1 May 2001
Dear Bishop Hackle:
My dear bishop, one year ago today you were foolish enough to publicly affirm faith in the existence of extraterrestrial critters; I thought you were a crackpot then and my opinion hasn't changed much since. However, in deference to your delusion I will share with you the following story as told to me by Mr. Perry S. Fuller.
Perry works closely with a gentleman who claims to have seen a UFO around 10:00 pm one evening last month. The guy's name is Brad Wagme and it seems that Mr. Wagme saw a bright banana-shaped light, high in the shy, doing aerodynamically challenging maneuvers over the Chicopee River at a furious rate of speed. Naturally, the doubting Mr. Fuller asked Brad how many beers he had drunk prior to the sighting, to which the reply was, "Only three." Personally, I would have attributed the incident to an alcohol-impaired imagination and poor eyesight, but Perry pursued the matter a little further. Apparently several other people also witnessed the same phenomenon, including a noted and trustworthy Wilbraham resident who allegedly close-encountered the craft on the ninth hole of the town's green whilst walking his dog.
What disturbs me most about the story is this: Ever since Roswell, space aliens have been touted as an advanced race of intellectually superior beings. Now if they're so smart, why on earth would they travel billions of miles just to play with their putters in the middle of the night? Golf, can you believe it? As far as I'm concerned, that alone proves there's no intelligent life on other planets.
Sincerely,
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