Things that happened today

• I realized all this
• I grieved with the radio for a 20 year old marine that recently died in Falluja. He was only 20.
• I encountered the happy visage of Spongebob Squarepants! I think he is a Buddha. Or at least a Bodhisattva...
• I visited my grandfather's grave for the first time since his funeral 12 years ago. Even so I went almost right to it. Had to look a little, but I'd stopped my car within 20 feet of the part of the road right in front of it. I think he'd like that I came so close, having not been to the spot in 12 years.
• I saw many beautiful clouds in the sky
• I called my 2 year old daughter at daycare just to say hi
• I wrote all this

It's been a good day.

P.S., in the light of the next day. I guess this is a pretty stupid post. What I'm trying to say may not make much sense, not least in part because I am not explaining it very well, but also because I usually forget the ideas I'm refering to are really foreign to western thinking. What I'm trying to say is, Buddhism has changed me. I really just enjoy life more now. But along with being able to delight in the simple pleasures, I am also no longer numb to everyday sorrows. Still, all things considered, I feel more fully human.

You know the saying that being angry at someone hurts you more than them? It goes farther than that. Pain is unavoidable, but no one makes us suffer, we make ourselves suffer. No one makes us angry, we make ourselves angry. This is not to say I no longer suffer or get angry -- I still do, but at least now I realize I am doing it to myself.

With my comment on impermanence, I did not mean "just wait, you'll get the chance to change everything you don't like". While that is entirely true, it's also important to see how we make ourselves suffer. Seeing it, we can stop it now. One way is fretting and agonizing over things that are entirely beyond our own influence. This is just silly, because even as we're doing it, we know there is nothing we can do about the situation. The frustration comes from our unrealistic expectation that we can, or think we should be able to, even knowing in our heads that that is ridiculous. Another way is that we resist pain, both physical and emotional. As soon as there is pain, we fight it. This only makes it worse. Accept it, acknowledge it, allow it to be, give it permission to hurt, and it will pass sooner, because you haven't made it stronger with futile attempts to resist it.

When angry or frustrated, it helps to look at what your expectations were. Were they realistic? Often I find mine were just plain silly. This realization helps anger and frustration to evaporate. It may also reveal things you can do to prevent the same thing from happening again.

May you be free from danger.
May you have physical happiness.
May you have mental happiness.
May you have ease of well-being.