Shinobu sat up with Mitsuru for several hours watching him breathe, stroking his hair and hoping that this could all be resolved soon. He knew Shun was right. Mitsuru wasn’t going to let go of this so Shinobu would have to let go of his own fears and tell Mitsuru the truth.

When had this all started? “How long have I loved you Mitsuru?” Shinobu smiled when he couldn’t imagine a time when he had not loved him. “So why haven’t I told you… why have I put you through this?”

Shinobu sighed as insecurity and self-doubt took over, but they melted away as he glanced at Mitsuru. It doesn’t matter to him, he thought suddenly. He knows everything about me and he still loves me.

Glancing at his alarm clock, Shinobu decided he’d better go to bed. It was getting late. He leaned over Mitsuru and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’ll do it for you Mitsuru. I’d do anything for you.” He whispered.

He climbed into the top bunk and fell asleep quickly.

Several hours later, as the sun was beginning to rise, Shinobu woke up to the sound of Mitsuru’s voice. It took him a moment to realize what was going on.

“No… no… no… please no.” he heard Mitsuru repeating over and over.

He climbed down and found Mitsuru asleep, but obviously struggling with some sort of nightmare. Small beads of sweat had formed on his temples and forehead and he was clutching the blanket tightly. Shinobu shook him gently until he opened his eyes. He looked so lost and he was shaking. Shinobu sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to him.

“It was only a dream Mitsuru… only a dream.”

Mitsuru leaned into the embrace and rested his head on Shinobu’s shoulder. His breathing was ragged.

“It was so real.” He said breathlessly.

“It’s okay… its over now.” Shinobu said calmly.

He ran his hand through Mitsuru’s soft brown hair and held him closer.

Suddenly, Mitsuru stiffened and pulled away until he was up against the wall as far from Shinobu as he could get in the small space of the bed.

He glared at Shinobu and said, “Why are you doing this to me?”

“But Mitsuru…” Shinobu pleaded.

“Leave me alone.”

Mitsuru threw the covers over his head and buried his face in the pillow. He half expected Shinobu to pull them off, but instead he felt Shinobu stand up. He peeked out from under the covers and saw the hurt look on Shinobu’s face as he climbed back up to the top bunk.

The situation worsened over the next few days. Mitsuru and Shinobu either barely spoke or yelled at one another. It was hard to tell which one would be next. Hasukawa and Shun worried more and more as they watched the relationship deteriorate.

One afternoon in particular, the four were going to watch a movie in Shinobu and Mitsuru’s room. Shun and Hasukawa came in to find Mitsuru huddled in the corner.

“Are you okay?” Hasukawa asked hesitantly even though it was obvious that he wasn’t.

“Fine.”

“Where’s Shinobu?” Shun questioned.

“How would I know?” he said bitterly, but Shun could tell he was more upset than he was letting on. “I haven’t seen him all day.”

Just then Shinobu stepped into the room and Mitsuru stood up.

“Where have you been?” he said harshly.

Shinobu met his gaze. “Why do you care?”

All signs of anger left Mitsuru’s face and were replaced by an aching sadness.

“I just do, okay.” He said weakly.

Silence echoed through the room as Hasakawa and Shun glanced from Shinobu to Mitsuru waiting for someone to say something.

“I don’t see any point to this anymore. I don’t see any point to anything.” Mitsuru said finally and stormed out of the room.

Shinobu stared after him, anger still burning his soul, but quickly fading and turning into fear as he hoped Mitsuru wouldn’t do anything stupid.

Hasakawa nudged Shinobu. “Go after him,” he said seriously.

Shun looked at him quizzically and said, “Please Shinobu.”

Shinobu walked slowly down the hall and past the gates. He didn’t have any idea where Mitsuru could be, but something drew him to the park. There on a park bench mostly hidden by trees, he saw him. Mitsuru was sitting bent over with his hands over his face. He was trying desperately to stop crying, but the tears kept coming. He looked up when he heard footsteps, but when he saw that it was only Shinobu he turned to face the opposite direction.

Shinobu sat silently for several minutes trying to decide what to do. It was such a relief just to see that Mitsuru was alright. Well not alright, but at least he was safe.

“I’m glad I found you.” He said turning to Mitsuru.

Mitsuru looked up coldly, “Why do you care whether I live or die?”

Shinobu couldn’t help but smile a little – Mitsuru really had no idea.

Shinobu said calmly, “I care very much.”

Mitsuru sat up and turned towards Shinobu. “Then why do you do this to me?” The words were meant to sound angry, but his eyes searched for an answer.

Shinobu clasped his hands together in his lap and then shifted his legs slightly. He lifted a hand to his hair and brushed it out of the way a couple of times before he seemed to come to a decision. Mitsuru’s eyes widened as he realized that Shinobu was nervous. He hadn’t ever seen him like this before.

“Because I was afraid Mitsuru.” He was looking at the ground, but Mitsuru could hear the emotion behind his words. “I was afraid I didn’t deserve someone like you.” Now he looked up and faced Mitsuru sincerely. “I’ve loved you for a long time and I don’t want to lose you now.”

Mitsuru sat in stunned silence for a few seconds. He didn’t know what to do. So many fears and doubts rushed into his thoughts as he fought to understand the situation. He finally gave in to the only action that made any sense to him at the moment. He had to get as far away from there as possible.

“Oh yeah… well maybe its too late.”

He turned and walked away, but not before he saw that Shinobu was crying. He wanted so badly to stay and comfort him, but he couldn’t. This just didn’t make sense.

Hours later Mitsuru stood outside the dorm faced with the irony of the situation. Now he desperately wanted to see Shinobu, but he was still afraid that Shinobu wouldn’t open the window. The light was on though so maybe that was a good sign. He hoped he hadn’t lost his chance. He still couldn’t believe what he had said to Shinobu in the park and the image of tears streaking his best friend’s cheeks was enough to make him tremble even more.

He tapped softly on the window and waited. He was surprised to see Hasakawa open the window for him.

“Come in.” he said.

Mitsuru climbed inside and paused to take in the scene as Hasukawa closed the window behind him. Shinobu was sitting on the edge of the bottom bunk clutching a warm cup of tea. It was obvious that he was upset, but he was trying not to show it. Shun leaned over and gave him a brief hug before he took the tea and gestured to Hasakawa that they should leave. The door closed softly behind them as Mitsuru stood awkwardly in front of Shinobu.

“I’m so sorry Shinobu.” He said sincerely, his voice cracking slightly on his friend’s name.

He sat beside him on the bed and hung his head in defeat. Shinobu reached out to him gently.

“No.. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I never meant to hurt you.”

Mitsuru smiled a little and looked over at his friend. They both leaned close to one another and embraced.

“I love you, Shinobu.”

“I love you too, Mitsuru.”

They held each other for several minutes, neither wanting to let go of the one that meant so much to them. Mitsuru sighed and looked over at Shinobu.

“It was worth all the pain just to get to this moment.”

Shinobu leaned over and kissed Mitsuru on the cheek.

“We have a long way to go.”

THE END