*~To Feel Pain Is To Realize You Live~*
~Prolouge~

He is crying again.

We had been sent investigate a young girls untimely
death, discovering that the murderer was none other
than her elder brother. It was done in sudden
uncontrollable fury, a slight misinterpretation over
an unimportant matter. The brother had been reduced to
an empty shell of humanity due to the incident by the
time we arrived, undone by regret and grief.

Tsuzuki-san took it hard. He is the kind of person who
holds strong belief in family bonds. To see it broken
by human weakness and the fact that it accidental was
a blow to his innocence.

Tsuzuki-san, no matter how many his years of living,
still remains innocent. It was something that I
admired and loved.

And it was the very thing that brought me pain.

He tries to muffle his sobs as he rests beneath the
sakura tree's bordering the Ju-oh-cho building. Legs
pulled to his chest, his rests his chin on his knee's.
His purple eyes slowly blurring with tears,
Tsuzuki-san is beautiful in his sadness. I long to
brush them away with my fingers, that crystalline
wetness running down his flushed cheeks, but I dare
not.

To show sympathy meant I would have to share in the
grief. I know that I should offer comfort, but all I
would be was a momentary solitude from inner pain. It
would always return, with every mission, with every
death. It would hurt to know that what I offer would
be temporary in the long run.

I cannot, will not allow that familiar pain to return.

And so I turn, walk away, the soft sobs fading.
~*~*~*~*

I cannot take it any longer.

Kaichou's eyes are solemn as they skim through the
document on his desk, "Are you sure about this
Tatsumi?"

"I am certain."

He hesitates a moment before slipping them into a
clear white folder, placing it upon the box marked
'Out', "Have you told Tsuzuki?"

"I was hoping that you would take it into hand.", I
did not mean for my voice to sound so pleading, weak.
But Tsuzuki-san always brought out this side of me. He
was a weakness I had grown to accept.

Suddenly the door slams open, and there he is. His
wide violet eyes, always filled with emotion, were
bright with excitement, his soft unruly brown locks
spilled about his face, "Tatsumi! There's a contest
between the divisions but I can't join without my
partner!", his hands clutch eagerly at my sleeve, "Ne,
ne, Tatsumi! The prize is free lunch for _three_
weeks! You'd save money and I'd get food!", his smile
overpowers me.

"I'm afraid you cannot join this contest Tsuzuki.",
Kaichou's stern voice cuts through Tsuzuki's cheerful
babble.

"Eh? Why?", he suddenly looks crestfallen, "Not
another mission!"

Kaichou glances at me, "I'm afraid you no longer have
a partner."

"What? Your kidding Kaichou! I have Tatsumi!"

"He has requested that your partnership be
relinquished."

Violet eyes filled with surprise as they fell upon me,
"That's... not true. Tatsumi, he's just kidding is
he?"

"Gomen ne, Tsuzuki-san.", I feel my chest tighten as
he seems to completely wilt before me. And then the
tears fell and I felt myself nearly lose the control I
prided myself in.

Never before had I been the cause of Tsuzuki-san's
suffering. I had made it a point never to make him
unhappy. As his hands fall way from my sleeve, his
voice comes out as a whisper, "I thought you were
different than them... I thought you would last..."

"Tsuzuki-san-"

He pulls away, an empty smile on his lips, "Maa! I
guess I just have to watch and cheer for Watari and
003 ne! They'll probably share if they win!"

"Tsuzu-"

"Iya! Iya Tatsumi! I don't want to be a bother to you
any longer! I hope you find someone you like next
time!", He slips away and leaves the room, leaving the
door unclosed.

"Tatsumi...", Kaichou's eyes are sympathetic, "If you
want to pull back I can-"

"It's all right Kaichou.", I push my glasses up the
bridge of my nose. Bowing slightly to him, I leave the
room as well.

This was the right choice. Maybe Tsuzuki-san would
finally get a partner who could help and understand
him. Then I would finally be free of the feelings I
never understood. And than finally, my mother's
memories would be buried in peace.

~*~*~*~*

Author's Note:

This'll be a short fic. One more long chapter to go,
as long as my WatarixTsuzuki fic then it's done.
Hahaha, next one will have more Tatsumi angst,
jealousy, and probably depression. But finally at the
last part ... a happy ending? Maybe. Just read it when
it comes out ne?

hihihi... cali evil author. >:3 Me go play Chrono
Trigger on PS now! ^O^-wai!

Huggles,
Cali-chan