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Never is a Promise 
by samuraiheart

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Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the property of
Matsushita Yoko and the title is inspired by the Fiona
Apple song although the fic doesn't really have
anything to do with the lyrics.

Warning: This is more WatarixTsuzuki sap with angst!
There is shounen-ai only if you want there to be.

I'm not really sure when in the time line this takes
place, but I was thinking maybe right after the
Demon's Trill stuff?

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Tsuzuki sat beneath the ever-blossoming cherry trees
of Meifu and sighed wearily as the petals floated down
around him. He was tired. It wasn't something physical
that could be cured by sleep or a long vacation. It
was something deeper than that. He was tired of the
feelings that welled up inside him sometimes and
overwhelmed him with sadness and pain. He was tired of
the guilt and the hurt. He was tired of existing. He
let out a deep breath and brought his hand up to push
back the unruly bangs that fell across his vision. It
was late and someone was surely worried about him. He
didn't want to cause any trouble. He should probably
get back.

"Tsuzuki?" A warm voice called hesitantly from behind
him and the words floated on the breeze.

Tsuzuki turned his head and smiled at the site of
Watari coming towards him. The blonde scientist smiled
back and his eyes lit up with that light that always
seemed to shine somewhere in his expression. The wide
grin vanished for a moment and was replaced with a
slight frown and a look of concern. "Are you okay,
Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki's lips parted as if to answer, but no sound
came. He hesitated for just a moment before pushing
the disturbing thoughts to the back of his mind and
dismissing Watari's concern with a wave of his hand.
Tsuzuki shook his head and his lips curved up into a
smile, but he did not meet Watari's gaze. "I'm fine,
Watari. Don't worry about me." His voice faltered
slightly as if he didn't quite believe it himself.

Watari nodded resolutely and sat down beside Tsuzuki
on the grass. It was clear that his friend was still
upset, but he also knew that Tsuzuki would refuse any
help that he offered. Watari reached into the pocket
of his white lab coat and pulled out a small box of
chocolates. The round foil-covered container shimmered
in the sunlight. He held them out to his friend and
smiled as he took off the lid to reveal the sweets
beneath. 

"For me?" Tsuzuki asked in disbelief. His eyes widened
as Watari nodded and the scientist couldn't help but
grin as Tsuzuki dove into the treats without
hesitation. He ate the chocolates one by one and
enjoyed the sweet flavor of each one savoring the
creamy centers and gooey fillings. After swallowing
the last piece, the shinigami licked his sticky
fingers to get every last bit of the confection. After
a moment, he realized that Watari was staring at him.
The blonde shinigami sat patiently beside him with an
expectant look in his eyes. Tsuzuki looked up
sheepishly a faint blush painting his pale cheeks.
"Sorry, did you want one?"

Watari shook his head and chuckled slightly. He set
the empty box of chocolates aside and brushed his
bangs away from his face. The long strands of hair
fell on either side of his gaze and accented the
shimmer of gold in his deep brown eyes.

Tsuzuki brought his hands up to his mouth and his
violet eyes widened once again. "You didn't... I
mean... these weren't..." Thoughts of strange
experiments and possible outcomes danced through his
head as he swallowed thickly and wondered if Watari
had some ulterior motive for giving him the
chocolates. Hadn't Tatsumi warned him that Watari
liked to use his friends as guinea pigs?

"Don't worry, Tsuzuki. I just had some extra
chocolates lying around and you looked like you could
use a little cheering up." A small smile graced
Watari's lips as the panic left Tsuzuki's gaze and he
sighed in relief.

Tsuzuki bent his head and looked down at his hands
folded calmly in his lap. "Thank you, Watari." He
whispered softly. The words held such sincerity that
Watari felt his heartbeat quicken and he bit his lip
in anticipation.

The two shinigami sat in silence for a few moments.
The wind swirled about them in a gentle breeze that
blew Watari's long golden hair away from his face and
over his shoulders. The scientist pushed his glasses
up towards the bridge of his nose and looked over at
Tsuzuki quizzically. The other shinigami still had his
head bent slightly forward and he couldn't hide the
pained look that flitted across his features.

"It didn't help did it?" Watari asked softly. The
quiet question seemed strange coming from Watari's
lips. It held a hint of sadness that Tsuzuki had never
associated with his friend.

Tsuzuki lifted his gaze toward Watari and raised his
eyebrows in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"The chocolates. They didn't help. I was just trying
to make you happy. I wanted to erase the sadness from
your eyes-" Watari reached out cautiously and placed a
delicate hand under Tsuzuki's chin. He lifted the
other's face until their eyes met - deep violet orbs
met his gaze for just a moment before Tsuzuki pulled
away from the touch and closed his eyes. "But it's
still there. I guess it always has been."

Tsuzuki turned back to his friend and seemed to have
regained some of his composure. He forced a smile and
tried his best to reassure the man sitting beside him.
"I don't want you to worry about me, Watari. I don't
want to cause you any trouble."

The blonde shinigami smiled at that and shook his
head. He hit Tsuzuki on the back of the head playfully
and the other shinigami stared back at him in
disbelief. "Idiot, I care about you. I can't help it."

"I just wish there was something I could do." Watari
said dejectedly. He shrugged his shoulders. With all
of his supposed genius and inventions, he couldn't fix
something as complex as emotion. He couldn't take away
the pain in his friend's heart.

Watari stared straight ahead at some distant point of
the landscape, but he didn't really see it. His mind
was whirling with wishes and hopes and things that he
could never express openly. He wanted more than
anything to keep his friend safe from the memories
that haunted him. He wished there was something he
could do or something he could say that would erase
all of the bitter pain from those violet eyes, but he
wasn't sure that he had that ability. 

His thoughts were interrupted as he felt the warmth of
Tsuzuki's head on his shoulder. He was almost afraid
to move for fear of disturbing the moment. "Thank you,
Watari." Tsuzuki said softly his voice velvety and his
warm breath gently caressing Watari's neck. Watari
turned toward him and brought one arm up to pull him
closer. There was a rustle of clothing as Watari moved
to accommodate the other shinigami. He wrapped his
arms around his friend in a gentle embrace and rested
his chin slightly on Tsuzuki's head. He marveled at
the softness of Tsuzuki's hair as it brushed against
his neck and collarbone.

"Watari, don't let go." Tsuzuki said suddenly, his
voice strained with emotions that he had tried to hold
back for too long.

"Never." Watari replied leaning closer to the other
man to make sure that he heard. Watari brought one
hand up to stroke Tsuzuki's hair as words left unsaid
echoed in the silence between them. Now was not the
time for confessions or declarations of feelings that
neither was sure about. Instead, Watari offered
tenderness and compassion to a friend in need and
Tsuzuki took the comfort, grateful for someone to rely
on if only for a little while.

~Owari~