orotate that you mentioned, my sex drive diminished to almost zero. Within 3 months, I couldn't even get an erection anymore.
4 years later, I couldn't be happier. I've gained quite a bit of weight and I have problems with frequent urination, which I'm told are side effects to the LO, but I can humbly say I feel like God has helped me conquer the lust that once conquered and discouraged me.
[–]Christian (Cross)kmarielynn
God created sex. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about having a natural desire for sex. Taking pills to get eliminate your sexuality altogether seems a bit drastic.
[–]Apoo2 -
Sex is a stumbling block for many, many Christians. We ought to take it seriously and remain pure.
[–]GOB_Farnsworth
This is actually really disturbing. You could be doing yourself permanent harm. This doesn't sound healthy.
[–]Apoo2 -2 points 6 hours ago
From Matthew 5:
"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."
What is better? Watching bisexual orgies and committing adultery in my heart? Or ceasing this wickedness and avoiding hell?
[–]GOB_Farnsworth 9 points 6 hours ago
So don't watch bisexual orgies. There's a middle ground between orgies and hating your own natural urges so much that you do yourself harm.
[–]Apoo2 1 point 5 hours ago
Again, read Matt 5 as I've quoted above.
If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away.
And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.
[–]GOB_Farnsworth 3 points 5 hours ago
I'd suggest you're reading it far too literally.
[–]Roman Catholic15dreadnought
You can't turn it off, these feelings and urges are unavoidable. What you can learn is self control. What I've done is start a tally of how many days I can go without masturbating/using porn.
[–]User_of_names04
This is gonna sound stupid, but whenever you have a lusty thought pop into your head just say to yourself "Nope. Not gonna think about that" and try to redirect your thoughts. Oddly enough, it works pretty well.
[–]Eastern OrthodoxSisoes
Easy answer. Fast rigorously and pray.
[–]Pentecostallbguitarist
I had an experience about a month ago when God called me out on my struggle with porn (you can go through my post history for the details). It sounds cliche but I prayed and thanked God that I'm a pure and righteous man of God.
There's a Scripture in Proverbs (I think) that says "the power of life and death lies in our tongue". Even if I didn't truly feel like it at the time, I spoke it over my life and declared it and God freed me of that sin.
As for sexual urges, one of the devil's biggest lies is making us believe we're the only one going through something shameful. Most Christian men have struggled with porn or sexual immorality at some point and those who say they haven't either haven't yet or are lying.
[–]lmaorelaxgirl -
the bible says if u cannot control urself u should be married so that you can be righteous before god. but it is better to not be married and control yourself.
[–]Christian (Cross)kmarielynn
Is getting married just so you can have sex any better than lusting outside of a marriage though? Marriage is important and it shouldn't be something you do frivolously. This sounds like a loophole.
[–]lmaorelaxgirl
i mean personally i don't think anyone should marry just for sex. i'm more or less quoting scripture though. take it with a grain of salt lol.
[–]NightAngel1981 -
Get married. I know that's not what you want, but maybe its what you need.
[–]Eastern Orthodox (Catechumen)whisper-dan92
lol ya because it's just that easy.
[–]Christian (Cross)deprecate_c
Getting married, at 21, just to bang someone is just about one of the worst choices you could possibly make. And also a sure-fire way to a divorce after less than a year which is a far far bigger sin than busting a nut
[–]NightAngel1981
Well clearly I am not saying go marry the first woman you meet, but yes to get married so one abstains from sin is preferential to sinning.
[–]NightAngel1981
Well thanks for the downvotes. Look it's purely scriptural, Paul tells young men to get married if they are unable to resist the pull of sin in sexual life.
[–]jumping_ham
Stop looking for the good in yourself, look for the good in others. When you find it, you'll want to enjoy it. Soon you will see how you actions take away or add on to what you like about another person. You find yourself acting a certain way so that you dont intrude on their happiness. You also try to help them when they hurt their own happiness. Seeing someone as another human being just like you makes it hard to be having sexual thoughts towards them because you know that you're trying to be happy and stay away from that kind of stuff, you'll do the same for others. Once you learn that, you forget that you had that problem, you realize that you had let it die.
[–]hope32628
Yoga has been very helpful to me in this regard, as has the no-fap subreddit r/nofap
One thing popular on no-fap and has worked wonders for me in getting rid of sexual urges is cold showers
Check those out, they might help
[–]Lutheranjmj1970 -
Marriage isn't about our wants, feelings, or desires. It is about serving our spouse. Any two Christians, who have a biblical understanding of marriage can have a successful one. It is the arena in which two people learn to be Christians in support of the process of sanctification.
I suggest reading the following document:
Human Sexuality: A Theological Perspective
and an excellent book is:
the mystery of marriage: meditations on the miracle by Mike Mason
I would suggest these issues, etc. podcast segments:
God’s Gift of Marriage, Part 1 – Pr. Scott Stiegemeye
God’s Gift of Marriage, Parts 2 & 3 – Pr. Scott Stiegemeyer
A Vocational Approach to Marriage – Anna Mussmann • Moral Order of the World. Sixth Commandment: Sexuality, by Albert Drexel ( +1977)
= = = = = = = = = = = = =Taken from Reddit: Christianity. 21 year old guy etc.
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