//Author's Notes:

Cali: Cali had returned! ^O^ After 2 months of not
writing I have written!
Hisoka: The horror. -_-
Cali: Oi. -_~ Saa, well I've been -so- busy! I just
recently moved to San Diego, entered a new school and
currently suffering anime deprivation. Why? The only
anime they have in this country is oldy moldy
Dragonball Z i watched -years- ago, Digimon (which is
pretty good, but kinda blah cuz all of the boys are
jailbait), and Card Captor Sakura tha butchered US
version. *sighs* Someone shoot me now...
Murai: Honto. ^_^
Cali: O_O let me rephrase that... Anyway! I always
planned to write a fic as a gift to Theria for making
her kakkoii site, but I kept forgetting. ^.^ So here
it finally is! Not that good cuz I'm kinda rusty from
not writing -forever-. Maybe I should have given you
the WatarixTsuzuki one.... Mataku. :3 I wrote this to
see how many people I could pair up with Tsuzuki.
Mwafmwafmwaf...

Saa! Anyway, hope you people like it! CC's are welcome
at crimson_jaded@yahoo.com! On to the fic! Be lenient
with it, my muse is rusty. Been slacking off for too
long.

Filiaura: I resent that.

End author's notes//


~*/What's Love Got to Do With it?/*~
A fic for Theria-san
By Cali-chan
First Draft: October 6, 2001
First Edit:

~*~*

Why do people hide what they feel?

~*~*

Hisoka knew, even before Watari had rushed into the
office, that something had happened to Tsuzuki. 

Just half an hour ago his partner's prescence was a
warm bright feeling at the back of his mind, a sign
that Tsuzuki was enjoying himself. The purple eyed
shinigami had gone out for lunch with Watari, an offer
Hisoka declined to join. He didn't want to be
smothered with happy thoughts and useless chatter, not
when he still had paper work to finish. 

All seemed to be going well, then in a sudden rush of
connection with his partner he had felt panick, pain
and then... just nothing. For the first time since he
had accepted Tsuzuki, his link with his partner was
gone. The warm comforting precence had just
dissapeared and was replaced with utter emptiness.

And that's when Hisoka panicked. He ran down the
corridoor, ignoring startled looks as he made his way
to the infirmary. He knew Tsuzuki would be taken there
if anything happened. But as soon as he reached the
doorway the imposing body of Tatsumi blocked his path.

"Kurosaki-kun-"

"I have to see him!"

"You cannot."

Emerald eyes widened in surprise. "Wha... what?"

Tatsumi's expression was pained. "In coming in you'll
only endanger yourself."

Hisoka's face grew calm, serious, completely hiding
the suddenly flurry of emotions that threatened to
overwhelm him at the thought that Tsuzuki was in
danger. "What's happened to him Tatsumi-san?"

"He was attacked."

"Please, do not state the obvious."

Tatsumi ignored the boy's rudeness.The secretary of
the Shinigami devision pushed his glasses higher up
the bridge of his nose. "You do remember Brigade
Commander Surgatanus?"

"Yes."

"It seems that the demons have not given up on the
fact that officially Tsuzuki should have taken his
place." Tatsumi allowed a little anger to seep into
his words. "Thay attacked him in the cafe, but not
physically, mentally. Somehow a spirit demon managed
to force itself into his mind and it is slowly
twisting it into what they see fit."

Green eyes flashed. "I can help! I've helped him
before!"

"And end up like Hiiroku-san?"

Hisoka blinked. Hiiroku was his senior of another
division. "What happened to him?"

"He has been taken as far from Tsuzuki as possible.
The demon nearly tore his mind apart when he tried to
use his powers to delve within Tsuzuki's mind and take
it out." A sad frown rose. "If you try to save him
then you will end up like him."

Tatsumi remained by the door as he announced firmly.
"There is nothing you or anyone can do but wait and
hope for the best."

Hisoka glanced away. "And if the best doesn't happen?"

"Let us pray it does not come to that."
~*~*

Why do things seem more important when you are about
to lose them?

~*~*
Hisoka didn't know where he was going, only that it
was anywhere but back where his partner suffered. He
walked through the streets of the human world in
silent agony. The Tsuzuki he knew was being warped
with every second that passed. When he woke up, would
he still be the same? Or would he be an unfeeling
monster, completely change by the demon in his mind.

Hisoka felt love so rarely, that he wondered if he
would even feel such and emotion at all. But somehow
Tsuzuki had managed to smile, laugh and hug his way
into the boy's heart. Hisoka never told Tsuzuki what
he felt, how could he when he didn't even know how?
For the first time something had meaning and
importance to him. Hisoka feared if he touched that
fragile soul it would break beneath the darkeness that
still tainted him from life. So he had remained
silent, feeling satisfied to watch and not touch.

However that precious thing was being threatened, and
now Hisoka felt that he needed to touch it, draw some
comfort, before it faded away into nothing. But he was
not being allowed to...

"You came. A little late but you came."

Hisoka gave a start as his thoughts were interrupted
and glanced up. He was now in a park, abandoned due to
the lateness of the hour. He was alone save by a
single figure, leaning against a Sakura tree. The pink
petals fell around the stranger, painting an almost
ethereal image as they blew around the white clad man
who seemed angelic with his moonlight hair and liquid
silver eyes.

"Muraki!" Hisoka hissed.

"Who else would it be boy?"

"What are you doing here?!"

The doctor walked a few paces forward. "Waiting for
you ofcourse."

"Ho-how did you-"

A silver eye narrowed. "I -own- you boy. You came here
because I called."

Hisoka flinched and Muraki reached him, one pale hand
cupping his cheek. "What do you want?"

A small almost innocent smile graced lips that had
been stained red with blood only hours before. "I
would say it is a question of what we both want."

The shinigami slapped the offending hand away. "We
share nothing!"

"Tsuzuki."

Hisoka stiffened.

"I can save him."

Green eyes filled with doubt. "You would never want to
save him."

"I'm hurt." Muraki put on a mock offended face. "But
do you have any other choice if I say I can?"

Hisoka found himself breaking. If Tsuzuki had a chance
at being saved even if by this madman...

"After all," Muraki intoned. "Only a tortured soul can
save on of it's kind."

~*~*

How much would you risk for something that isn't even
definite?

~*~*

Hisoka was glad he never let Tatsumi know the strength
of his powers, or of the strong link he and Tsuzuki
shared, for then secretary would not even allow him to
be in the same building while his partner was in this
state. Even in another office he could feel Tsuzuki
slowly being taken apart.

He would act as the channel, linking Tsuzuki's mind to
Muraki's. The youth had been severly uncomfortable
when he discovered that Muraki shared the same sort
link with him. Hisoka didn't like the thought that
Muraki could feel his prescence, but then the man
-had- claimed him with the marks.

For a brief moment Hisoka thought about his would be
actions. Was he desperate enough to ally with Muraki,
a man he hated from the depths of his soul? 

The answer came. Yes. If it would give Tsuzuki a
chance he would taint himself with the man's touch
again.

Hisoka set the link.

~*~*

Why do we keep secrets? Why do we live lies?

~*~*
Soft brown locks framing tanned cheeks, long lashes
hinting at the purple orbs that hid within, petal soft
lips parting with each breath.

In sleep, Tsuzuki was so beautiful.

If only if was a normal sort of rest without the slow
corrosion of what he loved, then Tatsumi would not
have to deal with the pain that threatened to
overwhelm him. The bitter dark blanket of grief that
clawed at his mind.

Before his eyes the person most important to him was
slowly being destroyed, and he could do nothing. He
was helpless, useless. Just like before.

Mother... what would she say to him if she were here.
Laugh at his constant weakness to protect those he
loved perhaps.

Tatsumi brushed a stray brown lock from the young
man's face, lips turning down in a sad frown. He
didn't want to deal with what must be done if Tsuzuki
did awake changed by the demon. A powerful entity such
as Tsuzuki couldn't be left in such hands as the makai
legion. The secretary sat down on the matress and took
Tsuzuki's hand in both of his.

Would he be able to do it? Kill Tsuzuki?

Tatsumi closed his eyes, hands clenching tightly
around Tsuzuki's own. He prayed it would not come to
that. But if he did stain his hands with the purple
eyed shinigami's blood...

Then he might as well take his own life as well.

"Tsuzuki-san..." Tatsumi kissed the hand he held,
trying to bring warmth to the cold skin. He would not
sleep until the other man awoke.

By the door Watari watched them, golden eyes sad.
"Tsuzuki." Shaking his head, the scientist walked
away. He might as well get some coffee.

There were two people tonight who weren't going to get
any rest.

~*~*

Why do we people we hate sometimes do things for us
out of love?

~*~*
Upon entering Tsuzuki's mind Muraki found the demon
almost immidietly.

It was filling Tsuzuki's sould with pain and hate till
it neared it's breaking point. In only a few more
minutes Tsuzuki's shattered soul would be theirs to
piece together in any way they wished.

The demon smiled, sensing a soul as tortured as its
own. "Are you here to aid me?"

Muraki smiled. "Perhaps. But unfortunately we have
different purposes for being here." He sealed it
quickly before it could register what he said. The
doctor smiled. "Any last words?"

"Why are you destroying me?! You are Muraki aren't
you?! You are one of our allies!"

"You are destroying him," Muraki's face held no
emotion. "The Tsuzuki I love. He is light and
darkeness, life and death, love and hate. You are
turning him into what he is not meant to be." Muraki
smiled unpleasantly. "What would I do if my purple
eyed Shinigami would turn into a mediocre and bland
creature like the rest of you? I would die of
boredom."

The demon snarled. "You are too late! I've nearly
finished. You can't return him to normal any longer!"

Muraki shook his head. "I tire of your chatter." Then
in a blast of light the demon was destroyed. Then the
pale man searched for the man he came to save.

~*~*

We do we go far to search for love when love is right
before you?

~*~*

Tsuzuki was surrounded by darkness. The sudden
appearance of the painful images and the ghosts of his
past has taken him off gaurd. Then as the wounds
reopened and bled pain Tsuzuki could only cower as the
grew deeper and greater in number. It seemed as if he
was bathing in a river of grief and overwhelming
loneliness.

All those he had loved in the past had returned to
accuse him, blame him for their current pain. Their
death.

Then it had suddenly stopped. And before the shinigami
had time to recover -he- had appeared.

"Muraki...," Tsuzuki rubbed the tears from his eyes.
"Are you here to hurt me too?"

"Sadness doesn't suit you."

"Wha... what?"

Muraki knelt beside him and brushed the offending
tears from his eyes. "My Tsuzuki's smile is what suits
him most."

Tsuzuki was too tired and aching mentally to protest
to the obvious claim to himself. Instead he leaned
towards the only available comfort, ready for the
accusations to begin again. But now, while it hadn't
started he would rest for a few precious seconds. His
forehead nestled on Muraki's shoulder and Tsuzuki
smiled weakly. 

Who would havet thought the pale man would be so warm?

Muraki stiffened at Tsuzuki's show of affection. In
the past it had always been him advancing while
Tsuzuki reacted in anger and fear. But now...

The silver haired man, for the first time in his life,
was at a loss. The man he had been chasing after his
entire life was now allowing himself to be caught.
What a strange predicament...

Tsuzuki blinked when Muraki did not throw accusations
of his failures as the others did. Instead the man
remained silent, unmoving. A comforting warmth at his
side. Tsuzuki snuggled closer and sighed as Muraki
wrapped comforting arms around him.

The Shinigami needed something to soothe the biting
pain away, needed the feeling of love to wash away all
the hate he had just been buried under.

Tsuzuki glanced up. "Do you hate me Muraki?"

"No." Muraki answered promptly.

Purple eyes met silver. "Then why do you always want
to hurt me?"

"I love you so much Tsuzuki." Muraki murmered as he
smiled almost lovingly. "That I sometimes desire to
break you. So noone else can have you since I cannot."
The doctor gestured at the darkness. "Let's return. It
isn't good to stay here a minute longer."

"No."

Muraki frowned. "What is that?"

"I won't return to the pain!"

"Come now. You would rather remain in this darkness?"

"..."

"What would the boy do, or Tatsumi-san for that
matter, if you did? I would say their hearts would be
broken."

"They don't-"

"You know they do. They merely hide their love."

Tsuzuki closed his eyes and allowed himself to be
completely leaning upon Muraki's shoulder. "I don't
understand. Why hide such a thing?"

"They are lost. They do not know how to react to it.
Unlike me." The doctor nuzzled Tsuzuki's hair, smiling
when the shinigami didn't protest towards the gesture.
"Many people are waiting for you and will be hurt if
you don't return."

Tsuzuki stood suddenly, a cheerful grin suddenly
rising. "Yosh! Let's go!" He glanced down and held out
his hand to Muraki. The silver haired man took it and
pulled himself up.

"This is where we must seperate." Muraki murmered.

"What? Why?!"

"My body is in the human world. The boy is merely
acting as a link."

Tsuzuki looked at a loss at what to say. Muraki was
one of his worst enemies, but then again he had saved
him and confessed that his love...

When Muraki leaned down and kissed his forehead
Tsuzuki tightened his grip on the man's white sleeve.
Another kiss was placed on his neck, a wet tongue
tasting eagerly, warm breath tickling the damp skin.
Then doctor stepped reluctantly away and murmered
softly with a bow. "I would be honored if you would
meet me tommorow, 8:30 PM, at the Sayuri restaurant."
He chuckled. "Answer me now or I will have to invite
you with a corpse or two."

Tsuzuki shook his head. This was the Muraki he knew.
"I'll be there. You -are- paying right?" 

^_^ "Saa, ofcourse."
~*~*

Why cry when we are happy? Why do we love when we know
pain comes with it?

~*~*

Purple eyes opened slowly and blinked at the harsh
morning light that filtered in through the curtains.
Tsuzuki smiled as the songs of the tiny little birds
reached his ears.

"TSU~ZU~KI!!!!!!!!!!" The bed nearly caved under the
sudden double weight as Watari launched himself beside
his friend. Gold eyes shimmered with unshed tears, a
wobbly grin on his face.

"Your alive!" He check his face. "Your awake!" He
checked his chest. Watari beamed. "You aren't trying
to kill me!" He winked. "That means your normal ne?"

Tsuzuki laughed, the familiar sunburst sound echoeing
down the room. He glanced up to see Tatsumi standing
above him, blue eyes wide in disbelief.

Tsuzuki smiled. "Ohayo, Tatsumi!"

Suddenly the purple eyed shinigami was held tightly in
a warm circle of arms, the only sign of Tatsumi's joy
felt in the wetness of the tear stained cheek pressed
against his neck. The man's voice was a tired whisper.


"Don't ever make me worry like that again...
please..."

Tsuzuki returned the hug slowly in surprise, resting
his chin on the taller man's head. "Tatsumi..."

Watari grinned and chortled as he walked out the door.
"I know when I'm not needed. Saa, lunch laterTsuzuki,
ne?"

Tatsumi refused to let him go, even when the scientist
was gone. He had just nearly lost someone he loved
once again. The silent irrational thought flitted
through his mind, that if he let go the other
shinigami might dissapear, leaving him with a gaping
hole of loneliness. Tsuzuki had filled it from the
first time they met himt, the former spot of his
mother.He too had melted away the ice that had always
surrounded him and had brought that rare feeling of
warmth. And for a few hours he had nearly lost it all.

Tsuzuki stroked the man's soft brown hair, murmuring
reassurances as Tatsumi cried silently in his arms.
Even when Tatsumi fell asleep, his hold on the other
man never wavered.

~*~*

Why do we dream of the impossible? Why do we hide them
when they are attainable?

~*~*

"HI~SO~KA!" Tsuzuki bounded over to where his partner
sat reading in the grove outside the office buildings.

Hisoka didn't even glance up. "So, your alive."

"Mochiron! It would take more than that to faze me!"

Hisoka shook his head. "Just like a cockroach."

"Mou! Hidoii!" Tsuzuki sat down beside his partner and
leaned close.

The feel of Tsuzuki's lips on his cheek was completely
unexpected. Hisoka turned his face abruptly
instinctively in surprise, causing both their lips to
brush together lightly in the process. The older
shinigami smiled and deepened it,covering Hisoka's
mouth his own. Hisoka nearly fainted when his partners
tongue probed between his lips, tasting the innocent
sweetness that lay within.

The kiss ended to soon. Tsuzuki pulled away and
prepared himself for the blow that he knew would be
thrown. To his suprise Hisoka merely glowered angrily.

"What was that for?! Baka!"

Tsuzuki decided to try his luck. He lay down and
placed his head on Hisoka's lap. "Thank you."

Hisoka lost his anger and merely settled for pointedly
ignoring him. It was completely silent for a few
minutes until Tsuzuki blinked up at him and asked.

"Do you love me?"

Hisoka sputtered. "Wha- WHAT?!"

Tsuzuki poked his cheek. "Muraki said you did."

Hisoka muttered curses directed towards the silver
haired man's ancestry. Green eyes looked down to gaze
into his partner's eyes. "Why are you asking anyway?!"

"Because...," Tsuzuki smiled. "It would be nice to be
loved."

Hisoka looked defeated.

"So-"

"Yeah."

Tsuzuki beamed. "Honto?!"

"Urusai, baka."

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Na- NANI?!"

Tsuzuki sat up. He laughed softly at his partner's
shocked expression, kissing him chastely on the
forehead. The he lowered his lips slowly to Hisoka's
ear, his breath warm as he whispered softly, "Someday,
I want to make you smile."

Hisoka felt his heart clench. He glanced up at him
then away. "Why?"

"Then I'll know your no longer in pain."

Hisoka felt tears threaten his eyes. "Why... why do
you care?!"

Tsuzuki kissed the corner of the youth's eyes, not
allowing the tears to fall. "Because I love you too."

Hisoka shook his head. "You love people to easily."

Tsuzuki grinned. "Urusai, baka."

Hisoka couldn't contain the surprise on his face. He
opened his mouth then closed it, the opened it again.
Tsuzuki took advantage and stole another kiss on the
boys lips.

Hisoka blushed as he pulled away abruptly. "Will you
stop that!"

Tsuzuki frowned. "You aren't listening!" His eyes grew
wide and shimmery. "I said I loved you and you just
brushed it off...*sniff*"

"I heard you the first time!"

"So we're lovers?"

O_O Hisoka was boggled by all the sudden granting of
his wishes, no matter the embarrasment that came with
it.

"Can I call you koibito?"

-_- "... yes." Hisoka reluctantly agreed just to shut
him up. "But not in public!"

"Wai!" Hisoka felt warmth run through his body at
Tsuzuki's overjoyed response. "Oh no..."

Hisoka blinked. "What is it now?"

"I have a date with Muraki in five hours." Tsuzuki
whimpered.

"WHAT?!"

~*~*

Why do we love? Why do we hate? In the end, is all
this human weakness?

~*~*
Muraki glowered.

Hisoka glowered.

Tsuzuki sighed.

"Tsuzuki-san... may I ask what this -boy- is doing
here?"

"I'm not letting you do any nasty perverted things to
him! He's -my- koi!"

"Hisoka! You called me koi! *heart*"

"... urusai."

Muraki chuckled. "Ah! Now I have a rival! The
excitment builds!"

Hisoka scowled. "I wouldn't call you a rival Muraki.
That would be thinking too highly." 

"Ouch. Sharp tongue boy." Muraki grinned evilly. "So,
who's uke?"

Tsuzuki and Hisoka turned bright red.

"Hoo~o? You haven't even had sex yet?"

"We don't only think about that you hentai!"

O_O ... "Who -is- uke Hisoka? I wouldn't mind-"

"Not now Tsuzuki!" *whap*

"Ahh! Gomen gomen!"

"I can give you both a few tips boy. That way my
Tsuzuki will be more experienced when I take him." ^_^

"WHAT?! Don't you even dare touch him!"

Tsuzuki sighed. It was going to be a looong night.

~OWARI~

Likey it? ^_^ Have suggestions? This is just the first
draf so mail me 'em for when I'll edit next!

Music listened to while writing:
FF9: Loss of me, Kuja theme, song of memory, the place
i'll return to someday, you are not alone.
Chrono Cross: dreams creation, voyage another world,
reminiscense feelings not erased, time of the
dreamwatch, dimension travel remix, people seized with
life