Tobacco, Lesbians, and Fly Rods

by Perry S. Fuller

My most recent tinned tobacco purchase was Mississippi Mud, the latest Cornell & Diehl product. This blend consists of Perique, Latakia and unsweetened black cavendish. In the tin it's nearly as dark as John Kerry's political agenda, but smells considerably better. The Perique and heavy Latakia component combine to give an earthy aroma that's not lost upon upon lighting up. Mississippi Mud provides some mighty fantastic smoking--rich, rich, rich, with hardly a bite. This is an excellent tobacco, fit for fly fishing or listening to John Fogerty (who, by the way, is finally coming out with a new CD later in the year). Other reviewers have said MM is unusually strong. I disagree. However, if you're accustomed to feather weight aromatics, be prepared for a jolt.

Speaking of aromatics, Savinelli (with the manufacturing assistance of ETI S.p.A.) offers the pipe smoking public a bouquet blend called Armonia. One reviewer has said the tobacco would be more aptly named if the letter "R" was removed. Again, I'm inclined to disagree. Ingredients-wise, the base is Virginia leaf enriched by "golden oriental leaves and a hint of selected Burley and Kentucky tobaccos," spiked with natural fruit flavors. The result is interesting. What you get is a flavorful, slightly biting aromatic, not saccharin sweet. Hardly an all day smoke, but it's okay as peculiar change of pace for the adventurous.

So, I went out on July 3rd to catch a few of those freshly stocked rainbows the state puts in the Swift for the July 4th holiday. As I walked down a dirt path along the river bank I came across a lady fishing with another person who, from my vantage point, looked like a young man. I figured I had stumbled upon a mother/son situation wherein the mom was introducing her teenager to the fun of fly rodding. I asked what the trout were hitting and then said, "You're teaching your son how to fly fish, huh?" The woman answered in a polite, but firm tone of voice, "She's my girlfriend.' Well, alrighty then! It's not often one can make such a social faux pas on the stream. I wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed or proud of myself. I was, however, rather amused at the possibility of being the subject of lesbian pillow talk that night--me, a happily married heterosexual. The irony is still hilarious.

Most of you already know I regard the entire fly fishing industry as one gigantic rip-off, thus it's refreshing to find a few fly rods that are almost worth their price tag.

St Croix's 8-1/2 ft, 4-piece, 4-weight Avid is a decent casting rod for less than $250.00. I acquired mine last Autumn at a substantial discount ($140.00) from The Battenkill Outfitters in Vermont. It possesses the rare virtue of having a medium-fast action that's sensitive. You can feel the rod load, which I find helpful. If you're able to locate an Avid at a bargain price like I did, it's worth getting.

As far as I'm concerned the Diamondglass 8 ft, 4-weight is the finest trout rod on the market for under three hundred dollars. I bought a slightly used model off the internet for $175.00 back in March or April. This, my friends, is truly a great rod. It's just flat out fun to cast. Let's put it this way: I like the 4-weight version enough to want to acquire the whole series of Diamondglass sticks (and there are several of them). However, I think God and my wife might object, especially since I own two bamboo, three graphite and four glass rods already.

The best deal in fly fishing comes from J P Ross. Ross offers quality rods with a custom touch at an unusually fair dollar amount. I have their 8-1/2 ft, 5-piece, 5-weight, which I love, and that's saying a lot since I don't particularly care for graphite. Check out the Ross web site: www.jprossflyrods.com

I want everyone to understand I endorse the above fly rods for two major reasons: First, I know how nicely they throw a line because I own one of each. Second and most importantly, they're made right here in America. I don't care to support U.S. businesses which off-shore their manufacturing and I won't do it. My rods, all nine of them, are produced by American companies on American soil. Yours should be, too.

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Letter to The Editor

22 July 2004
Dear Editor,

As an avid fan of The Churchwarden, I have always carefully followed your advice regarding pipe lighters and your recommendation to avoid using them due to the risk of damaging my pipes. I assure you that because of my exclusive use of Ohio Blue Tip Strike Anywhere matches, my pipes are in beautiful condition. But I have landed in some trouble with the state of Minnesota.

Last February, when in a slushy winter storm, I wasn't paying attention to the distance between my car and the police car ahead of me. After packing and tamping my Peterson, I was lighting my pipe with the second match when I realized that the squad car ahead of me was stopping for a yellow light. Cradling my pipe I pumped the brakes as I flicked the wooden match towards the ashtray. With about two inches of slush on the road I wasn't able to brake as quickly as I would have liked and unfortunately I tapped the bumper of the police car ahead of me as we both stopped.

The police officer opened her door and checked her car's bumper for damage. Seeing none, she walked to my vehicle and motioned me to lower my window. I immediately complied and was about to apologize for my mistake when I noticed my trash bag on the floor was on fire.

Placing my Peterson gently on the dash, I dove down to beat out the small fire of burning candy wrappers in front of the passenger seat. "Just a second officer," I cheerily called as I smothered the small blaze in my front seat. My foot must have slipped off the brake because as I was putting out the last few smoldering coffee cups my car again thudded into the police car ahead of me.

Now the officer was really angry. She commanded me to get out of my car. I scooped up my still-lit Peterson and proceeded to unbuckle my seat belt and get out of my car. A cloud of smoke from Latakia and my unintended trash fire rolled out of the car as I opened the door. The officer stepped back and with a look of disgust asked for my license and registration.

"Just one moment, officer," I replied, reaching back towards the glove compartment to find my registration. Finding my pipe had gone out, I took the opportunity to relight (since I was out of the wind) as I rummaged through half-used pipe cleaners, various sized tampers, empty tins and pipe socks for my insurance registration. Finding the paper form, I finished lighting and gave the tobacco a gentle tamp and slid back out of the car.

"Sorry about bumping you officer. . . twice. . ." I began. She was busily filling out a ticket. "Mail this in or appear at the court date on your ticket," she coldly replied. The ticket read: Inattentive Driving Violation--$102; Failure to Yield to Emergency Vehicle-$162; Litter--$125.

Drawing on my pipe, I quickly calculated--one, two, three . . . three hundred and eighty four dollars--all for using wooden matches to light my pipe.

I could only console myself with an extra bowl as I finished my commute to work. After considering what expense my concern over not damaging my pipes with a pipe lighter had cost me, I have decided switch to an easier to use pipe lighter. Despite the risk to my pipes, I think I'll still come out ahead�given the price of traffic tickets!

Sincerely,

Reed Munson
Farmington, MN

22 July 2004

Dear Mr. Munson,

The Bible clearly teaches us to speak the truth in love, thus I shall refrain from calling you an idiot. However, children�and some adults�should not play with matches. Obviously you fall within this category. Therefore, use a pipe lighter with my blessing.

Sincerely,

Perry S. Fuller
Editor, The Churchwarden.

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