Author's note:
Okay... I know this probably is the -strangest-
pairing to write about, but blame it on the YnM ML
(specifically Cris-san whose pillow fight comment
-stuck-) who put the idea in my head because of their
little debate.

You may all scream 'OOC! They're happy people!'
because of the angst. But I don't think Tsuzuki and
Watari are shallow characters who only feel the
emotion of happiness. Tsuzuki has already revealed
that he is plagued by dark emotions at times. So I
tried delving into that side of the characters in the
story to explain how the relationship started.

But unfortunately, their genkiness won over in the end
and... ^_~ Just read it and find out.


~Don't Say Your Sorry~
A Yami no Matsuei Fanfiction


Watari made his way through the Sakura tree's, golden
flecked brown eyes scanning his surroundings
worriedly. Above him, the twining branches rained
immaculate heart-shaped pink petals, carpeting the
lush green grass. Dark shadows played along the
ground, providing cool places of shade for those who
should wish to rest. This was a place of solitude and
beauty.

A solitary figure came into sight, white robes
clinging to his slight frame. He held his hand aloft,
elegant white fingers reaching out to catch the errant
petals, a tiny smile gracing his lips.

"Tsuzuki...?"

"Ara?", the burgundy eyed shinigami smiled as his
friend came closer, "Watari..."

"What are you doing out of bed?!", the scientist
crossed his arms and feigned annoyance, "You're still
supposed be recovering!"

"But I'm sick of being inside! And you let Hisoka out
so I don't have anyone around to talk to...", Tsuzuki
sighed, "Even if all he does is insult me."

"He's out early because his injuries weren't as bad as
yours. He wasn't the one kidnapped by Muraki.", Watari
touched the still visible pale line on Tsuzuki's neck,
"This wound may have healed but it's still tender."

Tsuzuki grinned, "Hai, oka-san."

"Baka.", Watari returned the smile and took his
friends arm to guide him.

They walked awhile in silence until Tsuzuki noticed
how unnatural that very fact was. When he was with
Watari things were never silent, "Oi. Watari. You
alright?"

"Do you hate me for it?", Watari stopped.

Tsuzuki watched him worriedly, "Eh? For what?"

"If I had been quicker... none of this would have
happened."

"Na-nani?"

"I was just standing there when Muraki took you. I
tried to run and help but I wasn't quick enough."

"Then when you wanted to die, and Tatsumi told us to
allow you to, I refused. I nearly hit him for even
thinking it.", Watari's eyes were hidden beneath
wayward blond locks, "I was selfish. I only thought of
myself and how lonely I would be if you were gone. I
wasn't thinking that you may have had a reason for
wanting to disappear..."

Tsuzuki stood in stunned silence. In all the years he
had known Watari he had never seen him sad or
depressed. Watari was happiness and smiles and was
always there to make sure you had smiles with him.
This side of him... Tsuzuki had never seen. Didn't
think anyone had ever seen.

As the silence lengthened, Watari suddenly raised his
head, bright expression ready, "Mada mada. Just forg-"

Tsuzuki placed a hand on his friend's cheek, lips
curving upwards, "Tatsumi gave me a speech almost
exactly like yours."

"Ho-honto?"

"And I forgive you too. Not that there's anything to
forgive though."

Watari touched the hand on his cheek, "What do you say
I make up for it by making dinner?"

"I said you didn't do anything wro- ... Dinner?
Honto?", Tsuzuki's eyes sparkled, "With apple cake?"

"If that's what you want!", Watari regained his
cheerful demeanor with much gusto.

"Arigatou! Watari!", Tsuzuki clapped his hands
together, burgundy eyes bright, "What time should I be
over?"

"Be over? Your still confined remember?", He laughed
at Tsuzuki's pitiful puppy expression, "Don't look at
me like that! Don't you want dinner in bed?"

"I'm tired of beds." Tsuzuki pouted.

"It's either that or nothing!"

"Mou... Watari hidoii!"

"7:30 then?"

"... hai. You better have apple pie!"

"Ba-ka."

~*~*~*~*~*

Watari wheeled the food cart along the now abandoned
building. Even overtime worker Tatsumi was gone.
Hisoka had been over to visit earlier but had already
left after leaving his customary insults and a box of
Tsuzuki's favorite chocolates.

Watari sighed tiredly as he recalled how he had broken
down earlier. Tsuzuki didn't need to deal with
depressed friends, especially after what he had been
through.

Watari had covered up his intense worry, when Muraki
had taken Tsuzuki a few days before, with smiles and
hastily summoned up optimism he had learned at an
early age to live behind. It had started when his
mother had been stricken with a deadly disease. A
slight slip of a sad expression often would reduce her
to tears. So he had learned to smile, to laugh, even
when his heart was wrenched in sadness. The facade was
an art he had perfected.

Everyone loved the light and hated the dark.

But when Tsuzuki was taken, the first man to
immediately befriend him when he had come in to Meifu
confused and alone, he found the mask breaking. And
finally when Tatsumi suggested the unthinkable, it
-had- broken. Tatsumi's stunned and horrified
expression at his outburst was something he would
never forget.

And he had broken down again. The finality of Tsuzuki
being back, safe and sheltered, had brought out hidden
doubts from where worry had formerly smothered them.
He never meant to reveal it, but the scene of his
friend among the Sakura seemed to strike something
inside.

Tsuzuki had looked so beautiful, immaculate, and
tranquil. It made him think of how very nearly he had
lost this beauty.

Forbidden feelings... 

Watari had discovered his preferences at an early age,
but had never acted upon it. He hadn't found anyone he
could love in his former life.

Dramatic irony indeed that he found it -after- life.

At first it was intimate friendship. Tsuzuki was a
person he could truly be happy with. When they were
together he found joy in the simplest of things. Even
getting a king lobster for dinner was something to
celebrate about. But soon he began to wonder at the
flashes of jealousy he felt at Tatsumi and Hisoka's
current status in Tsuzuki's life. Where before it was
only him who could bring out Tsuzuki's real smiles,
two more had breached through.

Then had come the final discovery of the truth. 

It had begun with the intense anger and fury he had
felt towards Tatsumi that he would allow Tsuzuki to
die. That he didn't love Tsuzuki enough to have him
live. 

Then came the feeling. That he, Watari, -loved-
Tsuzuki enough to want him to live. That the very
thought of living without his friend was unbearable.
That even when others allowed Tsuzuki to die, he loved
him too much to let him. He wondered if Hisoka felt
the same way. After all, the boy had leaped in to save
Tsuzuki.

It was love wasn't it? What else could the feeling be?
The urge to protect and shelter Tsuzuki from further
harm, to bring the love of life back into his friend's
heart. Upon the silent acknowledgement of such an
emotion, Watari found that it's discovery gave birth
to strange new edges to his character. 

Every movement Tsuzuki did fascinated him. The all too
familiar features became something new, something
altogether more beautiful. Words held double meanings
and Watari found he took intricate care with his words
and actions around his fellow shinigami. Tsuzuki was
born in a new light to him.

It must be love. Unless there was a stronger emotion
than such.

But in Tsuzuki's current state, it was best he keep
such feelings to himself. His friend didn't need such
an emotional burden. Already he had been through hell
and back. It was best to always be the bright side for
him. Tsuzuki needed his smiles.

"Baka... your brain's going to burst, thinking so
much...", Watari muttered to himself.

His cheery facade was replaced as he finally reached
his destination. He entered the clinic announcing,
"Tsu-zu-ki! Dinner is served!"

"Wai!", Watari's heart clenched at the childish
happiness that radiated from the man on the bed, "I
thought you wouldn't come!", puppy eyes shimmered, "I
was starving..."

"Eh? Didn't the boy give you chocolates?"

"I ate them.", Tsuzuki put in, his eyes fixed on the
trays, "I see apple pie!"

"That's for dessert idiot."

Watari rolled the tray over to Tsuzuki's bedside and
settled himself on the stool nearby as Tsuzuki sat up,
hands clasped together. The scientist revealed the
chicken, fried octopus, sake, and apple pie and
delighted in the further brimming of happiness in
Tsuzuki's burgundy orbs.

"Itadakimasu!", Tsuzuki chorused, Watari following
suit. They ate in companionable silence, each man
relishing each bite, taking in the taste and texture
of the food and finding simple joy in the pleasure of
it.

Watari thought his feelings were safely hidden. But
those that have been close friends for years often
note even the tiniest of changes.

~*~*~*~*

Watari was different, Tsuzuki thought, there was
something he was hiding.

His friend's actions earlier by the Sakura had
verified his suspicions. Watari would seclude himself
one moment then be brimming with affection the next.
The erratic changes of emotions were entirely unlike
his friend.

And sometimes while Watari tended his wounds, fingers
would linger, eyes would brim with some distantly
familiar emotion. That very emotion that 'he' had in
his eyes. The man he had loved when he was alive. The
man who had said he loved him.

But it had been forbidden...

Tsuzuki watched as Watari glanced up. There it was
again. That emotion. But... Watari? He had never
before shown interest.

Tsuzuki knew people thought he was blind to emotions
towards him. But in truth, he did notice such things.
He just didn't act upon it. After all, it never turned
out right when someone loved him. 

In life, his loved had failed. Even in death infact.
Tatsumi had said he loved him, but the blue eyed man
had broken their partnership because of that fact.

Even after their partnership had ended however,
Tsuzuki knew that Tatsumi still loved him. He would
steal glances and even kisses at times, afterwards
retaliating with indifference as if he was ashamed of
the very emotion he felt towards him.

That had hurt most of all.

Hisoka loved him. But Tsuzuki suspected only as
family. As an empath he surely would have known about
what had been going on with Tatsumi. And yet he had
never reacted. Hisoka was his family. Tsuzuki loved
him dearly and would do anything to protect him.

And yet... Watari?

What sort of love did his friend feel towards him?
Tsuzuki wanted to know. 

He found himself hoping that it was something deeper
than what Hisoka felt towards him. Something more
stable than what Tatsumi had to offer.

Tsuzuki wanted... -needed- to be loved. Wanted someone
whom he could love. He was tired of being alone.

And Watari was someone close to his heart. A dear
friend. It was possible perhaps...
~*~*~*

There it was again... that look.

Watari felt like a deer before headlights, brilliant
burgundy headlights. Tsuzuki's strange glances were
piercing him. He cleaned up the empty dishes quickly,
wanting to leave. He didn't like the way he was
reacting to those looks.

"Saa! Well, I'll be off!"

"So soon? Can't you stay awhile?", Watari found his
resolve melting before that adorable puppy look.

"Maybe for a few more minutes..."

"Waa~aahh!", a sweet smile, "Lets play a game!"

Watari sighed in relief. Games were good and innocent
things to do.

"Let's play truth or dare!"

Shimatta...

"I'll start!" Tsuzuki beamed.

"A..aa."

"Ok. Truth or dare!"

"Truth.", Watari tried to reassure himself. Atleast it
wasn't wrestling. And besides, Tsuzuki didn't like him
in -that- way. So there was nothing to worry about was
there?

"Was is you who placed that bra in Tatsumi's drawer on
April Fools?"

"... that information is classified."

"Watari! You didn't answer! Now you gotta do a dare!",
Tsuzuki smirked and imitated Kaichou's voice, "I shall
decide your punishment!"

"Mataku...", He had to do a dare even if it was
obvious that he -was- the one who had put that lacy
thing in Tatsumi's drawer. The look on the secretary's
face had been priceless. It had been well worth the
risk, "Fire away Tsuzuki!"

"Your dare is", Tsuzuki leaned closer, "You have to
kiss me."

Watari felt his face go cold then warm a matter of
seconds, "Na-nani?!"

Tsuzuki pouted, "You gotta do it!"

"Butbutbutbut-"

"No buts!", Tsuzuki moved closer, lips tilting into an
amused smile.

Watari found he couldn't help himself, being this
close to his friend seemed to muddle his good sense.
Placing one hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder, he tilted his
friends chin and covered his lips with his own.

Tsuzuki's lips were so yielding and soft beneath his
that Watari couldn't help but nibble slightly,
enjoying their petal-soft texture and apple-sweetness.
After a few moments they pulled away softly to catch
their breaths, only to lean in for another kiss, both
almost urgent in their need. 

Watari tilted Tsuzuki's head to gain access to his
mouth, the lips beneath his parting open in a sigh.
The dark-haired shinigami tasted like sweet
confection, all softness and warmth. Tsuzuki's hands
moved up to tangle in his hair, fingers running
through the silky strands. It seemed time had stopped
as their tongue's touched and tasted.

Breathlessly they parted, Tsuzuki resting his head on
Watari's shoulder. Suddenly it dawned on the golden
haired shinigami the gravity of what had happened. He
had kissed Tsuzuki, and his friend had kissed him
back!

"Tsuzuki... I'm-", long elegant fingers suddenly
descended on his lips, Tsuzuki's eyes panicked.

"Don't apologize! Please... say anything but an
apology.", Tsuzuki's eyes shimmered, "Tatsumi always
apologized after he kissed me... I don't want -anyone-
to be sorry that he kissed me. I want them to be
-happy- that they kissed me!"

Watari's heart clenched as he pulled and held Tsuzuki
against his chest, "Baka. You interrupted my love
confession!"

"Wa-Watari?"

"I. Love. You!", Watari let out genkily.

"Ho-honto?"

"You want me to say it again?"

"Arigatou...", Watari found his arms full of Tsuzuki,
the other man's arms wrapping around his waist,
"Arigatou..."

They stayed that way for a moment, Watari's chin
resting on Tsuzuki's head, Tsuzuki's breath tickling
Watari's neck as he nestled closer. Finally however,
the clock chimed nine insistently, and Watari very
slowly and reluctantly detached himself from his love,
"I don't want to go..."

"Then stay."

"... alright."

Tsuzuki scooted over to give space for Watari on the
bed. Once they were settled comfortably, Tsuzuki
snuggled and rested his head on Watari's chest.

"Ano... Tsuzuki?"

"Ara?"

"We aren't... going to do anything of those sex stuff
yet are we? I'd like to research a little first on the
subject and perhaps buy a toy or two and-"

"Hentai!", Tsuzuki laughed, smacking the shinigami
soundly on the face with a pillow.

"Itai! That hurt!", Watari retaliated with a swipe of
his own.

"Hey! I didn't hit you -that- hard!!"

The room was soon filled with sounds of laughter and
pillows colliding with something solid. Suddenly
feathers erupted in the air, immaculate whiteness
raining upon the bed.

Tsuzuki reached out slowly with his hand and caught
one, eyes distant, "Now we only have one pillow..."

Watari pushed Tsuzuki down on the bed and lay his head
on the purple-eyed man's stomach, "I don't need one."

"Watari... your hair tickles..."

"Mmm..."

"Watari~Iii!"

"Mmmmm....?!?!? Keep that feather to yourself!"

"You tickled me first!"

"Fine!", Watari rested his head sullenly on the
pillow. Their faces suddenly were so close that
Tsuzuki could feel the other shinigami's warmth breath
on his lips. Silently they leaned forward for another
kiss, arms pulling each other close.

"Oyasumi Tsuzuki."

"Oyasumi..."

...

"Watari...?"

"Go to sleep Tsuzuki..."

"I love you too..."

"..."

"... Watari?"

"Baka.", a loving kiss on the forehead, "Go to sleep."

"Hai..."

~*~*~*~*

"Kurosawa-kun? Are you visiting Tsuzuki-san?"

"Hai."

"Can you check if Watari-san is there? He hasn't
called in."

"Hai."

Hisoka walked slowly down the hallway, hands in his
pockets. When he entered the clinic he stopped in
surprise.

They were on one of the cots, nestled in each other
arms. Watari's face was buried in Tsuzuki's soft downy
hair, his arms around Tsuzuki's waist. Tsuzuki
meanwhile was safely tucked in Watari's arms, one hand
holding tightly to several strands of long golden
hair.

Hisoka fought the smile that threatened to appear on
his lips, "Baka... in broad daylight.", he left the
room, locking the door firmly behind himself. A
strange amusing thought came to him. 

He wondered which one was the 'woman'.

~Owari~

Yes I -do- think I'm insane. And -no- I don't hate
Tatsumi! TatsumixTsuzuki is my favorite pairing
alonside MurakixTsuzuki! I just... needed him to be
that way for the story to work. ^.^-heheheh...

Comment and violent criticism? Send 'em in to
silver_elf@edsamail.com.ph ne? =^_-_^=