Cold Flame

By samuraiheart

 

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi and these characters are the property of their respective owners and do not belong to me.

 

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Chichiri materialized behind Hikou and grabbed onto his shoulders tightly with one hand while taking one of Hikou’s hands and grasping it tightly in his own. He was not going to let go this time no matter what happened.

 

“Tasuki! Use your flames on my kesa! Concentrate everything on burning it! If you do that, we’ll break the water wall and the flames will reach inside!” He shouted above the roar of the rushing water around him. He strained to keep hold of his friend amidst the powerful floods and closed his eye briefly and nodded an acknowledgement of his fate. He knew what he had to do and he was prepared to risk his life for the sake of Miaka and the other seishi. Hikou had to be stopped. That’s all there was to it.

 

“Wha… What are you talking about? If I do that, then you’ll…” Tasuki’s frightened voice shook with hesitation and Chichiri tried not to let that get to him. There was no other way. It had to be done.

 

“Hurry! If you don’t then Miaka will…” Chichiri persisted. Time was running out. He glanced briefly at his surroundings and wished he could see one last glimpse of Tasuki’s face before it ended. He never got the chance to tell him how much he really meant to him. The dim purple light danced around him and Hikou’s barrier tore at his shirt. Soon it would do even more damage.

 

“Your penetrating my water barrier is impressive, Chichiri. However, you can’t use any special powers in here.” Hikou grinned maliciously. “Holding me is taking all of your strength. His flames? That amateurish trick will never work! You were a fool, Chichiri!”

 

Chichiri ignored the stinging words and fought off the tears shimmering in his good eye. Just a little longer. “My body can’t take this water pressure much longer! Do it, Tasuki! DO IT!” He shouted as loud as he could.

 

The world suddenly became awash with red as Tasuki’s flames rushed towards them and Chichiri closed his eye to prepare for the end. He tried to convince himself that this was for the best, but his heart beat quickly in his chest and his breath came in short, desperate gasps. There were so many more things he wanted to do and so many more things he wanted to say. His eye widened as he felt Hikou pull away from him and he gazed at his former friend in astonishment as the demon used his magic to deflect the blow. Fiery energy danced amidst the flowing water briefly and then turned back towards where it came.

 

 Chichiri gasped in horror and yelled out a warning. “TASUKI! RUN!”

 

Everything seemed to happen at once as Hikou disappeared back to some other realm, his laughter echoed against the walls of the cave. Flames exploded all around Chichiri as he ran towards the spot where he had last seen Tasuki standing. He fell to his knees beside his fallen friend and felt tears began to stream down his cheek mixing with the water that had already soaked his clothing. Tasuki lay unconscious on the wet ground. His orange bangs were plastered against his forehead and his face appeared unnaturally pale in the dim light. Chichiri reached out hesitantly and checked for some signs of life, but he found none. His soul ached with the knowledge that another seishi had been lost and his heart wept at the love he had never revealed. He bit his lip to keep back the sobs, but nothing seemed to matter anymore. He was gone. Tasuki was gone. The love his life had given all he had and had nothing to show for it. Hikou was still as powerful as ever and Tenkou was surely pleased at his latest victory. Chichiri picked up one of Tasuki’s limp hands and held it to his cheek as he cried bitter tears and wondered how he could ever survive alone in this world. He wrapped his arms around the young man lying before him and held him close against his chest as he ran his fingers through drenched orange hair. Fire had battled water and the flame had gone out. It had all been for nothing. Nothing mattered anymore. There was no reason to go on. Chichiri had never felt such despair and loneliness as he did at that moment. He clutched Tasuki closer to him and closed his eye. He buried his head against Tasuki’s shoulder and screamed in agony at the tragedy of it all. Tasuki didn’t deserve to die like this. It was too much…

 

Chichiri awoke with a start and briefly wondered if anyone else had heard his screams. He hoped they hadn’t been too loud. He sat up carefully and set aside the pillow he had been clutching in his sleep. His cheek glimmered with tears that were all too real and he brushed them away carelessly. He took a ragged breath and pulled himself to his feet. It had seemed so real this time. Not like the other dreams. This one had been different. This one scared him more than anything else he had ever experienced. He fought back new sobs and stumbled over to the wall nearest to Tasuki’s room. He placed his hand on the hard wooden surface and bent his head. Emotions washed over him and he fought desperately to keep back the sadness that swirled around in his thoughts. Images from the dream still haunted him and he could still see the visions when he closed his eyes. Tasuki… lifeless… Chichiri shook his head and fell to his knees in the corner of the dark room. He couldn’t take this much longer. The dreams were getting worse and the pain and loneliness he felt were too much for him to handle on his own.

 

*******************

 

Tasuki opened his eyes suddenly and glanced around the room. Something had woken him up. He was not a particularly light sleeper and something had wrenched him out of a deep sleep. He pulled back the covers and swung his legs over the edge of the bed as he strained to hear some sort of sound that might give him a clue to the disturbance. There it was again, only softer and it was coming from next door – Chichiri’s room.

 

“Damn it!  He must have had another nightmare.” Tasuki muttered as he fumbled in the darkness for a candle. He lit it quickly and held his hand in front of the flame to keep it from going out as he tip toed down the hall towards Chichiri’s door. This was happening more and more frequently and he didn’t know what to do anymore. He knew what would happen. It was always the same. He would walk in to find Chichiri sitting up in bed with an agonized look on his face, but after a few seconds the look would fade and Chichiri would assure him that everything was fine and insist that he go back to bed. The routine was getting old. Chichiri’s high-pitched speech would be peppered with just the right amount of “no da”s and there would be nothing Tasuki could do to change the situation.

 

He only wished Chichiri would confide in him. He hated to see his friend in pain, but it was even worse to know that he hadn’t even seen the half of it. Chichiri kept so much of his heart ache and hurt bottled up behind that fake tone of voice and that infernal mask of his.

 

Tasuki knocked softly on Chichiri’s door and listened intently as the muffled sound stopped abruptly. Tasuki raised an eyebrow in curiosity. His heart beat quickly in his chest as he knocked again. He took a deep breath and almost turned away, but decided he’d rather not risk it. He had to know that Chichiri was okay no matter how rude the intrusion might be or how quickly his assistance would be waved away.

 

He opened the door cautiously and quickly scanned the room for any immediate signs of trouble. His candle lit a small circle of the room as he stepped forward, but the corners of the room remained dark.

 

“Chichiri?” Tasuki asked hesitantly. His voice shook with anticipation. “Chichiri? Are you okay?” He took a few steps forward and let the candle’s flame dance over the bed. It was empty. The sheets were twisted and thrown to one side. That worried him even more. Tonight must have been an especially bad dream. Maybe the blue-haired monk had run off. “Chichiri?” Tasuki repeated one more time.

 

A small strangled sound caught Tasuki’s attention and he turned towards a dark corner to his left. The flame flickered briefly as he bent closer and revealed the outline of someone sitting there. Tasuki blinked several times and tilted his head. He was afraid that he was just seeing things. He set the candle closer to the figure and gasped at the sight it illuminated. Chichiri was huddled in the corner, pressed up as close to the wall as he could get. Tears streamed down his cheek and his knees were bent up to his chin. He brought his arm up to cover his face and turned away from his visitor as Tasuki knelt closer to him.

 

“Oh, Chichiri, what happened?” Tasuki asked cautiously. His voice was warm with concern.

 

Those words seemed to melt whatever restraint the older man had as several half-choked sobs escaped his lips and he shook his head. Tasuki reached out and took Chichiri’s hand in his own, but the monk flinched and pulled away. His good eye shimmered in the dim light of the candle and Tasuki’s eyes widened at the distraught man before him. He wanted so much to gather his friend in his arms and whisper that everything would be okay. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t deserve this and that he loved him and that he only wanted to make him happy, but these thoughts stayed locked in Tasuki’s heart as he reached out one more time and gently placed a hand on Chichiri’s shoulder. The bandit expected him to pull away again, but he seemed a little bit calmer now.

 

“It’s okay, Chichiri. It’s me Tasuki.”

 

Chichiri raised his head slightly and stared up at the other man. His eye was still slightly glazed over and Tasuki wasn’t sure if he understood what was going on. “Tasuki… Why…” Chichiri said softly in a voice rough with tears.

 

In one fluid motion, Tasuki scooted closer to the monk and Chichiri laid his head on his friend’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around Tasuki’s waist and sat there in the darkness as echoes of a nightmare ran through his mind and blended with the reality around him.

 

Tasuki stiffened at first. He had never expected this and he wasn’t exactly sure what to think of it, but his own concern for his friend gradually outweighed the shock of finally being able to hold him close like this. Tasuki lifted his arms gently and placed them around Chichiri’s shaking form. He ran his fingers delicately through Chichiri’s hair and whispered words he thought the monk would want to hear even though he had no idea if they would be true. “Shhhh… Chichiri… everythin’ll be alright…” He swallowed thickly when he felt Chichiri shake his head and held on to him a little tighter. He was almost afraid to let go. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of Chichiri leaving again. Lately, Chichiri’s visits back to the bandits’ camp had been more and more frequent, but each time the monk seemed more weary and desperate than when he left.

 

Tasuki cradled his friend in his lap and wondered briefly what had caused all of this. Which memory was haunting his friend tonight? Which regret was tearing at his soul now? He couldn’t even guess anymore. He doubted that even Chichiri knew for sure. He paused for a moment and realized that the monk had fallen asleep there in his arms. He glanced briefly at the candle and noted that it had burned down considerably. He wondered how long he had been here. He let out a deep breath he hadn’t even known he had been holding in and ran his hand down Chichiri’s slender back.

 

I love you so much, Chichiri. Why can’t you see that? Tasuki frowned and shook his head. There was no reason to get into that tonight. He listened to Chichiri’s slow even breathing and wished that there was more light in the room at this hour. He wanted to see Chichiri’s face. He wondered if the pain left him when he slept or if despair was etched on his features after so many years of carrying such a heavy burden. Tasuki shook the man gently and pulled away from his friend’s sleepy embrace.

 

“Come on, Chiri-chan. Ya should be in bed.”

 

Chichiri looked up and answered with a small nod. They both pulled themselves to their feet and Tasuki kept a light grip on Chichiri’s arm as he helped him back to bed. Chichiri looked away. He couldn’t meet the bandit’s gaze as he struggled for something to say. “Sorry, Tasuki no da. It was just a nightmare, but I’m fine now na no da.” He fought to make his voice sound as steady as possible, but it sounded weak even to his own ears.

 

Tasuki frowned and reached out to place a hand under Chichiri’s chin and bent his head. Chichiri’s good eye stared back at him with something that Tasuki could only describe as indifference. It was an act he knew all too well, but there was no way to break through it.

 

Chichiri kept his feelings to himself no matter how much pain he was in and it was very rare that he would share them with anyone. Moments of weakness like what he had seen earlier were rare and not to be talked about. Tasuki sighed and knew he had lost yet another battle.

 

He turned away and left the room as Chichiri laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. He tried to ignore the warmth of Tasuki’s embrace that still lingered as he drifted off to sleep.

 

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The next day, Tasuki eyed the blue-haired seishi warily at lunch. He and several other bandits sat around the large wooden table and passed around a platter full of food. They each took their share and dove into the dish without much concern for manners or anyone else at the table. Tasuki usually enjoyed meals with the others, but he couldn’t keep his mind off what had happened last night.

 

The memory of Chichiri leaning against him with tear- stained cheeks and a desperate note in his voice had burned itself into his thoughts. Now, he stared at the monk sitting a few seats away and marveled at the difference. This was not Chichiri – at least, not the real Chichiri. It was all an act. The monk smiled brightly through his mask and laughed heartily at Kouji’s jokes.

 

The whole scene was unnerving to the fiery-haired bandit and he left the table abruptly without explanation. Kouji stared after him for a moment, but Chichiri dismissed the action with a wave of his hand a shake of his head. Soon the conversation had started again and no one seemed to notice Tasuki’s absence.

 

Tasuki paced the narrow path outside near the river and clenched his fists. He bit back the anger that seethed in his own heart. It wasn’t that he was angry with Chichiri, it was just that he was so tired of playing this game and frustrated with seeing what his friend put himself through. He wasn’t perfect and everyone knew it. Why did he do this to himself? Why didn’t he just ask for help? Tasuki shook his head and looked up at the sky in a silent plea for some one or something to help him. He couldn’t handle this on his own any longer. He was running out of ideas.

 

He sat down defeatedly underneath a nearby tree and stared off into the distance. He let his mind wander back over all of the years he had known Chichiri and wondered when this had all started. His lips curved downward in disgust at the thought that Chichiri had hidden all of his pain and anguish underneath that thin mask throughout everything. It was hard for him to admit it, but he knew it was true. Chichiri had been hiding his sorrow for a long time and he was very good at it. Not since the incident with Hikou had Tasuki really seen him let down his barriers and even that he had quickly pushed aside once a new danger appeared. Well, he had revealed something last night, but that had been such a brief moment that it hardly counted and everything was back to its absurdly perfect state the next morning.

 

Tasuki frowned and leaned his head back against the hard wood. Pain grows over time. You can’t keep it inside forever. He was scared to think what would happen when it finally became too much for Chichiri to handle. He shuddered at the thought and forced the gruesome images from his mind. He didn’t want to think about that now. Chichiri would never take his own life, would he? Tasuki couldn’t be sure of the answer and that scared him more than anything else.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching. He stood up quickly to greet the intruder. It was Kouji.

 

“There ya are, Genrou! Aren’t ya goin’ ta come say goodbye?”

 

Tasuki stared blankly at his friend. “Say goodbye? Who’s leaving?”

 

Kouji patted Tasuki on the back affectionately and shook his head. “Awww, he said ya talked about it last night. Chichiri’s leavin’ again.”

 

Tasuki’s eyes widened. “W-what?” he stammered. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t lose him now. He had to find a way to make him stay. A cold fear spread over Tasuki’s heart as he ran towards the main building.

 

“Chichiri!” he shouted breathlessly, but the monk was nowhere in sight. He couldn’t have left already, could he? Without even saying goodbye?

 

One of the bandits pointed towards the front door and shouted to Tasuki. “If you’re lookin’ for your friend, he’s out there.”

 

Tasuki nodded and tried the door. He paused at the sight before him. Chichiri stood a few feet away carrying a small pack of his belongings and his staff. His shimmering purple kesa was draped over his shoulders and his wide kasa hung on his back. The hat rocked slightly as Chichiri turned around and met Tasuki’s gaze with a brilliant grin.

 

The mask carefully concealed any of the doubts or fears that might have crossed his mind and Tasuki hated it for that. He wanted to walk over and rip the thin covering from his friend’s face, but all he could do was stare. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. He had to do something. He had to say something – anything to make him stay. He didn’t want to go through this again. His heart beat quickly in his chest and his breath came in shallow gasps as he searched for something to convey these feelings.

 

Chichiri looked over at him briefly and dipped his head in a small nod. “Goodbye, Tasuki-chan no da. I’ll see you soon na no da.”

 

The cheerful tone in his voice rang in Tasuki’s ears and he raised a hand toward his friend in a vain attempt to stop him. They stood there alone for a few seconds until Tasuki broke the silence with one tortured question.

 

“Why, Chichiri?” His eyes glittered with tears and his hands shook slightly as he stepped towards his friend and grasped his shoulders. He shook the monk firmly and stared at him accusingly. His lips parted slightly, but there was nothing else to say.

 

He shook his head when Chichiri didn’t answer and after a few awkward moments the monk pulled away and turned to go. He waved cheerfully from the place where the path bent to the right and would soon be obscured by trees.

 

Tasuki stood there long after the monk disappeared from his sight. He took in a shaky breath and swallowed hard. Eventually he bent his head and closed his eyes letting the tears overflow and slide slowly down his cheeks.

 

*************************

 

Moonlight spilled over the flowing water of the river and danced across the trees in an ever-changing pattern of light and darkness. A cool breeze blew threw the trees and shook the leaves with a gentle rustling sound.

 

Chichiri bent closer and dipped his hand into the river. He let the frigid droplets trickle down his fingertips and back into the rushing water below. He shivered slightly in the cold night air and wrapped his kesa more securely around his shoulders.

 

The monk leaned his head back against the sturdy trunk of a tree and stared up at the velvety black sky above him. The stars twinkled against the dark background and swirled in front of him as he felt tears beckoning again. He closed his eye reluctantly and fought off the sobs that threatened to escape his lips. One shimmering tear traced a path down his pale cheek and he quickly wiped it away. He took a deep breath and stood to go. He was probably just tired. He should really get some rest. He had a long way to travel tomorrow if he wanted to make it to the next town.

 

Weariness tugged at the edge of Chichiri’s consciousness as he turned around and glanced at the small fire he had built earlier. It wasn’t enough to keep him very warm in the evening air, but it would have to do for now. He glanced at the river one more time and wondered how much simpler it would be to just end it all now. He shuddered at the thought and fought off the images of Hikou reaching out his hand in a desperate attempt to stay afloat in the rushing water.

 

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Later the next day, Chichiri arrived in a small village and stopped by the local shrine. He kneeled dutifully before scrolls and statues. His lips moved silently as he clutched his beads and repeated the words of prayer he knew so well. The same phrases over and over crossed his lips. He wondered briefly when he had stopped caring. He stumbled across his words as a memory washed over him. Fiery orange hair and pleading eyes. He fought past the interruption and tried to continue the prayers where he had left off.

 

Chichiri strained to keep calm amidst the distraction. He could almost hear the sound of Tasuki’s last words to him and feel the warmth of his hands on his shoulders. He was having trouble concentrating today. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered why. He used to have no problem blocking out the loudest of distractions, but things had changed so much in the last few years or maybe they hadn’t changed at all. Maybe he just wasn’t cut out for this. Maybe he didn’t belong here. Maybe this was a waste of time.

 

The monk frowned and grabbed the string of beads that hung around his neck. In one swift motion he pulled the necklace until the cord broke and threw the ornamental string of beads against the opposite wall. They hit the surface with a dull sound and then clattered as they fell against the floor and rolled in several directions.

 

Chichiri clenched his fists at his own lack of self-control and berated himself for his careless actions. He unclasped his hands and leaned back slightly on his heels. He guessed that was enough praying for today. He felt so insignificant at times like this. No amount of prayer or worship could make up for what he had done and nothing could bring any of them back. Not his fiancée or his child hood friend or any of the other seishi.

 

He shivered at the loneliness he felt and walked over to the far wall to retrieve the beads. He picked them up one by one and gathered them carefully in a fold of his kesa. Then he knelt down and began to restring the necklace precisely. He focused all of his attention on the simple task and held on to the string tightly as one bead after another slide down the thin cording and back into place along the length of the string. When all of the beads had been returned to their proper place, he tied the cord tightly to keep the beads secure and hung it back around his neck. He replaced the mask on his face and walked out of the shrine determinedly as if nothing at all unusual had happened. He knew the façade wouldn’t last, but he hoped that he could at least make it out of the town before his world collapsed around him once again.

 

*************************

 

Chichiri stumbled along the path between towns absent-mindedly – trying desperately to block out the images and bits of conversation that haunted his mind. Hikou. Kouran. Nuriko. Chiriko. Mitsukake. Hotohori. Tasuki. He paused at that last thought and stared at the empty road before him. He felt so alone and helpless, but what if Tasuki felt the same way? Those last few moments must have been horrible for him and all the monk had done was wave it away like it wasn’t important at all and just walked away. He told himself that it didn’t matter and that he didn’t deserve a friend like Tasuki anyway – Tasuki was better off without him, but something in his own heart ached with a pain that went far beyond the loss of a friendship.

 

Chichiri shook his head and glanced up at the sky. It was getting dark and he hadn’t seen any signs of a town since a few hours ago. Maybe he was heading in the wrong direction. He sighed and set down his belongings under a nearby tree. Well this was as good a place as any to stop. At least he could make a fresh start in the morning. His eyelid grew heavy after a few moments and he huddled closer to the trunk of the tree and hoped that sleep would come soon.

 

“CHICHIRI!”

 

Chichiri sat up quickly and looked around. Had he heard someone call his name or was it just a dream? The sun was just beginning to peek out over the horizon and the sky glowed with just a hint of yellow and soft touches of pink and purple over the trees.

 

“CHICHIRI!”

 

Taiitskun! That was her calling him! He wondered what she wanted. She didn’t sound happy, but he shrugged and started the teleportation spell that would take him back to Mt. Taikyoku. Anything had to be better than what he was doing now. After a few moments, the walls and floors of Taiitskun’s place came into view. He blinked a few times to readjust himself to his surroundings and then looked up at the old woman sitting a few feet in front of him on her red-carpeted throne.

 

“Good morning, Taiitskun no da. Do you need something na no da?” Chichiri asked cheerfully from behind the mask.

 

The old woman rolled her eyes and floated closer to her pupil. “Do I NEED something? I govern this world and you think I NEED something?” She shook her head and returned to her seat gazing at him intently. “What I need is for my best pupil to stop contemplating suicide!”

 

Chichiri stared at the floor and did not answer.

 

“And take off that stupid mask. You don’t need it here.” Chichiri shivered at the words and knew that Taiitskun meant more than she said. He couldn’t hide from her. She could see through him.

 

Chichiri slowly reached for the edge of his mask and pulled it away in one swift motion. With a wave of his hand the magical mask disappeared and he closed his eye. He felt uncomfortable standing in front of her so vulnerable. He felt transparent without his mask. She could see everything. Of course, she probably knew it all anyway.

 

He let out a deep breath and looked up at her solemnly. Her lips tightened briefly at the sight and he wondered what she saw in his expression. He wondered if the weariness in his soul showed on his face or if the pain he felt in his heart was evident somewhere amidst his features.

 

“I know what’s going on, Chichiri.” Taiitskun said seriously, but her tone held a hint of gentleness.

 

Chichiri swallowed hard and tried to prepare himself for what she might say next. He wasn’t sure how much she really knew, but if she knew even half of it he would have some difficult explaining to do.

 

“There’s only one thing I don’t quite understand. Why are you still here?”

 

Chichiri’s eye widened and he clutched his shakujo tightly. “W-what do you mean, no da?”

 

Taiitskun glared at her pupil and he stared down at his feet. He knew exactly what she meant. If he really was contemplating suicide, why hadn’t he gone through with it? It would be so easy. He brushed the bangs away from his face and took a deep breath and searched for the right words. “I guess… I don’t want to leave him – Tasuki, I mean. I don’t want him to have to be alone.”

 

Chichiri bit his lip closed his eye briefly. He looked up at his teacher uncertainly.

 

Taiitskun frowned back at him. “Oh quit the selfless act! That’s all well and good, but you know it’s more than that! You can’t hide anything from me. You LOVE him!”

 

Chichiri’s gaze darted back and forth across the room as he searched for some way to respond, but he couldn’t quite find the words. He opened his mouth to say something, but bent his head in defeat instead.

 

Taiitskun crossed her arms in front of her. She almost felt sorry for her pupil as he stood before her staring at the floor dejectedly. “He loves you too, you know.” She continued sympathetically. Sometimes human beings confused her so much. She floated closer to him and moved to eye level so that she could look at him more closely. “What are you so afraid of?” She raised one eyebrow in confusion.

 

“I can never be what he needs. He deserves so much better.” Chichiri answered in a voice that was nearly a whisper.

 

“He loves YOU. No one else.” She said emphatically. “So what are you planning to do about it?”

 

Chichiri shrugged and shook his head.

 

“Are you just going to wander alone for the rest of your life and let him pine after you up on that mountain? Why, Chichiri? Why should two people be lonely when all you have to do is a take a chance and maybe console two wounded hearts?”

 

Chichiri looked up at Taiitskun and took in a ragged breath. His good eye shimmered with tears that soon graced his cheek and trickled over his jaw line. “You don’t understand…” he persisted and let go of his shakujo. His fingers shook as he wiped away the tears and the metal staff clanged against the floor as it came down to rest near his feet. The sound echoed in the silence of the large chambers and contrasted starkly to the monk’s whispered words.

 

“All you have to do is tell him. You know he’s not perfect either, right?” Taiitskun asked as she put a hand on Chichiri’s shoulder.

 

Chichiri nodded slowly. It was difficult for him to admit, but he knew she was right. He loved Tasuki and Tasuki loved him. Maybe that was enough. Maybe they could finally find happiness with that.

 

The air around him began to shimmer with electricity and Chichiri looked up at Taiitskun tentatively. She winked at him and suddenly he found himself standing in the narrow hallway of the bandits’ hideaway on Mt. Leikaku. He bit his lip nervously as he stared at the door to Tasuki’s room. Something told him that the redheaded bandit was on the other side and he knew what he had to do. He just wasn’t exactly sure how to began. He knocked softly and waited for a response.

 

“Just a minute!” Tasuki shouted as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He sat on the edge of his bed and turned towards his visitor as whoever it was ignored his request and opened the door before he had a chance to compose himself. Tasuki’s eyes widened at the sight before him. In his doorway stood a slightly weary looking monk whose maskless face stared back at him with an expression somewhere between fear and anticipation. His eye glimmered with recently shed tears and his hand shook as it tried to keep a steady hold on his staff, the metal rings of which tinkled softly in the silence of the room.

 

“Chichiri…” Tasuki said breathlessly as the monk set aside his things and came to sit beside Tasuki on the bed. He took one of the bandit’s hands in his own and looked up at him sincerely.

 

“Why do you care so much, Tasuki?” Chichiri asked tentatively. He knew it wasn’t the best way to begin a conversation, but he had to know. After everything they’d been through together and all of the times that Chichiri had turned away and left him without any explanation, how could he still hold on to that attitude? How could he forgive so easily and still be there after all of this time?

 

Tasuki looked down at where their hands met and closed his eyes. His heart beat quickly in his chest, but he knew that now was as good a time as any to say it. Maybe Chichiri would stay if only he knew the truth or maybe he would run away again. Tasuki decided to take a chance. “Because I love you, Chiri-chan.”

 

Chichiri’s lips curved up very slightly for a moment and he nodded solemnly. “I… I… Tasuki…” Chichiri closed his eye and fought to gain control on the mix of emotions running around in his head. There were so many things that he wanted to say, but there were also so many things holding him back. He came back to his senses when he felt Tasuki’s reassuring hand on his shoulder and looked up into his expectant gaze.

 

“S’okay, Chichiri. Ya don’t have to feel the same. I just wanted ya ta know.” Tasuki tried to sound cheerful, but he couldn’t meet his friend’s gaze.

 

Chichiri’s shoulders slumped and he looked down at the bed. “I’m scared, Tasuki-chan.” His voice shook slightly, but he continued, building assurance as he went along. “I don’t know where to start or if I even belong here at all.” He ran a hand through his bangs nervously and looked up at Tasuki. The bandit was staring at him uncertainly, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that gave Chichiri the courage to go on. “I’ve never cared about anyone more than I care about you. I don’t ever want you to be lonely again.”

 

Chichiri paused and Tasuki wrapped his arms around the monk in a possessive hug. Chichiri leaned his head against Tasuki’s shoulder and took a deep breath as tears overflowed from Tasuki’s eyes and he ran his fingers through Chichiri’s light blue hair. “Chichiri, just don’t leave me again.” Tasuki whispered pleadingly.

 

After a few moments, Chichiri pulled away and fought back his own tears to continue his words. He shook his head. He wasn’t finished yet. He had to say this. “It’s been so long, Tasuki. I’m not sure if I know how, but I want to try… I want to love you, Tasuki. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

 

Tasuki leaned forward and lifted one hand to softly caress Chichiri’s cheek. He held it there for a moment and then lifted Chichiri’s head slightly so that they were face to face and just inches apart.

 

“Tasuki-chan, I’m so sorry…” Chichiri said sincerely and struggled against the pain and guilt he felt washing over him.

 

Tasuki smiled genuinely and ran a finger over Chichiri’s lips. “Shhhh….” Tasuki shook his head and leaned forward. “I know.” He said simply and pressed his lips against Chichiri’s mouth gently.

 

Chichiri marveled at the sensation of Tasuki’s mouth against his and moaned as Tasuki parted his lips and deepened the kiss by running his warm tongue over Chichiri’s lower lip. Chichiri brought his arms up to wrap around Tasuki’s shoulders and pulled him closer. Years of restrained passion and longing found its way into that kiss and when they finally pulled away, both men were breathless. Possibilities danced within the space between them and they both knew they had a long way to go, but the future stretched out before them in a glorious new path filled with renewed hope and compassion. They weren’t alone anymore and the world seemed very different now that they had someone to share it with.

 

~Owari~

 

Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it!