After some hesitation, he gave up on breakfast and sat down on the couch. The apartment was still dark as he leaned his head back on a soft cushion. His cheek burned hot against the cool softness of the fabric. He sighed and let his mind wander. He couldn�t stop thinking about Ken and what he had said a few days ago.

It was cold and windy as they headed home from the flower shop that evening. Ken seemed especially nervous as they walked towards his apartment. At the door he paused and looked up at the read haired assassin before him.

�Aya�� he said softly. �I know this isn�t the right time or the right place, but there�s something I need to tell you.� He was shifting the position of his hands awkwardly from at his side to clasped in front of him. His eyes glistened in the dim light of the hallway.

Aya met his gaze. �Go ahead Ken, you can tell me anything.� Was that fear he saw in Ken�s eyes, just then? Fear in a face that had seen so many horrors and been through so much. Aya leaned forward to hear Ken�s words.

�I�ve never known anyone like you before, Aya. Somehow you�re able to captivate me in a way that no one else has. I find my self cherishing your glances and hanging on your every word just to hear your voice. You make me feel� I don�t know� Aya.�

Aya took Ken�s hand in his own. �Don�t� he pleaded softly, but Ken continued.

�Aya, I love you.�

The words hung in the emptiness around them. Aya avoided Ken�s gaze as he spoke

�Ken, I had no idea� but� I�m sorry.�

Ken bit his lip and pulled his hand away from his friend. Aya looked up and saw the pain sparkle in Ken�s eyes and stream down his cheeks. �I�m sorry Ken. I think you�re a wonderful friend and we�ve been through a lot together, but that�s all.�

Ken shook his head as he tried to hold back the sobs. He didn�t know what to do. He wanted to run, to hide, and to take it all back. Aya wrapped his arms around Ken and held him gently as he tried to stop crying.

�I never meant to hurt you Ken.�

Aya brushed the hair from Ken�s face and looked him in the eye trying his best to convey the sentiment. Ken sniffled a little and pulled himself away from Aya�s embrace.

�I know Aya and I�m sorry for all the trouble. I hope you don�t hate me.�

He tried to smile, but a few more sobs broke through as he turned to open the door and go inside.

�Never Ken. I could never hate you. Goodnight.� He whispered to the closed door.

Back on the couch Aya smiled slightly. Ken had been so sweet. Aya was so impressed with his honesty. He wished he had been honest that night. He frowned as the image of Ken�s pained face shining with tears came to mind. Too many years of keeping secrets and worrying had not let him tell Ken what he should have that night. He never wanted to hurt him, but he wasn�t ready yet. Soon maybe he would tell Ken how much he loved him.

Aya closed his eyes reluctantly as sleep called out to him. He curled up on the couch and gave in to the weariness he felt. The blackness swirled in front of him briefly before opening up to a view he didn�t recognize.

He was walking along a sidewalk somewhere in Tokyo. The streets were empty and the sun was just setting. The sky blazed with golds and purples where the last rays of sun yielded to the dark night sky. Aya was dressed in his assassin gear and he held his katana carefully, ready to strike. He turned into an alley and saw a shadow of someone running from him. He knew what he had to do. He chased after the figure until they reached a dead end. The victim darted around in a panic.

Aya could hear his heavy breathing and the faint sound of him pleading �Please�no.� The shadows masked his prey, but Aya knew he had no choice. In one swift motion he took another life.

The shadowy figure fell in front of him and blood began to pool at his feet. The crimson liquid seemed to spread quickly and when he looked down he saw it was even on his hands. They shook as he held them out and his katana fell onto the cold ground. For a few terrifying seconds fear took over. He heard a noise behind him and turned around to see Takatori standing at the opening to the alley laughing at him. The echo of sadistic laughter filled the night. Panic overcame Aya as he knelt beside his victim. Moonlight shown on a familiar face now cold and still.

�Ken�� Aya whispered sadly. �No��

He stared at the fatal wound in disbelief. He reached out to touch the blood to make sure it was really there. The warm stickiness sickened him.

�Ken� I�m so sorry.�

Aya could hear the laughter getting louder now and he turned to see Takatori coming towards him with a gun. He stared at it solemnly and heard the click of the trigger.

Aya gasped and sat up on the couch. A cold sweat made him shiver slightly as he fought to remember where he was. It had all seemed so real. His head swam with fever and fear as he grabbed the phone and dialed Ken�s number.

Ken was halfheartedly watching a soccer game on television when the phone rang. He welcomed any interruption even if it was just a telemarketer. It was too easy for his mind to drift back to Aya when he was watching television. He had no idea what the score was, but he had played the scene of when he had said his true feelings to Aya over and over again.

�Hello.� He said into the phone.

�Ken� Aya choked trying to hold back tears of relief.

�Aya? Is that you?� Ken strained to hear the voice on the other line, but there was no response. �Aya, are you alright?�

�Oh Ken� there was so much blood.� Aya�s voice sounded strange to Ken. Strained by something he hadn�t heard often in his friend�s words. Was it fear that shook his voice?

�Aya, what�s going on?� Ken didn�t know if he should be annoyed or concerned, but the latter feeling was quickly taking over as he heard Aya�s ragged breathing on the other line.

�Ken� I don�t know.�

�Don�t worry Aya. I�m coming over right now. I�ll be there as soon as I can.�

He grabbed his jacket and rushed out the door. He fought the urge to run down the street to Aya�s apartment. It�s probably nothing, he thought to himself but he shivered slightly and quickened his pace.

He stood at Aya�s door for a moment hoping to hear some sign that everything was all right, but he heard nothing. The silence scared him more than Aya�s panicked phone call. He knocked loudly and waited. Relief washed over him as he heard the click of the lock being released. Aya stood in the doorway uncertainly before collapsing in Ken�s arms. Ken reached out quickly to catch his friend and pulled him inside. He shut the door and laid Aya on the couch gently. Feelings of a few days ago came flooding back as he looked at Aya�s face. Ken brushed away the strands of red dampened by sweat. Aya�s face was so warm and his cheeks were pink compared to the paleness of the rest of his face. Ken took one of Aya�s hands in his own and noted the iciness of Aya�s touch.

He leaned close to his friend �Don�t worry Aya. I don�t know what happened. It must have been a bad dream, but everything�s okay now.�

Ken put a cool, damp cloth on Aya�s forehead and wrapped a blanket around his body. Aya�s eyelashes fluttered slightly before he woke up. He just stared at Ken as his friend helped him sit up.

�Now don�t talk for a little while, I�m going to take your temperature.�

Ken stuck the thermometer in Aya�s mouth and smiled slowly. �Poor Aya, he thought to himself. �He doesn�t seem to know what�s going on. It must be the fever.

After a few minutes, Ken checked the thermometer �Oh Aya. You should be in bed, let me help you there.�

Ken draped one of Aya�s arms over his shoulder and together they stumbled to his bedroom.

Aya sat on the edge of his bed and tried to keep his hands from shaking. He knew there was something he wanted to tell Ken, but his thoughts were so hazy he was having a hard time remembering what it was. He looked over at Ken and smiled at his concerned look.

�Ken�Ken Ken Ken� Aya said softly. He repeated it several times as if trying the name for the first time. Ken looked at him quizzically, but ignored it. Aya smiled and laughed until the pain in his head forced him to stop.

�OK.� Ken said in disbelief. �I�ve never seen you like this before Aya.�

He never laughed like that!

�Come on now, lie back.�

Ken helped Aya get situated and pulled the blanket over to cover Aya up to his shoulders. The thought that Aya had been struggling with finally came to him.

�I love you Ken.� Aya blurted out and then giggled.

He was so confused. In the back of his mind he knew something wasn�t right, but something inside him pushed him on. He couldn�t focus on Ken�s face, but judging from Ken�s breathless �what?� Aya guessed he had had an effect.

�I love you Ken.� he said matter of factly. �Didn�t you know?�

Aya looked puzzled. Ken fought to stay calm. He knew Aya wasn�t feeling well, he shouldn�t take any of this seriously.

�Please don�t do this Aya. Not now.�

Aya tilted his head slightly. �Don�t you believe me Ken? Now kiss me.�

He closed his eyes and waited to feel Ken�s soft lips on his own.

Ken�s eyes stung as warm tears streaked his down his face. He wanted to run again, but he cared about Aya and he wanted to stay with his sick friend.

�Aya please don�t do this.�

Aya struggled to sit up. He reached out his hand and touched Ken�s face. Aya frowned at the tears he found there.

�I�m sorry Ken.. I don�t know how�� his voice cracked as tears entered his own eyes. He laid back against the pillow in defeat. �I know everything must be all wrong. I�m so confused.�

Ken tried to smile. �Just get some rest now Aya. We can talk about this later.�

�Yeah. He�s finally sleeping� Ken told Omi on the phone. �I think he�ll be alright after a good night�s rest.�

He hung up the phone quietly and peered in at Aya sleeping soundly. He�s so beautiful Ken thought to himself. I just can�t help it. He sank down on the couch and flipped through channels on television randomly. His thoughts kept running to Aya and an overwhelming sadness came over him.

As the stars began to shine in the night sky, Ken lay back on the couch and tried not to think about the one that he loved. The next morning Ken woke up early. He stretched his stiff limbs and went to see if Aya needed anything. He was surprised to see Aya sitting up in bed. The pink seemed to have left his cheeks, but he still looked tired.

�Good Morning Aya. How are you feeling?�

Aya closed his eyes. He only remembered bits and pieces of the last 24 hours.

�I don�t know. I�m not really sure what happened. You look tired, have you been here all night?�

Ken nodded and smiled a little relieved but vaguely sad that Aya didn�t know what he had said.

� I had to make sure you were okay. I could never let anything happen to you.� His voice shook more than he wanted it too. �I love you Aya.�

Aya smiled. He remembered something about saying that before, but Ken must have written it off to fever. That would explain the redness in Ken�s eyes and the remnants of tears on his cheeks. Now he wanted to do it right.

� I love you too Ken.�

He was pleased to see a joy in Ken�s eyes that hadn�t been there before.

�But I thought� Aya you said��

Aya leaned over and hugged his friend. Ken stiffened at first afraid of the consequences.

�Forget about what I said Ken. I was only lying to myself. I�m so sorry I put you through that.�

He held Ken close as Ken gave in to the embrace and wrapped his arms around Aya.

They sat there like that for a long time before Aya took both of Ken�s hands in his own and said, �Thanks for everything, Ken. Thanks for giving me a second chance to say what I need to.�