Trout Stream Tampers

As many of you know I am deeply involved in the planting of the first Reformed church Springfield, Massachusetts has seen in many decades. In fact, to the best of my knowledge Springfield Presbyterian Church(PCA) is currently the only congregation in this city holding to the Westminster Confession of Faith and its catechisms. Our pastor is Reverend Stephen LaValley (a solid, pipe smoking, Calvinist) and, by God's strange providence, I may become the first elder.

Any new church needs evangelistic tracts and discipleship literature. To help offset the cost of such materials, I am introducing something unique for the pipe lover called Trout Stream Tampers.

Each Trout Stream Tamper will sell for $10.00, including shipping.

Now, since the Lord demands truth in advertising, I must forthrightly declare you'll be purchasing nothing more than a nicely finished stick that you can shove into your pipe (your wife might suggest somewhere else) for the purpose intended.

That's right, for 10 bucks you'll be getting a stinking stick. But it's a very beautiful stick, and it works better than your index finger for packing tobacco.

More honesty: The idea for marketing sticks came from another guy on the web who's doing the same thing. His sticks are cherry wood, cost significantly more than mine, and don't come from trout streams. So buy my sticks, not his.

Truth continued: Every last dime you spend on a Trout Stream Tamper will be reinvested in tracts and literature for the Springfield Presbyterian Church. I will not pocket a cent. However, checks and money orders must be made out to me personally since I have no bank account in the name of The Churchwarden.

Should you be stupid . . . er, spiritual enough to support the aforementioned need by picking up a stick, please allow two weeks for delivery. Your request means I'll have to go trout fishing for the sake of acquiring a suitable stick. So, please, order a lot of them.

Note: Trout Stream Tampers are not little pansy twigs but, rather, big manly broken off branches. They're more appropriate to pipe puffing in an armchair than on the golf course (if you're into that sort of silliness).

The first stick-I mean, Trout Stream Tamper-is presently available. It is six inches long and fits well into a bowl whose inside diameter is 7/8" or greater.