Oh, the "secret" I found out? Well, as for where they were, like I said,
I just had to wait for that idiotic fad to pass and out they came as
soon as people realised that one can't spend one's whole life huddling
behind locked doors, literal or figurative, just to avoid threats that one
might imagine could be there. At that point, one might as well hop into a
coffin and have someone nail it shut right there for all of the living
that one will be doing from then on.
As for the rest....develop interests that have a social component, so you
meet people and have something to talk about with them. In this way,
develop a circle of friends who you can feel at ease with, and a large
network of acquaintances who one can spontaneously and comfortably
interact with. Gradually get close to one of them.
In getting closer, be it physically or emotionally, never say (but rather
hint at) what you are doing, moving very slowly, and back off casually at
the first sign of discomfort. Maintain plausible deniability ("Oh, no, why
do you think that s/he intended that"), so what is openly acknowledged
doesn't represent an uncomfortably rapid and untimely leap ahead. Never
question the validity of the other person's discomfort and never
pressure, in any way. Pay close, careful attention to the person, so when
the moment comes to withdraw, you do so before discomfort becomes dismay
and can no longer be quickly forgotten.
Seek no deep, hidden secrets, or shortcuts to understanding the other
person, because there aren't any to be found.
And that's about it. Just be really attentive and responsive, don't be
afraid to try, but be subtle about it, live a full life that she starts
out as a part of, and can share. Accept that one doesn't attract love, one
merely refrains from keeping it from coming to one of its own accord once
one puts oneself in its way. Aside from mentioning an interest that might
not yet be requited, or something tactless or confidential, try to be
open and remember that you are as much a mystery to them as they are to
you. There are no mind readers out there. Others can understand us, only
if we make an attempt to be understood. Never forget that love implies a
desire to treat the other well because one wants to, not because one has
granted it as a negotiating point - and expect it to be mutual or move
on.
Pretty simple, huh? And that's about all there is to know on the subject,
in general. It's the specific cases where things get complicated. But
that you can work out on your own, because strangers, just based on some
casual observation, can never have the insights into the ones that one
knows, that one can have oneself.
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