I live as butterfly, I was being in process every time in my life. As like a butterfly that need process to become a butterfly that can fly high to the sky. As like my life, from the egg tobe cetterpilar and waiting for longtime in the one place that blind me until I feel I am still alone in this world. For long time I waiting there until I become a butterfly. But now, I still in process as caterpillar that far from my family to reach my wings. Even I always say I can do what I want and I can responsible with what I do and I lead. This is the hard process, I could be lost my self and now I searching for the key that lost since I here. Around four month ago, I felt I can do everything cause I know the right what I  done. Everything and everytime I always had a positive thingking. Until one night I lost myself, that night. I remember all. I still caterpillar, I waitingand searcing for my life and future because my family was waiting me there. I could not see my self in that night.

The night that took my self! In the confused choices I am. In the hard way I gave myself. I a half sit in front of him. I felt I lost my self-conception. I lost all of mine in that night! Everything that was my principe gone only one night. I was feeling that WHY? Why should I lost myself just because of that night! Look at the effect, I not became myself until this second.

13:48 in ICT lab, I still catterpillar. i was writing this story as my a story in my life. Now I still caterpillar, I was walking around to found myself. There is no a victim here, there are no faulter here. This is my story, I still caterpillar in this room. In this world I still desert, I still atom. This is my process to found the key to go to myself. This is the way I mean. I searching for the key that lost.

One thing that still in mine since four months ago is my shark eyes. I still have my shark eyes, the eyes from Ya Rohim to find my key that lost. The eyes that everybody always have understanding with my stare. Every stare that I give to everyone its always make them have misunderstanding with me.

That’s one of my struggle to control my shark eyes, for going to find my key that lost. This is my journey, a blue caterpillar as a desert in the world with all my vision and mission.